Pinocchio Quotes in Shrek (2001)
[Shrek, his swamp filled with fairytale creatures, glares at Donkey]
Donkey: Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invite them!
Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us!
Pinocchio: We were forced to come here!
Shrek: By who?
Little Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed... and he signed an eviction notice.
Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!
Captain of Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
[the Toons gather around Judge Doom's remains]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh, I wonder who he really was?
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf: Or a... sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
Sylvester: Or a pussy.
Shrek: Quick, tell a lie!
Pinocchio: What should I say?
Donkey: Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!"
Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies underwear.
Shrek: Are you?
Pinocchio: I most certainly am not!
Pinocchio: [nose extends]
Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are!
Pinocchio: I am not!
Pinocchio: [nose extends]
Puss-in-Boots: What kind?
Gingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!
[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]
Princess Fiona: Oh, Dad...
Pinocchio: Is he... oh...
[there's a "ribbit"]
Gingerbread Man: He croaked...
[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]
Princess Fiona: ...Dad?
King: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...
Donkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!
King: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?
[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]
King: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...
Queen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...
Pinocchio: I'm a real boy!
Gingerbread Man: I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears! Flip over to Wheel of Torture.
Pinocchio: I'm not flipping anywhere, Sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.
Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! So tell me puppet... where... is... Shrek?
Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not
Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably
Prince Charming: Stop it!
Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was
[Pigs and Gingerbread Man begin singing]
Pinocchio: That'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.
Donkey: Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
Gingerbread Man: Ew! This is worse than Love Letters. I hate dinner theater.
Pinocchio: Me too.
[his nose grows]
Pinocchio: [to Gepetto] How about carving me a girlfriend?
Pinocchio: Miracles are made in the heart papa.
Pinocchio: [riding The Big One; thinking] A real boy. I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy!
Lampwick: [to Pinocchio] Hey, Woody, you ever get termites?
Pinocchio: What are termites?
Saleo: They're bugs.
Pinocchio: I like bugs.
Lampwick: Not these kind, you don't.
Saleo: They eat wood like you.
[he kicks Pinocchio in the leg]
Pepe: [to Pinocchio] Say, do you always squish someone before being formally introduced?
Pinocchio: Are... Are you a termite?
Pepe: Oh, puh-lease!
Pinocchio: So you're not gonna eat me?
Pepe: Thanks for the offer, but I'm on a low-wood diet. Let me introduce myself. The name is... Pugnacio Elecuzio P. Elegante. Gimme a "P", an "E", a "P", an "E", put 'em all together and call me... Pepe!
Pepe: You don't like it?
Pinocchio: It's okay.
Pepe: I'm very sensitive, you know.
Pinocchio: No, it's... it's fine.
Pepe: We can't all be called Pinocchio.
Pinocchio: [Pinocchio is in the forest] Smell that pine.
Pepe: You know, they ought to bottle that scent so you can spray it around your house.
Pinocchio: [in the forest] This is where I belong.
Pepe: You know, I prefer the beach myself, but property there is so expensive.
Geppetto: Say hello to Figaro.
Pinocchio: Hello to Figaro.
Geppetto: [waking up to a loud crashing noise] Who's there?
Pinocchio: It's me.
Geppetto: [relieved] Oh, it's me.
[starts to lie back down, then suddenly sits up boltright]
Geppetto: Huh? Shhh! Figaro, there's somebody in here!
Jiminy Cricket: [pointing to Honest John] Remember what I said about temptations? That's him.
Pinocchio: Oh, no, Jiminy. That's Mr. Honest John.
Jiminy Cricket: [shocked] Honest John?
The Blue Fairy: You must learn to choose between right and wrong.
Pinocchio: Right and wrong? But how will I know?
Jiminy Cricket: [watching] How'll he know!
The Blue Fairy: [to Pinocchio] Your conscience will tell you.
Pinocchio: What's a conscience?
Jiminy Cricket: What's a conscience! I'll tell ya! A conscience is that still small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today...
Pinocchio: Are you my conscience?
Jiminy Cricket: Who, me?
Pinocchio: I'd rather be smart than be an actor.
Geppetto: Now close your eyes and go to sleep.
Geppetto: Everybody has to sleep. Figaro goes to sleep - and Cleo - and besides, tomorrow, you've got to go to school.
Geppetto: Oh, to learn things and get smart.
Geppetto: [starts to fall asleep] Because.
Jiminy Cricket: [guietly] Toodle-oo, Stromboli.
Pinocchio: Goodbye, Mr Stromb...
Jiminy Cricket: Shhh! Quiet! Let's get out of here before something else happens.
Lampwick: [picks up Jiminy] Hey, who's the beetle?
