Peter Quotes in X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

[from trailer]

Peter: Magneto is my father.

Raven: [shocked, turns around] What?

Peter: These taxis are so damn expensive! Want to share?

Peter: Can you climb?

Monique: Peter wants to know if I can climb!

Skip: Worst I ever seen. Couldn't climb a ladder.

Peter: You're that good, huh?

Monique: Yes... But it was a very tall ladder.

Peter: You're gonna kill him.

Montgomery Wick: My wife died of edema. Stripped the skin from her throat, her lungs filled with water. She drowned in her own bodily fluids. Yeah, I'm gonna kill him.

Peter: I can't let you do it.

Montgomery Wick: Peter, do you know where you are? Above 24,000, you're at the vertical limit, you're already dying. Look at you. You can hardly stand. If you think you can stop me, go ahead.

Peter: My sister's dying up there, Mr. Wick.

Montgomery Wick: Up there, you're not dying, you're dead.

Annie Garrett: Peter, are you there? Peter?

Peter: Annie? Annie, is that you? Annie. Annie, what is it?

Annie Garrett: Where are you?

Peter: Five hours away.

Annie Garrett: I want you to go back. Don't risk it. There's no reason. I won't be here and neither will Tom.

Peter: How long?

Annie Garrett: An hour. Two at the most. Peter? Peter!

Peter: I'm here Annie.

Annie Garrett: I've been thinking. I've been thinking a lot about Dad. We shouldn't have gotten him a grave. We should have come up here together with his ashes. He said this is where he was the happiest. He was a climber. I think every real climber would want to stay on the mountain. What do you think?

Peter: I think we'll come back some day. The two of us. For Dad.

Annie Garrett: I would've liked that.

Peter: I'm coming to get you Annie.

Annie Garrett: No, don't! Promise me. I don't want you to die. I can't let you do that.

Peter: I don't care!

Annie Garrett: Don't put me through it, you understand? Please? Just, please don't. Please. Good night Peter. I love you.

Annie Garrett: That was a hell of a thing you did up there. Anybody else would have given up.

Peter: Not everybody.

Annie Garrett: He'd be proud of you. Angry, but really proud.

Peter: Get some sleep.

Peter: Montgomery Wick. My dad told me about how Wick speed-summited in 24.

Skip: We're not Montgomery Wick. Even if we were, how long does that leave to get through the rock and ice? We don't even know their exact location. How long is that gonna take?

Peter: I won't let Annie die.

Skip: So what are we gonna do?

Peter: [as the Postal Dude is walking by] Speaking of freaky shit, have you seen that guy's wife?

Paul: Yeah, she's hard to miss.

Peter: She's a good fuck though.

Paul: You fucked her?

Peter: Several times! She's got a clapper in her trailer. The lights go on and off and on and off!

[laughs]

Peter: Makes you feel like a rock star!

[both laugh]

Paul: Let's go to the trailer!

[a woman walks by]

Peter: Wow! Did you see that?

Paul: Yeah!

Peter: One date with me and she'll look like she's been hit with a mayonnaise truck!

[both laugh]

Hanne: What happened?

Peter: [cleaning up blood from the floor after Arne Smashed the face of a robber] Yes, it's a mess, isn't it?

Stefan: Whose blood is it?

Peter: Oh, just some customers'.

Peter: I need some medical attention! Look, the shit is pissing out of me, man!

Arne: It's a flesh wound! I bleed more when I jerk off, for fuck's sake!

Peter: Why is it that one should keep talking... when one is dying?

Arne: I'll punch you in the face if you don't shut the fuck up now!

Peter: Arne, for fuck's sake... can't we have something else besides these freezer pizzas? We've been eating the same shit for a week now, man.

Arne: Who fixed the oven? I did, right? You fix your own oven! You cook your own dinner and shut the fuck up!... fucking vegetables and all sorts of goodies on this!

Peter: [Tosses the pizza across the room] Don't wanna fucking eat this shit anymore, man!

Peter: It smells like rotten ass in here! I need some coke!

Harald: How was the trip to the graveyard?

Peter: It was okay.

Harald: Good. Mind' doing another run?

Peter: It's not a shark!

Peter: These aren't real onions, are they? They're some kind of alien yucko onions. Wonder if this is real cheese?

Peter: Did you buy those rings on all different planets?

Hawk: Oh, you can't buy rings, rings have to come to you. You either find them, or steal them, or someone gives them to you, but you can't buy them.

[Hawk is teaching Peter to operate the gunner's panel on a spaceship]

Hawk: Hey, you did it! That's the kind of things you gotta know when you grow up.

Peter: When I grow up, I'm gonna have a job, in some office!

Hawk: Well, you're gonna be the best shot in that office.

Hawk: Life's a ride, kiddo. You fire up the engines, and you see where they take you. You make friends, and you move on. And all you can do is remember, as best as you can.

Peter: I'll remember you.

Demetrius: We traveled here together from Galilee, persuading people to give up their lives for a beautiful dream.

[he attempts to hand a goblet of wine to Peter]

Demetrius: Take it Peter. It's real... hot spiced, with cinnamon and cloves.

[chuckles and looks towards Messalina]

Demetrius: Did you know that Jesus could turn water into wine? And that was only one of his tricks.

Peter: Yes, only one. Anything that was base, He could make noble. He found a leper and made him clean. He found death and He made life. He found you a slave, and He made you free.

Demetrius: Get out!

Peter: And now you've won a great victory over Him, haven't you tribune ? You've made yourself a slave again.

Messalina: [arrogantly] You'll never get him back. What can you offer him ? The company of slaves and beggars ? The refuse of Rome ? Poverty and self-denial ? Prayers ? Tears ? Death ? You see, I've studied your teachings, and I, Fisherman, I can give him the world. If he has to choose between us, do you think he'd hesitate for one minute ? Of course not. And that's why you hate me. I can see it in your eyes.

Peter: What you see in my eyes is pity.

[she tosses her goblet of wine in his face]

Messalina: Get out !

Peter: Steroids aren't the problem though, they are just another side effect of being human.

[Peter's outrageously stupid plan to get Koen out of prison has gone awry]

Peter: I didn't count on the dog.

Bennie: Shut up!

Peter: [explaining his plan] Okay. Bennie, this is you.

[takes a thick bottle]

Bennie: [looks at Peter angrily]

Peter: [takes a thin bottle] Then eh... this is you. Okay. During visiting hours you sign in, and then the guards take you to Koen. And Koen is located here, in the middle of the square. In the meantime, we place a crane worker in one of the alleys next to the prison. And when we place the crane so that it, at its maximum height, makes a 45 degree angle, together with that pole, we shoot a grappling hook with a bungee chord and a heavy cable. And that we attach to this pole. So the only thing you'll need to to is grab hold of Koen and cut the chord...

[demonstrates with the bottles]

Peter: And at an open area nearby we have placed some mattresses, where you'll land. And the car's there too, so we can drive straight back to the Netherlands.

Martin: [laughs at the hilariously stupid idea]

Bennie: Fine. We'll do it.

Peter: You wouldn't shoot me.

Beatrice 'Tris' Prior: Why do people keep saying that?

[shoots Peter in the arm]

Tris: What are you doing here?

Four: You die, I die.

Peter: Oh. Okay, guys, come on. Let's go, seriously. We can do that later.

Peter: Hey, Tris, I really like your hair, by the way. Did you try to cut it all short and weird like that?

Peter: [to Tris] Well, that just goes to show that you can take the girl outta Abnegation, but you can't take the Abnegation out of the girl. Let's go. Once a stiff, always a stiff, right?

Tris: Stop the suicides or I swear I will shoot him.

[Holds gun up to Peter]

Jeanine: That's okay. You can kill him if you want. We have plenty of guards.

Peter: What?

Peter: [to Jeanine] I may be Dauntless, but I'm not just a meathead. No offense, Max.

Peter: Wait, you're not gonna shoot me?

Tris: Once a stiff, always a stiff.

Peter: Sir, have you come to help us?

[Catactacus walks over to him]

Peter: Are you going to take us out of here?

[Catactacus kneels in front of him]

Caracticus Potts: What's your name, son?

Peter: Peter, sir.

Caracticus Potts: [kindly] Well, Peter, you shouldn't be afraid.

[Truly, the Toymaker and the children listen with interest]

Caracticus Potts: [kindly] Even in a terrible place like this, because there's always hope. That's what I always tell my children when they're... afraid.

[Chance's stomach growls]

Chance: I think... I need to eat some grass.

[vomits]

Peter: Eww!

Jamie Seaver: That's Grandma's cake!

Chance: [voice-over] I learned an important lesson that day: cake and polyester don't mix.

Hook: And now, Peter Pan, you shall die.

Peter: To die would be an awfully big adventure.

Peter: To live would be an awfully big adventure.

Captain Hook: She was leaving you, Pan! Your Wendy was leaving you. Why should she stay? What have you to offer? You are incomplete. Let us now take a peep into the future, shall we?

[Hook and Peter start to fight again]

Captain Hook: 'Tis the fair Wendy. She's in her nursery. The window is shut.

Peter: I'll open it.

Captain Hook: I'm afraid the window is barred.

Peter: I'll call out her name!

Captain Hook: She can't hear you...

Peter: No!

Captain Hook: She can't see you.

Peter: Wendy!

Captain Hook: She's forgotten all about you.

Peter: Stop! Please! Stop it!

[Peter and Wendy land to talk to mermaids to find John and Michael]

Wendy: Oh, How sweet.

[Peter looks disgusted]

Wendy: What? Are mermaids not sweet?

Peter: They'll sweetly drown you if you get too close

Peter: I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.

Captain Hook: If I were you, I'd give up!

Peter: If you were me, I'd be ugly.

Peter: Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again.

Wendy: Never is an awfully long time.

Wendy: Peter... I should like to give you a kiss.

[Peter holds his hand out]

Wendy: Don't you know what a kiss is?

Peter: I shall know when you give me one.

Captain Hook: [Guessing who he is] Vegetable?

Peter: No...

Captain Hook: Mineral?

Peter: No...

Captain Hook: Animal?

Peter: Yes.

Captain Hook: Man?

Peter: NO!

Captain Hook: Boy?

Peter: Yes!

Captain Hook: Ordinary boy?

Peter: No!

Captain Hook: Wonderful boy?

Peter: Yes! Do you give up?

Peter: I want always to be a boy, and have fun.

Wendy: You say so, but I think it is your biggest pretend.

Wendy: Where do you live?

Peter: Second to the right, and then straight on till morning.

Wendy: They put that on the letters?

Peter: Don't get any letters.

Wendy: But your mother gets letters.

Peter: Don't have a mother.

Wendy: No wonder you were crying.

Peter: I wasn't crying about mothers. I was crying because I can't get this shadow to stick. And I wasn't crying.

Captain Hook: You're a tragedy!

Peter: Me? Tragic?

Wendy: Peter. You won't forget me, will you?

Peter: Me? Forget? Never.

Wendy: Will you ever come back?

Peter: To hear stories... About me.

Peter: Wendy? One girl's worth more than 20 boys.

Wendy: [under bed sheets] You really think so?

Peter: I live with boys, the lost boys, they are well named!

Wendy: Who are they?

[asking as she gets out from under sheets and makes Peter fall off the bed]

Peter: Children who fall out of their prams when the nurse is not looking. If they are not claimed in seven days, they are sent to the Neverland.

Wendy: Are there girls too?

Peter: Girls are much to clever to fall out of their prams.

[he says as he looks through the heart in Wendy's bed]

[Wendy has just become the Lost Boys' mother]

Peter: Discipline. That's what fathers believe in. We must spank the children immediately before they try to kill you again. In fact, we should kill them.

Wendy: Father. I agree that they are... perfectly horrid, but... kill them and they should think themselves... important.

The Lost Boys: So important, Peter.

Curly: And unique.

Wendy: I, propose something far more dreadful. Medicine. The sticky, sweet kind.

The Lost Boys: Kill us, Peter.

Hook: If you are Hook... then who am I?

Peter: You... are a... codfish!

[Wendy sews Peter's shadow to his feet]

Peter: Oh, the cleverness of me.

Wendy: Of course, I did nothing...

Peter: You did a little.

Mrs. Darling: [as she's sleeping] Wendy... Wendy

Peter: [as he's closing the window] Sorry lady, we can't both have her.

Peter: Well I will not grow up! You cannot make me! I will banish you like Tinkerbell.

Wendy: I WILL NOT BE BANISHED!

Peter: Then go home. Go home and grow up. And take your feelings with you!

Peter: [all of the boys hold out their hands] They're a bit dirty.

Slightly: She must stay here and DIE!

Peter: NO!

Slightly: How could I have thought that? Stupid... sorry.

[Peter sees a boy flying next to him, forgetting he has just met him minutes before]

Peter: Who are you?

John: I'm John.

Peter: John.

Peter: You can't catch me and make me a man.

Peter: She is to tell us stories. She is...

