Preacher Quotes in The Magnificent Seven (2016)

Preacher: The spirit is willing, but we are not killers.

Sam Chisolm: No one is, until they're looking down the barrel of a gun.

Preacher: What'cha you doin'? Stealing from me, Link?

Link: Stealing? You stole every goddamn thing I ever had. Now look at you. You're so fucking broke and pathetic, I can't even kill you for it. You even stole that from me!

Preacher: [Points a gun at Link] I can't believe you'd have the nerve...

[Link shoots Preacher in the chest and kills him]

Link: Fucker.

Preacher: Goddamn brat! I was running the fucking Coachella Valley before you were an itch in your daddy's sack! So, don't tell me! My life isn't on Instagram, for Christ's sake. I'm in the fucking history books! Vietnam, 19th Engineer Combat Battalion. Look it up! Look it up! I've dug up more fucking mines than I could've blown the moon up with! Do you understand that?

Link: Keep talking, senile motherfucker!

Preacher: Motherfucker?

Link: Yeah!

Preacher: I wouldn't be if you kept your mother home at night!

Link: How 'bout I shoot you right now?

Preacher: With your daughter right outside?

Link: Yeah, I might.

Preacher: No, you won't. You can't. You're past that. I watched it, I saw it. You've changed.

Preacher: Einstein's theory of relativity. Grab hold of a hot pan, second can seem like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman, an hour can seem like a second. It's all relative.

Tom Scoggins: I spent four years at CalTech, and that's the best physics explanation I've ever heard.

Preacher: Ooh, I'm done! Brothers never make it out of situations like this! Not ever!

Preacher: We will start with the perfect omelette which is made with two eggs not three. Amateurs often add milk for density; this is a mistake.

Preacher: I'm not Daniel when he faced the lion. So I appreciate the irony, Lord! Cook dies in his own oven! But I've got other plans!

Preacher: [jumps out of upper oven and swims away, lights lighter] You ate my bird!

[throws lighter into open oven and blows up the shark]

Tom Scoggins: Come on, Jan was a healthy girl she must've had something that run on batteries.

Preacher: Nice.

Tom Scoggins: Where would a girl keep her... rrrrrrrn... thing?

Preacher: Hey, what's the matter with you?

Preacher: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Because I carry a big stick and I'm the meanest mother fucker in the valley! Two sharks down, Lord! One demon fish to go! Can I get an Amen?

Carter Blake: A 45-foot shark, and you hit me. Nice.

Preacher: Shit, it could've been worse. I could've let him eat your ass.

[last lines]

Carter Blake: Let me tell you, man. I quit this job.

Preacher: Take me back to the ghetto.

Carter Blake: Amen.

Preacher: [talking to shark] You ate my bird!

The Parrot: Fat butt... you got a big fat butt!

Preacher: Any of your nonsense and we're gonna have tiny little drumsticks on the menu tonight.

Preacher: [to Carter who has his feet in the water] Let me ask you something, are you sure it was just three sharks?

Carter Blake: Yeah.

Preacher: Oh. Okay.

Preacher: [Carter takes his feet out of the water] That's more like it.

Preacher: Carter!

Carter Blake: Hey.

Preacher: Bring me some sushi.

Preacher: You're the guy that got caught in that avalanche, right?

Russell Franklin: Yeah, I'm the one.

Preacher: Like black men don't have enough ways to get killed without climbing up some stupid ass mountain in the middle of God's nowhere! You leave that to the white folks! Brother!

Preacher: I hate to interrupt this moment of burgeoning intimacy but can we get the fuck out of here?

Preacher: All right, all right, all right. Okay, okay, okay. If this is a lesson about the drinking, let's just say I've learned.

[Sherman drops the bottle]

Preacher: Don't need to get all carried away, showing me your vengeful side. I know your wrath, Lord!

Preacher: Man I hate this song.

Brenda: Like the tunes Preach?

Preacher: I will immerse you, brother, then have you go to the Presbyterians.

A no. 1: Oh, save me from the Presbyterians!

Preacher: You can't drag race with Jesus.

Preacher: And you, do you Lydia, take this man...?

Lydia: [Interrupting] No! Beetle...

Beetlejuice: [Covers Lydia's mouth] She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?

[speaks in Lydia's voice]

Beetlejuice: I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me, I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine.

Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?