Jiminy Cricket: Let go! Put me down!
Pinocchio: He's my conscience. He tells me what's right and wrong.
Lampwick: What? You mean to tell me you take orders from a grasshopper?
Jiminy Cricket: Grasshopper? Look here, you - you impudent young pup! It wouldn't hurt you to take orders from your grasshop - er, your conscience, if you have one!
Pinocchio: [having been 'fished' up into the boat by Geppetto] Hey, Father! Father!
Geppetto: Don't bother me now, Pinocchio!
[then he realizes]
Geppetto: What? Pinocchio?
Pinocchio: Father, whatcha crying for?
[Geppetto hears him, but his mind doesn't get the message]
Geppetto: Because... you're dead, Pinocchio.
Pinocchio: No! No, I'm not.
Geppetto: Yes. Yes, you are. Now, lie down...
Pinocchio: But father, I'm alive. See?
[Looks at himself]
Pinocchio: And... and I'm... I'm real. I'm a real boy!
[THAT makes Geppetto look up]
Geppetto: You're alive! And... and you are a real boy!
Geppetto: [Inside Monstro the whale] Get out? Oh, no, no, son. I have tried every way. Why, I even built a raft.
Pinocchio: [noticing it] A raft? That's it! We'll take the raft. And when the whale opens his mouth...
Geppetto: No, no, no, no. Now listen, son. He only opens his mouth when he's eating. Then everything comes in; nothing goes out.
Geppetto: It's hopeless, Pinocchio. Come, we'll make a nice fire and we cook some of the fish.
Pinocchio: A fire? That's it!
Geppetto: Yes, and then we'll all eat again.
Pinocchio: A great big fire; lots of smoke!
Geppetto: Smoke? Oh, yes, sure. Smoked fish will taste good.
Pinocchio: Quick, some wood!
[grabs some pieces of wood and a wooden chair and places the wood in Geppetto's arms]
Geppetto: Pinocchio, not the chair!
Geppetto: Hurry, Father, more wood!
[smashes the chair over a wooden barrel while Geppetto adds the wood pieces]
Geppetto: But what'll we sit on?
Pinocchio: We won't need it. We're getting out!
[Grabs a lit lantern and smashes it over the pile of wood, causing a fire to start. He then adds a blanket to create smoke then promptly starts blowing and fanning on the smoke to force it up. The smoke curls upward toward the top of Monstro]
Geppetto: Getting out? But how?
Pinocchio: We'll make him sneeze!
Geppetto: Make him sneeze? Oh, that will make him mad!
[Pinocchio, having heard that Geppetto is alive after being swallowed by Monstro, makes the bold decision to save him and takes off]
Jiminy Cricket: Hey, where ya goin'?
Pinocchio: I'm going to find him!
Jiminy Cricket: [following after Pinocchio] But Pinocch, are you crazy? Don't you realize he's in a whale?
Pinocchio: I've *gotta* go to him!
Jiminy Cricket: [following after] Hey, Pinocch! Wait! Listen here, son!
[Pinocchio just keeps going straight to a high cliff overlooking the ocean, Jiminy following all the way]
Jiminy Cricket: But this Monstro, I've heard of him; he's a whale of a whale!
[Pinocchio starts tying a rock to his donkey tail]
Jiminy Cricket: Why, he swallows whole ships alive!
[Hhelps tie Pinocchio's tail to the rock completely]
Jiminy Cricket: Tie it good and tight now. And besides, it's dangerous! Why, I...
Pinocchio: Good-bye, Jiminy.
Jiminy Cricket: Good-bye? I may be live bait down there, but I'm with ya!
Geppetto: Oh, Pinocchio! How did you get down here?
Pinocchio: I fell down.
Geppetto: Oh, you did... Oh! You are talking!
Geppetto: No! No. no, no!
Pinocchio: Yes, and I can move too.
Geppetto: No, no, you can't! I'm dreaming in my sleep! Oh, wake me up! Wake me up!
[pours a pitcher of water over his head]
Geppetto: Now we see who's dreaming. Go on, say something.
Pinocchio: ...Gee, you're funny. Do it again!
Geppetto: You *do* talk!
Pinocchio: Yes! The Blue Fairy came.
Geppetto: The Blue Fairy?
Pinocchio: Uh-huh, and I got a conscience.
Geppetto: A conscience?
[Jiminy proudly points to himself]
Pinocchio: And someday, I'm gonna be a real boy!
Geppetto: A real boy! It's my wish! It's come true!
Foulfellow: [Picks up Pinocchio's schoolbook and apple, which he eats] Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. Look, Giddy. A man of letters. Here's your book
[hands book to Pinocchio]
Pinocchio: I'm going to school.