Slightly: Dead.

Curly: Tragic.

Nibs: Awful. Good shot, though.

Peter: Tinkerbell... She's my fairy.

Wendy: But, there's no such thing as f-

[Peter flies up and closes her mouth]

Peter: [firmly] Don't say that. Every time someone says that, a fairy somewhere falls down dead.

[he goes to look for Tinkerbell]

Peter: And I'll never find her if she's dead!

Wendy: You don't mean to tell me... there's a *fairy* in this room?

Wendy: Sir, you are both ungallant and deficient!

Peter: How am I deficient?

Wendy: You're just a boy.

Peter: [after bumping his head on waking up] I was not asleep.

Peter: I am the best there ever was!

Peter: If you wish it.

Slightly: If you wish it?

Peter: IF YOU WISH IT.

Captain Hook: So Peter Pan, this is all your doing?

Peter: Aye James Hook, it's all my doing.

Peter: Promise me one thing... Leave Hook to me.

Wendy: I promise.

Peter: Ready to lose the other one?

Captain Hook: Not this time.

Wendy: Littlest first. Michael?

[Wendy snaps back to "reality"]

Wendy: Michael. John. My brothers!

Peter: Who?

Wendy: I think you have, Peter. And I daresay you've felt it yourself. For something... or... someone?

Peter: Never. Even the sound of it offends me.

[Wendy tries to touch his face, and he jumps away]

Peter: Why do you have to spoil everything? We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fly and to fight. What more could there be?

Wendy: There is so much more.

Peter: What? What else is there?

Wendy: I don't know. I guess it becomes clearer when you grow up.

Peter: Well, I will not grow up. You cannot make me!

Peter: There's mermaids.

Wendy: Mermaids?

Peter: Indians.

John and Michael: Indians?

Peter: Pirates.

John and Michael: Pirates? Wahoo.

Peter: Then you are my friend no more.

Peter: Was it you, Tink?

Tink: [Tink gets a halo]

Tink: [in fairy language] Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Jack: What did he say?

Peter: He said the train is lost.

Jack: How can a train be lost? It's on rails.

Peter: I like how mean you are.

Jack: The characters are all... Thanks.

Peter: I love the way this country smells. I'll never forget it. It's kind of spicy.

Francis: [Francis and Peter are beating each other up] You don't love me!

Peter: Yes I do!

Jack: I love you too, but I'm gonna mace you in the face!

Jack: Wouldn't it be great if we heard a train go by in the distance?

Peter: Not really.

Francis: It'd probably be annoying.

Jack: Which direction did your's go?

Francis: What do you mean?

Jack: Your feathers... mine blew toward the mountains

Francis: That's not right. It's not suppose to get blown away. You're suppose to blow on it then bury it.

Peter: I didn't get that. I still have mine.

Francis: You guys didn't do it right. I asked if you read the instructions. You did it wrong... I tried my hardest. I don't know what to do.

Peter: I don't think Dad would've hated it.

Peter: I'm gonna go pray at another thing.

Francis: Ok. Let's check the next itinerary.

Peter: Fuck the itinerary.

Francis: Any questions?

Peter: I have one. What happened to your face?

Peter: They're playing cricket with a tennis ball.

Peter: What about our snake?

The Chief Steward: It's dead.

Peter: He killed it?

Jack: It's got to be against his religion or something.

Francis: Is that my belt?

Peter: Can I borrow it?

Peter: You know, maybe right before whenever you're about to take out your tooth, you should say something like, "Please forgive this." Because, actually, it's kind of...

Francis: Can you back away a little? You just spit in my eye.

Francis: You're the two most important people in the world to me. I've never said that before, but it's true, and I want you both to know it. I love you, Peter

Peter: Thank you.

Francis: I love you, Jack.

Jack: I love you, too.

Francis: How did it get to this? Why haven't we spoken in a year? Let's make an agreement.

Peter: To do what?

Jack: Okay.

Francis: A: I want us be become brothers again like we used to be and for us to find ourselves and bond with each other. Can we agree to that?

Peter: Okay.

Peter: Yeah.

Francis: B. I want us to make this trip a spiritual journey where each of us seek the unknown, and we learn about it. Can we agree to that?

Jack: Sure.

Peter: I guess so.

Francis: C. I want us to be completely open and say yes to everything even if it's shocking and painful. Can we agree to that?"

[Peter and Jack cock their heads and look at each other. Francis simply continues]

Francis: Now, I had Brendan make us an itinerary

Peter: Who's Brendan?

Francis: My new assistant. He's gonna place an updated schedule under our doors every morning of all the spiritual places and temples that we need to see and expedite hotels and transportation and everything.

Peter: Those Germans are bothering me.

Francis: I only remember certain details, but from what I've been able to reconstruct, it was raining, I was going about 50 miles an hour as I went into a corner, did some wrong steering, wheels went out from me, and suddenly, "Whoo", skidded off the road, slammed into a ditch and got catapulted 50 feet through the air. Little particles of glass and debris were stinging my face as I flew. And for a second, there was just total silence. Just... Then BAM! The bike crashed to the ground, exploded and caught on fire, and then I smashed into the side of a hill with my face. I was driving home. I live alone right now. Anyway, two joggers ran up and started digging out all the dirt that was jammed inside my mouth and my nose and my ears. My brain had stopped, and my heart had stopped, so technically I was dead at this point. They did all the procedures exactly right, as a result of which I'm still alive.

Jack: Boy.

Peter: Wow.

Francis: The first thing I thought of when I woke up was, I wish Peter and Jack were here.

Francis: I guess I've still got a lot of healing to do.

Jack: Gettin' there, though.

Peter: Anyway, it's definitely going to add a lot of character to you.

Francis: Let's take a look at the itinerary.

Peter: Fuck the itinerary.

Peter: I can't believe you just said that.

Francis: Why not? It's the truth.

Jack: He didn't really mean it.

Alice: I think you're all equally grief-stricken. Let's just leave it at that.

Peter: [upon discovering that Jack's ex-girlfriend left her perfume in his suitcase] Could she be gaslighting you?

Jack: What's gaslighting?

Jack: [about Francis] What do you think he looks like under all that tape and everything?

Peter: Well, I don't know about his face, but I think his brain might be pretty traumatized.

Peter: Tomorrow we fight. So tonight... we party!

Peter: Badonkadonk.

Peter: I want flabby grandma arms!

Peter: [Talking about the frozen White Bitch] We will create a democratic society, and give her a fair trail, and...

Captain Jack Swallows: [Jack Swallows come rolling by on the wodden wheel and runs over the Bitch]

[In the distance]

Captain Jack Swallows: Take that, Bitch!

Peter: [pauses] Ah, screw her anyways.

Peter: We have something the White Bitch doesn't.

Lucy: Perky breasts?

Peter: [while urinating in the snow] Look! Nicole Richie!

[camera shows a stick figure with hair]

Peter: Monobrow! Monobrow!

[clapping excitably]

Peter: King wants a monobrow!

Peter: We may not have the numbers on our side or the weapons she possesses, but we have something far more powerful.

Lucy: Perky breasts?

Peter: [From unrated version]

[as Superman, Peter is shot in the eye by a thug]

Peter: Oh my god! You shot me in the fucking eye! Oh, that really hurt! Why would you do that? That was so unneccesary!

[backs up and falls off of roof]

Bryony: [Gwen has just received her present, Arthur is now Santa and Bryony speaks over the public address system in Mission Control at the North Pole, using a HO-HO, It is visible on the big screen] Drop complete! And we have our new Santa!

[Arthur peeps out the window]

North Pole Computer: [the L.E.D. Display above the Mainframe in Mission Control switches to green and shows 0000000000] Christmas Accomplished!

Mrs. Santa: [Back up on the S-1! Learning that Arthur is now Santa having successfully delivered Gwen's present] Arthur!

[pulls levers in S-1]

North Pole Computer: [the Elves start cheering over Arthur, We wish you a Merry Christmas plays over the music system in Mission Control] Commence Decking Halls! Congratulations Arthur!

Peter: Do you know what I've always liked about Arthur? I think he likes espresso?

Steve: [Steve gets a phone call on his Ho-Ho, it wakes him up] Hello? What Elf?

Peter: Bryony, the crazy wrapping elf! Security tagged her to I.T and we think Arthur was there!

Steve: Arthur?

Peter: Who else leaves the door open?

Steve: The old sleigh barn? That was sealed up decades ago. After that terrible night, Grandsanta sneaked out and... Thank goodness he is too old these days to get into trouble

Xan: [observing Peter as he is biting a flower] What on earth are you doing?

Peter: Well, this is simple. You just grab a shaker, fill it up, stuff in the flower and you have... a bottle.

Tourist #1: [brings a bowl of milk] Here you are.

Peter: Cheers!

[pours the milk into a pepper shaker and straps the flower to it]

Xan: [the cub bites him] Ah! He's feisty, dad.

Peter: See if this helps.

[hands Xan the bottle and clicks his tongue to coax the cub]

Xan: [the cub begins to drink a little bit] Hey, he's drinking it!

Peter: Good.

Xan: Black streaks all along his face. You know what that means?

Peter: What?

Xan: A cheetah!

Peter: A cheetah? Yeah. How long would you like to keep him, Xan? Of course there is something you need to realize... we can't keep him like we keep the others. One day we'll set him lose, when he's big enough.

[while treading water in the ocean, Jack and Peter see a boat]

Jack: Ahoy on board!

Peter: Help!

Jack: Ahoy!

Peter: Help!

Sigurd: Strange fish in the sea today.

[last lines]

Peter: She doesn't answer the helm very well.

Sigurd: She will do to get us back to England.

Jack: To England... and home.

Peter: A little toy man.

Diablotin: Insultin' a leprechaun? A toy, you say? Oh, for that there'll be the debil to pay!

Peter: [rushes into the lake to break up the fight between Anna, Casey and Cluny] Are you all right?

Casey Brown: Yeah. Yeah, I'm OK... I'm fine!

[holds her eye and trods out of the lake]

Peter: [holds Cluny and Anna each by the arm] You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves! Two against one!

Bobby: [on the shore] Yes! And what will Grandmother say when she finds out?

Lady St. Edmund: [Lady St. Edmund and Casey have gone into the garden to look for the gardener, Mr. Gidding] Gidding? Gidding?

[see the gardener bent over a rose bush, trimming it]

Lady St. Edmund: Mr. Gidding! I would have a word with you. I thought I made it quite clear that there were to be fresh roses on the landing every morning!

Priory: [disguised as Mr. Gidding, the gardener] Your orders? I don't give a hoot en hoot about your orders, the roses come first!

Lady St. Edmund: Oh, do they indeed? You know, you used to be a good, pleasant gardener. But in recent years, you have become fairly tiresome and crotchety!

Priory: Oh, that's the way, is it? Crotchety, am I? If I known we going to thoroughly examine my character, I would have washed my hands and put on my Sunday best!

Lady St. Edmund: Gidding! We are discussing the roses!

Priory: Now, that's enough of that! You two go off and toodle over the property and I'll take care of what I do best!

Lady St. Edmund: Mr. Gidding!

Priory: Here here! Now see here, I'll trim my roses as I see fit!

Lady St. Edmund: Your roses? Very well. If that is your attitude, you are dismissed!

[nods for effect, and her and Casey walk away]

Lady St. Edmund: Priory? Priory!

Priory: [rushes back into the house through the back entrance. The kids are there waiting] Quick, help!

[the children help Priory to get out of his disguise and back into his butler uniform]

Priory: Get the boots, get the boots!

Peter: [Priory has his butler uniform back on and is about to answer Lady St. Edmund] Psst! Psst!

[Priory looks back, Peter points to his eyebrows and mouths the word Eyebrows, meaning Priory still has the fake ones on]

Peter: .

Priory: [Priory quickly takes them off and stuffs them in his pocket, then puts the stale bread bag on the tray he is carrying] Yes, My Lady?

Lady St. Edmund: [breathing heavily] Oh Priory! I have dismissed Gidding. I wish him packed and out of here by this evening!

Priory: I see. Do you think that decision might have been a little rash, My Lady?

Lady St. Edmund: Certaintly not! He was impertanant!

Priory: Oh, that's just his way, My Lady. And may I say, he would be very hard, for me to replace.

Lady St. Edmund: He would?

Priory: Very hard. And I would ensure that he had fresh roses on the landing, every morning.

Lady St. Edmund: You would? Well, I suppose I, might give him one more chance. But you may tell him, that this is positively his last!

Priory: Yes, My Lady. Oh, My Lady, the stale bread.

[hands Lady St. Edmund the bag]

Lady St. Edmund: Oh, thank you, Priory.

Peter: It's engaged!

Casey Brown: What?

Peter: Busy!

Priory: Now Cluny you've already met.

Casey Brown: Yeah, right, I met Cluny.

Priory: Over here, struggling with the churn, is Peter.

Casey Brown: Hi.

