Phyllis Quotes in Troop Beverly Hills (1989)

Phyllis: I may be a beginner at some things, but I've got a black belt in shopping!

Velda: You call this roughing it?

Phyllis: One bathroom for nine people? Yes.

[the Red Feathers, including Velda's daughter Cleo, abandon an injured Velda in order to win]

Velda: CLEO! I was in labor with you for 17 hours! I bought you your first tricy... I have patches, girls! I can get you into West Point.

[the Red Feathers disappear into the distance]

Velda: YOU LITTLE BITCHES!

[Velda's scream is so loud that Troop Beverly Hills happens to hear it]

Tessa DiBlasio: Oh, my god. What's that?

Phyllis: Don't worry, it's probably just one of nature's beasts.

Velda: [shouts] Ingrates! I hate children! I hate them!

Phyllis: [Realizes who the voice is] Yup! It's a beast, all right. Move out.

Phyllis: Oh, what glorious patches!

Jamie: Thank you, ma'am.

Phyllis: Where can I buy them?

Cleo: Ma'am, you don't buy them, you earn them.

Phyllis: Oh! Like jewelry!

Phyllis: You never give me credit for anything I do.

Freddy: That's because you never do anything!

Phyllis: Her recommendations for a campsite were totally unsuitable. There were no outlets. And there was dirt, and bugs, and... and it rains there. So anyway, we've found a place that's much more us: the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Annie: You can't put wine in Hobo stew!

Phyllis: Why not? What goes better with Hobos than wine?

Hannah: Why don't you guys just kiss and make up? That way, I won't end up in therapy twice a week, like Tessa!

Freddy: Honey, you'll be much less neurotic if your parents are happily divorced, rather than unhappily married.

Phyllis: Thank you, Phil Donahue.

Freddy: I saw it on Oprah!

Phyllis: It was a cold and rainy day in March. I went to Kristoff's where I usually get my hair done but Kristoff wasn't there. He had mysteriously disappeared. In his place was a stranger named Rinaldo. I'll never forget him. His eyes were steely gray. His hands were like ice. He said, "I'll streak your hair and I'll give you a body wave." He worked very fast and then, as he turned my chair around to face the mirror, I saw it. He permed me!

Tessa DiBlasio: [Stomping out Phyllis's cigarette ash] Mrs. Nefler! We're above the fire line! And you shouldn't smoke, it's bad for you. And it conceals neurosis you should deal with yourself.

Lily Marcigan: Smokey Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires."

Phyllis: Well, Smokey Bear isn't going through a horribly mess divorce!

Velda: Get your damn car out of my friendship ring.

Phyllis: Hi, Vel. Lovely to see you too.

Velda: Okay, fine! On your marks! Get Set! Go!

[Fires into the air, causing a crow to fall to the ground]

Everyone: EWWWWWW!

Phyllis: What an adventure! Isn't nature fabulous, girls?

[the girls suddenly run ahead of her]

Phyllis: Oh, good spirits, Tiffany! Good spirits, girls! A few positive words for me and they get their second run.

[Looks behind and sees the skunk that is coming after them]

Phyllis: AH!

[Runs after the girls]

[the girls have made a make-shift stretcher using some of their backpacks to carry Velda]

Phyllis: I knew I could count on you girls to do the right thing.

Velda: Oh, stop, or I'll bust out crying. I knew I could count on you *losers* to do the wimpy thing.

Phyllis: You need your rest.

Freddy: You had so much energy, you were so creative, I couldn't wait to see what you'd do with it. And see, now I know what you did with it. You Went Shopping!

Phyllis: Hey, I went shopping, Buster, to furnish your perfect house, to build your perfect image, to be your perfect Beverly Hills wife!

Phyllis: The parents here are so self involved. Shit, I broke a nail!

Phyllis: That just frosts my cookies!

Phyllis: This dance is called "The Freddie." I know, I know. Life is so ironic.

Jerry: Don't analyze me, Phyllis, okay? You know, many have tried and all have failed. My brain doesn't fit the usual id-ego-superego model!

Phyllis: No, you have the only brain with three ids.

Phyllis: If you'd just relax and stop clenching your fists.

Jerry: I can't unclench when there's turbulence. You know, I am an atheist.

Jerry: In life I have a terrible voice, but when I'm soaping myself under hot water, I sound just like Eartha Kitt.

Hayley: You look strange.

Jerry: Phyllis, I'm having... there's a psychological term for this. I'm having a breakthrough or an epiphany. What is the term for what I'm having?

Phyllis: A death wish.

Jerry: I see New York. I see Vienna Opera House. I see Paris.

Phyllis: All in the shower?

Jerry: Yes. They love it that he sings in the shower. They identify. You know, he's going to be the most popular opera singer in the world.

Phyllis: Certainly the cleanest.

Phyllis: Hm?

Carter Webb: I didn't say anything.

Carter Webb: What is it?

Phyllis: It's possible, I think maybe, my toilet might be stopped up

Carter Webb: Maybe? What's the variable?

Phyllis: Water is running over the top. The carpet is all wet!

