Pinocchio Quotes in Shrek (2001)


Pinocchio Quotes:

  • [Shrek, his swamp filled with fairytale creatures, glares at Donkey]

    Donkey: Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invite them!

    Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us!

    Shrek: What?

    Pinocchio: We were forced to come here!

    Shrek: By who?

    Little Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed... and he signed an eviction notice.

  • Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!

    [nose grows]

    Captain of Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

  • [the Toons gather around Judge Doom's remains]

    Mickey Mouse: Gosh, I wonder who he really was?

    Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.

    Daffy Duck: Or a duck.

    Goofy: Or a dog.

    Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.

    Big Bad Wolf: Or a... sheep.

    Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.

    Sylvester: Or a pussy.

  • Shrek: Quick, tell a lie!

    Pinocchio: What should I say?

    Donkey: Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!"

    Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies underwear.

    Pinocchio: [silence]

    Shrek: Are you?

    Pinocchio: I most certainly am not!

    Pinocchio: [nose extends]

    Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are!

    Pinocchio: I am not!

    Pinocchio: [nose extends]

    Puss-in-Boots: What kind?

    Gingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!

  • [Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]

    Princess Fiona: Oh, Dad...

    Queen: Harold...

    Pinocchio: Is he... oh...

    [there's a "ribbit"]

    Gingerbread Man: He croaked...

    [Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]

    Queen: ...Harold?

    Princess Fiona: ...Dad?

    King: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...

    Donkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!

    Shrek: Donkey!

    King: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?

    [Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]

    Queen: Harold...

    King: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...

    Queen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...

  • Pinocchio: I'm a real boy!

  • Gingerbread Man: I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears! Flip over to Wheel of Torture.

    Pinocchio: I'm not flipping anywhere, Sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.

  • Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! So tell me puppet... where... is... Shrek?

    Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not

    Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?

    Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.

    Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!

    Pinocchio: On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably

    Prince Charming: Stop it!

    Pinocchio: or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was

    [Pigs and Gingerbread Man begin singing]

    Pinocchio: That'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.

  • Donkey: Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!

    Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.

    Gingerbread Man: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.

    Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.

    Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.

  • Gingerbread Man: Ew! This is worse than Love Letters. I hate dinner theater.

    Pinocchio: Me too.

    [his nose grows]

  • Pinocchio: [to Gepetto] How about carving me a girlfriend?

  • Pinocchio: Miracles are made in the heart papa.

  • Pinocchio: [riding The Big One; thinking] A real boy. I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy!

  • Lampwick: [to Pinocchio] Hey, Woody, you ever get termites?

    Pinocchio: What are termites?

    Saleo: They're bugs.

    Pinocchio: I like bugs.

    Lampwick: Not these kind, you don't.

    Saleo: They eat wood like you.

    [he kicks Pinocchio in the leg]

  • Pepe: [to Pinocchio] Say, do you always squish someone before being formally introduced?

    Pinocchio: Are... Are you a termite?

    Pepe: Oh, puh-lease!

    Pinocchio: So you're not gonna eat me?

    Pepe: Thanks for the offer, but I'm on a low-wood diet. Let me introduce myself. The name is... Pugnacio Elecuzio P. Elegante. Gimme a "P", an "E", a "P", an "E", put 'em all together and call me... Pepe!

    Pinocchio: Pepe?

    Pepe: You don't like it?

    Pinocchio: It's okay.

    Pepe: I'm very sensitive, you know.

    Pinocchio: No, it's... it's fine.

    Pepe: We can't all be called Pinocchio.

  • Pinocchio: [Pinocchio is in the forest] Smell that pine.

    Pepe: You know, they ought to bottle that scent so you can spray it around your house.

  • Pinocchio: [in the forest] This is where I belong.

    Pepe: You know, I prefer the beach myself, but property there is so expensive.

  • Geppetto: Say hello to Figaro.

    Pinocchio: Hello to Figaro.

  • Geppetto: [waking up to a loud crashing noise] Who's there?

    Pinocchio: It's me.

    Geppetto: [relieved] Oh, it's me.

    [starts to lie back down, then suddenly sits up boltright]

    Geppetto: Huh? Shhh! Figaro, there's somebody in here!