Peter: Hello, welcome to Candleshoe.

Priory: This is Anna.

Bobby: [From above] Hey, somebody catch!

[He tosses a jar. Casey catches it]

Peter: Hey, well held!

Priory: [Bobby slides down the column into the kitchen] The acrobatic member of the family is Bobby.

Peter: [Arrested for arson, Barabbas has been brought to the dungeons housing the Christians falsely accused of the act] This burning city is no work of ours. This isn't how the new kingdom is going to be made. You were wrong.

Barabbas: Who are you to tell me I'm wrong?

Peter: Many years ago, we spoke together. Do you remember?

Barabbas: No.

Peter: You asked me why I was making a net so far from the sea.

Barabbas: Jerusalem. The street of the potters.

Peter: You were as mistaken then as you are again now.

Female Christian: We didn't set fire to the city.

Male Christian: You've done the work of the wild beasts of the emperor.

Female Christian: Are you a lunatic?

Male Christian: It was his fire, you fool. Not God's.

Barabbas: [the realization of his error sinks in] Why can't God make himself plain? What's become of all the fine hopes, the trumpets, the angels, all the promises? Every time I've seen it end up in the same way, with torments and dead bodies, with no good come of it. Huh? All for nothing.

Peter: Do you think they persecute us to destroy nothing? Or, for that matter, do you think that what has battered on your soul for twenty years has been nothing? It wasn't for nothing that Christ died. Mankind isn't nothing. In His eyes, each individual man is the whole world. He loves each man as though there were no other.

Barabbas: I was the opposite of everything he taught, wasn't I? Why did He let Himself be killed instead of me?

Peter: Because being farthest from Him, you were the nearest.

Barabbas: I'm no nearer than I was before.

Peter: Nor any farther away. The truth of the matter is, He's never moved from your side. I can tell you this: there has been a wrestling in your spirit back and forth in your life which, in itself, is knowledge of God. By the conflict you have known Him. I can tell you as well that so it will be with the coming of the kingdom. A wrestling back and forth and a laboring of the world spirit, like a woman in childbirth. We are only the beginning. We won't see the time when the earth is full of the kingdom. And yet, even now, even here, the hour at the end of life, the kingdom is within us. There's nothing more to fear. Upon us, the years will be but many years, many martyrdoms. The ground of men is very stubborn to mature. But men will look back to us in our day, and will wonder, and remember our hope. It is the end of the day. We shall trust ourselves to a little pain, and sleep, saying to world, "Godspeed."

Heidi: [After Peter tackles her] I hate you.

Peter: No, you don't.

Peter: You're not the only one that can have an adventure.

Heidi: Peter, promise me you'll watch out for Grandfather.

Peter: I promise.

[gives Heidi his pan pipes]

Peter: So you don't forget me at your fancy school.

Peter: I'll contact the school. I'm certain I can get through from my post.

Grandfather: Then say I am coming. I'll bring Heidi back myself.

Peter: Grandfather, no. The country is at war, it's too dangerous.

Grandfather: All the more reason to go.

Peter: The Italian army has taken over the railroad. You would have to travel by foot.

Grandfather: Heidi cannot make the journey alone.

Peter: First, let me contact the school. I'm sure they've made arrangements for their children to travel safely home. And if not, I will go and get her.

Grandfather: I have old man's imagination. It runs away with me.

Ilsa: To our hero.

Peter: Which one?

Heidi: You'll come back?

Peter: I will if you don't go running off again.

Heidi: I will if I want to.

Peter: Then, I'll have to make sure that you don't want to.

Peter: And Israel is a beautiful country. Even the cranes think so. Did you know they stop there on the way to Africa?

Igor: It's for you. It's Dad.

Igor: Hello.

Peter: How's it going, Igoryuk? How are you doing in Israel?

Igor: Okay.

Peter: Okay, that's good. Have you seen the site already?

Peter: I'd like to contact a kid who really loves cranes. He's mad at me now. And for a good reason. But I still hope he's at the site tracking the cranes with us.

Igor: Dad, is it true cranes mate for life?

Peter: Yes, how did you know? Did I tell you that?

Igor: No, I read it on the internet.

Peter: Religion is nonsense.

Ben Rosen: It's also a gold mine if you know where to dig.

Peter: No-one will love you like me, no-one like me.

Peter: Who's there?

James the Younger: [behind the door] Me.

Peter: [angrily opening the door] What's wrong with you? When I ask "Who's there", why do you answer "Me"?

James the Younger: It *was* me, Peter.

Peter: What are we going to do, then?

Jesus: We are going to change the world...

Peter: You're wrong, woman. I-I do not know the man Jesus.

Peter: You told her to destroy herself.

Grigori Rasputin: She did as she was told. What a good little girl.

Peter: My sister's dead. You killed her.

Grigori Rasputin: How clever of me. Without even touching her.

Hans: You know, I never saw such a worrier as you, Peter. You want to worry? I'll give you something to worry about. Two years ago I took you out of that orphanage and promised them I'd make you into a good cobbler. Two whole years! Look at that shoe. Glue's all smeared, the nails go in crooked. Two years an apprentice and still the nails go in crooked.

Peter: I'm not as bad as all that, am I? You're not going to send me back, are you?

Hans: Ah! A new worry appears in the sky.

Peter: Hans has gone to Copenhagen!

[At the altar, just before Peter is married]

Peter: No surprises?

Mark: No surprises.

Peter: Not like the stag night?

Mark: Unlike the stag night.

Peter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?

Mark: I do.

Peter: And it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?

Mark: That is true.

Peter: Who is it?

[Mark's sign reads "say it's carol singers"]

Juliet: It's carol singers.

Peter: Well, give them a quid and tell them to bugger off!

Peter: [praying next to Heather Chandler's coffin] Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.

Dennis: I'm not belittleing the foodless fund, Peter, but we're talking teen suicide, here. I mean ask Alison; the number one song in America today is Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It by Big Fun. Jesus, man, Westerburg finally got one of these things and I'm not gonna blow it.

Peter: Great, so Heather gets the front page and I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

[Lee refuses to remove her hands from the desk as Mr. Grey instructed her to]

Peter: Are you doing something sexual right now?

Lee: [Lee looks at Peter seriously] Does this look sexual to you?

Peter: [Peter yells out in confusion] I don't know, Lee! Why don't you move your hands?

Lee: [Lee looks away and responds with] Because I don't want to.

[Peter welcomes Lee back home from the institution]

Peter: Are you happy to be home? I mean, are you 'happy' to be home?

Lee: I don't know.

Peter: I know what you mean.

[Peter finds Lee at Mr. Grey's office with her hands to the desk]

Peter: What are you... what are you doing? Lee, I don't... I don't know what the deal is with...

Lee: I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Peter: I'm your fiancé, Lee!

Lee: You are trespassing. You are making an unwarranted incursion, a gradual or stealthy entrance into the square of another.

[Peter talks to Lee while eating at the Laundromat]

Peter: Some people, right, have to wash something as soon as they've worn it. You know, for, like, half a day.

Lee: Yes.

Peter: And then you got your more laid-back folk who just, you know, maybe they'll wash their stuff when it's dirty.

Lee: Which kind are you?

Peter: I'm the type of guy who wants to get married and have a kid.

Lee: I wash my clothes just when they're dirty.

[Lee tells Peter that he's different than when they first knew each other]

Lee: You're different than you were in high school, Peter.

Peter: I... I changed.

Lee: What happened?

Peter: I had a nervous breakdown.

Lee: [Lee smiles] Me, too. Sort of.

[Lee talks to Peter about his underwear while washing clothes at the Laundromat]

Lee: I've read that if you wear that kind of underwear, that it squeezes... um, your things.

Peter: Balls.

Lee: Yes.

Peter: Balls? My grapes.

Lee: [Lee chuckles] Your grapes?

Peter: My...

Lee: Your testicles! Your sperm gets squozen, and then you can't have babies, and I thought that you said you wanted to have babies. There you go, I said it.

Peter: [Peter stretches on his tighty whities, before he starts to throw them into the trash] To babies! To diapers. To diaper rash.

Peter: [Lee joins Peter as they both begin to throw his underwear in the trash] To breast-feeding. And to crying!

John: Hey, by the way, Nicky, check this out, what's Ozzy tryin' to say there?

Nicky: John, absolutely nothing, the blizzard always came straight with his messages, but wrap your minds around this, gentlemen.

[Pulls out a Chicago album]

Todd: I love this song.

[Nicky plays the album backwards -"I command you, in the name of Lucifer, to spill the blood of the innocent..."]

Peter: Oh my God, Chicago kicks ass!

Peter: Drink up. Here's to fifty million clams.

Adrian: To the defilement of Earth and the corruption of its people.

Peter: Okay whatever, just drink it.

Adrian: It's awfully hot down here. How do you manage to stay so cool?

John: Uh, beer lowers the body temperature. I read that in a beer magazine.

Adrian: This liquid would probably quench my thirst, cool me off.

Peter: Definitely.

John: It'll give you a pretty good buzz.

Adrian: Or maybe it will trap me inside for all of eternity.

John: Uh, no it won't.

John: Hail, Nicky!

Peter: We are forever your slaves!

Peter: Did you check out the dragon mouth?

John: The Dark Prince is here!

Peter: I'd be careful with those fat-free chips - they cause anal leakage.

Roger: You cause anal leakage

Peter: It says so on the bag.

Roger: [reads the bag and spits chips out of his mouth] What kind of marketing braniac puts anal leakage on his product? How can they even sell that crap?

Peter: I had them take out all the calories for you.

Peter: I really hope I see you, but in case I don't, have a nice life.

Peter: Christina Walters? Yep. I know her. Bitch. First she tries to pawn me off on her friend, then she stalks me at my own wedding. Then she says "I have no feelings for you. Blah, blah, blah, wah, wah, wah, yada, yada yada - "

[Pulls Christina over the couch and they begin kissing happily]

Peter: Here's to fifty years with the same woman.

Roger: Dude, that's just depressing. She'll have saggy tits by then. She could tie 'em around her waist by then and use 'em as a belt... Or just tuck 'em in her socks.

Duncan: How's the battle going?

Peter: [Playing with Star Wars action figures] Luke and Leia are hooking up.

Duncan: You know they're brother and sister, right?

Peter: Yeah.

Duncan: Cool.

Peter: [referring to eye patch] My mom makes me wear it. She says my eye confuses people.

Owen: Well now you gotta show me.

[Peter removes eye patch to reveal askew lazy eye]

Owen: Hah, haw! Look at that thing! She wants you to hide that? Is she insane? I'd kill to have that eye.

Peter: [smiling] You're full of shit.

Owen: Seriously, you know how many bits I could do with that? Daring people to look me straight in the eye? Ahhh...

[making a funny face]

Owen: That thing is awesome.

Betty: Duncan, I thought you and Peter should hang out this summer. Lord knows he brought enough of those Star Wars dolls.

Peter: They're action figures! And they're classics!

Betty: [exasperatedly] Please.

Peter: They lose value if I take them out of the box. But we can still have awesome battles with them.

Betty: [to Duncan] He needs human contact. He's having far too many conversations with those dolls.

Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to...

Lucy: I object.

Saul: Oh, geez.

Priest: I didn't get to that part yet.

Jack: I would have to object too.

Priest: What about you?

Peter: I'm thinking!

Jack: You suck!

Peter: I suck, or the outfit sucks?

Jack: It's a toss-up.

Ashley: Peter Callahan is engaged to me. I object to this wedding!

Priest: Get in line.

Ashley's husband: And I object to your objection.

Mary Callaghan: Who's that?

Peter: Ashley's husband.

Midge Callaghan: You proposed to a married woman?

Peter: Yes. And I'm in a coma when my brother makes a play for my- sort of my fiancée

Peter: I'm making a clean start with Lucy. She is - She is - She... What is she? She's...

Jack: I'd say that she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her. She drives you so nuts you don't know whether to hug her or, or just really arm wrestle her. She would go all the way to Europe just to get a stamp in her passport. I don't know if that amounts to insanity, or just being really, really... likable.

Peter: No, that's not it.

[Jack looks annoyed]

Peter: But she's gotta be really special. She's gotta be. And I can spend the rest of my life finding out why.

[Jack leaves]

Lucy: Oh, and I'm *very* sorry about your carpet.

Peter: What about my carpet?

Lucy: You give up your seat every day in the train.

Peter: Well... But that's not heroic.

Lucy: It is to the person who sits in it.

Peter: Remember the squirrels?

Jack: Don't even say it.

Peter: First I knocked them out of their nest with a rock.

Jack: Peter!

Peter: Then I saved them.

Saul: I couldn't love you any more if you were my own son. But the fact of the matter is, you're... well you're a putz.

Peter: Is there a point to this?

Peter: Ashley!

Ashley: Scumbag! You're engaged?

[Peter nods]

Ashley: May I remind you that you proposed to me?

Peter: You said no. We broke up.

