Peter McGowan Quotes in How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog (2000)
Peter McGowan Quotes:
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Larry: You're lucky. You got Melanie. There are men who'd die for her.
Peter McGowan: Yeah, die for her, or have her kill you. Either way, you're dead.
Larry: Still having trouble satiating, are we?
Peter McGowan: I think the doorbell's heard my wife shout "I'm coming" more than I have these days.
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[Larry is dressed as a priest]
Peter McGowan: Can I have a valediction, father?
Larry: Say four Goly Fuck You's and keep drinking.
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Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
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Debra Salhany: So, how did you meet your wife?
Peter McGowan: She was a lap dancer, I had a pocket full of singles... No, she was a dancer. For a brief period, she gave acting a try. She came in for an audition, and the rest as they say is histrionics.
Debra Salhany: So, you employed the casting couch?
Peter McGowan: Hey, whatever works. You know that, Deborah.
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Edna: You look just like my son-in-law.
Peter McGowan: I am your son-in-law, Edna.
Edna: My son-in-law's name is Peter.
Peter McGowan: No. I said your name was Edna. My name is Peter.
Edna: You just said your name was Edna... Edna's a funny name for a man. Been teased over the years?
Peter McGowan: Mercilessly. "Pete."
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Peter McGowan: Hollywood doesn't want writers, so much as secretaries with a flare for dialogue. If you want to be happy in Hollywood, be a cinematographer. Nobody knows what you're doing, so they can't screw with you.
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[Peter is smoking]
Melanie McGowan: You know, you're going to have to cut that out when the baby comes.
Peter McGowan: What? Are you expecting it tonight?
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Melanie McGowan: Maybe you should see a therapist about your anxiety.
Peter McGowan: That's exactly what I'm afraid of. What if he cures me? Then, I'll have nothing to write about. Nobody wants to know about how happy you are.
Melanie McGowan: Oh, I don't think you ever have to worry about an over-abundance of happiness, dear.
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[after a prostate exam]
Peter McGowan: Now I know what a Muppet feels like.
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Peter McGowan: Do you ever think that if you attack an artist long enough, that you'll succeed in having him censor himself?
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Debra Salhany: Thanks for sticking around, Peter.
Peter McGowan: Thanks for letting me be sticky, Debbie.
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Peter McGowan: Seems to me only the intelligent people are choosing not to reproduce.
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Peter McGowan: "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive." *That* is Sir Walter Scott.
Melanie McGowan: Oh, really? I seem to remember that quote a bit differently.
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Peter McGowan: [during wife's gyn exam] You know, to me sex education was always missing the answer to that key question, which was, yeah, how do I get me some?
Peter McGowan: [starts walking around] O-B-G-Y-N. What kind of acronym is that? Oh-bee guy'n. It's not really imaginative, I mean, you should come up with something that spells vagina - Vaginal Association of Gynecological Interns Navigating...
Melanie McGowan: Peter, give the doctor some quiet.
Peter McGowan: [now alongside the doctor] I'm sure it was an oversight on God's part when He positioned the gateway to paradise so dangerously close to the...
Melanie McGowan: Peter! Don't stand there and stare at my crotch!
Peter McGowan: Well, anything else would be considered inappropriate, my dear.
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Larry: This is just his way, Peter. He's like a buzzard circling. They spend a lot of time circling, and then finally they land.
Peter McGowan: When it's *dead*.
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Passerby: You need a hand?
Peter McGowan: [hobbling along] I already have one, thanks.
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Peter McGowan: I hated being a kid.
Amy Walsh: Do you like being a grown up?
Peter McGowan: Well now, I like being adult. As for being grown up, that's uh rather elusive. But the truth is that most adults tend to romanticize childhood, which is absolutely delusional. I mean, most childhood fears are as great or more so than adult fears. Don't you think?
Amy Walsh: [stunned affirmative]
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Peter McGowan: ...But maybe that's everything in writing - a catchy title.
Debra Salhany: So is that why you decided to call your first novel How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog?
Peter McGowan: Oh, that isn't mere affectation. That's a practical guidebook full of juicy bits on suburban terrorism.
Debra Salhany: ...but, uh, what if somebody reads this and goes out and kills their neighbor's dog?
Peter McGowan: Oh, well, what are you gonna do?
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