  • Jiminy Cricket: [pointing to Honest John] Remember what I said about temptations? That's him.

    Pinocchio: Oh, no, Jiminy. That's Mr. Honest John.

    Jiminy Cricket: [shocked] Honest John?

  • The Blue Fairy: You must learn to choose between right and wrong.

    Pinocchio: Right and wrong? But how will I know?

    Jiminy Cricket: [watching] How'll he know!

    The Blue Fairy: [to Pinocchio] Your conscience will tell you.

    Pinocchio: What's a conscience?

    Jiminy Cricket: What's a conscience! I'll tell ya! A conscience is that still small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today...

    Pinocchio: Are you my conscience?

    Jiminy Cricket: Who, me?

  • Pinocchio: I'd rather be smart than be an actor.

  • Geppetto: Now close your eyes and go to sleep.

    Pinocchio: Why?

    Geppetto: Everybody has to sleep. Figaro goes to sleep - and Cleo - and besides, tomorrow, you've got to go to school.

    Pinocchio: Why?

    Geppetto: Oh, to learn things and get smart.

    Pinocchio: Why?

    Geppetto: [starts to fall asleep] Because.

    Pinocchio: Oh.

  • Jiminy Cricket: [guietly] Toodle-oo, Stromboli.

    Pinocchio: Goodbye, Mr Stromb...

    Jiminy Cricket: Shhh! Quiet! Let's get out of here before something else happens.

  • Lampwick: [picks up Jiminy] Hey, who's the beetle?

    Jiminy Cricket: Let go! Put me down!

    Pinocchio: He's my conscience. He tells me what's right and wrong.

    Lampwick: What? You mean to tell me you take orders from a grasshopper?

    Jiminy Cricket: Grasshopper? Look here, you - you impudent young pup! It wouldn't hurt you to take orders from your grasshop - er, your conscience, if you have one!

  • Pinocchio: [having been 'fished' up into the boat by Geppetto] Hey, Father! Father!

    Geppetto: Don't bother me now, Pinocchio!

    [then he realizes]

    Geppetto: What? Pinocchio?

    Pinocchio: Father!

    Geppetto: Pinocchio!

  • Pinocchio: Father, whatcha crying for?

    [Geppetto hears him, but his mind doesn't get the message]

    Geppetto: Because... you're dead, Pinocchio.

    Pinocchio: No! No, I'm not.

    Geppetto: Yes. Yes, you are. Now, lie down...

    Pinocchio: But father, I'm alive. See?

    [Looks at himself]

    Pinocchio: And... and I'm... I'm real. I'm a real boy!

    [THAT makes Geppetto look up]

    Geppetto: You're alive! And... and you are a real boy!

  • Geppetto: [Inside Monstro the whale] Get out? Oh, no, no, son. I have tried every way. Why, I even built a raft.

    Pinocchio: [noticing it] A raft? That's it! We'll take the raft. And when the whale opens his mouth...

    Geppetto: No, no, no, no. Now listen, son. He only opens his mouth when he's eating. Then everything comes in; nothing goes out.

    Pinocchio: Oh.

    Geppetto: It's hopeless, Pinocchio. Come, we'll make a nice fire and we cook some of the fish.

    Pinocchio: A fire? That's it!

    Geppetto: Yes, and then we'll all eat again.

    Pinocchio: A great big fire; lots of smoke!

    Geppetto: Smoke? Oh, yes, sure. Smoked fish will taste good.

    Pinocchio: Quick, some wood!

    [grabs some pieces of wood and a wooden chair and places the wood in Geppetto's arms]

    Geppetto: Pinocchio, not the chair!

    Geppetto: Hurry, Father, more wood!

    [smashes the chair over a wooden barrel while Geppetto adds the wood pieces]

    Geppetto: But what'll we sit on?

    Pinocchio: We won't need it. We're getting out!

    [Grabs a lit lantern and smashes it over the pile of wood, causing a fire to start. He then adds a blanket to create smoke then promptly starts blowing and fanning on the smoke to force it up. The smoke curls upward toward the top of Monstro]

    Geppetto: Getting out? But how?