Ashley: No, no. I was confused, we stepped back.

Peter: You moved to Portugal.

Ashley: Yes, well, I didn't think you were going to run out and marry the first bimbo you came across.

Peter: Lucy's not a bimbo.

Ashley: Lucy? Lucy who?

Peter: I don't remember. I was in a coma. I have amnesia.

Ashley: Amnesia. Oh that's rich. All right, fine! I want my stuff back.

Peter: Fine. Then I want my stuff back.

Ashley: What stuff?

Peter: Your nose.

Ashley: [shocked] You can't take my nose back!

Peter: I paid for it.

Ashley: [gesturing to her breasts] Well then here! You paid for these too!

Peter: Keep 'em. I'm a changed man, Ashley.

Ashley: Go ahead. Go ahead and marry her you one-balled bastard.

Ashley: All right, fine! I want my stuff back.

Peter: Then I want my stuff back.

Ashley: What stuff?

Peter: Your nose.

Ashley: [shocked] You can't have my nose back!

Peter: I paid for it.

Ashley: [gesturing to her breasts] Well then here! You paid for these too!

Michael Kellam: She did a doodle; your turn to change her.

Peter: I'll give you a thousand dollars if you'll do it.

Michael Kellam: How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?

Peter: Beats the shit out of me.

Peter: All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up.

Michael Kellam: I don't know what babies eat.

Peter: Soft stuff. We were babies once, for Christ's sakes, what did we eat?

Michael Kellam: I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good, I can't remember!

Michael Kellam: Whoa, these diapers are way too big!

Peter: They're ultra absorbent! The more absorbent, the better if you ask me.

Peter: The little insect was just... Waiting for that diaper to fall off.

Peter: Oh, this is disgusting. It's all over and it's... It's sticky and... We're going to need some kind of cleaning fluid to get this off.

Michael Kellam: How about after shave?

Jack Holden: Somebody leaves a baby at the door and you automatically assume it's mine? The baby doesn't look anything like me! I'm bigger... and I've got more hair!

Peter: [reads note that came with Mary] "Dear Jack, here is our baby. I'm sorry I can't handle this right now..."

Jack Holden: [snatches note from Peter and reads] S-S-Sylvia?... Stratford! A year and a half... a year and a half ago. I did 'Taming of the Shrew'; she was the Shrew! I did some of my best work in that one... got great reviews!

Michael Kellam: Jack, you're such a jerk. You're always thinking of yourself! I wanna kill you...

Peter: [holds Michael back] Don't worry, Michael, you won't have to. Jack, I would like to introduce you to your daughter, Mary.

Jack Holden: But... uh... what am I supposed to do with it?

Peter: We've put our lives on hold, Jack, taking care of this kid. And now, it's your turn.

Jack Holden: Okay... okay... I'm an actor. I can do a father. Shouldn't be that hard.

Michael Kellam: Goodnight, Jack.

Jack Holden: [as Mary begins to cry] Wait, what's wrong with her?

Peter, Michael Kellam: [walking back to bed] Goodnight, Jack.

[Jack, Michael, and Peter are waiting by a pay phone with Mary for the drug dealers to call. They are helping the police set a trap. The phone rings, Peter answers]

Peter: Hello!... Yeah, we got your message!... Uh uh! No good! We do it our way!... 'Cause we've got the stuff! And, if you don't do it our way...

Jack Holden: [whispering as Peter gathers himself] Say it, say it!

Peter: We FLUSH it down the toilet! Now, listen, there's a construction site...

Peter: Feel her teeth.

Michael Kellam: What?

Peter: The druggist said you can tell how old she is by feeling her teeth.

Michael Kellam: I'm not gonna feel her teeth, YOU feel her teeth!

[Peter wets and cleans his finger, then sticks it in Mary's mouth]

Peter: I can't feel anything.

Michael Kellam: What does that mean?

Peter: It means she doesn't have any damn teeth!

Michael Kellam: Well, neither did Gabby Hayes and he was 90, so what?

Peter: Okay, well let's at least finish the song. Everyone hold hands... except for Eric.

Eric: Damn.

Peter: I'm gonna need a little help, I have to go to the bathroom. My penis is in the corner.

Eric: This is fucked up.

Yancy: Do you like brownies?

Peter: Are you kidding? Brownies are a very important food group.

Tom: [weilding a fire poker] Hello Peter! So happy you could join us!

Sarah: Tom what are you doing?

Tom: I was thinking, that it's time for Peter and I to TANGO!

[smashes vase with poker]

Peter: He's crazy! See you have no furture with this guy.

Sarah: Peter, shut up. Tom you're acting like a crazy person.

Tom: Oh yeah? Well, maybe that's cause I just got hit in the head with a ten-pound ashtray !

[shrugs shoulders]

Peter: I'm warning you Leizak

[strikes a kung fu stance]

Peter: I studied karate with a Grand Master.

Tom: Yeah? Well I sure hope he showed ya how to pull a fire poker outta your ass!

Peter: I'm not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese masters.

Tom: Well, I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass.

Peter: What was Barbra Streisand's eighth album?

Howard: Color Me Barbra.

Peter: Stud!

Howard: Everybody knows that!

Peter: Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?

Peter: I'm gay, I came out.

Howard Brackett: To whom?

Peter: Who? To everyone. My folks, my boss... my dog.

Faith Corvatch: How could you do this to me?

Peter: Because I'm in love with you!

Faith Corvatch: Ha! What kind of an excuse is that?

Peter: The only problem is me because I'm in love with her. I love her more than she'll ever know. But... you're a lucky, lucky man. You've got the right name! Goodbye Faith. Hope you two work it out.

Peter: I can't believe you're gonna let a few little letters of the alphabet keep us apart. It is a detail! Just - look, just call me Damon, okay? It'll be like a nickname.

Peter: This guy, by the way, could be the biggest loser who ever walked the face of the earth. He could be a grump, a jerk, a pervert, a cynic, a man who's mind is infested with dark thoughts, he could be a criminal... he could be... truly sick.

Faith Corvatch: [Faith and Peter are kissing passionately] There's something I have to tell you.

Peter: There's nothing you could tell me that would change the way I feel about you.

Faith Corvatch: I'm engaged. We're due to be married, in 9 days.

Peter: [alarmed] Whoa, whoa! Except possibly that. Wait a second, what?

Faith Corvatch: You know him. Dwayne. When you called the other night, that was me on the phone.

Peter: [getting really worked up and freaked out] What? Dwayne?

Faith Corvatch: But I thought I'd never find you!

[kisses him again]

Peter: I understand.

[melts into her arms]

Peter: Realistically, like, what are the odds that he's, like, some extra super double terrific guy.

Kate Corvatch: 10 billion to one?

Peter: Exactly.

Peter: You said whatever it was that you'd understand.

Faith Corvatch: That's before I knew what it was!

Peter: [after Harry Elbows him on the nose] Jesus, Harry!

Peter: [MacIntyre's helicopter is leaving] Bugger it. I was going to say cheerio.

Peter: So if you're not a father to me, how come you're a grandfather to Will?

Sully: 'cause you gotta start someplace.

[as Sully buys raw hamburger]

Peter: You want some buns?

Sully: Dogs don't eat buns.

Peter: You're buying ground beef for your dog?

Sully: I don't own a dog.

Peter: It's not gonna be easy being you, is it?

Sully: Don't expect much from yourself in the beginning. I couldn't do everything at first, either.

Peter: Mom's greatest fear is that your life was fun.

Sully: Tell her not to worry.

Charlotte: How can you live in a town this size and not see your ex-wife all the time?

Sully: That's easy, dolly. Peter's mom and I don't exactly travel in the same circles. As a matter of fact, Vera pretty much travels in a straight line.

Peter: SOMEBODY in this family had to.

Peter: Oh, God. I don't believe this. I'm a member of Greenpeace and I just helped poison a dog.

Sully: Well for one thing, it ain't poison. For another, you didn't help much.

Wacker Sullivan: Who are you?

Peter: He's your grandfather.

Wacker Sullivan: Does he always look like that?

Sully: Yeah, most of the time.

Peter: Tell me again this is your own snow blower we're stealing.

Sully: I knew your mother was gonna raise you like this.

Sully: I suppose you're gonna be saying the same thing about me when I'm gone.

Peter: You *were* gone dad. I already said it...

Peter: It's not going to be easy being you, is it?

Sully: Don't expect too much of yourself at the beginning. I couldn't do everything at first either.

Peter: I wrote some songs! You want to hear one?

Ann: Not now, Peter.

Peter: You want to feel my pulse? It's beating really fast.

Ann: Are those initials on your underwear?

Peter: Yeah... My mom has it done. She's an initial freak.

Ann: Take them off and bring them to me.

Peter: I want to kiss you.

Ann: ...Okay.

Ann: Are those initials on your underwear?

Peter: Yeah, my mom has that done. Initial freak.

Ann: Take them off and bring them to me.

Peter: June, are you pretty?

June: Not bad.

Peter: Can you hear me as well as I hear you?

June: Yes.

Peter: You've got a good voice. You've got guts too. It's funny - I've known dozens of girls: I've been in love with some of them, but an American girl whom I've never seen and who I never shall see will hear my last words. That's funny. It's rather sweet.

Peter: June, if you're around when they pick me up, turn your head away?

Peter: [over radio] Where were you born?

June: Boston.

Peter: Mass.?

June: Yes.

Peter: That's a place to be born, history was made there. Are you in love with anybody? No, no don't answer that.

June: I could love a man like you, Peter.

Peter: I love you, June. You're life and I'm leaving you.

Abraham Farlan: You claim you love her.

Peter: I do love her!

Abraham Farlan: Can you prove it?

Peter: Well give me time, sir. Fifty years will do.

Abraham Farlan: But can you prove it?

Peter: Well, can a starving man prove he's hungry except by eating?

Abraham Farlan: Would you die for her?

Peter: I would, but, er, I'd rather live.

Conductor 71: [On the Stairway to Heaven, passing by various statues representing important figures in history, points to a statue of Abraham Lincoln] What about him?

Peter: Lincoln? No, it's hardly fair to drag him in. I don't believe *he'd* be prejudiced.

Conductor 71: Plato. How would you like to be defended by Plato? Nobody knew more about reasoning than Plato.

Peter: He was eighty-one when he died, he might be too old to think love important.

Conductor 71: You think so? Anyhow, Plato had very elementary ideas about love.

Peter: Besides, didn't he quote Sophocles when somebody asked him if he was still able to appreciate a woman?

Conductor 71: What did the old boy say?

Peter: Well, he said, uh, "I'm only too glad to be rid of all that. It's like escaping from bondage to a raving madman."

Conductor 71: [scoffs] These Greeks, cold as their marble. Now, if he had been French... Richelieu, for example, irresistible at eighty. How *about* Richelieu?

Peter: No, I never liked him much in "The Three Musketeers".

Abraham Farlan: Your smile is not unattractive, sir. Did you use it to enamor this young American lady?

Peter: I love her sir.

Abraham Farlan: Answer the question.

Peter: Would you repeat the question? It, erm, had "enamored" in it.

[last lines]

[waking up after operation]

Peter: Hello.

June: Hello.

Peter: We won.

June: I know darling.

June: [opening words, before faces shown on screen] Request your position. Come in, Lancaster. Come in, Lancaster.

Peter: Position - nil, repeat nil. Age - 27, 27, did you get that? Very important. Education - interrupted, violently interrupted. Religion - Church of England. Politics - Conservative by nature, Labour by experience. What's your name?

Peter: Don't be upset about the parachute, I'll have my wings soon anyway, big white ones. I hope it hasn't gone all modern, I'd hate to have a prop instead of wings!

Peter: Look at her.

Bob: Holy smoke! She looks like a nice girl.

Doctor Frank Reeves: She is a nice girl.

Bob: Hardly your type, Skip.

Peter: I've fallen in love with her. Her accent is foreign, but it sounds sweet to me. We were born thousands of miles apart, but we were made for each other.

Conductor 71: You are determined to get me into this... salade.

Peter: And what about the salad you got me into?

June: Received your message. We can hear you. Are you wounded? Repeat. Are you wounded? Are you bailing out?

Peter: What's your name?

June: June.

Peter: Yes June, I'm bailing out. I'm bailing out but there's a catch, I've got no parachute.

Doctor Frank Reeves: Tell me, do you believe in the survival of human personality after death?

Peter: I thought you said you read my verses.

[to June]

Doctor Frank Reeves: Do you?

June: I don't know, er, I'd never thought about it, do you?

Doctor Frank Reeves: I don't know, I've thought about it too much.

Peter: [to dead radio operator] So long, Bob. I'll see you in a minute. You'll know what we wear by now - a prop or wings!

Peter: "Give me my scallop-shell of quiet, My staff of faith to walk upon, My scrip of joy, immortal diet, My bottle of salvation, My gown of glory, hope's true gage; And thus I'll take my pilgrimage." Sir Walter Raleigh wrote that. I'd rather have written that than flown through Hitler's legs!

