Phillip Quotes in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

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Phillip Quotes:

  • Chorus: [singing] Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker. You're a boner biting bastard, Uncle Fucker.

    Terrence: You're an uncle fucker, I must say.

    Phillip: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday.

    Terrance, Phillip: Uncle Fucker. That's U-N-C-L-E FUCK YOU! UNCLE FUCKAAAAHH...

    Phillip: Suck my balls.

  • Terrence: [singing] Looks like we may be out of luck.

    Phillip: [singing] Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked!

  • Terrence: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!

    Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?

    Terrence: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.

    Phillip: Oh yeah!

  • Terrence: Now, Phillip, did you learn something in all this?

    Phillip: I did, Terrence. I learned that you're a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck-face!

    [they laugh]

  • Terrence: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.

    Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.

    Terrence: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?

    [strikes a match, farts, burns up]

    Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.

    Terrence: I sure did, Philip!

  • [During the Uncle Fucker song]

    Phillip: Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker, you're a boner-biting-bastard, uncle fucker.

  • Sheila Broslofski: Gentlemen, do you have any last words?

    Phillip: Last words? How's aboot: "Get me the fuck out of this chair!" How's that for last words?

  • Terrance: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.

    Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.

    Terrance: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?

    [Strikes a match, farts, burns up]

    Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.

    Terrance: I sure did Philip!

  • Phillip: This little scrotum sucker deceived us.

  • Phillip: Cheers, fuck-face.

  • Terrence: Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch!

    Phillip: Oh, you shitfaced cockmaster!

    Cartman: Wow! 'Shitfaced cockmaster'.

  • Longshanks: Who is this person who speaks to me as though I needed his advice?

    Prince Edward: I have declared Phillip my high counselor.

    Longshanks: Is he qualified?

    Phillip: I am skilled in the arts of war and military tactics, Sire.

    Longshanks: Are you? Then tell me, what advice would you offer on the present situation?

  • Roberta: [looking at a drawing of a man smashing another man's head in with a sledgehammer] What can you tell us about your piece, er... Phillip?

    Phillip: Er... it's about The Mutilator.

    Roberta: [smiling] My goodness!

    Phillip: It's a really great video game about a guy who kills people with a big hammer.

    Roberta: Oh. I thought maybe this was supposed to be your father.

    [she gives a little laugh. Phillip looks confused]

  • Phillip: Well, we're not youths anymore, Peter Pan!

  • Phillip: They're airheads Gardener. Bimbos. Little girls with little brains.

    Gardner: "well we're not trying to expand their MINDS Phillip so don't get picky on me.

  • Phillip: I may have a big mouth, but at least I keep it to myself.

  • Phillip: I begged you to throw out the farm coat freshman year, I mean, you've lost both of us a lot of dates with that that thing on! You've had it since, birth, OK, so do me a favor and let's not pretend that the jacket and the, ahh, weight and the Bon Jovi hair are no big deal. Because when it comes to routine, you used to be like Mister goddamn Rogers!

  • Phillip: I just hope the next time we pass each other, I recognize who the hell you are.

  • Adam: It's not funny.

    Phillip: Yes, it is. I mean, it's not that funny that wives get beat up, but the fact that you look like one, that I find hilarious!

  • Adam: You're sick.

    Phillip: Somewhat, yeah. But I'm nice-looking... which makes up for a lot.

  • David: Wait a minute. You like her, don't you?

    Phillip: Emily? I don't think so.

    David: Give it up, buddy; you're twelve.

    Phillip: David, you got it so wrong.

    David: Alright, then you won't be upset when I make my move.

    Phillip: Of course not. But you're the one who should give it up. She's like in love with some middle-aged composer.

  • Emily Lindstrom: Oh, you mean PHILLIP. Where'd you get that strange accent?

    Phillip: Chicago, I guess.

  • Phillip: [to Laurel and Jenny] We will help and promise to help each other wherever in the world we are. She told me your stupid saying.

  • David: [to Philip] You were never supposed to tell a soul!

