Peter Banning Quotes in Hook (1991)

[last lines]

Granny Wendy: So... your adventures are over.

Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.

Captain James Hook: Prepare to die, Peter!

Peter Banning: To die would be a grand adventure!

Captain James Hook: Death is the only adventure you have left!

Peter Banning: [sees Tinkerbell on the Peter Pan statue] Tink!

Tinkerbell: Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.

Peter Banning: I believe in fairies.

Tinkerbell: You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?

[Peter nods]

Tinkerbell: That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.

Toodles: [Searching for something on the floor] Lost, lost, lost.

Peter Banning: Lost what?

Toodles: I've lost my marbles.

Moira Banning: [after throwing Peter's cell phone out the window] I'm sorry about your deal.

Peter Banning: You hated the deal.

Moira Banning: I hated the deal, but I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you, they want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast Peter. It's a few years, and it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.

Peter Banning: [to Rufio, who pulls a sword at him] Okay, mister. All right, show's over. Now, you put that thing away! Now, put it down before you poke somebody's eye out.

[the Lost Boys all laugh]

Peter Banning: You're not old enough to shave! What are you doing with a sword? And flying around... this is an insurance nightmare! What is this, some sort of "Lord of the Flies" preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge, here?

[the Lost Boys all point to Rufio, who bows]

Peter Banning: No! No, Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. You are just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grown-up!

Rufio: All grown-ups are pirates!

Peter Banning: Excuse me?

Rufio: [smiles] We kill pirates.

Peter Banning: I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.

Rufio: Kill the lawyer!

Lost Boys: [drawing their weapons] Kill the lawyer!

Peter Banning: [backs away nervously] I'm not that kind of lawyer...

Rufio: Boil-dripping beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!

Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!

Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?

Rufio: You are fart factory, slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!

Kids: [in unison] Ugh!

Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.

Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.

Rufio: Mung tongue.

Peter Banning: Math tutor.

Rufio: Pinhead.

Peter Banning: Prison barber.

Rufio: Mother lover.

Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.

Rufio: In your face, camel cake!

Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.

Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.

Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.

Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!

Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!

Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just eat me! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!

Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?

Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!

Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.

Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!

Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose.

[Peter recalls a memory from his childhood]

Wendy Darling: Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than twenty. I grew up a long time ago.

Young Peter Pan: No, no, no! You promised!

Wendy Darling: I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed.

Peter Banning: [voiceover] When I saw her lying there sleeping, that moment, something changed in me forever.

Young Peter Pan: I shall give her a kiss.

[takes out a thimble]

Wendy Darling: No. No, Peter. No buttons. No thimbles. I couldn't bear to see Moira's heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you.

Young Peter Pan: No. I mean a real kiss.

Tinkerbell: Well, whoever you are it's still you, 'cause only one person has that smell.

Peter Banning: Smell?

Tinkerbell: The smell of someone who has ridden the back of the wind, Peter. The smell of a hundred fun summers, with sleeping in trees and adventures with Indians and Pirates. Oh remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All it had to be was anything 'cause it was always us.

Peter Banning: You're a... you're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs and you're a very nice tiny person and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was; I'm an orphan and I've never taken drugs because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant.

Tinkerbell: Guess again.

[Tinkerbell takes the sheet which makes Peter trip on the floor]

Peter Banning: [disoriented] Oh, look, stars.

Tinkerbell: That's right, Peter, second star to the right and straight on till morning.

[Tinkerbell takes Peter by the strings of the sheet]

Tinkerbell: Neverland!

Peter Banning: What's the deal? Where's the real food?

Tinkerbell: If you can't imagine yourself being Peter Pan, you won't *be* Peter Pan, so eat up.

Peter Banning: Eat what? There's nothing here. Gandhi ate more than this.

Peter Banning: Hook, you let those kids out of that net in less than one minute or you better get an attorney and hope to God he's better than me.

Captain Hook: Who are you?

Peter Banning: I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.

Captain Hook: These are your...

Peter Banning: Children.

Captain Hook: These are your children.

Peter Banning: Yes they are.

Captain Hook: And you are?

Peter Banning: Peter.

Captain Hook: You're Peter?

Peter Banning: Yes?

Captain Hook: You're Peter?

Peter Banning: Yes.

Captain Hook: No.

Peter Banning: Yes.

Captain Hook: You're Peter?

Peter Banning: Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.

Captain Hook: My great and worthy opponent?

Peter Banning: Yes.

Captain Hook: No! Smee, who is this impostor?

Peter Banning: [arriving at Wendy's home, knocks on the door] Remember, you're in England, land of good manners.

[the door opens, to old man behind the door]

Peter Banning: Toodles!

Toodles: It's snowing!

[slams the door closed on the Bannings]

Wendy Darling: Boy, why are you crying?

Peter Banning: I don't know. A tear for every happy thought.

Peter Banning: [unearthing his cell phone] Wow. Brad, hi! You been holding this long? Uh huh. I'm incredible. Yeah, Neverland. Uh-huh. Lost Boys. Jim Hook, duel to the death. I'll fill you in later. Listen, I'd love to chat, but I gotta climb a drain pipe right now. Why? Because I ran out of fairy dust, if not I would've flown up.

[surprised he asks]

Peter Banning: Why?

Peter Banning: [to Tinkerbell who is fighting off the pirates] Are you related to Mighty Mouse?

Captain Hook: I have waited long to shake your hand with this. Peter Pan, prepare to meet thy doom!

[draws sword]

Peter Banning: [draws sword] Dark and sinister man, have at thee.

Peter Banning: [flying from Neverland with his children] Thank you for believing.

Kids: [sits at the dinner table and clasps hands together for prayer] Everybody say Grace.