Leo: Who's this guy?

Corky: That's Brick Davis

Peter: Is he the guy with the muscular thighs and the nice tan?

[All look at him]

Peter: What?

Peter: [to paulie] Oh yeah, at least I can read the labels you illiterate mook.

Peter: I don't have time for horse shit.

Dexter, Computer Hacker: What should his name be?

Peter: I don't care what you call him pissant. Just get it done.

Corky: Oh, for my résumé I'm really good with animals.

Peter: [Pointing a gun at Agent Davis' back] Who the hell are you?

Agent Brick Davis: Agent Brick Davis

Peter: Oh. Freeze prick

Paulie Romano: Get me a cup of the, uhh... rocky road there.

Ice Cream Vendor: Sir all of our flavors are on that sign there.

Paulie Romano: Oh, then just get me a cup of the pistachio.

Peter: Paulie, come on already.

Paulie Romano: Shut up.

Paulie Romano: [back to ice cream vendor]

Paulie Romano: Okay just get me the rum raisin then.

Ice Cream Vendor: The sign.

Paulie Romano: What are you lookin' at, huh? You suck. You suck suck suck.

David: She alright?

Peter: She's still unconscious.

David: That's chlorophyll for you.

[last lines]

Peter: [surrounded by the demented offspring of the farmer] Ohh... you must be joking

Casey: I can't believe you had a threesome before brunch!

Peter: Oh my God, a gay guy's acting slutty. Call TMZ!

Peter: You know you cock-blocked me and you weren't even in the room?

Peter: I'm just not the boyfriend type.

Casey: Oh. I'm definitely the boyfriend type.

Peter: That's part of what makes you so hot... and why I haven't tried to go to naked town with you. I respect you.

Casey: That's really sweet, but... um... I'd love to be disrespected right now.

Peter: [checking through a dating website with Benji] I forgot how much I love ordering in.

Peter: You're awful frisky for a jilted groom. Hey, it sucks to break up, but that's why they invented rebounds.

Benji: Rebounds are my specialty... and three-ways. Those are my specialty.

Peter: We were talking with the Master regarding the nature of conceptual reality. Psychologically speaking, the human mind, or brain or whatever, is almost incapable of distinguishing between the real and the vividly imagined experience. Sound and film and music and radio. Even these manipulative experiences are received more or less directly and uninterpretive by the mind. They are cataloged and recorded and either acted upon directly, or stored in the memory, or both. Now this process, unless we pay it tremendous attention, begins to separate us from the reality of the now. Am I being clear? For we must allow the reality of the now to just happen, as it happens. Observe and act with clarity. For where there is clarity, there is no choice. And were there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should I speak, since I know nothing?

Peter: MICKY! Micky! Micky! I'm the dummy, Micky. I'm always the dummy.

Micky Dolenz: You're right, Pete. You're always the dummy. I forgot. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're always the dummy, Pete. I'm sorry, sorry...

Peter: It's all right, Davy, there's nothing wrong.

Davy: Nothing wrong, huh?

Peter: That's right, I came here to tell you, man, that everything...

Davy: You know what I saw in there?

Peter: Yes.

Davy: An eye, man, an eye, this big, blood red, it was as clear as the nose on your face, it was looking at me.

Peter: Peace, David, I know.

Mike: All right, need a volunteer, we're out of ammo.

Peter: I'll go.

Mike: See that you do.

Heraldic Messenger: [Peter opens the door to find a heraldic messenger holding a pretty girl on a chain] Oh, oh, dear, I got a wire for a Monkee.

Peter: Thank you.

Heraldic Messenger: It's a, it was nothing.

Peter: Oh, I wouldn't say that. We all have loved ones, you know.

[the heraldic messenger cackles as he leads the pretty girl away on her chain]

Peter: Oh, how can I put this delicately? It's just that I'm not really in the vagina business.

Andrew: [Pointing to Peter's belly] And what's all this then?

Peter: It's called a pot-belly, Andrew. We have those in England, along with culture.

Andrew: Ah!

Carol: Do you have any Equal?

Peter: I'm sorry, I'm famous for having no equal.

[Peter shows Andrew the play that the pair were working on before Andrew moved to the States]

Andrew: [pointing at the page] That's still a good joke.

Peter: [looking over] What is?

Andrew: [reading from the page] I've never fallen in love. I've stepped in it a few times.

Peter: I believe I am what is commonly termed bisexual, which is by the by because actually I no longer sleep with men or women. But if I did, I promise you, you'd be right up there on my wish list, together with Michelle Pfeiffer and... River Phoenix.

Peter: I can think of no finer, fluffier, shinier people to see in the new year with than with your good selves.

Peter: [beginning voice-over] There are some friends you will have for the rest of your life. You're welded together by love, trust, respect, or loss. Or in our case, simple embarrassment.

Peter: It's not going exactly as I planned.

Peter: How long have you been married now?

Andrew: Almost three years.

Peter: Quite a long time for Hollywood, isn't it?

Andrew: Yeah.

Peter: Don't you get some kind of a plaque?

Andrew: Yes. We stay together five years I get a free hair transplant and she gets a new set of breasts.

Peter: What, so she'll have four?

Andrew: Yes, but her agent gets one.

Peter: And you know, when you think about it, that's exactly what happens to us when we're born. We're dropped down a random chimney and we have to get on with the strangers we find there. Typical Chesterton there to describe a chimney as a kind of uterus.

Peter: [to Andrew] Did you bring a surfboard?

Andrew: No, that's just Carol.

[Carol, Maggie, Peter and Andrew are listening to the squeaking from upstairs, which they presume is Sarah and Brian, when Sarah arrives in the kitchen]

Sarah: Hi, guys.

[the others turn to face Sarah]

Peter: Now, that's what I call an extremely long dick.

Andrew: Well, if it isn't Sarah, is it us?

Maggie: It can only be Roger and Mary!

Peter: I assume they must have resolved their differences last night.

Andrew: [telephone rings] This is the acid test

[Squeaking stops for a few seconds, before resuming]

Andrew: Darlings!

Peter: Well, if you'll excuse me, I better go!

[Exits]

Peter: [to Vera] I do wish you'd please try as a personal favour to me not to be quite so... *Gothic* to my friends.

Peter: It's funny, with both my parents gone, I suddenly have this overwhelming urge to act maturely.

Andrew: Oh, well, I don't think anybody really matures. Adults are just children who owe money.

Peter: [Andrew is furiously drunk and spewing hateful comments at everyone, causing arguments between the others] Look, look, it's two minutes to midnight... can we please just try to be nice to each other?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, let's try to be nice to each other. Cause it's New Year's fucking Eve, isn't it? New Year's fucking Eve, in Peter's fucking mansion, where Peter gets to be the lord of the manor, and I get to regret ever leaving England!

Peter: Andrew I know this isn't you speaking, this is 'drunk you'.

Sarah: [Sarah is telling Peter about catching Maggie with Paul] There they are, in bed, together!

Peter: With Maggie on top?

Sarah: Like she was in a rodeo!

[the gang are discussing a cabaret performance in Bradford]

Peter: We went on after the Fabulous Poodles!

Brian, Sarah's Escort: The Fabulous Poodles! Now there was a band! Whatever happened to them?

Maggie: I don't know, but we were on after them, and Peter was in the middle of his opening monologue when someone threw a glass, and Peter said...

Roger: [Imitating Peter] If that happens again, we're going straight home!

[a short pause is followed by the gang pretending to throw glasses at Roger]

Peter: We've only got the three days, Maggie. It would be nice to make it into the house at some stage.

Roger: Just one of those audience that enjoy it later, you know. They'll get home and think 'yes, I rather enjoyed it'.

Andrew: Oh will they? Well should we give them our individual telephone numbers then?

Peter: [Sarcastic] I for one should expect dozens of phone calls that said I looked bored shitless throughout the evening, that in reflection, Roger was right! I had a fantastic time!

Roger: You two are so cynical.

Andrew: I think we should hire a lawyer and sue that audience!

Peter: Do you really want to know why I brought you here?

Andrew: [Watching Peter fill a basket with firewood] Hello. just coming to see if you're doing it properly.

[Peter throws another log on]

Andrew: Oh, no, you're doing it all wrong - I'll have to help you!

Peter: Do you have wood in Los Angeles?

Andrew: Well, we have Hollywood!

Peter: Now, I don't want to have to tell you again, stop it, stop it now!

Maggie: [rejected] You slept with Sarah, I know you did!

Peter: Oh, my dear, the Archbishop of Canterbury has slept with Sarah! And that was years ago.

Hardenberg: I admit that some of what you say is true, but I'm the wrong person to be blamed for. Yes, I've been playing the game but I didn't make up the rules.

Peter: It's not who invented the gun, man. It's who pulls the trigger.

Peter: I'm not going to take advice from someone who broke their neck trying to suck their own dick.

Peter: How come you guys always make that noise?

Nick: What noise?

Peter: This one.

[Peter hocks up some phlegm and spits]

Peter: I mean you guys spit so much, it kind of makes you wonder what you've be sucking on.

[last lines]

Peter: My grandfather was right. I now know in my heart of hearts that people are supposed to make love. It is their main purpose in life. All those other activities - playing the violin, washing dishes, reading novels, drinking wine - are just ways of passing time, until you can make love again.

Peter: Erica. It sounds just like "Erotica." Suits her too. The girl's a walking wet dream.

Peter: Angelo, if you can't have compassion for yourself, how you gonna have it for others?

Shonzi: I'm a disappointment to you.

Peter: What? You're not a disappointment. You can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but you're not a disappointment. You are a good son. You took care of mom. You're taking care of me. You're my man.

Peter: You vwork?

Elaine: No. I wish I did... but there is a bit of a work problem in England at the moment.

Peter: You know, in Soviet Union if you don't work you don't eat.

Elaine: It's a bit like that here as well.

Elaine: How long are you in Liverpool for?

Peter: Ah, for just one day. Tomorrow - to Scotland, and after, home. To Soviet Union.

Elaine: What about all the food shortages?

Peter: There are no food shortages.

Elaine: But we read about it all the time in the papers about how you have to queue to buy food and all that.

Peter: We read the same about you. Queues are not caused by shortages, queues are forming because the person in charge of distribution is a cretin.

Peter: Hey, do you see that star?

Elaine: Which one? That big one just there?

Peter: Yea. The brightest one in the sky. It reminds me of my home. Every night from my bed, I look through my window and see it shining in the sky. And when I am away from Soviet Union, I look to the star and it makes me feel at home.

Elaine: Well, from now on, every time I see that star, it'll remind me of you.

Elaine: I'd love to go to Russia. Where're you from? Moscow?

Peter: No. I'm from the south. It's a very small town, on the Black Sea.

Elaine: What's it like there? Is it nice?

Peter: Very beautiful. You know, people from all over Soviet Union go there in summer for... beach.

Peter: [to Elaine] The only real shortage in Soviet Union is that of beutiful girls... like you.

Ritchie Donovan: [seeing Peter holding the severed head of the hostage] Where's the rest of him Peter?

Peter: He's back there where we came in. And don't fucking look at me like that! I did not do it!

Ritchie Donovan: Who did it then?

Peter: It's obvious, fucking pigs! They must not have liked your demands.

Ritchie Donovan: I didn't make any demands! What do you think I'm fucking stupid? Police don't kill hostages you idiot! Why, why'd you do it?

Peter: Have you lost your mind? Listen, I take him to lift, the doors open, big scissors, head comes off, here it is!

Peter: For some reason, the bad guy was always a Colonel who had a beautiful daughter and about a thousand head of cattle which you would hear but never see.

[as Peter bites into a hallucinogenic root]

Peter: What is this?

Rex O'Herlihan: Just a root.

Peter: Hmm. Well, from now on, I'm the town root junkie.

Rex O'Herlihan: This is 1884. You've gotta date and date and date and date and sometimes marry 'em even before... you know...

Peter: Now, wait a minute. Are you tellin' me you've never...?

Rex O'Herlihan: Never.

Peter: My god, Rex. You ARE a good guy.

Peter: [Excitedly rattling-off a list of dangers in Old West towns as he and Rex hurry down the boardwalk] "... I mean, it is all so VIOLENT!"

[smacks, full-body, into side of a building]

Peter: .

Colleen: Did you like it?

Peter: I did. Turbulence at the end was a little frightening.

Colleen: Movie-going should always be a life or death experience.

Paula: I tried to kill myself when I was a kid.

Peter: Jesus, is suicide a female right of passage or something?

Paula: Women are 10 times more likely to attempt suicide and males are 4 times more likely to succeed, so you're bound to meet more female attempters because the male attempters are just, dead.

Peter: And you didn't try it again?

Paula: No... I'll be dead soon enough.

Peter: I wouldn't give a hot-diggety-damn for any sonofabitch who doesn't love American Classic peanut butter!

