Policeman Quotes in Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

Policeman: Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock.

Buford T. Justice: You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella.

Policeman: Put the knives down!

Wolverine: I can't.

Policeman: I'm not that much older than you, so don't call me pops or you'll find yoursef polishin' my boots with your tongue!

Policeman: You fellows all right?

Ray: Now they show up. Where were you when we needed you?

Irwin: Writing parking tickets, I suppose.

Policeman: They're still alive!

[last lines]

Policeman: What happened?

Roarke: My mom got us down the river.

Policeman: How about your dad? What did he do?

Roarke: My dad? He saved our lives.

Bud McVie: Yo man, my street's on fire you gotta get some trucks down there.

L.A. Fire Chief: What Street?

Bud McVie: What Street? You know the one with the smoke coming out of it, Stanley right over there.

L.A. Fire Chief: We'll get to you as soon as we get this under control.

Bud McVie: But, there won't be any houses left by then man.

L.A. Fire Chief: Look, I'm sorry. We'll get to you as soon...

Bud McVie: [grabbing the fire chief's arm] Yo! I'm talking about people's houses, and you're over here saving museums.

L.A. Fire Chief: You wanna get this guy off me.

Terry Jasper: Hey.

Bud McVie: Oh great. Mark Fuhrman.

Terry Jasper: Gimme your hands.

[grabs Bud's hands and cuffs him]

Bud McVie: Yo! Get your goddamn hands off me man.

Policeman: What's going on?

Terry Jasper: He was harassing a fire fighter.

Bud McVie: Bullshit. I was asking that guy for help.

Policeman: This is stupid. Let him go.

Terry Jasper: I'm taking him in.

Policeman: All right he's all yours.

Bud McVie: Shouldn't you be saving lives?

Terry Jasper: Don't move!

Policeman: He knows the cops are after him, and the man is bang into the fourth dimension.

David Pollock: Let us through! That man's about to be killed!

Policeman: I hardly think so, sir. This is England!

Policeman: [Talking on the police radio] Just broke up a fight at 54th and 2nd. You better send an ambulance. One of the guys is pretty bad. Two male negroes. Probably a dope dealer. Yeah, cocaine. He's okay. We're bringing him in as soon as the ambulance gets here.

Policeman: Sir! Bombs... er bombs in the street, sir.

Lt. Hoover: Bombs, huh? It's a revolution, a goddamn revolution.

[Another bomb explodes]

Lt. Hoover: They always try the police stations first!

David: [on the phone] Listen! Listen! Listen, please! Don't hang up! I will not make it without you.

Jenny: [on the phone] I can't promise anything.

David: There is a whole army after me.

Jenny: Okay. That's it.

[starts to hang up]

Jenny: An army! Come on! Who do you think you are?

[several armed police men rush past Jenny, looking for David]

Policeman: Move! Move! Clear the floor!

Jenny: [picks up phone] Where did you say you were?

[last lines]

King Arthur: [Arthur and Bedevere have found out that the Holy Grail is in Castle Augh, which is guarded by the frenchmen] We shall attack at once.

Sir Bedevere: Yes, my liege.

[an army of hundreds of soldiers appears]

King Arthur: [to Castle Augh] French persons, today the blood of many a brave knight shall be avenged! In the name of God, we shall not stop our fight till every one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail returns to those who God Himself has chosen!

[turns to army]

King Arthur: Charge!

[the army charges forward, but is stopped by the police and the historian's wife]

Historian's Wife: [points to Arthur] It's that one, I'm sure!

[the police arrest Arthur and Bedevere]

Policeman: [turns to cameraman] All right, sonny, that's enough, just take off.

[turns off camera]

Marv: He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.

Harry: [Kicks Marv] Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know.

Marv: He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.

Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up, Marv! Geez.

Policeman: Get'em outta here.

Marv: Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits!

Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!

Marv: That's S...

Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!

Marv: ...T...

[Gets kicked again]

Marv: Ummm...

Harry: I.

Marv: ...I...

Policeman: [talking into a police call box] Send the riot squad and ambulances! Kong has escaped!

Policeman: Hey! Watch it!

Kermit the Frog: Oh, sorry. I gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em.