    Phillip: Tell what?

    Emily Lindstrom: [to David] He only told me so I would tell him a secret of my own.

    Phillip: [to Emily] You promised you wouldn't tell anyone you knew! I trusted you.

  • Phillip: [singing his promotional jingle] Don't want to go when there's no Coca-Cola - you've got - life by the throat when you're drinking Coke. Choke back the tears when there's no Coca-Cola - you've got - life by the throat when you're drinking Coke. Under the hot sun, when the day is done, and you're dying of thirst, there's only one drink, it's universal.

  • Becker: Ah Philip, are those girls girls?

    Phillip: They're all girls.

  • Uncle Billy: There ain't no more ice cream, Miss Virgie.

    Virginia 'Virgie' Cary: I'll only ask them once. I won't coax. More ice cream for you, Master Phillip?

    Phillip: Nothing for me, thank you.

    Virginia 'Virgie' Cary: Would you care for more ice cream, Master Harold?

    Harold: Yes!

    Virginia 'Virgie' Cary: Uh, perhaps you'd rather have another great big piece of cake?

    Harold: No, just ice cream.

  • Phillip: And, which young lady is just dying to go for a little buggy ride? Huh? Oh, come, come, come, come, come. Up hill and down the hill, in a merry little horse and carriage. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Why, now, have I no takers?

  • Phillip: Rupert only publishes books *he* likes... usually philosophy.

    Janet: Oh. Small print, big words, no sales.

    Brandon: Rupert's extremely radical. Do you know that he selects his books on the assumption that people not only can read but actually can think?

  • Phillip: I never strangled a chicken in my life!

  • Brandon: Determined to get drunk, aren't you?

    Phillip: I am drunk.

    Brandon: And just as childish as you were before when you called me a liar.

    Phillip: You had no business telling that story.

    Brandon: Why did you lie anyway?

    Phillip: I had to! Have you ever bothered for just one minute to understand how someone else might feel?

    Brandon: I'm not sentimental if that's what you...

    Phillip: No, that's not what I mean; but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters... except that Mr. Brandon liked the party. Mr. Brandon gave the party. Mr. Brandon had a delightful evening. Well, I had a rotten evening!

    Brandon: Keep drinking, and you'll have a worse morning.

    Phillip: At least if I have a hangover, it'll be all mine!

  • Brandon: I've always thought that it was out of character for David to drink anything as corrupt as Whiskey.

    Phillip: Out of character for him to be murdered, too.

  • Brandon: But why should I want to come back?

    Phillip: Yes, why?

    Brandon: For the pleasure of our company, or another drink?

    Rupert Cadell: That's a very good idea. May I have one for the road?

  • [last lines]

    Phillip: They're coming.

  • Phillip: I'm an escort.

    The Lady Chablis: An escort? Do you work for one of those services?

    Phillip: No, I'm escorting my sister.

    The Lady Chablis: Please don't tell me you're doing it with your sister?

  • Scorpio: What's the big idea? Thirty grand - under last week?

    Phillip: Yes sir. They raided 12 stills and closed 75 speakeasies.

    Scorpio: Last week?

    Phillip: Yes sir.

    Scorpio: Get Newton on that telephone.

    Phillip: He's on his way up here now sir.

    Scorpio: Those guys! Didn't I donate 10 grand, last week, to the Policeman's Charity Ball? Well, it's just like feeding a hungry dog and having it turn around and bite you on the leg!

    Phillip: Quite true, sir.

    Scorpio: If I can't conduct an honest business, with those guys chiseling and muscling in every five minutes of the day, I'm going out and start a milk route. I got expenses of my own to keep up. I'll go out on a desert island where there ain't no coppers and then I won't be bothered with 'em.

  • [Cavanaugh is trying to get Phillip to go the men's group]

    Phillip: Only you could drag me to something like this. It's not so easy to get out of the house.

    Cavanaugh: You just open the door, and you're out!

  • Phillip: You know, killing a young woman is a wonderful way to create a ghost.

Browse more character quotes from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

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