    Pinocchio: We'll make him sneeze!

    Geppetto: Make him sneeze? Oh, that will make him mad!

  • [Pinocchio, having heard that Geppetto is alive after being swallowed by Monstro, makes the bold decision to save him and takes off]

    Jiminy Cricket: Hey, where ya goin'?

    Pinocchio: I'm going to find him!

    Jiminy Cricket: [following after Pinocchio] But Pinocch, are you crazy? Don't you realize he's in a whale?

    Pinocchio: I've *gotta* go to him!

    Jiminy Cricket: [following after] Hey, Pinocch! Wait! Listen here, son!

    [Pinocchio just keeps going straight to a high cliff overlooking the ocean, Jiminy following all the way]

    Jiminy Cricket: But this Monstro, I've heard of him; he's a whale of a whale!

    [Pinocchio starts tying a rock to his donkey tail]

    Jiminy Cricket: Why, he swallows whole ships alive!

    [Hhelps tie Pinocchio's tail to the rock completely]

    Jiminy Cricket: Tie it good and tight now. And besides, it's dangerous! Why, I...

    Pinocchio: Good-bye, Jiminy.

    Jiminy Cricket: Good-bye? I may be live bait down there, but I'm with ya!

  • Geppetto: Oh, Pinocchio! How did you get down here?

    Pinocchio: I fell down.

    Geppetto: Oh, you did... Oh! You are talking!

    Pinocchio: Uh-huh.

    Geppetto: No! No. no, no!

    Pinocchio: Yes, and I can move too.

    Geppetto: No, no, you can't! I'm dreaming in my sleep! Oh, wake me up! Wake me up!

    [pours a pitcher of water over his head]

    Geppetto: Now we see who's dreaming. Go on, say something.

    Pinocchio: ...Gee, you're funny. Do it again!

    Geppetto: You *do* talk!

    Pinocchio: Yes! The Blue Fairy came.

    Geppetto: The Blue Fairy?

    Pinocchio: Uh-huh, and I got a conscience.

    Geppetto: A conscience?

    [Jiminy proudly points to himself]

    Pinocchio: And someday, I'm gonna be a real boy!

    Geppetto: A real boy! It's my wish! It's come true!

  • Foulfellow: [Picks up Pinocchio's schoolbook and apple, which he eats] Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. Look, Giddy. A man of letters. Here's your book

    [hands book to Pinocchio]

    Pinocchio: I'm going to school.

    Foulfellow: School. Ah, yes. Then perhaps you haven't heard of the easy road to success.

    Pinocchio: Uh-uh.

    Foulfellow: No? I'm speaking, my boy, of the theater! Here's your apple.

    [Hands Pinocchio the apple, eaten down to the core]

    Foulfellow: Bright lights, music, applause! Fame!

    [Wiggles eyebrows]

    Pinocchio: Fame?

    [Wiggles eyebrows too]

    Foulfellow: Yes! And with that personality, that profile, that physique... why, he's a natural-born actor, eh, Giddy?

    Pinocchio: But I'm going...

    Foulfellow: ...straight to the top! Why, I can see your name in lights, lights six feet high! Uh... what is your name?

    Pinocchio: Pinocchio.

    Foulfellow: Pinocchio! P-I-N... er, U-O... Uh, er...


    Foulfellow: We're wasting precious time. Come. On to the theater!

  • Jiminy Cricket: Now, you see, the world is full of temptations.

    Pinocchio: Temptations?

    Jiminy Cricket: Yep, temptations. They're the wrong things that seem right at the time... but... uh... even though the right things may seem wrong sometimes, or sometimes the wrong things...


    Jiminy Cricket: may be right at the wrong time, or visa versa.

    Jiminy Cricket: [clears throat] Understand?

    Pinocchio: [Shakes his head] Uh-uh. But I'm gonna do right.

    Jiminy Cricket: Atta boy, Pinoke! And I'm gonna help ya.

  • Pinocchio: [looking for Geppetto, who has been swallowed by Monstro the whale] Father!

    Jiminy Cricket: Father! Huh? He ain't *my* father. Uh, Mr. Geppetto!

