Peezer Quotes in The Three Stooges (2012)

[first lines]

Sister Mary-Mengele: [an orphan says "We're not just orphans" as the orphans play a game of kick the can; Sister Mary-Mengele blows her whistle] Everybody inside! Come on, time for your chores!

Murph: But Sister Mary-Mengele, the game's tied! Can't we just play another couple of minutes? Please?

Sister Mary-Mengele: No, you can't. Now get inside! And pick up that soccer can and put it back in the equipment shed where it belongs!

Peezer: Wait a second, Sis, you gotta hear us out!

Murph: [sings] We didn't ask for this

Peezer: [sings] We didn't pray for this

Hipster Orphan: [sings] I may not have a sis, or know my mother's kiss

Orphan chorus: [the orphans sing and dance] But that doesn't matter, because... Everybody is special, we're not inconsequential...

Sister Mary-Mengele: [song ends] Shut up! What do you think this is, 'The Sound Of Music'? Get in there! Come on, enough with the singing! Come on, come on, move it! No wonder your parents didn't want youse.

Sister Mary-Mengele: [a car drives by and leaves a duffle bag on the doorstep; Mary-Mengele opens it, and one of the baby Stooges pokes her, knocking her over the stone railing] Aagh! Ohh!

Larry: [Larry and Curly enter the orphanage] Hello?

Curly: Anybody home?

[a TV commercial voice can be heard: "Hi, I'm Al Cerrone. Four-wheel drive SUVs just like this, with a gas saving, six-cylinder engine, only $19,995; and pickups, automatic and air, only $16,000. My promise is you'll be..."]

Larry: Sister Ricarda.

Sister Ricarda: Boys, what are you doing here?

Curly: We've been looking everywhere for Moe. Have you seen him?

Sister Ricarda: Yeah, I - I see him almost every night on TV. He's on that Jersey... beach people show.

Sister Ricarda: [Larry and Curly look at each other with surprise] You didn't know? Moe's a big celebrity now.

Curly: Oh... good for him.

Larry: Yeah... looks like he didn't need us after all... So, what happened here? Where are all the kids?

Sister Ricarda: Well, they're closing us down on Monday, so... we had to start moving everyone out.

Larry: But we told you to wait! We were gonna get the money!

Sister Ricarda: You got the money?

Curly: We got the money?

Larry: Well... no... but we're working on it.

Curly, Sister Ricarda: Oh. Oh.

Peezer: Well, at least you tried.

Larry, Curly: Peez!

[Larry and Curly chuckle, Larry gives Peezer a high five]

Larry: Thank God you're still here!

Peezer: They tried to shoo me out, but I told them I wasn't leaving without her.

Curly: Without who?

[Larry, Curly, and Peezer go into the next room where Mother Superior is praying at Murph's bedside]

Curly: Murph?

Mother Superior: I'm sorry, boys, Murph is very ill.

Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?

Mother Superior: Well...

Sister Mary-Mengele: [Mary-Mengele interrupts Mother Superior] I'll tell you why... Because we don't have any medical insurance.

Peezer: Here you go, Murph, look what I brought you.

Murph: Oh boy, cheese!

[Murph starts eating the cheese]

Murph: Where did you snag this from?

Peezer: Mousetraps up in the attic.

[Murph spits out the cheese and coughs into a Kleenex]

Murph: Ohh! Ohh, ohh.

Peezer: Oh, come on, Murph. You got to keep up your cheese molecules so you can get your strength back.

Murph: Enough with the melodrama.

Peezer: I'm sorry, Murph. It's just, ever since my brother, Weezer, got shipped to that foster home, you're all I got.

Murph: Oh Peez, come on. Don't start feeling sorry for yourself again. You think you're the only kid in the world who ever watched his parents drown, then got sent to an orphanage, then a couple weeks later, had his only brother dragged away kicking and screaming? Dude, it happens.

Peezer: Yeah, I know I'm being a wuss again.