[first lines]

Bogart: [in doctor's office] When I came home from the clinic everyone was asleep. Normally they'd hear my truck. We live in the middle of nowhere, so... I parked it about a half a mile down the road and I walked home, but my boyfriend heard. He hears everything. When he came in to see what was wrong, I just tried to pretend to be asleep. But I couldn't hold it in, and I started to cry.

Peter: Go on...

Bogart: Sorry. I was balling my eyes out, and uh, he held me. And I wished... I wished I hadn't done it. I wished... it was still inside me and still alive.

Peter: Um hmm...

Bogart: I've have four of them now. I don't know why when I make love I can't feel anything. Sometimes I think, well, I can't really see any reason to keep trying. They keep going.

Bogart: Aren't you supposed to say something. I just you I'm thinking about killing myself, I have no reason to live.

Peter: [scribbling on his clipboard] Um, yeah. Yeah. I think a prescription of, uh, Paxil might be the, uh, the right prescription. Okay.

Man: [out of frame] Anything else, Peter?

Peter: [reading his clipboard] Um, "can't feel anything... reason to kill..."

Man: Paxil. Really?

Peter: We met five days ago in Hawaii.

To-Bel: In 'Come on, I wanna Lay Ya'!

Peter: Dude, you can't change your life. I love your life. It's like a porno movie, but with better lighting. There's great cheesy music, lots of hot women. You could use more lesbians, though.

Ralph: Oh, you think so? Thanks for the tip.

Ralph: Listerine - the only thing to reach BEFORE the snooze button.

Peter: Genius. Pure genius.

Peter: There are two Girl Guides in the shrubbery

Don Lucas: [When asked what his new film is about] It's about a bum.

Felicity Marshwood: Curious subject for a motion picture.

Peter: Felicity, bum doesn't mean quite the same thing in America as it does in England.

Peter: Now run along Sebastian, and bore the pants off somebody else.

Dora Moxton 'Moxie': She was always an affected little madam out for what she could get. If ever a girl needed her bottom smacked, she did.

Peter: Well, we might arrange that after dinner.

Peter: It fits you beautifully, Mr. Lowndes. I didn't realize, sir, that your shoulders are so broad.

Anthony: Look around! You couldn't find a whiter, safer or better lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us! Are we dressed like gang-bangers? Huh? No. Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared around here, it's us: We're the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the triggerhappy LAPD. So you tell me, why aren't we scared?

Peter: Because we have guns?

Anthony: You could be right.

Anthony: That waitress sized us up in two seconds. We're black and black people don't tip. So she wasn't gonna waste her time. Now somebody like that? Nothing you can do to change their mind.

Peter: So, uh... how much did you leave?

Anthony: You expect me to pay for that kind of service?

Lucien: You watch the Discovery Channel?

Anthony: Not a lot.

Peter: They got some good shit on that channel.

Lucien: Every night there is a show with somebody shining a little blue light and finding tiny specks of blood splattered on carpets and walls and ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and special-edition plastic Burger King tray cups. The next thing they show is some stupid redneck in handcuffs who looks absolutely stunned that this is happening to him. Sometimes the redneck is actually WATCHING the Discovery Channel when they break in to arrest him. And he still can't figure out how on earth they could've caught him!

[pauses]

Lucien: Psst. Do I look like I wanna be on the Discovery Channel?

Anthony: No.

Lucien: Then get the fuck outta my shop.

Anthony: You could fill the Staple Center with what you don't know.

Peter: The Kings are playing tonight.

Anthony: You don't like hockey! Only reason you say you do is to piss me off!

Peter: ...I love hockey.

Anthony: You see any white people in there waiting an hour and thirty two minutes for a plate of spaghetti? Huh? And how many cups of coffee did we get?

Peter: You don't drink coffee and I didn't want any.

Anthony: That woman poured cup after cup to every single white person around us. Did she even ask you if you wanted any?

Peter: We didn't get any coffee that you didn't want and I didn't order, and this is evidence of racial discrimination? Did you happen to notice our waitress was black?

Anthony: And black women don't think in stereotypes? You tell me something man. When was the last time you met one who didn't think she knew everything about your lazy ass? Before you even open your mouth, huh?

[Peter notices a St. Christopher statue in Hanson's car and starts laughing]

Officer Hanson: Something else funny?

Peter: Oh, yeah.

Officer Hanson: Yeah? What's that?

Peter: People, man. People.

Officer Hanson: People like me?

Peter: No, no, no, no. I'm not laughin' at you, man.

Officer Hanson: I can see that. Why don't you laugh outside?

Peter: Why are you gettin' all bent outta shape?

Officer Hanson: I'm not gettin' bent, man. Just pulling over.

[Hanson pulls over his car to the side of the road]

Peter: Come on, man, keep drivin'. I said I'm not laughing at you.

Officer Hanson: And I'm not telling you to get the fuck out of my car.

Peter: Why you bein' a fucking jerk, man? Just drive the car.

Officer Hanson: I've got a better idea. Get out, now.

Peter: Fine. You want me to show you? I'll show you.

[Peter puts his hand in his pocket]

Officer Hanson: Get your hands out of your pocket. Put your hands where I can see 'em!

Peter: Who the fuck you think you're talkin' to?

Officer Hanson: Put your hands where I can see them!

Peter: You wanna see what's in my hands? Here, I'll show you what's in my fuckin' hands!

[Peter puts his hand back in his pocket, Hanson grabs his gun and shoots Peter. As Peter dies, his hand opens up to reveal a St. Christopher statue]

Anthony: No, no, no, take that voodoo-ass thing off of there right now!

Peter: I know you just didn't call St. Christopher voodoo. Man's the patron saint of travelers, dog.

Anthony: You had a conversation with God, huh? What did God say? Go forth, my son, and leave big slobbery suction rings on every dashboard you find? Why the hell do you do that?

Peter: Look at the way your crazy ass drive, then ask me that again!

Peter: Get the fuck out of the car!

Anthony: Give me the keys!

Anna: Why don't you just kill us?

Peter: [smiling] You shouldn't forget the importance of entertainment.

Paul: Okay, we bet- what time is it?

Peter: 8:40.

Paul: That in, let's say, 12 hours all three of you are gonna be kaput. Okay?

Anna: What?

Paul: You bet that you'll be alive tomorrow at 9 o'clock and we bet that you'll be dead. Okay?

Peter: They don't want to bet.

Paul: Well it's not an option. There has to be a bet.

[turns toward camera, breaks fourth wall, addressing the audience]

Paul: I mean, what do you think? You think they stand a chance? Well, you're on their side, aren't you? Who are you betting on, hmm?

Peter: But, wait, what kind of bet is this? If they're dead, they can't live up to their side. If they win, they can't live either.

Paul: Yes, they'll lose either way. That's what I'm saying.

George: Why are you doing this?

Peter: Why not?

Paul: You know, if you'd let Peter help you, it would hurt less.

Peter: I'm happy to help, really, I just don't want to impose.

Paul: Okay, let's play another game. It's a guessing game.

[Paul takes out a golf ball]

Paul: What is this?

[Paul drops the ball on the floor]

Paul: [to George] Sir?

George: It's a golf ball.

Paul: Correct! It's a *golf* ball... But why do I have it in my pocket? Hm? The lady knows why. Because... Well?

[Paul, exasperated, turns to Peter]

Paul: Well?

Peter: Because you didn't hit it.

Paul: Correct! Because I didn't hit it! And *why* didn't I hit it?

Peter: Because something stopped you.

Paul: Correct. Because I had to test the club in another way.

Anna: [realizing what has happened] Where is he?

Peter: [to Ann] Would you be so kind as to go and make us something to eat?

Paul: You can see it in the movie right?

Peter: Of course.

Paul: Well then she's as real as reality because you can see it too. Right?

Peter: Bullshit.

Paul: Why?

Paul: Hey, Beavis.

Peter: Hey, Butt-Head.

[last lines]

Peter: Good things about Mr. Ripley? Could take some time. Tom is talented. Tom is tender... Tom is beautiful... Tom is a mystery. Tom is not a nobody. Tom has secrets he doesn't want to tell me, and I wish he would. Tom has nightmares. That's not a good thing. Tom has someone to love him. That is a good thing. Tom is crushing me. Tom is crushing me... Tom, you're crushing me!

Peter: Sorry, I'm completely lost.

Tom Ripley: I know. I'm lost, too. I'm going to be stuck in the basement, aren't I, that's my, that's my... terrible, and alone, and dark, and I've lied about who I am, and where I am, and now no-one will ever find me.

Peter: What do you mean... lied about who you are?

Tom Ripley: I always thought it'd be better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody.

Peter: What are you talking about? You're not a nobody. That's the last thing you are.

Peter: Can you imagine, though, if he did kill Freddie, what that must be like? Just to wake up every morning. I mean, how can you? Just wake up and be a person? Drink your coffee?

Tom Ripley: Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense, doesn't it, in your head? You never meet anybody who thinks they're a bad person

Peter: Well maybe, but you're still tormented. You must be. You've killed someone.

Tom Ripley: Don't you just take the past and put it in a room in the basement, and lock the door and never go in there? That's what I do.

Peter: God, Yes. But, of course, in my case, it's probably a whole building.

Tom Ripley: And then you meet someone special and all you want to do is toss them the key. Say "Open up. Step inside." But you can't, because it's dark, and there are demons. And if anybody saw how ugly it is...

Peter: Now that's the music talking.

Tom Ripley: I keep wanting to do that, Fling the door open. Just let the light in, clean everything out. If I could take a giant eraser and rub out everything, starting with myself. The thing is, Peter, if... if... , No.

Peter: No key, huh?

[inspector asks a question in Italian]

Peter: [translating] Are you a homosexual?

[under his breath]

Peter: Interesting non sequitur...

Tom Ripley: No!

Peter: [translating] No.

Tom Ripley: Don't you just take the past, and put it in a room in the basement, and lock the door and never go in there? That's what I do.

Peter: God, yes. Though in my case, it's probably a whole building.

Peter: Officially, there are no Italian homosexuals. It makes Michelangelo and Leonardo very inconvenient.

Peter: Tom is crushing me.

Peter: Meredith Logue. You were kissing somebody. Looked like Meredith.

Tom Ripley: Hardly kissing. Kissing off, maybe.

Peter: That's not what it looked like...

Tom Ripley: Ask me what I'd change about this moment.

Peter: What would you change about this moment?

Tom Ripley: Nothing.

Peter: What she like between the sheets?

Jimmy: Definitely unusual.

Peter: I'm really disappointed in you, Racine. I've been living vicariously off of you for years. You shut up on me now, all I have is my wife.

Miles Hardin: [to the other participants in a meeting concerning Edmund Walker's will] Would anybody mind if I smoked?

[Immediately, everyone else in the meeting except for Peter Lowenstein lights up a cigarette or other tobacco product]

Peter: [after one of the other participants offers him a cigarette] No, I don't need my own, I'll just breathe the air.

Peter: I think I've underestimated you, Ned. I don't know why it took me so long. You've started using your incompetence as a weapon.

Ned: My defense was evolving. You guys got scared.

Peter: Assistant County Prosecutor is not the end of the line for me.

Ned: No, no. Someday, Deputy County Prosecutor.

[subtitled version]

[dog starts barking]

Anna: He only wants to have a game.

Peter: Funny game.

Peter: We missed you. Where were you, high up in the first class, I bet?

Richard Walker: We got here yesterday.

Peter: Yesterday? And you haven't find the way out of the airport yet? I thought I was wrecked.

Richard Walker: No, a mix-up with the bags.

Peter: Mix-up with the bags? Mmmm. To tell you the truth, I am a little wrecked. I hope I don't miss your speech. Is tomorrow, right?

Richard Walker: No, no, Peter. Today. Today.

Peter: Today?

Richard Walker: Yeah.

Peter: I hope you don't miss it.

Jack Carter: [naked, pointing a shotgun] Out!

Con McCarty: Come on Jack, put it away. You know you're not going to use it.

Peter: The gun he means!

Peter: Don't let us interrupt you.

Jack Carter: Now...

Stone: [ranting to a imobilised Peter] He had to nerve to fuck with my masterpiece!

[flips through the pages of 'Bone Daddy']

Stone: Listen to this; Bone Daddy lived for the sensation he got from taking their lives

Peter: [mocking him] He got you down to a T! He saw through it! He saw right through you!

Peter: Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.

Johnny: Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.

Mark: Why not?

Johnny: Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.

Mark: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?

Johnny: Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.

Peter: [almost getting thrown off a building] What are you, nuts? GOD!

Mark: [shrugs it off like it's nothing] Sorry.

Peter: People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.

Mannix: [Holding Peter in a half-nelson] Hey Porky, where's your little friend?

Peter: [stammering] I don't know Mr. Mannix.

Mannix: Yeah? well you better find him, or your big butt's mine!

[kicks him in the ass as Peter runs away]

Peter: You're sick... that's all I have in cash. Now please, don't drink it in here.