  • Jiminy Cricket: All right, then, here's what we'll tell 'em. You can't go to the theater. Say thank you just the same - you're sorry, but you've got to go to school.

    Pinocchio: Mmm-hmm.

    Foulfellow: Pinocchio! Oh, Pinocchio! Woo-hoo!

    Jiminy Cricket: Here they come, Pinoke. Now, you tell 'em.

    Foulfellow: Woo hoo! Oh, little boy! Ah, there you are. Where were we? Ah, yes. On to the theater!

    Pinocchio: Good-bye, Jiminy! Good-bye!

    Jiminy Cricket: Good-bye? Huh? Good-bye?

    [Sees Pinocchio going off with Foulfellow and Gideon]

    Jiminy Cricket: Hey, Pinoke! You can't go...! There he goes. What'll I do? I'll run and tell his father. No, that'd be snitching. I'll go after him myself.

  • Foulfellow: [he and Gideon have "diagnosed" Pinocchio's "condition"] My boy, you are *allergic.*

    Pinocchio: Allergic?

    Foulfellow: Yes, and there is only one cure: a vacation on Pleasure Island!

    Pinocchio: Pleasure Island?

    Foulfellow: Yes!

    [ge and Gideon dance]

    Foulfellow: That happy land of carefree boys, where every day's a holiday!

    Pinocchio: [leaving] But I can't go. I...

    Foulfellow: [he and Gideon stop him] Why, of course you can go. I'm giving you my ticket.

    [he produces an ace of spades card and gives it to Pinocchio]

    Foulfellow: Here.

    Pinocchio: Thanks. But I...

    Foulfellow: No, tut-tut-tut, I insist: your health comes first.

    [he and Gideon grab Pinocchio and escort him away]

    Foulfellow: Come, the coach departs at midnight!

    [he sings the Pleasure Island rendition of "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee" as they escort Pinocchio away]

  • Pinocchio: [of Lampwick] Don't hurt him, Jiminy. He's my best friend.

    Jiminy Cricket: [outraged] Your *best friend*? And what am *I*? Just your conscience? Okay! That settles it!

  • The Blue Fairy: Little puppet made of pine, awake. The gift of life is thine.

    [She touches her wand to Pinocchio who wakes and begins to move]

    Jiminy Cricket: Whew! What they can't do these days!

    Pinocchio: I can move!

    [covers his mouth]

    Pinocchio: I can talk!

    [stands as the Blue Fairy chuckles]

    Pinocchio: I can walk!

    [falls back down clumsily]

    The Blue Fairy: Yes, Pinocchio. I've given you life.

    Pinocchio: Why?

    The Blue Fairy: Because tonight, Geppetto wished for a real boy.

    Pinocchio: Am I a real boy?

    The Blue Fairy: No, Pinocchio. To make Geppetto's wish come true will be entirely up to you.

    Pinocchio: Up to me?

    The Blue Fairy: Prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish, and someday you *will* be a real boy.

  • Stromboli: [shuts Pinocchio up in a cage] There! This will be your home - where I can find you always!

    Pinocchio: No, no, no!

    Stromboli: Yes, yes, yes! To me, you are a belonging. We will tour the world: Paris, London, Monte Carlo, Constantinopolee.

    Pinocchio: No, no!

    Stromboli: [bangs his fist on the table] YES! We start TONIGHT!

    [stuffs money into a bag]

    Stromboli: You will make lots of money...

    [stuffs the bag into his cummerbund]

    Stromboli: For me!

    [picks up a hatchet]

    Stromboli: And when you are growing too old, you will make good firewood!

    [throws the hatchet into a stack of firewood that also contains a worn-out puppet]

    Stromboli: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

    Pinocchio: Let me out of here! I'm gonna get out! You can't keep me...!

    Stromboli: QUIET! Shut up before I *knock* you silly!

    [blows a kiss]

    Stromboli: Good night, my little wooden goldmine! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

  • Lampwick: Huh! To hear that beetle talk you'd think somethin' was gonna happen to us.

    [Donkey ears pop out of Lampwick's head; Pinocchio's eyes widen]

    Lampwick: Conscience! Aw, phooey!