Policeman: [dismissing his suspicion after a moment] Nahhhhh!

Policeman: This postal ploy of yours is the most evil caper of our age, Mr. Sender. How will you ever top yourself?

Evil Sender: With a crime so unthinkable that no-one has ever dared to attempt to attempt it: to rob an entire nation of its garbage.

Policeman: The one resource no-one ever thinks to protect!

Evil Sender: Yet without it, every Hefty bag, every trash compactor, every rubbish bin in America will be useless. Desperate men will roam the streets with empty wastebaskets, panic and chaos will rule the land. The precious balance of civilization will be destroyed, and then the world will come begging for mercy... to me.

[to security guard]

Evil Sender: Your job is to kidnap anyone who discovers my diabolical plan, including children.

Policeman: [on the phone] Hello, is this Mrs. Stupid?

Joan Stupid: Yes.

Policeman: We have your children here, Ma'am.

Joan Stupid: Oh my God, it's true. The police have kidnapped my children!

Policeman: [Caltiki has spread inside and outside the house. Monstruous dark blobs are everywhere. Rescuers arrive and shoot them] The garden is filled with monsters!

Policeman: Catch him? That thing travels faster than the bullets I sent after him.

[first lines]

Policeman: Mr. Stockwell, open up, it's the police. Open up the door or we'll break it in!

[the policeman batter down the door and search the apartment]

Policeman: Well, he's gone. Some little girl's going to have a broken heart when she discovers her doll was left behind.

Policeman: Someone's crazy. This is the third body in a month with an eyeball removed.

Bar Maid: They killed a man!

Policeman: No big deal, he's black.

Policeman: What are you trying to pull here? The coffin is in perfect order. The deceased is here and even starting to smell.

Policeman: Why are you running?

Marjane as a teenager: I'm late for my class!

Policeman: Maybe, but you mustn't run. When you run, your behind moves around in an obscene way.

Marjane as a teenager: [angry] Then stop staring at my ass!

[the policeman enters Violet Kray's house, looking for her husband Charlie. He trips over a broom in the hallway]

Policeman: That is a lethal weapon, that is.

Violet Kray: Housework is a lethal business, Constable.

Counsil: [at Joe and Kenneth's trial] This is the novel "Clouds of Witness" by the noted authoress Dorothy L. Sayers. Could you read what the accused have written on the flap of the jacket?

Policeman: "When little Betty McDree says that she has been interfered with, her mother at first laughs. It is only something the kiddy has picked up off the television. But when, on sorting through the laundry, Mrs McDree discovers that a new pair of Betty's knickers are missing, she thinks again. Her mother takes little Betty to the police station and, to everyone's surprise, the little girl identifies PC Brenda Coolidge as her attacker. A search is made of the Women's Police Barracks. What is found there is a seven-inch phallus and a pair of knickers of the kind used by Betty. All looks black for kindly PC Coolidge. What can she do? This is one of the most enthralling stories ever written by Miss Sayers. Read this behind closed doors..."

[He pauses, embarrassed]

Policeman: "... And have a good shit while you are reading."

Policeman: [incredulously] Your friend is blind?

Will Sly: More or less, yeah.

Policeman: Then why the hell is he driving?

Will Sly: 'Cause he's the only one who's sober!

[Tom does a backflip over the car]

Will Sly: See?

Policeman: So, what you doin here?

Turkish: I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem?

Policeman: What's in the car?

Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel.

Policeman: [to Ray, who is trying to escape from Bruges on the train] Are you Irish?

Ray: Yea.

Policeman: What is your name?

Ray: Er-Derek Fer... ler.

Policeman: You eet the Canadian.

Ray: What?

Policeman: You eet the Canadian.

Ray: I eat the Canadian? I don't know what you're talking about.

[the policeman motions down the compartment toward more policemen and the two Canadian tourists whom Ray beat up earlier]

Canadian Guy: That's the motherfucker!

Policeman: Come along. We are taking you back to Bruges.

Ray: Brilliant.

Policeman: This is going to cost you

[writes a traffic ticket]

Dan Burns: Put it on my tab.

Policeman: What was that?

Dan Burns: [Aside] Put it on my tab.

Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees?

Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I ain't running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!"

Policeman: Well, do you think any of them could've done it?

Nathan Arizona Sr.: Oh, don't make me laugh. Without my say-so they wouldn't piss with their pants on fire.

[first lines]

Policeman: Who is in charge?

[last lines]

Policeman: Who is in charge?

Policeman: [to blindfolded assassin aboard helicopter] Where is Sam Boga?

[Assassin shakes his head]

Policeman: Where is your hideout?

[Assassin won't talk, so he pushes him out the open helicopter door. Assassin screams, but only falls a few feet because the helicopter is still on the ground]

Policeman: Next time you're gonna be a bit higher!

[laughs loudly]

Policeman: I wouldn't go in there. There's a big skunk in there.

The Inspector: [Flashes his badge] We know about that. It's a Toronto skunk. My jurisdiction.

Grimm: I was in 'Nam with a jerk like you.

Policeman: Oh boy.

Policeman: Don't you sass me, you naughty goose!

Policeman: [to a goat head-butting the police car] You are in violation of ordinance 29, the ramming with horny head of a police vehicle!

Policeman: Somebody's all fired up on budgie food.

Policeman: What in the name of corn on the cob is goin' on around here?

[Terry is at the drive-up window as the police pull up]

Policeman: Where's Dottie?

Terry: Who?

Policeman: The drive-up girl.

Terry: Oh, yes, Dottie. Of course. She's... sick.

Policeman: Sick with what?

Terry: Vaginitis. She's been suffering from an abnormal vaginal discharge. You know the common symptoms, a viscous fluid, usually associated with... uh... vaginitis.

[the police drive away looking embarrassed]

John Brown: When was the last time you saw a Negro in Livingstone?

Policeman: [after giving it some thought] On the one-fifteen from Billings. It was a redcap.

John Brown: Are you sure it wasn't Al Jolson?

Policeman: Sam Stone, you're under arrest.

Sam Stone: For mixing cotton with silk?

Paramedic: She's still alive.

Policeman: She doesn't deserve to live. Let's kill her. Nobody will know

Paramedic: It wouldn't be hard to do.

Policeman: It would put an end to it, once and for all.

Paramedic: Where are we?

Policeman: I'll check.

[Angela grabs a needle and stabs the two men]

Ambulance driver: What's going on back there?

Angela: Just taking care of business.

[During a raid on the brothel, the police burst into a room and find a man screwing a prostitute]

Policeman: Armed police officers. Stop what you are doing.

Client: [gleefully] I don't care who you are. I'm not stopping now.

[Wing Commander Morten, dressed in a French maid's uniform, is dragged along the corridor to the cells after a police raid on the brothel]

Morten: [yells] I am retired officer of the RAF, twice decorated. I flew two hundred and seven missions over occupied territory - in bra and panties!

Policeman: You're a disgrace.

[the cell door slams shut]

Morten: [yells, with hands on hips] This is no way to treat a lady!

Dan Beame: [surrenders to police, as Pat Kramer returns home] Arrest this man.

Policeman: But you haven't done anything.

Dan Beame: [gives a firm look] Trust me.

Edward Lionheart: Officer! If I'm not mistaken, Mr. Psaltry is murdering his wife.

Policeman: Oh... Thank you, Sir.

Pendlebury: Well, you might as well know. I was lying. I am a thief. It was madness to attempt it. We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.

Policeman: We?

Pendlebury: My partner and I.

Sidewalk Vendor: Your partner? Here, if you're working with the fence who's got them other pictures...

Policeman: Shh! Carry on.

Pendlebury: Oh I make no excuses. All my life it's been my ambition to surround myself with rare and beautiful things. Suddenly faced with this golden opportunity...

Sidewalk Vendor: Here, you call that picture of mine rare and beautiful?

Pendlebury: Since you will keep on interrupting me, you ought to know it's a charming example of an early Rochet, while he was still under the influence of Corot.

Sidewalk Vendor: Oh yeah? How much is it worth?

Pendlebury: Ten pound, to those who can afford it.

Sidewalk Vendor: Oh blimey. I've had it marked up for five bob.

Mrs. Chalk: But surely you must have some suspicion. Who work the heist rackets in this territory?

