Pharmacist Quotes in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

[while Abe hangs upside down, helpless, the Pharmacist sharpens a razor and places a bowl underneath him]

Pharmacist: Don't worry, it'll only hurt for a moment or two... did you eat today?

Chev Chelios: I'm looking for something that begins with an E.

Pharmacist: England?

Felix: Look, I'm dyin' for a smoke. You haven't any ciggies, have ya?

Pharmacist: Sorry. Cigarettes are bad for your health.

Felix: Yeah. So's a FUCKING PUNCH TO THE THROAT, MATE! I need fucking nicotine now!

Pharmacist: There's no reason to shout at me. I'm Pakistani, not deaf.

[last lines]

Pharmacist: Anything else?

Claus von Bülow: Yes, a vial of insulin... Just kidding.

Pharmacist: [Reading] If any man dared take on an Owens woman, he'd live briefly in the euphoria of her love... until meeting an untimely death.

Gary Hallet: [Dubious] The curse?

Iiris: [Iris is buying rat-poison] How does it effect?

Pharmacist: It kills.

Iiris: Good.

Terence McDonagh: [to the pharmacist about his prescription] Excuse me, could ya tell me how much longer that's gonna be?

[pause]

Terence McDonagh: HELLO, MISS! I'm a lieutenant in the police department! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A HOMICIDE INVESTIGATION! CAN I GET MY PRESCRIPTION, PLEASE?

Pharmacist: Do you see I'm on the phone?

[McDonagh runs behind the counter]

Pharmacist: Hey, hey... You can't come back here!

Terence McDonagh: YOU GOT ME WAITING THIRTY MINUTES TO MAKE A FUCKING PERSONAL PHONE CALL!

Homeless Man: You left customers in there. That's not a very good way to run a business.

Pharmacist: Don't you tell me how to run my business, you're a fucking bum!

Homeless Man: Well, you don't tell me how to run my life! You're a fucking prick! I'll talk to whoever I want to! You don't own this fucking sidewalk!

Pharmacist: You wanna know something? I do own this fuckin' sidewalk. You wanna know why? Cause I pay fuckin' taxes!

Homeless Man: Fuck you!

Pharmacist: No, fuck you!

Homeless Man: I hope you die, you sack of shit. I hope you die, and I hope you float down the gutter, so I can fuckin' piss on you!

[the Pharmacist loses interest and leaves]

Homeless Man: You big, bald-headed baboon! Miscomplected afterbirth of a Chinese gang-banger! Educated idiot!

Pharmacist: You want the ribbed or the regular?

Scott Jeske: Ribbed I guess.

[to Reverend Meeker]

Scott Jeske: They're not for me.

Meg Penny: Sir, excuse me, but I think my little brother's over at the movie theatre on Main Street.

Soldier Outside Town Hall: We're doing by sector. We'll be there soon.

Meg Penny: Right, but you don't understand...

Pharmacist: We'll handle it okay, now get back in line.

Pharmacist: I don't see you handling much of anything... are you on a coffee break?

Soldier Outside Town Hall: [Now irritated] Look mister

Pharmacist: [Snaps] Don't you look mister me... I'm a tax payer... I pay your salary... now what are you going to do about finding my son?

Soldier Outside Town Hall: [as her father argues with the soldier... Meg takes off into the crowd] I understand you're upset, Sir, but if you just get back in line. We have the situation under control.

Pharmacist: [Grudgingly] I know.