    [a tail pops out of the seat of Lampwick's pants; Pinocchio puts down the cigar he has been smoking]

    Lampwick: Wheres he get that stuff? "How do you ever expect to be a real boy?" What's he think I look like?

    [Now his head is that of a donkey]

    Lampwick: A jackass?

    Pinocchio: You sure do! Ha-ha, Hee-haw!

    Lampwick: [as Pinocchio covers his mouth shocked] Hey, you laugh like a donkey. Ha-ha Hee-haw!


    Lampwick: Did that come outta me?

    [Pinocchio nods; Lampwick starts feeling his face and notices the changes]

    Lampwick: Oh!

    [He raises his arms a little higher and notices his ears]

    Lampwick: Huh? What the...

    [noticing his tail]

    Lampwick: What's going on?

    [He looks in the mirror and sees that he is turning into a donkey]

    Lampwick: AAAAHH! I've been double-crossed! Help! Help! Somebody, help! I've been framed! Help!

    [Gets down on his knees and begs Pinocchio for help]

    Lampwick: Please, you gotta help me. Be a pal! Call that beetle. Call anybody!

    [Lampwick's hands turn into hooves]

    Lampwick: Mama! Maaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaa! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

  • The Blue Fairy: Pinocchio, why didn't you go to school?

    Jiminy Cricket: [Pinocchio looks up at him] Go ahead. Tell her.

    Pinocchio: I was going to school 'til I met somebody.

    The Blue Fairy: Met somebody?

    Pinocchio: Yeah, two big monsters, with big green eyes!

    [His nose grows a little]

    Pinocchio: Why, I...

    The Blue Fairy: Monsters? Weren't you afraid?

    Pinocchio: No, ma'am, but they tied me in a big sack.

    [His nose grows a little more and sprouts leaves]

    The Blue Fairy: You don't say? And where was Sir Jiminy?

    Pinocchio: Huh? Oh, Jiminy?

    Pinocchio: [Jumps in front of Pinocchio] Psst! Leave me out of this.

    Pinocchio: They put him in a little sack.

    [His nose grows even more, taking Jiminy along with it]

    The Blue Fairy: No!

    Pinocchio: Yeah!

    [His nose sprouts flowers]

    The Blue Fairy: How did you escape?

    Pinocchio: I didn't - they chopped me into firewood!

    [His nose grows again, and a nest with baby birds sprouts at the end of it]

    Pinocchio: Oh, look! My nose! What's happened?

    The Blue Fairy: Perhaps you haven't been telling the truth, Pinocchio.

    Jiminy Cricket: Perhaps?

    Pinocchio: Oh, but I have! Every single word!

    [the branch with the nest on his nose whithers, and the birds fly away, whistling]

  • Pinocchio: Life would be great if kids were more like us.

    Scamboli: Hmm, you've got a good point Pinocchio. I couldn't agree with you more.

  • Geppetto: Now just be yourself at school. School bag. And listen to what your teacher says.

    [the robot arm puts the backpack on Pinocchio]

    Spencer: Calm down doc. Now remember chew your food ten times before you speak.

    Pinocchio: But robots don't eat.

    Geppetto: Don't mix them up with your sayings Spencer. Doesn't my son look good?

    [Geppetto hugs Pinocchio]

    Spencer: Say cheese.

    [Spencer takes the picture with his digital camera eye]

    Geppetto: Hurry you're going to be late.

    [They walk out the front door outside]

    Pinocchio: Bye dad.

    [Pinocchio waves goodbye and walks to school with Spencer the Penguin]

    Geppetto: My son in school.

    House: You should be proud Mr. Geppetto.

  • La Volpe: [Describing his plan to swindle Pinocchio out of his gold coins] You'll find there a beautiful big oak tree, except instead of green leaves you'll see thousands of pieces of gold growing there.

    Pinocchio: Oh how wonderful, but is it really true?

    La Volpe: Why of course.

    Il Gatto: Of course!

    La Volpe: Of course it's true, do I look like someone who tells lies?

    Il Gatto: Of course!

    [Volpe hits him his cane]

    Il Gatto: Ow!, I mean no, no, no!

Browse more character quotes from Shrek (2001)