Policeman: Beg your pardon, lady?

Mrs. Chalk: Oh really! I can't make myself much plainer. Which hoodlums around here specialize in toby jobs?

Pasqualino Frafuso: You'll never take Pasqualino Seven-Beauties! Never will you be able to take him alive!

Policeman: [seizing him] Stop bragging.

Pasqualino Frafuso: So I'm wrong.

Policeman: [During a raid at the Burlesque House] Wait a minute, you... Come on up to the station house, the Lieutenant is throwing a party.

Janie 'Duchess' Barlow: Can't I even get some clothes!

Policeman: No, he wants you just as you are.

Janie 'Duchess' Barlow: Oh, it's that kind of a party!

Francie Brady: I'm sorry about all this, sergeant. Do you think they'll hang me?

Policeman: I'm afraid there's no more hanging.

Francie Brady: Sergeant, what's this world coming to?

Policeman: So where are you folks from?

Mei Li: The East.

Policeman: Oh, New York, huh?

Dr. Li: Further east.

Policeman: Say, Mr. Charles, this sure is a pleasure! I should have recognized you, seeing the pictures in the papers. I follow all your cases. We still talk about the Thin Man job and the Landis case. Why, it's the slickest detective work in 50 years.

Policeman: The last time I read about you, Mr. Charles, you was in New York, you was.

Nick Charles: I were? I was?

Policeman: Yes, you was.

Policeman: Sorry we bothered you, sir.

Bill: That's alright, officer. You did what you had to do even though I told you you didn't have to do it. G'bye girls.

Policeman: We'll have that!

Bootsie Carp: [Gathered outside the house after Sol's death: police are talking to family members, and paramedics are preparing to take Sol's body away] Mrs. S, it's best that I go. You're much too fragile, and way too famous.

Policeman: Mrs. Sussman, that'll be all for now. You've been very helpful.

Angela Arden: And you're a delight. I can't get over... you're all so darned good looking. You could be actors!

Policeman: [after being hit in the crotch by a car slowly coming to a standstill] And me only married a month...

Policeman: If that nut shows up and kills you, don't blame the police department.

Policeman: You ought to watch it!

Morgan Delt: I know, but where is "it"?

Carmine Rosato: We're all very happy about your decision, Frankie. You're not going to regret it!

Frank Pentangeli: I don't like this C-note, Rosato. I take that as an insult.

Tony Rosato: [wraps a garrote around Pentangeli's neck] Michael Corleone says "Hello"!

[drags Pentangeli to a back room and with the help of two "buttonmen" tries to shove him into a closet]

Tony Rosato: [shouts] Get his head in! Close the fuckin' door!

Carmine Rosato: [a cop walks into the bar] Your friend, the cop, what the f...

Policeman: Hey, Rich, it's dark in here. You open or closed?

Bartender: Hey, I just came in to clean up a little, you know? What's wrong?

Policeman: [noticing Pentangeli] Is that something on the floor?

Bartender: [Carmine starts to pull a gun on the officer] Carmine, No! Not here! Not a cop! Let him go!

Carmine Rosato: ANTHONY!

[as the cop starts to draw his billy club, Tony and the buttonmen run out of the back room and shove the cop into a booth, then grab Carmine and rush him out the door, followed by the cop, his gun drawn]

Tony Rosato: [to the policeman] You open your fuckin' mouth, I'll blow your head off!

[a gunfight erupts in the street as the Rosato Brothers try to escape]

Elisabeth Winkler, Beckert's landlady: Could you speak louder please, I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Policeman: As if I couldn't tell.

Policewoman: Beth Heke?

Beth Heke: What now?

Policeman: He's been keeping bad company.

Beth Heke: Was that before or after you picked him up?

[first lines]

Captain Dahmane: We'll touch base in two hours.

Policeman: Which way do we go?

Captain Dahmane: There. Okay? See you later, guys.

[looks at Niemans]

Captain Dahmane: Can I help you?

Pierre Niemans: Got a light?

Captain Dahmane: Who let you through?

Pierre Niemans: Your men. Commissioner Pierre Niemans.

Policeman: He's a bedroom dick.

Policeman: Alright, give him the tear gas.