Beetlejuice: [Runs off to the side mumbling to himself] Oh geez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision isn't it? I mean, I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. Oh, well.

[Runs back to the altar and stands next to Lydia]

Beetlejuice: Sure, yeah. Go ahead.

Preacher: But you can't object yet.

Pope Sweet Jesus: Well I am objeculatin' prematurely!

Preacher: [resumes the ceremony] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

Norbit: I object!

[congregation gasps and murmurs]

Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!

Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.

Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!

Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!

Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!

Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.

Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?

Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.

Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?

Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!

Preacher: And that's what God expects from His sheep, here at the Greater Ebenezer New Revival Tree of Life Institutional Double Rock on the Side of the Road to Jericho Missionary Baptist Church of Zion! And I said Mount Cavalry! Huh! Y'all gonna help me!

Preacher: [referring to Dewey's song] You think we don't know what you're talking about when you say "take my hand"?

Dewey Cox: What do you mean? It's about holding hands.

Pa Cox: You watch your mouth.

Preacher: You know who's got hands? The devil. And he uses them for holding.

Preacher: IT'S THE DEVIL'S MUSIC!

Preacher: I smite, you smite, he smites, we done smote!

Preacher: Let us pray... for this mouse.

Preacher: [Trying to control his temper after seeing the mess Winn-Dixie has made of the trailer where he and Opal live] God... bless it!

Preacher: [final lines] We were friends, a long time ago. Laughin, rappin, chasin girls, obeying no laws, except the law of caring. Basketball days and high nights, no tomorrows, unable to remember yesterday. We live for today...

Preacher: You guys think it's so funny because I want to be something besides a factory worker or a football player. Well, that's because you're a bunch of stupid niggers that don't know shit!

Preacher: Dorothy the only thing I know, is that your momma's a hoe!

Preacher: Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?

Connie: I do.

Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

Professor Wagstaff, Baravelli, Pinky: We do!

Preacher: I can understand a storm. It's a natural thing not meant to harm anyone, but the violence of men, their cruelty, their savageness... to one another... to themselves!

Prospector: Shut up, you! This is a preacher standing here.

Con Man: Preacher? It can't be! He woke me up. They usually put me to sleep.

Prospector: [to the Preacher] Don't pay him no mind.

Preacher: Who is he?

Prospector: He's a con man... a swindler... an old scalawag.

Con Man: How else can a man live to be old nowadays?

Preacher: Is truth the luxury of the rich?

Preacher: Prepare for the vengeance of the Lord! The day of reckoning is mighty close and you'll catch a heapin' fire if you don't get to repentin' and get to it quick! Hellfire is awaitin' ya. Are you ready to meet your Maker?

Frank James: I reckon so.

Preacher: You willing to stand before the judgmency with a chaw of tobacco in your mouth? Lost souls, that's what you are! Black as sin! Black with iniquity! The light of the Lord ain't in any of ya! Do you ever think of salvation? Do you ever think of the kingdom? No! All you ever think of is your bellies... and your corn pone and you chitlins and your corn liquor. Ah, brother, how about a swig of that jug?

Preacher: We pledge allegiance to the Bible. The Old Testament shall be our sole and only Constitution.

Preacher: Come and tell him how much we are suffering in here. Come! Everybody come.

Commandant: So, you... You are the big man now, huh? Where will you be going? Huh? Will you surrender to the other NDF camp? No. they will eat you. And what of ECOMOD? Huh? That might be better, but what next? Jail? War crimes? Huh? You think you can just go and do what you want in peace? You will go back to your village and your family will not associate themselves with you. Huh? You will be nothing. You and your uneducated, poor mind, you'll be NOTHING. Nobody will care for you. Huh? Look at you. And you will wake up and you will rise and see the sun rise and see the sun set, and you can just wait all day ALL DAY with thousands of men just like you, waiting for somebody to give you a job. Huh? that's what you want to go and do? You are stupid! You have Nothing! No future! I am your future.

Preacher: [Points gun to Commandant] You fucking die here, sir.

Commandant: What?

[Points Gun to Preacher]

Commandant: How are you going to shoot me if you don't have bullets?

[Agu points gun to Commandant]

Commandant: And you, Agu? You wanna kill Commandant? Hey, Agu, I want you to kill Commandant. Come. Push it.

Preacher: [Whispers] Do It.

Commandant: Come, Agu, come. Put It here. Here! A-ha! Aha! Wanna Kill Commandant?

