Perkins Quotes in The Meaning of Life (1983)

Ainsworth: During the night, old Perkins got his leg bitten sort of... off.

Dr. Livingstone: Ah, been in the wars, have we?

Perkins: Yes.

Dr. Livingstone: Ah, any headache? Bowels all right? Hm. Well, let's have a look at this "one leg" of yours, then, eh? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes...

[Pokes the stump with his pipe]

Dr. Livingstone: Yes yes. Yes, well, this is nothing to worry about.

Perkins: Oh, good.

Dr. Livingstone: Yes, there's a lot of it around, probably a virus. Keep warm, plenty of rest, and if you're playing football or anything, try and favor the other leg.

Dr. Livingstone: What we're looking for here for is, I think - and this is no more than an educated guess, I'd like to make that clear - is some multicellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven feet long, and of the genus felis horribilis - what we doctors, in fact, call a 'tiger'.

Ainsworth, Perkins, Pakenham: A TIGER?

Perkins: It's another telegram from Stodge City, sir. Judge Burke. He's the mayor there, you know.

Commissioner: Burke? Oh yeah, I remember him in law school. He's a bum.

Perkins: I didn't know you studied at law school, sir.

Commissioner: I didn't. I was the janitor.

Commissioner: Send him a Marshall. Anything for peace.

Perkins: That's just the trouble, sir. We haven't any available.

Commissioner: Nobody? What about that big head who's always hanging around here looking for work? What's his name? Dillon. What's he doing?

Perkins: Six months.