[Nick and Danny have mooned a group of women in a bar, and now they've returned with the police]

Nick Leeson: Oh, you've got to be joking.

Policeman: No laughing matter. Outraging a lady's modesty, very serious crime in Singapore.

[last lines]

Policeman: Did she tell you who did it?

Det. Frank Webber: Yes.

Policeman: You want to look out. She'll be losing your job, my boy. I say, I suppose we should soon have lady detectives up at the Yard, eh? And I should be all right out the door, won't I?

Policeman: Now then, Miss, what's your tale?

Alice - Bathing Girl: Well, we were both going down to bathe.

Policeman: Police. We've got an order to bring you to the commissariat.

Henryk Kwinto: Why me?

Policeman: Mr. Kwinto, you can be taken just for your name.

Policeman: [after calhounhas left the office] Nothin's done right unless Tough Willy does it himself.

Lt. William Calhoun: [Calhoun has evidently heard the comment and angrily reenters, hands on hips and glaring] How long you been working here?

Policeman: [Timidly] Four weeks tomorrow, Lieutenant.

Lt. William Calhoun: You need twenty-five years before you're eligible for a pension...

[He takes a piece of fruit from the lunchbox on the desk]

Lt. William Calhoun: ... and you won't make it. Not if you ever call me Willy.

[He throws the fruit at the policeman and leaves]

Tommy Connors: What are you guys trying to do? Make a monkey out of me?

Policeman: Go on and sit down.

Tommy Connors: Say, I guess you don't know who I am. Maybe the warden didn't tell ya. I'm Tommy Connors.

Policeman: Oh yeah? What of it?

[Tommy punches him]

Policeman: Why, you!

Policeman: Hey you, come on out.

Tommy Connors: If you're coming in to give me the works, you'll have to come in and drag me out.

Policeman: Oh, no, no, no. No more of that. You've got a big pull around here. The warden said you don't have to wear a uniform.

Tommy Connors: Well, certainly. Ha, okay let's go boys.

Policeman: Come on.

Tommy Connors: Hey wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about my clothes?

Policeman: You said you didn't want any uniform and the warden said it would be all right.

Prisoner: Get a load of that outfit!

Policeman: Hey, Steve, they're going to the boiler room.

[to Tommy]

Policeman: Not you. You're working here.

[sends him to the Ice Room]

Fay Wilson: I'm telling the truth and that's that.

Policeman: Okay, Miss. Don't get tough. Regulation.

Al Goddard: How many nuns are there anyway?

Policeman: I don't know, Mr. Goddard. I never counted them.

Mihai Roman: Drop your weapons! You are all under arrest!

Semaca: You came in time, commissioner.

Mihai Roman: Hands up!

Semaca: Commissioner, please, allow me to explain...

Mihai Roman: Take him away!

Mihai Roman: Miclovan...! Hey, old chap! What's up with you? Is it serious?

Tudor Miclovan: Piece of cake... They riddled me.

Tudor Miclovan: Why did you come here?

Mihai Roman: Well... I counted on your flair...

Tudor Miclovan: Too bad... that you stood in front of him.

Mihai Roman: Miclovan!

Tudor Miclovan: I didn't know it hurts so...

Policeman: Commissioner, shall I bring a car for you?

Mihai Roman: No need... I'll walk...

Policeman: [after he's shot "The Boss"] Shall I call an ambulance?

Inspector Henry Fernack: Better make it a hearse.

Jonathan 'Goldy' Locke: I tell yuh, I'm as sober as a judge.

Policeman: I'll put you before one, and we'll find out.

Policeman: Pull over! Pull over to the curb!

Jay Gatsby: All right, Old Sport. All right.

[shows him his business card]

Policeman: Right, you are! I'll know you next time, Mr. Gatsby.

Policeman: [calling on the phone] Coroner's office. I want to speak to the coroner. Who's on this phone?

Hedda Hopper: [in Norma's room, on the phone] I am. Now, get off. This is more important. Times City Desk? Hedda Hopper speaking. I'm talking from the bedroom of Norma Desmond. Don't bother with a rewrite, man, take it direct! Ready? As day breaks...

Policeman: Is this your car, sir ?

