Police Chief Charles Lazar Quotes in Son of the Pink Panther (1993)

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, dear.

Maria Gambrelli: [Dreyfus tries to get up, but Maria makes him lie down] No, no, no, you should relax now!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No, I can't - I can't relax, I - I have to tell... him something. What's his name, your son?

Maria Gambrelli, Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Jacques.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Jacques - Listen, Jacques... I wanted to tell you, you are in great danger.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I am?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: François, where's the Chief's report?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Ah, here.

[François hands the Chief's report to Dreyfus]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: There... do you remember the unconscious girl you saw in the van?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [dreamily] Oh, how could I ever forget her?

[Jacques recites a line of poetry in English, then Italian]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: "Beauty to reach for you,

[in Italian]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: spirete dia."

Maria Gambrelli: Jacques loves poetry.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yes, I know.

[Dreyfus hands the photo to Jacques]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I want you to look at this photograph.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: My God, that is she! But how did you know?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: A hunch.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: A what?

Maria Gambrelli: Hunch.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: A hunch? Who is she? What is she doing in the Chief's file?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: She's Princess Yasmin.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Princess... kidnapped. Isn't she beautiful, mother?

Maria Gambrelli: Hmm... not bad for a princess.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Ah.

[Chief Lazar enters Dreyfus's hospital room, Jacques salutes him]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Commissioner.

[to Jacques]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: At ease, Gambrelli.

[to Maria]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: I'm glad to see that you are not hurt, Madame.

Maria Gambrelli: Thank you, Chief.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: And I'm particularly happy that you are still with us, Commissioner.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, I'm sure you are. And I'm particularly happy that you've assigned me Officer Gambrelli.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: [Chief Lazar enters Dreyfus's hospital room, Jacques salutes him] Commissioner.

[to Jacques]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: At ease, Gambrelli.

[to Maria]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: I'm glad to see that you are not hurt, Madame.

Maria Gambrelli: Thank you, Chief.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: And I'm particularly happy that you are still with us, Commissioner.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, I'm sure you are. And I'm particularly happy that you've assigned me Officer Gambrelli.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Really?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Without him, I might not have discovered that the Princess was being held here, in the south of France.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: I'll put out a general alarm immediately.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: You will do nothing of the kind till I give the word. In the meantime, Officer Gambrelli's mother... needs a safe place to stay... So, as I'm going to be here for a while, she can have my suite at the hotel.

Maria Gambrelli: Oh no, but I can't.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: But you must, please.

[Dreyfus chuckles]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Whatever they need François.

[to Chief Lazar]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Round-the-clock protection, Chief.

Maria Gambrelli: God bless you!

[Maria kisses Dreyfus with gratitude]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [Dreyfus chuckles as everyone leaves, Jacques comes back to give the remote to Dreyfus] Get out!

[Dreyfus sighs with relief, and uses the bed's remote to change the TV channel, and sparks fly as the bed flips up and tosses Dreyfus out of it]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I'm sorry we are late, but we've had a car accident.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Oh, nothing too serious, I trust.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: We are lucky to be alive.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus, Police Chief Charles Lazar: Please, please.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Now, Chief, listen: normally, investigation of crimes committed in French territorial waters is your responsibility. But, as this kidnapping is politically so important to the government, the President has ordered me to personally take charge of the case.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: The...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Now understand, it's not that he thinks you are less qualified; perhaps, he feels, after all, that I am, uh...

Police Chief Charles Lazar: More qualified.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Well...

[Dreyfus chuckles]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: So... what are your orders?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Well, first I want to know everything that is known about the case.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Well, this is everything we have to date.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, good.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Then I want your best man as liaison; that would be Gambrelli.

Jean Claude: [Jean-Claude is startled, coughs, and accidentally spits coffee out of his mouth]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I'll study this report tonight, and I'll see you here in the morning at 9 o'clock.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Right.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, by the way, um... there was a police officer at the accident. How shall I, uh - heh, he... had an odd way of speaking, mispronouncing words.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Well...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Crashed his bicycle into our car.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Doesn't ring a bell.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Hm, no? Well, perhaps it's not that important. See you in the morning.

[Chief Lazar laughs as Dreyfus leaves his office]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques awakens in his hospital bed] Ah, mother.

Maria Gambrelli: Jacques, I was so worried.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques sighs, then gasps] The princess! They have taken the princess!

Maria Gambrelli: [Jacques rises from his bed, only to be stopped by Maria] Please, Jacques!

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I have to stop them! Oh, ohhh...

[Jacques faints back into his bed]

Maria Gambrelli: You see? You're not supposed to get up.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Oh, but I must tell the Commissioner about Uncle Idris.

Maria Gambrelli: I will tell the Commissioner about Uncle Idris.

[beat]

Maria Gambrelli: Who is Uncle Idris?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Uncle Idris? I - I don't know. I remember hearing someone... that they were going to Darfur to visit Uncle Idris.

Maria Gambrelli: Okay, just keep quiet.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [deliriously] Uncle Idris.

Maria Gambrelli: Si, si, si.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [deliriously] Uncle Idris.

[Maria leaves Jacques's hospital room and enters an elevator; Chief Lazar and Jean Claude arrive in another elevator]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: [Chief Lazar and Jean Claude enter Jacques's room, only to find he's not there] Well?

Jean Claude: They said he was in Room 408.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: I'll check. Hello? Hello?

[Lazar goes over to the phone, only for Jacques to open the bathroom door, knocking Chief Lazar out of an open window]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Aaaah!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: How is he?

[Dreyfus is talking to Maria while Lazar screams as he falls down to the ground below]

Maria Gambrelli: It was all I could do to keep Jacques from getting out of bed and coming down here to tell you about someone named Uncle Idris.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Idris?

Maria Gambrelli: He said he overheard someone say they were going to Darfur.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Darfur? That's a small military republic, borders Lugash.

Maria Gambrelli: Charles?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yes, Maria?

Maria Gambrelli: I'm worried about Jacques.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: There, there; if he's anything like his father, he'll be all right, he'll manage.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [Chief Lazar and Jean-Claude knock on Dreyfus's door] Yes?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [Chief Lazar enters] Oh, Chief, you look a bit frazzled.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: [Dreyfus's monitor beeps, starting out slowly, and increasing in intensity] Why not? Officer Gambrelli just pushed me out of the window! Fortunately... I held on to the telephone. And to make matters worse... Officer Gambrelli won't tell me anything until he's cleared it with you! Now, you may be in charge of this case, Commissioner, but I am Chief of Police here, and, as long as Officer Gambrelli is on my force, I expect him to report his condition when asked, without your official permission or blessing!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [Dreyfus's monitor beeps faster] And I always knew you were a pompous piss-ant! Pi- pi- pi- pi- pi...

Police Chief Charles Lazar: [Dreyfus faints, and his vital signs monitor makes a flatline beeping sound] Commissioner?

Police Chief Charles Lazar: [a team of medical personnel rushes to Dreyfus's room with equipment] He-elp!

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Nooo!

[Chief Lazar falls out the window again, and lands in a therapeutic swimming pool below]