Carter Webb: Well I'll take a look, first I just gotta stop off at my room and kill myself!

Phyllis: Carter, I'm 133 years old.

Carter Webb: Grandma, that's not possible.

Phyllis: Can you cook?

Carter Webb: A little.

Phyllis: I haven't eaten anything in 3 weeks.

Carter Webb: Really?

Phyllis: I had some pasta.

Phyllis: Who's Sofia?

Carter Webb: How did you know about that?

Phyllis: Uh, you kinda mutter in your sleep.

Carter Webb: What're you doing in my room when I'm sleeping?

Phyllis: That's a really good question.

Phyllis: I can't believe I'm still alive.

Phyllis: I'll be dead soon. And you'll still be alive. So stop complaining.

Phyllis: I don't think it's going to help our lawsuit if you continue to st... if you present the appearance of stalking him.

Hedwig: Yeah, you know I don't like that word.

Phyllis: I could have your job! Where's my fucking brooch?

Loomis: Is that our plane?

Phyllis: No, if it were our plane, it would be crashing.

Grimm: [sobbing] The man is an animal! Ripping out phones, urinating on desks... you see what he did to Ms. Cochran's shirt? There's a scratch here, I mean, it's not deep, but... it's there.

Phyllis: It's okay.

Chief Rotzinger: Did he hurt anybody else? Is the strain beginning to show on him?

Grimm: "If I could sleep ten days and nights in a rice paddy, I could certainly last in this lousy bank." This is what the animal said to us! He says to Ms. Cochran here:

[makes humping motions at Phyllis]

Grimm: "Baby! Up your butt with a coconut!" I think he was prepared to do it! Except I saw no coconut. He, uh, he had no coconut to my knowledge.

[shouting for a cab]

Loomis: Ten thousand dollars for a taxi!

Phyllis: And a blow job!

[Hispanic woman is shouting on a street corner]

Grimm: There must be alot of competition for that corner.

Phyllis: It's a good thing she's not too symbolic or anything.

Loomis: what does that mean anyway? Flores por el muerte?

Grimm: I sure couldn't tell ya'.

Phyllis: Aw, you know Grimm, it means flowers for the dead.

[shoots her an angry glare]

Loomis: Oh! We're all gonna die! We're a-a-a-ll gonna d-i-i-e!

[getting on a bus]

Phyllis: What's that smell?

Grimm: Used wine.

Phyllis: A real man? Who has to use a gun and hold people prisoner? You're not a man. You're a coward.

Hostage: She does not speak for the rest of us Mr. Clown. We think that you are quite brave and manly.

Phyllis: You big PUSSY! You're all a bunch of PUSSIES!

Grimm: I booked the eleven o'clock to Martinique.

Phyllis: Martinique?

Loomis: Martinique? But I don't know anything about Martinique.

Grimm: What did you know about Fiji?

Loomis: Well... nothing.

Phyllis: Honey, babe? You've got a gun - shoot them.

Grimm: I want to, but they're fur-bearing. I'd need some kind of permit, wouldn't I?

[to construction workers, sarcastically]

Grimm: You know, I want to thank you guys, you could've given us help, but you've given us so much more.

Street Sign Worker: [cheerfully] Hey, that's what we're here for, right?

[Loomis is driving the car backwards]

Phyllis: [sarcastically] Oh, we're REALLY making good time now.

Loomis: Now, we're going to find a familiar street soon.

Phyllis: I'd settle for a familiar borough.

Loomis: It was an accident, Phyllis.

Phyllis: Oh, you know? So was Chernobyl.

Grimm: True, but Loomis didn't irradiate anybody.

Phyllis: Great! We'll have to sail a raft to Fiji like Thor Heyerdahl!

Phyllis: [comforting Loomis] Nothing's your fault...

[hits Loomis]

Phyllis: ... except you honked the fucking horn.

Phyllis: To the God-damned AIRPORT!

Loomis: Whatta got? Shit in your ears?

Phyllis: You can go ahead and shoot us now!

Phyllis: Grimm, our plane takes off in 41 minutes.

Hal Edison: Quiet! No codes!

Phyllis: [nonchalantly plopping down in front of her mother's office desk after she's been out with some friends] Hi, mom! That trucker was a real cute dude, for a trucker. Like, I mean, he let me off in town, and I ran into Reggie, and so we buzzed around in his cruise-mobile over to Devil's Playground. Then we ran into these really grody airheads...

Phyllis: [noticing her mother's nicely cleaned and organized office desk] What happened here?

Brenda: [normal voice] Pick up your shit, sweetie.

Phyllis: [she didn't hear her, since she's wearing earphone] Huh?

Brenda: [shouting] Pick up your SHIT! This is an office... for customers!

Phyllis: Phyllis is flyin high!

Phyllis: and Phyllis is done doing!

Abe: I'm moving out.

Phyllis: Where are you gonna go?

Abe: Away. As far away as possible.

Phyllis: Do you need any money?

Abe: I have savings, I don't need anyone's help. I mean, like, mom, I'm...