Jack Favell: Yes.

Policeman: Will you be going soon ? This isn't a parking place, you know.

Jack Favell: Oh, isn't it ? People are entitled... to leave their cars outside if they want to. It's a pity some of you fellows haven't anything better to do!

Margaret Matheson: Ever heard of Occam's Razor?

Policeman: Occam's Razor?

Margaret Matheson: When I hear the drumming of hooves, I don't think unicorns, I think horses.

Policeman: Let's go.

Policeman: Why did you do it, kid?

Robert: She asked me to.

Policeman: [smirking] Obliging bastard. Is that the only reason you got, kid?

Robert: They shoot horses, don't they?

Policeman: This is a formal interview under caution. Do you understand that, Fenton? Hey, do you understand?

Arbor: Yeah.

Policeman: A witness saw two youths burning railway or communications cable.

Michelle 'Shelly' Fenton: That's nowt to do with him.

Policeman: Cable theft is a very serious crime, Mrs. Fenton. Trespass on the railway is £1,000 fine.

Arbor: I ain't been on railway.

Policeman: Vandalism, endangering lives, maximum penalty of life imprisonment.

Michelle 'Shelly' Fenton: He's just a kid. He ain't nicked no cable. You're looking at wrong place.

Policeman: He is, as you say, Mrs. Fenton, a minor. There's unscrupulous people out there getting kids to do their dirty work so they don't get into trouble with the police themselves.

Policeman: [to Phillipe] Walking in your sleep, were you?

Rose: That's all I was doing.

Dimples: What's the matter?

Prof. Eustace Appleby: Everything's all right, dear. I just want to have a talk with these gentlemen here for a few minutes.

Policeman: Never mind that! He's under arrest for stealing a thousand dollars.

Prof. Eustace Appleby: But I didn't take the money for myself. I took it to pay Allen back. Really.

Policeman: Oh, come on!

Dimples: You leave him alone! He didn't steal anything from you!

Mrs. Caroline Drew: I'm sorry, darling, but you're better off without him.

Allen Drew: You'd better hurry, Dimples. It's almost time for the last act.

Dimples: No! I'm going to jail with the Professor!

Johnny Parkson Riggs: I'm afraid you made a mistake.

Policeman: Oh no, Señor, no mistake. We have here your descriptions.

Victor Budlow Trout: It's a mistake.

[Motioning to himself and Johnny.]

Victor Budlow Trout: We don't look like this.

[last lines]

Tommy Woodry: [as Tommy goes home in a police car] And that's all the truth.

policeman: That was some jump, son!

Tommy Woodry: I'm never gonna be a fireman. I don't like jumpin' in those nets.

Mr. Ed Woodry: I'm proud of you, Tommy, and from now on I'll believe you.

Tommy Woodry: I'm glad, Pop. From now on I promise I'll never make up another story.

Mrs. Mary Woodry: That'll make us all happy.

Mr. Ed Woodry: I'll bet when we all get down to the station all the guys are going to point to me and say ther goes Tommy Woodry's father.

[Tommy smiles and his father chuckles over a shot of his son's beaming face]

[the policeman drops Jesse off at home to his parents late in the night]

Policeman: [Jesse's parents answer the door] Good evening. Does this belong to you?

Ken Walsh: [the parents see Jesse standing there with a blanket around him] Yes, sir - He's my son.

Policeman: We found him out on the highway, wandering around. He was naked. I'd keep a short leash on him, if I were you.

Policeman: [They get into a yard full of cats] There's a lot of cats.

Policewoman: Well, I can see that, dickhead.

Policeman: Here, quick sir! I heard footsteps outside, soft footsteps - like naked feet.

Policeman: Hi, Greg. What keeps you up?

Greg: Insomnia.

[On what that strange sound was]

Lieutenant John Harper: It was a saucer.

Policeman: A flying saucer?

[last lines]

Policeman: Lady, are you okay?

Policeman: We found blood in the freezer down in the cellar.

Det. Grogan: Christ! Rich people... Sick stuff always turns out to be rich people.

Tom White: Look, officer, I don't know how to convince you of this, but... we're not crazy!

