Philo Beddoe Quotes in Every Which Way But Loose (1978)

Cholla: You Philo Beddoe?

Philo Beddoe: Do I know you?

Cholla: You're gonna

Ma Boggs: [Ma has just learned of Philo and Orville's trip plans... turning to Philo] What're you gonna do with the baboon?

Philo Beddoe: Orangutan, Ma. Clyde's an orangutan.

Ma Boggs: [scoffs] Well, what's the difference?

Philo Beddoe: 12 ribs. Just like you and me.

Ma Boggs: [persistent] What're you gonna do with him?

Philo Beddoe: He's coming with me. Come on, Clyde!

[Clyde enters back of camper]

Ma Boggs: Well, when are you comin' back?

[turns to Orville and repeats same question]

Orville Boggs: Whenever it's time, Ma!

Ma Boggs: [shruggs, exasperated] It just don't seem right to leave an old lady alone. And what about my goddamn license?

[they drive off... to herself]

Ma Boggs: This is... it's just...

[walks off]

Ma Boggs: Twelve ribs... I don't believe any of that shit!

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [Philo takes Lynn back to her trailer after the attempt on them by Schuyler... Philo parks the truck and prepares to get out... Lynn stops him] Philo... I'm scared.

Philo Beddoe: Don't worry... I'm not going to let anything happen to you.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [crying] That's not what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid for Schuyler... please don't hurt him!

Philo Beddoe: Well, that sonofabitch tried to blow my head off and he didn't even care that you were sitting next to me!

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: That's just it! He was trying to scare you! He doesn't even know how to shoot!

Philo Beddoe: I sure as hell don't like the way he's trying to find out!

[At a diner, Frank and Elmo, members of the Black Widows, have bought a beer for Lynn, to which Philo "cheers" to them. Frank and Elmo walk towards Philo, Lynn, and Orville]

Philo Beddoe: That's mighty nice of you.

Elmo: [shows Philo his Widow tattoo] You see that?

Philo Beddoe: An arm?

Elmo: No, that!

Philo Beddoe: A tattoo?

Elmo: He don't know what this means.

Frank: [shows Orville his Widow tattoo] Do you see that?

Orville Boggs: [sneezes] Ah-choo! Oh, sorry.

Philo Beddoe: Two tattoos.

Elmo: Them's Black Widows.

Frank: Did you know that more people die from black widows than rattlers every year?

Orville Boggs: Is that right?

Frank: Yeah, that's right.

Orville Boggs: Well, listen, I sure do appreciate knowing that because most of the people I know just - puh - step on them and squish them

Frank: I don't need this cheap shit.

Philo Beddoe: Orville, that's no way to thank you two guys just bought us a beer. Why don't you get the check and I'll go outside and thank them properly

Elmo: Oh, okay.

[Philo is sanding off a motorcycle when Ma taps him with her cane]

Philo Beddoe: Cut it out, Clyde.

[Ma hits him with the cane; Philo notices it's Ma]

Philo Beddoe: Ma, what'd do that for?

Ma Boggs: I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes. Did you see Orville?

Philo Beddoe: Yeah, I've seen him.

Ma Boggs: Well, Orville tell ya what?

Philo Beddoe: Yeah, I'm sorry, Ma, about you missing your driver's test again.

Ma Boggs: Oh, that ain't the "What" what I mean.

Philo Beddoe: You mean Clyde? Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that too, Ma. He won't do it again, I promise you.

Ma Boggs: Well, what are you gonna do about it?

Philo Beddoe: What, the crap or the Oreos?

Ma Boggs: About Clyde, goddamn it! I don't have no privacy in my own home no more.

Philo Beddoe: Well I confronted about it, Ma, and I guarantee it won't happen again.

Ma Boggs: [walks towards Clyde] No privacy in your own home. A whole goddamn bag of Oreos!

[Clyde smooches Ma on the lips]

Ma Boggs: [disgusted] Ohh! Stop that, ya goddamn baboon. No respect! No privacy! No nothing!

[Philo walks up to Clyde, pointing an imaginary gun at him; Clyde, standing on a stump, raises his arms high]

Philo Beddoe: Bang!

[Clyde drops down on the stump]

[In Georgetown, Colorado, Philo walks up to Lynn's SUV, but she immediately takes off]

Philo Beddoe: Lynn!

Cholla: You Philo Beddoe?

Philo Beddoe: Do I know you?

Cholla: You're gonna.

