Phil Moscowitz Quotes in What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

Phil Moscowitz: [while printing the microfilm code] And now I will read you some ancient erotic poetry. "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

Wing Fat: You fool! You're leading me on.

Phil Moscowitz: How do I know after I give you the recipe you won't kill me.

[runs his finger over his throat]

Wing Fat: Kill you? Come on.

[opens jacket]

Wing Fat: Does this look like the body of a killer?

Phil Moscowitz: No bullets? Ah, but if all of you in the audience who believe in fairies will clap your hands, then my gun will be magically filled with bullets.

Cab Driver: [Phil tells him to take him to the kidnappers] Did you say "kidnap"?

Phil Moscowitz: Yeah, that's right.

Cab Driver: Alright, but first it's time for a little sight seeing. Coming up on your right is the world-renowned factory where the broken Japanese toys are made.

Phil Moscowitz: I thought you said you loved me!

Wing Fat: I love you in my own way.

Phil Moscowitz: Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Take this! And this! Roman cow! Russian snake! Spanish fly! Anglo-Saxon Hun!

High Macha Of Rashpur: Good afternoon. I am the Grand Exalted High Macha of Raspur, a nonexistent but real-sounding country.

Phil Moscowitz: Uh-huh.

High Macha Of Rashpur: Yes. We're on a waiting list. As soon as there's an opening on the map, we're next.

High Macha Of Rashpur: [displaying a printed floor plan] This is Shepherd Wong's home.

Phil Moscowitz: He lives in that piece of paper?

Phil Moscowitz: Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes and bring a cattle prod.

Suki Yaki: I managed to find this dress in there, but not a stitch of underwear.

Phil Moscowitz: No underwear? I find that very interesting.

Suki Yaki: Don't excite yourself. I never sleep with a man who owns a dress.

Phil Moscowitz: Oh, neither do I. I feel exactly the same way.

Phil Moscowitz: Nothing much to report... oh, somebody tried to shoot me just before the opening credits.

Suki Yaki: So, who did help me escape?

Phil Moscowitz: Don't you have any idea?

Suki Yaki: I had an idea that it was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but there's no motive...

Phil Moscowitz: Shepherd Wong! You'd never guess I have no pants on!

Phil Moscowitz: [repeated line, sung in a tenor voice] Love has found me,/And I have found the way!