Policeman: Mister, I didn't say you was crazy. Nothing like that, I just think it's mighty peculiar!

policeman: I'm mad for apples, me!

Policeman: Orders to shoot on sight... I thought he said the bloke was invisible?

Policeman: [about the boys] They may be underprivileged, but they sure ain't underdeveloped.

Prince Peter Karagin, aka Peter Teranda: Don't they put numbers on these houses?

Policeman: The new numbers are on brass plates. That's progress. The janitors sell the brass plates for vodka. That's Russia.

Policeman: Yes sir, that Mrs. Reardon is one wonderful little lady.

Sam - Radio Car Driver: Yes she is. That Reardon's a lucky guy.

Policeman: You know, if I wasn't married, Sam...

Police Broadcaster: Calling all cars. Be on the lookout for Mrs. Sally Reardon. Height: 5 feet 3 inches. Weight: 110 pounds. Complexion: Blonde. Suspicion of murder. Pick her up. Bring her in.

Sam - Radio Car Driver: If you wasn't married so happy...

Policeman: [Watching Ruby walk away] Not bad.

Eddie: Yes sir, that baby's got rhythm.

Policeman: [noticing that two pairs of reporters are standing on the marriage license line] Look, I don't know what kind of license you fellas want, but this ain't the place for it!

Policeman: This sector is closed to ground traffic. What are you doing here?

Deckard: I'm working. What are you doing?

Policeman: Arresting you, that's what I'm doing.

policeman: I don't get it commander. Was it just two girls against you three men?

Policeman: You've been reading too much of those comics. You know very well that those stories are just plain fiction.

Keiichi: Well, that stinks.

Policeman: Now you kids best run along home, or I'll have you arrested!

[laughs]

Policeman: I really had you scared that time!

Policeman: Who are these gentlemen looking for?

Eddie's baby: Mr. Smith.

Policeman: And where does he live?

Eddie's baby: Who?

Smitty - News Vendor: Paper, Gov'nor? Prime Minister makes a deal with Hitler. Read all about, Sir.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: No flowers?

Smitty - News Vendor: Flowers, Sir?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Yes, flowers. Big ones. Rest in Peace. They're customary at times like these, aren't they?

Smitty - News Vendor: I see what you mean, Sir. 'Tis a blasted shame, innit? Wing Commander, Sir?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Yes.

Smitty - News Vendor: 'Was in the last one me-self, Sir. Sergeant-Major.

[gesturing towards his missing arm]

Smitty - News Vendor: Left it at Wipers.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Don't you ever wonder why?

Smitty - News Vendor: That I does, Sir. What good did it do? Same old fuss all over again. Only this time, we're acting like a pack of frightened schoolboys.

bystander: Paper! Great news, what?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: [sarcastically] Oh, yes, indeed. Wonderful news.

Smitty - News Vendor: What this country needs is a bit of waking up.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Will this cover your papers?

[he tenders some money]

Smitty - News Vendor: Why, yes, Sir but what er...

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Alright Sergeant-Major, let's try waking them up.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: [holding the poster 'Peace in Our Time' in one hand and the bundle of papers in the other] Here you are, ladies and gentlemen, the latest edition. Read all about the shame of England. Prime Minister surrenders to the Gangster of Munich.

bystander: Disgraceful, Sir. And you in a uniform too!

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Extra, extra! All about the great magician. Hitler makes mice out of Englishmen. Runs another bluff on Prime Minister. All about it. Great nation's cowardice astonishes world.

policeman: 'Ere, 'ere, what''s all this?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Take one, officer, read about the death of an old friend of yours, England.

policeman: Now see, 'ere, Sir, you'll create no disturbance in this neighbourhood. If it's criticism of the Government you want to voice, you'll kindly go to Hyde Park.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: I'm afraid you don't follow me, officer. This isn't a criticism, it's a denouncement.

policeman: Then you do your denouncing somewhere else. Now get away from here before I run you both in.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Come on Sergeant-Major, I'll buy you another drink.

Smitty - News Vendor: Another drink? Another drink will make it an even one!

Policeman: Don't you know that 28% of people who die on the roads travel like you, without their safety belt?

Fermat: So all the rest, the other 72%, die with their belt on.