Peter Banning: Bless this, O Lord...

Kids: GRACE!

[quickly grab at the food all at once]

Pirate: Wait, ain't you - ?

Peter Banning: Peter Pan.

[Pirate jumps out the window]

Wendy Darling: The stories are true! I swear to you! I swear on everything I adore, and now he's come back to seek his revenge. The fight isn't over for Captain James Hook. He wants you back. He knows that you'll follow Jack and Maggie to the ends of the earth and beyond. And by heaven, you must find a way. Only you can save your children. Somehow, you must go back. You must make yourself remember.

Peter Banning: Remember what?

Wendy Darling: Peter, don't you know who you are?

[Wendy opens up the book and shows an illustration of Peter Pan as Peter looks in disbelief]

Wendy Darling: [whispers] Yes, boy. Yes.

Peter Banning: I do not believe in fairies.

Tinkerbell: Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.

Peter Banning: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!

[Tinkerbell falls down the stairs of the dollhouse unconscious]

Peter Banning: Oh my God, I think I've killed it.

Peter Banning: [to Hook] You killed Rufio, you kidnapped my children. You deserve to die.

Shoe-Stealing Pirate: I fancy them shiny shoes for my booty!

Peter Banning: Well, I think you can get them at Armani.

Peter Banning: It's okay. Hang on, son. I'm coming, sweetheart.

[begins to climb up a rope ladder]

Peter Banning: Someone give me a hand.

Captain Hook: I already have.

[Peter and Moira are in an argument when Peter's cell phone rings]

Peter Banning: It's Brad, Moira. I gotta take this call. I've gotta fix this.

Moira Banning: No, you've got to fix your family first.

Peter Banning: [flying to England on a plane in turbulence] I'm not gonna make it to my next birthday.

Moira Banning: You're not gonna die without a phone and fax machine.

Peter Banning: I'm halfway there. I got the phone in my briefcase.

Peter Banning: Jack, my word is my bond.

Jack: Yeah, junk bonds!

[he hits the ceiling door in the plane with his ball, and causes the oxygen masks to drop down and scare Peter half to death]

Peter Banning: What in the hell's the matter with you? When are you gonna stop acting like a child?

Jack: [laughs] I am a child.

Peter Banning: Grow up.

Peter Banning: [Jack is angry at his Dad and tossing his baseball to the ceiling and catching it] Will you stop doing that? You could break a window.

Jack: They're double-layered, you can't break 'em.

[he demonstrates his point by banging his ball against the glass]

Peter Banning: [confiscating the ball] Give me that!

Jack: [in disbelief] You're afraid of getting sucked out!

Peter Banning: [defensively] No, I'm not!

Jack: [insisting] Yes, you are. You're afraid of getting sucked out.

Peter Banning: [while the children are running around making a noise, shouting into the phone] Wait a minute. You're telling me a 10-inch owl has a 50-mile mating radius? Why don't they just fornicate someplace else? What, a five billion dollar deal falling apart because of this? Why doesn't somebody just shoot me in the head?

Jack: [making a gun gesture with his hands] Bang, bang!

Peter Banning: [abandoning call, shouts] Will everybody just shut up!

Jack: [backing away in fright] I'm sorry.

Peter Banning: And leave me alone for one moment! Moira, get 'em outta here, will you? I'm on the phone call of my life!

Moira Banning: [exits Maggie and Jack] Come on, Jack, come on. Out, out out.

[Hook hangs Maggie and Jack from a net atop the mast]

Captain Hook: I'll make you a deal, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board. Fly up there and touch the outstretched fingers of your frightened children, and I'll set them free.

Peter Banning: I can't fly!

Captain Hook: Come on, explode out of there! Stop the charade! Free you children!

Maggie, Jack: Help, daddy!

Captain Hook: [Peter whispers to Hook's ear] I beg your pardon?

Peter Banning: [inaudible whisper] I have a real problem with heights.

Captain Hook: You must be joking.

[he laughs]

Captain Hook: Peter Pan has a real problem with heights!

[Hook and the other pirates burst out laughing]

Peter Banning: I'm not Peter Pan.

Thud Butt: [sadly] Don't leave us Peter, and don't say goodbye.

Too Small: What's goodbye?

Ace: [voice breaking] It's going away, that's what it is. Forgetting about us all over again.

Peter Banning: No, my Lost Boys, I'll never leave you, never. So who will I leave in charge?

[Peter takes out his sword and tries to figure out who will be the new Pan, he chooses Thud Butt]

Peter Banning: Now I want you to take care of everything that's smaller than you.

Thud Butt: Okay.

Too Small: Then who do I look after?

Peter Banning: Neverbugs - little ones.

[Peter backs away and flies off as the Lost Boys watch him as they all smile]

Too Small: That was a great game!

Peter Banning: [flies away] Thank you for believing.

[Peter and Hook are dueling]

Peter Banning: Good form, old man.

[Hook traps Peter and grinds his hook near his face]

Captain Hook: You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning, a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, who's obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!

Too Small: I believe in you.

Latchboy: I believe in you.

No Nap: I believe in you, Peter.

Maggie: I believe in you.

Thud Butt: You are the Pan.

Jack: You're Peter Pan.

Tinkerbell: I believe in you... Peter Pan.

[Peter pushes Hook off and returns his sword. As Hook takes it, he slices Peter's arm with his hook]

Jack: Bad form!

Ace: Jack, stop!

Peter Banning: Tick, tock! Tick, Tock! Hook's afraid of an old dead crock! I think not! I think James Hook's afraid of time, ticking away!

Peter Banning: [to Rufio] You are a very ill-mannered young man. Do you know that?