Phyllis: Remember, I'm always here for you.

[she kisses him and starts to leave the room]

Abe: Mom?

Phyllis: Yes, honey?

Abe: Actually, you know, you never did pay up for my Backgammon winnings.

Phyllis: Oh. Well, I'll write you a check in the morning.

Abe: $845 as of October 4th.

Phyllis: You're always so good with dates and numbers. Hey, you wanna play a quick round, just for fun?

Abe: First, the check.

Phyllis: Can I pay you in installments?

Phyllis: Maybe you should go back into therapy.

Abe: Psychiatrists are idiots! The whole profession is a joke! I know my problems better than anyone and there's no solution.

Phyllis: Dr. Sonnenschein...

Abe: Dr. Sonnenschein's the biggest fucking idiot of them all!

Phyllis: He helped your father and me. He helped us with our marriage. Remember, we almost got a divorce.

Abe: You should have gotten divorced.

Marianne: He's the most sexual man I've ever known.

Phyllis: How many men have you known?

Marianne: Two.

[Why she is seeing the doctor:]

Phyllis: My soul needs a overhaul.

Jeffrey: I'm Jeffrey Byron III.

Phyllis: The third what?

Jeffrey: What they were making at the time. There won't be a fourth. We Byrons quit when we get it right.

Jeffrey: You're the most fascinating woman I've met in my entire life.

Phyllis: Yes, I know.

Phyllis: How was work today, Lucky? Unclog a few tubes?

Phyllis: What you and your kitties do in your own basket is none of my business.

Phyllis: I did notice your wedding ring!

Jeffrey: It's removable!

Phyllis: Does your wife know that?

Jeffrey: We can ask her. I came to spy on her.

Phyllis: Well, I haven't seen this much splendor since Bambi.

Phyllis: I love the sound of wet tyres - it reminds me of the movies.

Jeffrey: Smoke gets in your eyes.

Phyllis: Kern-Hammerstein.

Phyllis: Mr. Neff, why don't you drop by tomorrow evening about eight-thirty. He'll be in then.

Walter Neff: Who?

Phyllis: My husband. You were anxious to talk to him weren't you?

Walter Neff: Yeah, I was, but I'm sort of getting over the idea, if you know what I mean.

Phyllis: There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff. Forty-five miles an hour.

Walter Neff: How fast was I going, officer?

Phyllis: I'd say around ninety.

Walter Neff: Suppose you get down off your motorcycle and give me a ticket.

Phyllis: Suppose I let you off with a warning this time.

Walter Neff: Suppose it doesn't take.

Phyllis: Suppose I have to whack you over the knuckles.

Walter Neff: Suppose I bust out crying and put my head on your shoulder.

Phyllis: Suppose you try putting it on my husband's shoulder.

Walter Neff: That tears it.

Walter Neff: You'll be here too?

Phyllis: I guess so, I usually am.

Walter Neff: Same chair, same perfume, same anklet?

Phyllis: I wonder if I know what you mean.

Walter Neff: I wonder if you wonder.

Phyllis: Neff is the name, isn't it?

Walter Neff: Yeah. Two "F"s, like in Philadelphia, if you know the story.

Phyllis: What story?

Walter Neff: The Philadelphia Story.

Phyllis: We're both rotten.

Walter Neff: Only you're a little more rotten.

Phyllis: I think you're rotten.

Walter Neff: I think you're swell - so long as I'm not your husband.

Phyllis: Get out of here.

Walter Neff: You bet I'll get out of here, baby. I'll get out of here but quick.

Phyllis: I was just fixing some ice tea; would you like a glass?

Walter Neff: Yeah, unless you got a bottle of beer that's not working.

Phyllis: I'm a native Californian. Born right here in Los Angeles.

Walter Neff: They say all native Californians come from Iowa.

Phyllis: Do you make your own breakfast, Mr Neff?

Walter Neff: Well, I squeeze a grapefruit now and again.

George W. Taylor: [after not responding to Phyllis' long kiss] Did you have fun?

Phyllis: I've had more fun drinking a Bromo-Seltzer.

Phyllis: You know how they get you, these people... men... boys... They make you think they have secrets they will tell. But they have nothing to tell. And then they talk, and they talk talk talk and keep talking. And what do they say?

Gabriella: Nothing.

Phyllis: Right.

Gabriella: And then they smoke. And then they talk some more. And then that's that.

Phyllis: I have tried and tried and it is impossible to love her!

Pauline: Never thought I'd say this but I'm starting to miss not having the whole family at breakfast.

Phyllis: I can wake you up for family breakfast if you like.

Pauline: On second thought this is very nice.

[Phyllis is having her hair washed by Birdie as heart-throb Sebastian approaches;]

Phyllis: Why is it whenever he's around I'm all wet?

Birdie: In more ways than one.

Andrew: I've touched your wonderful body, now I wanted to see it. All of it!

Phyllis: How dare you even suggest such a thing? I am a nice jewish girl! My brother is a rabbi.

Andrew: Yeah, well, it's not your brothers body I want to look at, it's yours!