Peter Fallow Quotes in The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

Peter Fallow: Alright, alright. Here we go. Everything's under control. Nothing to worry about. Oh. Excuse me. I haven't introduced myself, have I? My name is Peter Fallow. I'm a writer. But you know that already. Unless you haven't read a newspaper or seen the television in the last few months, you know exactly who I am. I am the man of the moment. Hero of the evening. Me and a little book I happened to write. Now, the real hero of the evening is of course not even with us tonight. But we'll come to him in a minute. For now, indulge yourself in the extravagance of the moment and remember, if you will, a phrase from another little best-seller: "For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?". This is the story about such a man.

Peter Fallow: Caroline, you devil.

Caroline Heftshank: Peter, you pig!

Peter Fallow: If you're going to live in a whorehouse, there's only one thing you can do: be the best damn whore around.

Peter Fallow: [narrating] Our hero, Sherman McCoy, was about to make a simple phone call. But despite the existence of 11 telephones, and 7 different lines, in 14 rooms of his 16-million-plus dollar apartment, this was a phone call he could not make at home.

Peter Fallow: [narrating] It was all over. There was no hope now. The darkness closed in around them. And then I noticed the most peculiar thing. Sherman was smiling.

[last lines]

Peter Fallow: [narrating] Yes see, Sherman, who started with so much, lost everything. But he gained his soul. Whereas I, you see, who started with so little, gained everything. "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses..." Ah well. There are compensations.

Ed Rifkin: Henry Lamb. Who's that?

Peter Fallow: He was a student of yours at Ruppert High. In your English class.

Ed Rifkin: He was? What's he done?

Peter Fallow: He hasn't done anything. He's been seriously injured. I'm a reporter, I work for a newspaper.

Ed Rifkin: Well, I don't remember him.

Peter Fallow: I'm trying to find what kind of student he was?

Ed Rifkin: If I don't remember him, I guess he was okay.

Peter Fallow: You say he was a good student?

Ed Rifkin: Good doesn't really apply at Ruppert High. They're either cooperative or life-threatening.

Peter Fallow: Well they say he was going to college.

Ed Rifkin: You mean City College. That... they got to open admission policies so if you live in the city, graduate high school, and still breathing, they're gonna take you.

Peter Fallow: What can you tell me about his performance in class? Any aptitude, special skills?

Ed Rifkin: Mr. uh...

Peter Fallow: Fallow. Peter Fallow.

Ed Rifkin: Mr. Fallow, I got 65 students in every class.

Peter Fallow: Tests, homework, any written work he might have turn now?

Ed Rifkin: Shit, there hasn't been any written work at Ruppert High since 15, maybe 20 years.

Peter Fallow: Really? And how the hell you keep track of these kids? I mean, Jesus Christ, there must be some record of how this boy measures up to the other students at class.

Ed Rifkin: You're thinking about honor students and grades.

Peter Fallow: Attendance records. Grades. Yeah.

Ed Rifkin: High achievements. We don't make those kind of comparisons. We just try to keep them off the streets. At Ruppert High, an honor student is somebody who comes to class and doesn't piss on the teacher.

Peter Fallow: Well, by that standard then, would you say Henry Lamb was an honor student?

Ed Rifkin: Well, uh, he never pissed on me.

Peter Fallow: Oh excuse me but what the hell? Who were these people? What were they doing here? This was my story. Sherman McCoy was my baby, my creation.