Foulfellow: School. Ah, yes. Then perhaps you haven't heard of the easy road to success.
Foulfellow: No? I'm speaking, my boy, of the theater! Here's your apple.
[Hands Pinocchio the apple, eaten down to the core]
Foulfellow: Bright lights, music, applause! Fame!
[Wiggles eyebrows too]
Foulfellow: Yes! And with that personality, that profile, that physique... why, he's a natural-born actor, eh, Giddy?
Pinocchio: But I'm going...
Foulfellow: ...straight to the top! Why, I can see your name in lights, lights six feet high! Uh... what is your name?
Foulfellow: Pinocchio! P-I-N... er, U-O... Uh, er...
Foulfellow: We're wasting precious time. Come. On to the theater!
Jiminy Cricket: Now, you see, the world is full of temptations.
Jiminy Cricket: Yep, temptations. They're the wrong things that seem right at the time... but... uh... even though the right things may seem wrong sometimes, or sometimes the wrong things...
Jiminy Cricket: may be right at the wrong time, or visa versa.
Jiminy Cricket: [clears throat] Understand?
Pinocchio: [Shakes his head] Uh-uh. But I'm gonna do right.
Jiminy Cricket: Atta boy, Pinoke! And I'm gonna help ya.
Pinocchio: [looking for Geppetto, who has been swallowed by Monstro the whale] Father!
Jiminy Cricket: Father! Huh? He ain't *my* father. Uh, Mr. Geppetto!
Jiminy Cricket: All right, then, here's what we'll tell 'em. You can't go to the theater. Say thank you just the same - you're sorry, but you've got to go to school.
Foulfellow: Pinocchio! Oh, Pinocchio! Woo-hoo!
Jiminy Cricket: Here they come, Pinoke. Now, you tell 'em.
Foulfellow: Woo hoo! Oh, little boy! Ah, there you are. Where were we? Ah, yes. On to the theater!
Pinocchio: Good-bye, Jiminy! Good-bye!
Jiminy Cricket: Good-bye? Huh? Good-bye?
[Sees Pinocchio going off with Foulfellow and Gideon]
Jiminy Cricket: Hey, Pinoke! You can't go...! There he goes. What'll I do? I'll run and tell his father. No, that'd be snitching. I'll go after him myself.
Foulfellow: [he and Gideon have "diagnosed" Pinocchio's "condition"] My boy, you are *allergic.*
Foulfellow: Yes, and there is only one cure: a vacation on Pleasure Island!
Pinocchio: Pleasure Island?
[ge and Gideon dance]
Foulfellow: That happy land of carefree boys, where every day's a holiday!
Pinocchio: [leaving] But I can't go. I...
Foulfellow: [he and Gideon stop him] Why, of course you can go. I'm giving you my ticket.
[he produces an ace of spades card and gives it to Pinocchio]
Pinocchio: Thanks. But I...
Foulfellow: No, tut-tut-tut, I insist: your health comes first.
[he and Gideon grab Pinocchio and escort him away]
Foulfellow: Come, the coach departs at midnight!
[he sings the Pleasure Island rendition of "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee" as they escort Pinocchio away]
Pinocchio: [of Lampwick] Don't hurt him, Jiminy. He's my best friend.
Jiminy Cricket: [outraged] Your *best friend*? And what am *I*? Just your conscience? Okay! That settles it!
The Blue Fairy: Little puppet made of pine, awake. The gift of life is thine.
[She touches her wand to Pinocchio who wakes and begins to move]
Jiminy Cricket: Whew! What they can't do these days!
Pinocchio: I can move!
[covers his mouth]
Pinocchio: I can talk!
[stands as the Blue Fairy chuckles]
Pinocchio: I can walk!
[falls back down clumsily]
The Blue Fairy: Yes, Pinocchio. I've given you life.
The Blue Fairy: Because tonight, Geppetto wished for a real boy.
Pinocchio: Am I a real boy?
The Blue Fairy: No, Pinocchio. To make Geppetto's wish come true will be entirely up to you.
Pinocchio: Up to me?
The Blue Fairy: Prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish, and someday you *will* be a real boy.
Stromboli: [shuts Pinocchio up in a cage] There! This will be your home - where I can find you always!
Pinocchio: No, no, no!
Stromboli: Yes, yes, yes! To me, you are a belonging. We will tour the world: Paris, London, Monte Carlo, Constantinopolee.
Pinocchio: No, no!
Stromboli: [bangs his fist on the table] YES! We start TONIGHT!
[stuffs money into a bag]
Stromboli: You will make lots of money...
