Phil Gills Quotes in Summer School (1987)
Phil Gills Quotes:
Phil Gills: Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today?
Chainsaw: Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. Today is independent study, right after our mid-morning nap.
Phil Gills: [the class is watching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"] Oh my God. What are you watching?
Shoop: New film from the district, "Safe Use Of Power Tools".
Phil Gills: [holds a box] This just came... I don't want to know what's in here, do I?
Shoop: Nope, probably not.
Principal Kelban: Field trips to the beach, drinking on the beach, a bed in your classroom, a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1... quite a summer, Mr. Shoop.
Shoop: I tried to keep it interesting.
Phil Gills: I have his dismissal ready for your signature, sir.
Principal Kelban: Before I sign anything, I understand there are some people waiting to speak on Mr. Shoop's behalf.
Principal Kelban: Come in.
[opens the door to Shoop's students and their parents and guardians]
Phil Gills: Mr. Kelban, you're not actually going to listen to these delinquents?
Principal Kelban: No, I'm going to listen to their parents. I'm Principal Kelban. Is there a spokesperson here?
Mr. Gremp: I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp.
Principal Kelban: You're Chainsaw's father. Interesting boy.
Mr. Gremp: No, you can say it. He's a lunatic.
Mr. Gremp: Six weeks ago, I thought he had the IQ of a salad bar. His only interest in life was to make people sick. If my mother came to dinner, he would give the dog a third eye or an extra leg. Because of him, we stopped having kids. You can imagine the feeling when I saw him studying. The wife and I almost burst into tears.
Mrs. Frazier: David was doing his homework, too.
Mr. Gremp: It makes sense, they share the same brain.
Mrs. Green: Not only did Mr. Shoop get my daughter to read, he taught her to drive.
Mr. Winchester: He showed Kevin there's more to life than football. I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible.
Shoop: Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38.
Mrs. Green: Honey, that's terrific!
Denise: We'll get 'em next time.
Shoop: Kevin, from a 48 to a 75!
Kevin Winchester: Yeah, I'm back on the team!
[Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug]
Shoop: Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70.
Dave: I passed!
Anna-Maria Mazarelli: You made it!
Chainsaw: You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me?
Dave: It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it.
Shoop: Pam went from a 53 to an 82.
Pam: Was that the highest?
Shoop: Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved.
Phil Gills: And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies.
Principal Kelban: Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.
Phil Gills: This man should not be teaching. The proof is right here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. Passing is 70; average score here was 63. They failed.
Shoop: [looks at the results] That is not true, Mr. Gills.
Alan Eakian: You mean we passed?
Shoop: No, not all of you, but that's not what's important here. Larry went from an 18 to a 51!
Mrs. Kazimias: If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner.
Shoop: Rhonda: from a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth.
Mrs. Altobello: Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test?
Principal Kelban: It always has been.
Chainsaw: This woman thing never fails.
Shoop: Eakian: a 51 to a 74.
Alan Eakian: I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams!
Dave: All right, Eaker!
[the classroom is the scene of a bloodbath]
Phil Gills: What is wrong with you people?
Dave: It's just like you said Gills! We're psychopaths! Somebody better call the school nurse!
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