Peter: I think you've made your point now! You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home! Before it gets too frightening we ought to call a halt. Oh, could we start again, please?

Woman: I think I've seen you somewhere... I remember! You were with that man they took away; I recognize your face.

Peter: You've got the wrong man, lady! I don't know him! And I wasn't where he was tonight, never near the place.

Man: That's strange, for I am sure I saw you with him. You were right by his side, and yet you denied.

Peter: I tell you I was never, ever with him!

Soldier: But I saw you too; it looked just like you!

Peter: I don't know him!

Mary Magdalene: Peter, don't you know what you just said? You've gone and called him dead.

Peter: I had to do it, don't you see? Or else they'd go for me!

Mary Magdalene: It's what he told us you would do. I wonder how he knew?

Peter: Yeah, I was a soldier once, and it taught me a lesson. Don't get into a fight you know you're gonna lose.

Lester: [under his breath] Cowards.

Helen: Fuck you.

Peter: What?

Helen: You heard me, you little twerp. Do you think I'm afraid of you?

Peter: I know you are.

Helen: I know all about you. You're just a sad, second rate, boring, impotent little copycat.

[laughter]

Peter: Watch it bitch or I will slice that smile off your face, do you hear me?

Helen: Daryll Lee couldn't get it up either.

Peter: DO YOU HEAR ME?

Helen: [spits in Peter's face]

Peter: OK, I see Helen. Nice try. You wanna know a little secret? Huh? I'm on to your trick. I won't kill you fast no matter how much you're gonna want me to.

Peter: [On the roof near the climax as Helen is trying to escape] Hey, Helen, it looks like I cured your agoraphobia!

Peter: [to Monahan] Don't you ever get tired... of being a day late and a dollar short?

[to Helen on video]

Peter: Did you know, Helen, that more books have been written about Jack the Ripper than Abraham Lincoln? It's a sick world, isn't it, Helen?

Peter: [Holding a threatening hypodermic] Now, I'm not going to lie to you. This is going to hurt.

Peter: [turning down a cigarette] Can't, they smell your breath.

Arvid: Then we better not listen to this music, they may listen to your ears.

Evey: How do I look?

Peter: Like gold.

Peter: You can't listen to this and not dance!

Peter: If you side with the Nazis, Thomas, then we're at war.

[Peter has been arrested]

Herr Knopp, Gestapo: Such a waste. So much passion, for nothing.

Peter: It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing! Do wop do wop

[Peter is taken away]

Peter: I know who my friends are. I'm not alone.

Peter: You said they'd never split us apart.

Péter: I knew that you had what was needed. You'll get there.

Peter: If you don't work, you don't get paid no money. And I like money.

Peter: You'll be getting like them bloody beatniks before you know it. Ban the bomb and do fuck all for a living pouncing about all day.

Peter: Now, this is a special kind of - - sleeping pill. I had a devil of a time getting 'em. But, I wanted you to have them on hand and to make sure you knew how to use 'em. - - What happens with the radiation is that you get - you get ill - and you start feeling sick and then you are sick and you go on being sick. You can't keep anything down. You may feel better for awhile; but, but it always comes back. You get weaker.

Mary: And this cures it.

Peter: Darling, you know nothing cures it. This ends it.

Peter: You remember when we first met? It was on the beach. I thought you were everything I'd always wanted.

Mary: I thought you were so underfed.

Mary: It's all over now, isn't it?

Peter: Yes, it's all over.

Mary: Now, it's all over, isn't it?

Peter: It's all over.

Peter: [Last lines] Darling.

Mary: God, God forgive us. Peter, I think I'll have that cup of tea, now.

Mary: [as she is bent over wearing a bathing suit, Peter snaps a towel on Mary's behind] Peter, how could you!

Peter: Oh, I don't know, really, I just held the towel like this and...

Mary: Very funny.

Peter: You're starting to get your figure back, arent' ya... You know, after Jennifer and all. Little here. A little there.

Mary: Was he married, do you know?

Peter: Two kids.

Mary: And there gone.

Peter: Yes, they were in America.

Mary: We would have to get someone for him, wouldn't we? What about Moira?

Peter: Well, why not, if she's sober this weekend.

Mary: Julian said she's given it up.

Peter: Oh, no, darling, you didn't listen. Julian said she'd given up gin - for brandy. She says she can drink more brandy.

Peter: Moira's not a bad notion, point of fact.

Mary: You never wrestle with me any more.

Peter: Now, what does that mean?

Mary: I mean exactly what I say, you never wrestle with me any more.

Peter: Have you ever been to San Francisco?

Julian Osborne: Yes, I have. A week on the way down. I met a lovely girl. Longest, loveliest legs I've ever seen. Full of martinis - both of them. The legs, I mean.

Peter: Man, you've really grown up!

Trevor: Isn't your sister Maria, the senior?

Peter: I don't know.

Trevor: You know I fucked your sister.

Peter: Does she know that?

Trevor: Her pussy's so wet. You know your sister's pussy gets so wet? All you gotta do is brush up against it. You know, your sister gives mad good head, right? Gets the whole thing down her throat. Last time, when she was suckin' on my dick, it only took me a minute before I came all over her face. I bet you jerked off to pictures of your sister, huh? Next time we do it, I'll find you; I'll let you smell my fingers, hm?

Peter: In the joint, did you get butt-fucked?

John Booth: It only hurts the first time.

Abigail: [answering phone] Hello? Dad?

Peter: Listen, can I talk to you?

Abigail: Yeah. Just talk dad, it's what people do on phones.

Peter: Do we have a problem?

Lisa: Of course we don't have a problem.

Peter: Is that the problem?

Peter: Let me tell you of the burden I bear. Justus told the others I was steadfast. He didn't know. The night Jesus needed me most, I denied him... not once... but 3 times. I swore I never knew him. Now...

Marcellus Gallio: [stammering, pointing to himself] I... crucified him.

Peter: I know. Demetrius told me.

Marcellus Gallio: [shocked] And you can forgive me?

Peter: He forgave you from the cross. Can I do less? Now, is there anything stopping you? Can you become one of us?

Marcellus Gallio: [new strength in his voice] From this day forward, I am enlisted in His service. I offer Him my fortune, my sword, and my life. And this I pledge to you on my honor as a Roman.

Peter: That's what pot does. Makes things look different.

Nick: Your parents know you're gay?

Peter: Sure. Told 'em when I was 16.

Nick: 16?

Peter: Yep, had a boyfriend in high school. They *freaked*. You know the usual bullshit: "How could you choose this kind of lifestyle Peter?" I said, "Hey, guys, it chose me." I mean, your dick knows what it likes. You reach puberty, you don't fucking decide what sex you like. You ask your dick. You say, "Hey, Dick, what do you like?" Okay. Alright. And you go for it.

Nick: And you said that to your parents?

Peter: In so many words.

Peter: First, you gotta admit that I'm eminently irresistable...

Nick: Bullshit. You're a ditzball twinkie.

Peter: I like to chase. I'm a wolf in twinkie clothing.

Peter: Two by two. It's like Noah's Ark in here.

Michael: Yeah? I hadn't noticed.

Peter: So the guy that's leaving. That your lover?

Michael: [nodding] Mmm Hmm.

Peter: What are you doing tomorrow night?

Michael: I haven't thought that far.

Douglas: Why don't you pack a little bag and fly to Paris for the weekend with me? I have a standing reservation on the Concorde, a suite in /le huitieme/, and a box at the opera, and *never* dine at a restaurant less than two stars. What do you say?

Peter: Chem Lab, Saturday morning.

Diane Ford: Don't like to talk, huh?

Peter: I don't like to talk to bitches.

Diane Ford: Fair enough.

Peter: I don't make trouble. People make trouble for me.

Peter: Look, I knew what you were, just a lot lizard tramping around in dirty truck stops.

Peter: Is there anything more terrifying than the destruction of the world?

Lloyd: Yes. The knowledge that it doesn't matter one way or the other. Its all random, resonating aimlessly out of nothing and eventually vanishing forever. I'm not talking about the world, I'm talking about the universe, all space, all time, just temporary convulsion. And I got paid to prove it.

Peter: You feel so sure of that when you look out on a clear night like tonight and see all those millions of stars, that none of it matters?

Lloyd: I think its just as beautiful as you do, and vaguely evocative of some deep truth that always just keeps slipping away, but then my professional perspective overcomes me; I just wish for a more penetrating view of it, and I understand it for what it truly is. Haphazard. Morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.

Jeremy: Peter.

Peter: Um... Jeremy.

Jeremy: So how many people are on this list?

Peter: There are a number of names...

Jeremy: Lemme see it. If the man believed in privacy you wouldn't be here.

Peter: Are you allowed to smoke in here?

Jeremy: [takes a drag] No. So are you and he...? 'Cause I know Benjamin. Could this be the new "Peter Period"? Look, you don't have to tell me anything, but the man's a sick fuck to send you out on an errand like this.

Peter: I thought it might be a laugh, actually, but...

Jeremy: But.

Jeremy: Benjamin can make you feel like you're the only man in the world when you're with him. That's what makes his work so good.

Peter: But you're never the only one.

Jeremy: Know what you should do? You should fuck them, and I mean that literally, fuck them all for revenge.

Peter: That's more Benjamin's style than mine.

Jeremy: What are you doing later? I'm going to a party at Diana Lee's house. You should come.

Peter: Diana Lee? You mean the actual Diana Lee? What time?

Jeremy: Ten o'clock. And if you're looking for other ways to get back at Benjamin, there's always after the party.

Rocky: Oh my gaw, bro! Look!

[points to Peter's car]

Rocky: Hey, you want me to go in there and kick her crap for you?

Murr: Bible says you're not supposed to hit girls, Rocky.

Peter: Don't Worry Murr. I'm going to keep Rocky on a short leash tonight.

[Peter gets out of car]

Murr: Okay, Pee Pee.

Rocky: Hey I'll be right there, Peter. Got to get my look on.

[checks himself in the rear-view mirror]

Rocky: And Murr! You better not start telling me that I can't drink or smoke or pick up women.

Murr: [long awkward pause] You're going to Hell, Rocky.

Peter: You do know you still owe me from the pool game the other night.

Sam: I already told you, Peter. No date.

Peter: Not a date. Just good old fashioned work. I'll be at the house around 9:00 and you better be there.

Sam: Now work... I can stomach.

Peter: Oh, so she does have a sense of humor!

Sam: Obviously. I laughed my butt of watching you skate.

Peter: Yeah and if you tell anyone about that... I will kill you.

Peter: How's it going Jack.

[Jack takes a drink from his flask]

Peter: You know... it's none of my business, but... I've learned that the "hair of the dog" saying really doesn't hold much water.

Jack: You know, you're right, Pete. It's none of your damn business.

Reverend Mike: [after listening to a story Peter was telling the team] You know, Peter... I think that's the first time I've heard you mention your dad since you've been back.

Peter: Well... I guess there are a few good memories left.

Reverend Mike: Oh, I'd say there's a lot more than just a few. That was a great story, Pete.

Sam: [hold up old softball hat belonging to Peter's dad] You keep the hat... we got a date.

Peter: What is your deal with that stupid hat?

Sam: Fine then. No date!

[begins to walk out the door]

Peter: Wait!

[grabs hat from Sam's hand]

Peter: Fine. I'll keep the hat. Is 7:00 okay?

Sam: Fine by me, but... I have to go. I do have a job other than doing all of your work.

Peter: See? Leaving again. Totally afraid of commitment.

Sam: Funny! Bite me.

Rocky: [looking at a picture of Peter's dad with his old softball team] Remember how I'd spend the night almost every Friday just so we could wake up early on Saturday to go watch him play?

Peter: I remember how I'd want to sleep in and you'd drag me to those games.

Rocky: Bull, Peter. You loved watching your dad play and you know it. And I'd say it helped, too, because you was looking just like him out there...

Peter: [grabs Rocky by the shoulders] Look. Just because you loved to watch the man play... doesn't mean everyone else did.

Jack: You still think your dad was some big shot, don't you? My dad could run faster than your dad, throw harder than your dad, and hit further than your dad. But he never got half the respect that your daddy got.

Peter: Well, maybe that's because your dad never respected himself to stay sober for a game or two!

Jack: Well at least my dad has respect from his own kid!

Peter: The only reason your dad's still alive because my father took his drunk ass to rehab!

Jack: Well here we go! Here we go everybody! The almighty Buddy Davis and his son Saint Peter!

Peter: Do you want to marry him?

Valerie: You know I don't.

Peter: Prove it.

Valerie: How?

Peter: Run away with me.

Valerie: I'll do anything to be with you.

Peter: I thought you'd say that.

Valerie: I'll wait for you...

Peter: I thought you'd say that.

Peter: [last lines, on meeting German officers in neutral Sweden] I believe they think we shouldn't be here.

Peter: We are all witnesses. Hundreds of us.

Peter: What the hell is this?