Murph: Look Peez, I'm not going anywhere. You and me, we're family now, we're BFFs forever, just like Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Murph: Hey!

[Murph runs up to the Stooges with her fellow orphans]

Murph: Moe, Larry, Curly!

Moe: Hey, guys!

Moe, Curly, Larry: How are you guys? Hey, what's going on? Oh boy, did we miss you guys!

Murph: Welcome home, guys!

Larry: You look great, Murph!

Peezer: That's 'cause she's not sick any more!

Murph: Turns out I just had some form of metal poisoning.

Larry: Nobody listens to me; I told you there's too much iron in the water.

Mother Superior: Boys, where have you been? We've been looking for you everywhere.

Moe: Well, I guess we just didn't have the nerve to come back and tell you... we failed.

Mother Superior: Oh, you didn't fail. Look at our new home.

Moe: [surprisedly] New home? Who paid for all this?

Peezer: You did!

Moe: Huh?

Moe's Hip Executive: The kid's right. The money's coming out of your pocket.

Moe: Sorry slick, but we don't have that kind of dough!

Moe's Hip Executive: Oh, you will. See, the network has taken the liberty of paying off the orphanage's debts and building the new complex. Think of it as an advance. All you got to do is sign right here, boys, and you three will be the stars of our next big reality show: "Nuns vs. Nitwits". What do you say?

Moe: Oh, gee!

Curly: I always wanted to be a nun! Mmm...

Mother Superior: Oh, and by the way, the Jersey Shore kids pitched in for the down payment.

Teddy: [Teddy walks in with Ling] Hey everybody!

Moe: Oh, hey Teddy!

Larry: Hi, Teddy!

Mother Superior: Gather round, everyone! I have an announcement to make. Teddy and his fianceé, Ling, have just discovered that our Lord and Savior has left her barren, so they have decided to adopt!

Moe, Curly, Larry: [the Stooges tear off their suits, with shorts, white shirts, and bowties underneath; they snap their fingers in rhythm] Hoi! Hoi! Hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi!

Moe: Spread out, pick me! I promise I'll go this time without any fuss!

Mother Superior: Oh, I'm sorry, boys, but they've already decided who they're adopting.

Teddy: [approaches Murph and Peezer] So how about it, Murph? Will you be a part of our family?

Murph: Are you serious, dude? Me? And you're not even getting paid?

[Murph looks over at a sad Peezer]

Murph: Oh... I'm sorry, mister, your offer is very nice and all, but... I think you better pick someone else.

Peezer: It's okay, Murph... you should go. This is your big break.

Murph: [Murph hugs Peezer] Not a chance, kid, not without you.

Teddy: Well, I guess we'll just have to take all three of you.

Murph: What three? I was just talking about me and Peez.

Teddy: Well, yeah, of course, but there's also the kid that we just sprang from the foster home across town.

Weezer: [Sister Rosemary and Weezer appear] Peezer!

Peezer: Weezer!

[the Stooges and orphans laugh joyfully, followed by the orphans screaming "Yay!"]

Mother Superior: Pack your bags, you three, it's time to go home. Three cheers for the boys. Hip-hip, hooray!

[the orphans join in the cheer]

Sister Mary-Mengele: [mutters to herself] Oh, please.

Mother Superior: [with the orphans] Hip-hip, hooray! Hip-hip, hooray!

Moe: Gee, it sure feels good to not louse things up for once!

Curly: Oh, you said it, mm-hmm.

[Curly leans on the diving board with Sister Mary-Mengele standing underneath it; it hits her on the head and knocks her into the pool]

Curly: Ooh-hoo, oh, oh, oh!

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [gasping] I'm going to mash your heads, like potatoes!

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah, nyah-aah-aah!

[the Stooges run away, jumping on three trampolines near the hedge, each landing on a horse and riding away]

Curly: Woo-woo, woo-woo-woo-woo!