[Philo walks down the alley towards Cholla, but then sees Woody and Dallas, the two widows who escaped Philo earlier in the valley; "Spaghetti Western" music plays]

Philo Beddoe: [notices Woody & Dallas] Yeah, last time I saw you two, you were going for a fast freight.

Dallas: Last time we saw you, you were dirt-diving in an alfalfa patch.

Woody: Philo Beddoe, your time has come.

Philo Beddoe: I'm not afraid of any man, but when it comes to sharing my feelings with a woman, my stomach turns to royal gelatin.

Tank Murdock: [upon seeing Philo's blood on his nose and lip after the confrontation with Lynn] Looks like you've had a go at it already. You sure that face won't hurt too much to fight?

Philo Beddoe: I ain't gonna be hitting you with my face.

Tank Murdock: [smiling kindly] That's funny. I like you. Don't worry kid, we're gonna get this over in a hurry and take care of you here. Where'd you hear of Tank Murdock before, kid?

Philo Beddoe: All around?

Tank Murdock: [smiling] Yeah?

Philo Beddoe: They say you're the best.

Tank Murdock: They do, huh? Well, let's get with it.

[Tank beckons Philo to throw the first blow, which he does]

Philo Beddoe: [upon learning about Schuyler and Lynn] What do you do? You hustle for him?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [hissing] You're just not too smart, are you? Why did you have to come? Why couldn't you quit like everybody else? You had to come chasing me and spoil it all!

Philo Beddoe: I guess I'm just not too smart, that's all. 'Cause up to now, I'm the only one dumb enough to want to take you further than your bed.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [slaps him hard] I HATE YOU!

[she slaps and punches him repeatedly]

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

[she collapses and cries, falling to the pavement... Philo glares at Schuyler, who has one hand in his jacket pocket, and walks off]

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [kissing a man outside the Zanzibar after the show] Like me?

[he kisses her]

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: Want me?

Harlan: Let's go.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: Harlan... I've got a friend. It's OK though. He won't mind. He might just want to come along.

Harlan: [thinking for a moment] Let's go.

[Lynn stops when she sees Philo standing in the shadows]

Harlan: Is this your...

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [cutting him off] No.

Harlan: You want to talk to him?

Philo Beddoe: [to Harlan] The lady and I have a little business. I expect you'll be excusing us.

Harlan: Maybe you ought to excuse yourself.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: It's OK, Harlan. I'll just be a minute.

Harlan: Are you sure?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: Yes.

[Harlan walks off]

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [to Philo, coldly] It's your own goddamn fault. Who asked you to follow me?

Philo Beddoe: [stunned] I just thought...

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [interrupting] You thought? If you'd thought, you would've taken some very broad hints! I've been trying to get rid of you practically ever since the first night we met!

Philo Beddoe: What about Taos?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: What about it?

[in disgust]

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: I need it just like anybody else.

Philo Beddoe: You do this all the time?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [sardonically] Yeah, I do this all the time! And you and me had our time! So how come you don't know when to disappear?

Philo Beddoe: [she turns to leave... Philo grabs her arm] Come here.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: Take your hands off me!

Schyler: [stepping from shadows] Lynn? Is everything all right?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: Schuyler, this is the one from L.A... the one who's been following me. The big dumb one I told you about.

Philo Beddoe: Schuyler with the shotgun?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: That was MY idea. I was hoping he'd scare you away.

Philo Beddoe: [Philo and Lynn are riding in his truck] If you don't like him, they why do you stay with him?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: [talking while singing along with the radio] Because he promised to help me get the $7,000.

Philo Beddoe: For what?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: For the down payment.

Philo Beddoe: What do you want to buy?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: My own club back home in Denver. I'm going to call it the Lynn Halsey-Taylor Drinking Fountain. That's going to be the name of my group too, and I'll have talent night three days a week.

Philo Beddoe: How much of the $7,000 do you have already?

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: He won't tell me.

Putnam: [Philo accidentally bumps into Putnam, seated at his table after getting the goodbye note from Lynn at The Palamino] Hey, why don't you watch what the hell you're doing?

Philo Beddoe: Why don't you shut your face, boy?

Putnam: [standing up] Oh, what have we got here? A real live, macho cowboy.

[Philo turns to leave... Putnam grabs his arm]

Putnam: Don't turn your back on me!

[Philo punches him in the face and triggers a free-for-all brawl]

Philo Beddoe: [punching Putnam] Somebody call the cops!

Bartender: They ARE the cops!

Philo Beddoe: [drops Putnam] Shit.

[leaves]

[At a campsite]

Echo: Well, I don't suppose you know of a Ladies room hereabouts?