[stuffs the bag into his cummerbund]
Stromboli: For me!
[picks up a hatchet]
Stromboli: And when you are growing too old, you will make good firewood!
[throws the hatchet into a stack of firewood that also contains a worn-out puppet]
Stromboli: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Pinocchio: Let me out of here! I'm gonna get out! You can't keep me...!
Stromboli: QUIET! Shut up before I *knock* you silly!
[blows a kiss]
Stromboli: Good night, my little wooden goldmine! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Lampwick: Huh! To hear that beetle talk you'd think somethin' was gonna happen to us.
[Donkey ears pop out of Lampwick's head; Pinocchio's eyes widen]
Lampwick: Conscience! Aw, phooey!
[a tail pops out of the seat of Lampwick's pants; Pinocchio puts down the cigar he has been smoking]
Lampwick: Wheres he get that stuff? "How do you ever expect to be a real boy?" What's he think I look like?
[Now his head is that of a donkey]
Lampwick: A jackass?
Pinocchio: You sure do! Ha-ha, Hee-haw!
Lampwick: [as Pinocchio covers his mouth shocked] Hey, you laugh like a donkey. Ha-ha Hee-haw!
Lampwick: Did that come outta me?
[Pinocchio nods; Lampwick starts feeling his face and notices the changes]
[He raises his arms a little higher and notices his ears]
Lampwick: Huh? What the...
[noticing his tail]
Lampwick: What's going on?
[He looks in the mirror and sees that he is turning into a donkey]
Lampwick: AAAAHH! I've been double-crossed! Help! Help! Somebody, help! I've been framed! Help!
[Gets down on his knees and begs Pinocchio for help]
Lampwick: Please, you gotta help me. Be a pal! Call that beetle. Call anybody!
[Lampwick's hands turn into hooves]
Lampwick: Mama! Maaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaa! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
The Blue Fairy: Pinocchio, why didn't you go to school?
Jiminy Cricket: [Pinocchio looks up at him] Go ahead. Tell her.
Pinocchio: I was going to school 'til I met somebody.
The Blue Fairy: Met somebody?
Pinocchio: Yeah, two big monsters, with big green eyes!
[His nose grows a little]
Pinocchio: Why, I...
The Blue Fairy: Monsters? Weren't you afraid?
Pinocchio: No, ma'am, but they tied me in a big sack.
[His nose grows a little more and sprouts leaves]
The Blue Fairy: You don't say? And where was Sir Jiminy?
Pinocchio: Huh? Oh, Jiminy?
Pinocchio: [Jumps in front of Pinocchio] Psst! Leave me out of this.
Pinocchio: They put him in a little sack.
[His nose grows even more, taking Jiminy along with it]
The Blue Fairy: No!
[His nose sprouts flowers]
The Blue Fairy: How did you escape?
Pinocchio: I didn't - they chopped me into firewood!
[His nose grows again, and a nest with baby birds sprouts at the end of it]
Pinocchio: Oh, look! My nose! What's happened?
The Blue Fairy: Perhaps you haven't been telling the truth, Pinocchio.
Jiminy Cricket: Perhaps?
Pinocchio: Oh, but I have! Every single word!
[the branch with the nest on his nose whithers, and the birds fly away, whistling]
Pinocchio: Life would be great if kids were more like us.
Scamboli: Hmm, you've got a good point Pinocchio. I couldn't agree with you more.
Geppetto: Now just be yourself at school. School bag. And listen to what your teacher says.
[the robot arm puts the backpack on Pinocchio]
Spencer: Calm down doc. Now remember chew your food ten times before you speak.
Pinocchio: But robots don't eat.
Geppetto: Don't mix them up with your sayings Spencer. Doesn't my son look good?
[Geppetto hugs Pinocchio]
Spencer: Say cheese.
[Spencer takes the picture with his digital camera eye]
Geppetto: Hurry you're going to be late.
[They walk out the front door outside]
Pinocchio: Bye dad.
[Pinocchio waves goodbye and walks to school with Spencer the Penguin]
Geppetto: My son in school.
House: You should be proud Mr. Geppetto.
La Volpe: [Describing his plan to swindle Pinocchio out of his gold coins] You'll find there a beautiful big oak tree, except instead of green leaves you'll see thousands of pieces of gold growing there.
Pinocchio: Oh how wonderful, but is it really true?
La Volpe: Why of course.
Il Gatto: Of course!
La Volpe: Of course it's true, do I look like someone who tells lies?
Il Gatto: Of course!
[Volpe hits him his cane]
Il Gatto: Ow!, I mean no, no, no!
Browse more character quotes from Shrek (2001)