Preacher: Do It, Agu. Do It

Commandant: Kill Commandant! You wanna surrender? Huh? You wanna surrender? You wanna surrender?

Agu: Yes.

Commandant: Hey, Agu. Just get out. Just Remember, when you are all poor and hungry, you'll remember me! You'll remember your commandant. Just go! Just go!

Preacher: Come on. Everybody, let's move!

Commandant: And know that I will be calling for you one day. Go and drink gunpowder tea and playing draughts. No, no, no. You remember me. You remember your Commandant. You're gonna say, Yeah.

[Points to Agu]

Commandant: Remember, I will call for you again... and you'll come. Remember.

[last lines]

Preacher: On the night before His crucifixion, Our Lord gathered with His disciples. He broke the bread, and blessed it, saying: "Take, eat; this is my body." And he took the cup and said: "Drink; this is my blood, which I shed for thee."

[the congregants pass the elements of communion between them]

Royce Spalding: Peace of God.

Wylie: Peace of God.

Preacher: Jezebel! That's right, I mean you! Now both of you sinners are hurrying past.

Dove Linkhorn: You got no business with us mister.

Preacher: Oh, sinners is my business. You and that hip-slinging daughter of Satan. You know there's the smell of sulfur and brimstone about you. The smell of hellfire.

Dove Linkhorn: Who ordained preacher?

Preacher: I am self-ordained son; I had the call.

Dove Linkhorn: You were called by the wrong voice mister.

Preacher: Lord strike this sinner down. Send a bolt down to smite and consume the blasphemer now!

Dove Linkhorn: He won't hear you. Cause you no friend of God or man - standing there hollering hate to the world. God is love. God is mercy and forgiveness. Try preaching that sometime Mr. Preacher. Teach people to forgive, not to crawl in fear. Teach people to love, not hate. preach the good book - preach the truth.

Preacher: We've come to the place where we joke about the idea of the devil. With the horns, and the tail and all that. But that is Satan's lie to distract us from the reality of who he is. He's no mask in a Halloween store, he's not what you see in the movies. He is an active, violent, anti-God personal reality. And as much as we refuse to admit it, he lives through us. He uses us to carry out his unspeakable deeds. For we are his pawns, we are his demons on Earth. We satiate his hunger. If you have the slightest bit of greed in your heart, he will turn it into an avalanch. He will slither into your soul.

Preacher: Are you a sinner? Do you wish to be saved?

Dr. James Xavier: Saved? No. I've come to tell you what I see. There are great darknesses. Farther than time itself. And beyond the darkness... a light that glows, changes... and in the center of the universe... the eye that sees us all.

[Looks up at the sky]

Dr. James Xavier: No!

Preacher: You see sin and the devil! But the lord has told us what to do about it. Said Matthew in Chapter Five, "If thine eye offends thee... pluck it out!"

Preacher: [After tasting some of Jeremiah's alcoholic Moonshine] Damn, that's good!

Preacher: They fear you because you are young. They fear you because you are the future. How fearful they must be that they shoot you children. How powerful you must be that they fear you so much. You are powerful because you are the generation that will be free. The violence, the beatings, the torture, the killings; all this is the birth pain of our free nation. Please God, may I live to see it. But if I don't, I see it now on your faces like the light of the rising sun, and my heart lifts within me, as if I, too, was young again. And I know, yes, I know freedom is coming tomorrow. May our children rest in peace. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Preacher: Every tree is known by its fruit. This woman has brought forth bad fruit.

Preacher: [about to hang Cody] I accuse you of harlotry! I accuse you of having a scorpion between your legs that seduces men! I accuse you...

Cody Zamorra: Just get on with it, will ya?

[first lines]

Preacher: By the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread until thou return unto the ground, for out of it we was taken. Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. Heavenly Father, pick this child up on heaven's side. Put the grave behind for the promise on the other side, that she might live and abide with you.

Preacher: You'll burn in hell for your sins.

Captain John Hull Abston: Then I guess we'll meet again.

Preacher: See here, you can't turn all these people out into the night. It is inhuman, brother. Inhuman!

The Stranger: I'm not your brother.

Preacher: We are all brothers in the eyes of God.

The Stranger: All these people, are they your sisters and brothers?

Preacher: They most certainly are.

The Stranger: ...Then you won't mind if they come over and stay at your place, will ya?