Orville Boggs: There all over. Just pick one.

[Echo heads for the nearest Ladies room]

Orville Boggs: She's something, ain't she?

Philo Beddoe: She sure is. You're full of all kinds of surprises these days.

Orville Boggs: Well... Say... Listen, I wanna say that I appreciate your making her feel to home.

[Echo screams]

Orville Boggs, Philo Beddoe: Clyde.

Echo: [freaked out] There's something out there. My God! It's horrible. It a monster! I've never see it. It's not even a bear!

Orville Boggs: No, Echo, it's just... it's just Clyde.

[Philo brings out Clyde the orangutan whilst Echo pulls out her .357 pistol]

Orville Boggs: [stops her] Hey, Echo!

Philo Beddoe: What are you doing with that? Jeez!

Orville Boggs: [grabs the gun] Gimmie that!

Philo Beddoe: Take it easy now. Take it easy! You're gonna scare him.

Echo: Me? Scare him?

Philo Beddoe: That's right. Let me introduce you. Echo, this is Clyde. Clyde, this is Echo.

[Clyde grunts]

Philo Beddoe: Echo. You get it?

[Clyde grunts, then walk over to Echo to greet her witha hug; Echo calms down]

Orville Boggs: It's okay. It's okay. See?

[Philo, Orville, and Echo are at the El Patio Mexican Restaurant having their dinners]

Echo: What are we supposed to do with all this stuff?

Philo Beddoe: [pours beer in a glass] Eat it, all of it.

Echo: All of it?

Philo Beddoe: All of it.

Echo: What if I can't?

Orville Boggs: [jokes] Well, then we'll give it to Clyde.

Philo Beddoe: Can you imagine what this stuff would do to Clyde's digestive track?

Orville Boggs: Oh, no.

Philo Beddoe: He already has enough gas to go to North Denver, and he's never seen a bean in his life.

[Orville chuckles, then makes farting sounds]

Orville Boggs: Say, when's your little lady coming here?

Philo Beddoe: She should be along any time.

[a couple of hours passed and it's closing time. Lynn never shows up, so Philo, Orville, and Echo, after 10 rounds of beer, decide to leave]

Philo Beddoe: Come on, let's get outta here.

Orville Boggs: [as they leave the restaurant] Well, listen, Philo, does that mean we're going back to L.A.?

Philo Beddoe: Hell, no. But when I find her, I'm gonna take of that guy she's with... my way.

[repeated line]

Philo Beddoe: Right turn, Clyde.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor: What are you gonna do with them?

[referring to the tarred Black Widows]

Philo Beddoe: We can't leave 'em here. Dogs'll come along and piss on 'em.

[beat]

Philo Beddoe: Ain't fair to the dogs.

Philo Beddoe: [after Jack rescues Philo in the brawl at the Palamino] You play a hell of a game of squash.

Jack Wilson: So do you. I believe that makes us even.

Philo Beddoe: I believe it does. Find out what you want to know?

Jack Wilson: Yeah, I did.

[smiles approvingly]

Jack Wilson: You're fast and you like pain. You eat it like candy. I've seen a few cases like that in my time. The more they get hurt, the more dangerous they become. But you got to be durable, too. Real durable. Most ain't.

Philo Beddoe: Yeah, you're right. Most ain't.

Jack Wilson: Let's call this fight off. There's no point to it.

Philo Beddoe: I ain't doing it for points.

[both men laugh]

Jack Wilson: You're good. But you're not good enough.

[seriously]

Jack Wilson: I don't want to hurt you, and that's the truth.

Philo Beddoe: Sometimes we can't always do what we want to do, right?

Jack Wilson: Yeah.

[reaches into his pocket]

Philo Beddoe: Your money's no good here.

Jack Wilson: Thank you.

[smiles]

Jack Wilson: Pleasure watching you work.

Philo Beddoe: Same here.

[Jack nods and leaves]

Philo Beddoe: A hand out is what you get from the government, a hand up is what you get from a friend.

Orville Boggs: He killed two men last year.

Philo Beddoe: No. Only one.

Orville Boggs: So what? The other guy's laying someplace with nothin' below the neck but memories.

Jack Wilson: We're even.

Philo Beddoe: No. I owe ya.

[Philo punches Wilson]

Orville Boggs: Philo... Jordan said he'd give us 200 big ones if we scrap that Merc for him.

Philo Beddoe: Great. Clyde? Scrap the Merc.

Orville Boggs: Come on, Clyde! You got work to do!