Shepard Lambrick: You have to light it, Peter. It's what the envelope says.

Peter: But it's not a firecracker. That's a quarter stick.

Shepard Lambrick: You know, you're right. Maybe you ought to move away from the table. You're gonna make an awful mess.

Peter: Can we not take her to a hospital or something here? This isn't good.

Shepard Lambrick: People, we're playing a game.

Francine Parker: They're still here.

Stephen: They're after us. They know we're still in here.

Peter: They're after the place. They don't know why; they just remember. Remember that they want to be in here.

Francine Parker: What the hell are they?

Peter: They're us, that's all, when there's no more room in hell.

Stephen: What?

Peter: Something my granddad used to tell us. You know Macumba? Vodou. My granddad was a priest in Trinidad. He used to tell us, "When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the Earth."

Peter: Roger, get your head together, we got a lot of work to do.

Roger: Number two.

Peter: You all right?

Roger: Perfect, baby. Perfect.

[last lines]

[Peter and Francine are flying off of the mall rooftop]

Peter: How much fuel do we have?

Francine Parker: Not much.

Peter: All right.

Roger: [over the radio while driving trucks] Hey, too tall, too slow, two, come back!

Peter: You look my size when you're sitting in a truck.

Roger: What I want to know is how we got to be in the same force with you being so large and all?

Peter: Well, they told me it was a midget force, and they needed somebody to look up to. Hey, where's Flyboy? What's his twenty?

Roger: He's probably up on the roof... with Flygirl!

Roger: Hey, man, we can't carry all this shit.

[Peter wheels a gardening cart up with all of their supplies]

Roger: Oh, I see, we're just gonna wheel right by 'em, right?

Peter: We're gonna try, brother. We ain't doin' this for the exercise, so we might as well try to get what we can.

Roger: No way this is gonna happen.

[about to run a gauntlet of zombies]

Roger: Whad'ya think? Bag it or try for it?

Peter: You game?

Roger: I need lighter fluid.

Peter: You got it.

Roger: You'll take care of me when I go, won't you, Peter?

Peter: Just rest, man. Save your strength.

Roger: I don't want to be walkin' around... like THAT!... Peter... PETER?

Peter: I'm here, man!

Roger: Don't do it until you are sure I *am* coming back! I'm gonna try... not to... I'm gonna try... not to... come back. I'm gonna try... not to...

Peter: Ain't it a crime.

Stephen: What?

Peter: The only person who could miss with this gun is the sucker with the bread to buy it.

Peter: We're gonna have a hell of a time getting back.

Roger: We've just got to wait a little longer before we move.

Peter: No, there's always a chance of some of them staying up on the balcony.

Roger: We can handle that. We can break right through them.

Peter: If any of them see us or hear us, they'll just follow us on up. It's no good.

Roger: We sure as hell can outrun 'em. We can load up with what we've got and get the hell out of here.

Peter: I've been thinking... maybe we've got a good thing going here. Maybe we shouldn't be in such a hurry to leave.

Roger: Oh, man.

Peter: If we could get back up there without them catching on, we could hole up for a while, at least long enough to catch a breath, check out the radio, see what's happening.

Stephen: There's some kind of passageway over the top the stores. I don't know if it's just heating ducts or some kind of access. I saw it on the map.

Peter: Upstairs. Let's go.

Stephen: We've got to find more fuel. Maybe closer to Cleveland.

Roger: No. We've got to stay out of the big cities. If they're anything like Philly, we may never get out alive.

Peter: We may never get out of any place alive. We almost didn't get out of here.

Roger: We're getting out of here fine. As long as there's not too many of those things around, we can handle them easy.

Peter: Yeah, well it wasn't one of those things that nearly blew me away.

Roger: We gotta stay in the sticks! There's bound to be more of those little private airports upstate.

Stephen: There's the locks along the Allgheny. There's several fuel-pumping stations there, state- and private-owned.

Roger: No, those are probably still manned. We don't need those hassles either.

Stephen: They're just out after scavengers and looters.

Peter: Oh, you got papers for this limousine?

Stephen: I've got GON I.D., and so does Fran.

Peter: Right, and we're up here doing traffic reports! Wake up, sucker! We're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are. We gotta find our own way.

Peter: Get its head up. Get its head up. Roger, get its head up, man!

Peter: I've seen half-a-dozen guys in my unit get bitten by those things. None of them lasted more than... three days.

[Roger is in the basement, vomiting]

Peter: You ain't just in here by yourself, boy!

[Roger aims his gun at Peter]

Peter: You was in Wooley's unit, wasn't you?

[Peter cocks his gun]

Roger: I didn't see nothing. I didn't see how he died.

[They lower their guns]

[after avoiding a bunch of the zombies]

Roger: Well, we're in, but how the hell are we gonna get back?

Peter: Who the hell cares! Let's go shopping!

Roger: Watches! Watches!

Peter: Wait a minute, man. Let's just get the stuff we need. I'll get a television and a radio.

Roger: Ooohh, ooohh, lighter fluid! And chocolate. Chocolate!

[he runs down a clothing aisle]

Roger: Hey, how about a mink coat?

Roger: Peter, where are you?

Peter: I'm right here, man.

Roger: Hey, we did it, didn't we? We whipped 'em, didn't we?

Peter: That's right, man.

Roger: Didn't we... Didn't we whip 'em?

Peter: We sure did, buddy.

Roger: We whipped 'em and we got it ALL!

Roger: Aww, God! Oh, Jesus Christ!

Peter: What is it?

Roger: My bag! I left my goddamn bag in the other truck!

Peter: [stops driving the truck] All right, trooper, you better screw your head on.

Roger: [hyped tone] Yeah, yeah, yeah; c'mon, c'mon c'mon, let's go!

Peter: [grabbing him by the collar] I mean it! Now you're not just playin' with your life, you're playin' with mine! Now... are you straight?

Roger: [subdued tone] Yeah.

[coming across a Zombie storage room]

Roger: Why did these people keep them here?

Peter: 'Cause they still believe there's respect in dying.

Roger: You better get some sleep, too.

Peter: I been thinkin'. There's an awful lot of stuff down there that we could use.

Roger: I know it.

Peter: It's a big place, but they're pretty spread out down there. I think we can outrun 'em.

Roger: Hit and run?

Peter: Hit and run.

Francine Parker: You're crazy!

Roger: This place could be a gold mine. We've got to at least check it out.

[pointing his gun at Stephen]

Peter: You never point a gun at anyone, mister. Scary, isn't it? Isn't it?

Stephen: How many do you figure are already in?

Peter: Not too many. We'll get it all locked up, and then we're going on a hunt.

[looking at the approaching bikers]

Peter: Just three of them, huh?

Stephen: Holy shit!

Peter: They'll get in. They'll move the trucks.

Stephen: There's hundreds of those creatures down there.

Peter: Come on, man, that's a professional army. Looks like they've been surviving on the road all through this thing. Well, let's not make it easy for them.

Peter: This place is gonna be rotten. We've got to clean it up, brother.

[referring to Frannie]

Peter: She looks sick.

Roger: Come on, wouldn't you be?

Peter: No, man, I mean she really looks ill.

Stephen: She's pregnant.

Roger: [nervously] Hey, maybe we should get moving.

Peter: We can handle it.

Roger: Yeah, but what if she needs a doctor...?

Peter: [interrupting] We can handle it! It doesn't change a thing.

[to Stephen]

Peter: Do you want to get rid of it?

Stephen: [shocked] *What*?

Peter: Do you want to abort it? It's not too late, and I know how.

Peter: Somebody better sit watch all the time.

Roger: [points to the boarded up door] They'll never get through there.

Peter: Enough of them will. And it's not just those things we have to worry about. That chopper up there could give us away if somebody comes messin' around.

Roger: And what are they gonna do? Land another pilot to fly it out? They're not gonna mess with a little bird like that, they've got enough on their hands.

Roger: It's Christmastime down there, buddy!

Peter: Fat city, brother! How we gonna work it?

Roger: If we can get into one of the department stores up top, they'll have their own escalators inside.

Peter: Let's go check those keys.

Peter: Go on, get out of here.

Francine Parker: Peter...

Peter: I said get out of here.

Francine Parker: Jesus Christ, Peter...

Peter: I don't want to go. I really don't.

Christmas Daughter: [after Zach brutally bullies Dylan and leaves him with a bloody nose] You don't deserve that.

Peter: You should do something about him.

Ted: And your father.

Ashley: And your mother!

Dylan Collins: [horrified at his imaginary friends' vengeful words] My mother didn't do anything!

Milo: [smiling, almost sadly] ... Exactly.

[walks away]

Peter: [to Jess over the phone] I love you.

Jess: [to Peter over phone] I know.

Peter: I love you.

Damien Thorn: Beyond all others.

Peter: Beyond all others.

Damien Thorn: Beyond life itself.

Peter: I suggest you take two aspirin and go right to bed.

Alison: With whom?

Kelly Fairchild: Well, the nightmare ends with this stranger coming in and fighting with my father. And the strange man ends up catching on fire and burning to death. It's always the same; the last image is of his whole body engulfed in flames.

Peter: That's beautiful. You've got all the classic symbols there; mom, dad, fire, strange men...

Peter: Mother, father, mirrors...

Peter: [thinking Wallace is Brett] Don't just stand there. Kill her!

[Wallace retrieves a knife from his waist]

Peter: What's the knife got to do with anything?

[Wallace starts stabbing Corinne]

Peter: Yeah, that's it.

Peter: [Laurel is seen kissing Dominic when a light, operated by Brett, is shined on them] Is our, uh, Cinderella ready to her scene, or does she still need time to warm up?

Laurel: Brett, you're a fucking bastard!

Brett: Arose by any other name.

Ferrari: It's looking fine just the way it is. I think you've pushed the erotic angle about as far as you can.

Peter: The "erotic angle"? Mr. Ferrari, where have you been all these years?

Peter: [the survivors hear classical music start to play] He's enjoying himself! Do you realize he's enjoying himself!

Ferrari: I don't see what the business of the victim seducing the killer has to do with anything.

Peter: All right, it doesn't have anything to do with anything. But can you imagine the effect on the public? The victim rapes her own murderer. It'll be sensational.

Peter: There are some people who like to fondle the dancers' asses surreptitiously backstage, and some people who like to see the aforementioned asses displayed in the blaze of the spotlight on the stage.

Peter: Lock the door, and hide the key. Go on. Do as your director says.

Peter: You know that people have a morbid curiosity about murder. And they're going to line up for blocks to see a show in which one of the actresses has been murdered by the real-life maniac in the plot!

Peter: In case it slipped your mind, this show opens in just one week from now, and as you can see, those people up there literally stink.

Peter: There is an ancient Hungarian proverb: "Check the one who looks innocent!"

[last lines]

Peter: Bug it's me... Peter! You're friend!

Marcia: I told you it wasn't a shark.

Peter: No. No it certainly isn't a shark.

Marcia: Then what is it?

Peter: A Bunyip.

Marcia: A what?

Peter: It's a Dugong. A Sea Cow. Apparently there used to be thousands of 'em all along the coast until they were killed off for oil.

Marcia: It's ugly.

Peter: Yeh. She's not very pretty out of the water, is she.

Peter: I'm sorry if we got...

Marcia: Shh!

Peter: Mind you, I admit he's a good singer, but there's somethin' lacking... He hasn't got that certain 'ny-aah' in his voice.

[sings a folk tune]

Peter: Now there's a 'ny-aah' for you in all its glory... and til he has that, he'll never be a great singer.

Peter: [after Patrick and Pegeen say he can't go to Siberia with Mame] You know what your problem is mom? You don't Live Live LIVE! Life is a Banquet and most sons of bitches are starving to death!

Peter: [singing] Muchacha, Tonight I've gotta cha where I want cha my Muchacha. I'll watch cha, just like a cat would watch a little cucaracha. For ransom, I ask for a handsome prize, Let it be a glance, From your dancing eyes. I've got cha, And in the lingo of the gringo, I'm so hot cha, Muchacha, for you!

Peter: Poopy doesn't want to be touched right now.

Peter: You wish you were Keith! Keith's a pretty fucking cool guy.

Vandy: What's it like being the, uh, less intelligent one in the relationship?

Peter: Hahaha. Good one.

Vandy: Seriously.

Peter: Fuck off.

Michelle: Do you know of any placed to eat around here? I was looking for like a really good "B.B.Q." place.

Peter: Oh, well I don't know of a lot of good "B.B.Q." places around here but there's a great "Barbecue" place that's not so far away.

Michelle: Are you making fun of me? You're lucky you're funny.

Peter: Thank you. I like making people "L.O.L."

Peter: No. Not goodbye. Goodbye means going away and you're not going anywhere.

Peter: Welcome to Neverland, Jane Hook.

Wendy: Your not like any boy I've ever met.

Peter: My name's Peter.

Wendy: I'm...

Peter: Wendy. I know. It's a very pretty name...