Pee-wee Quotes in Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)

Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.

Dottie: I don't understand.

Pee-wee: You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.

[after Pee Wee passes out]

Cowboy #1: What's your name?

Pee-wee: I can't remember.

Cowboy #2: Where are you from?

Pee-wee: I can't remember.

Cowboy #1: Can you remember anything?

Pee-wee: I remember... the Alamo.

[Texans cheer]

[Pee-wee has been picked up by a trucker]

Pee-wee: Some night, huh?

Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this same stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building...

[cut to a few minutes later]

Large Marge: And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...!

[Turns to Pee-wee and makes grotesque face]

Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!

Large Marge: Yes, Sir! The worst accident I ever seen.

Simone: Do you have any dreams?

Pee-wee: Yeah, I'm all alone. I'm rolling a big doughnut and this snake wearing a vest...

Simone: I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...

Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big "But...? C'mon, Simone, let's talk about *your* big "But".

Pee-wee: I'm here to see Francis!

Butler: Francis is busy.

Pee-wee: Busy doing what?

Butler: He's having his bath.

Pee-wee: Oh, really?

[shouts]

Pee-wee: Where are they hosing him down?

Pee-wee: I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!

Francis: Then you're crazy!

Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?

Francis: You're a nerd!

Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?

Francis: You're an idiot!

Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?

Pee-wee, Francis: I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? Pee-wee: Infinity!

Francis: No, I'm not.

Pee-wee, Francis: You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!

Francis: Shut up, Pee-wee!

Pee-wee: Why don't you make me.

Francis: You make me!

Pee-wee: Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.

Francis: Pee-wee listen to reason.

[Pee-Wee cuffs his hand around his ear in a listening motion]

Francis: Pee-wee!

Pee-wee: Sh! I'm listening to reason.

Francis: Pee-wee!

Pee-wee: That's my name, don't wear it out.

Francis: Remember the first time I saw your bike? You came riding past my house and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?

Pee-wee: I love that story.

[jumps on bike and pedals away]

Francis: You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!

[Dottie answers the phone]

Dottie: Hello?

Pee-wee: Hi, Dottie, it's Pee-wee!

Dottie: Pee-wee? Where are you calling from?

Pee-wee: Texas!

Dottie: Huh?

Pee-wee: Honest! I'll prove it!

[singing]

Pee-wee: The stars at night are big and bright...

Passersby: [singing and clapping] ... deep in the heart of Texas!

Biker #2: [the whole gang holds Pee-wee hostage] I say we kill him!

Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!

Biker #3: I say we hang him, *then* we kill him!

Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!

Biker #4: I say we stomp him!

Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!

Biker #4: Then we tattoo him!

Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!

Biker #4: Then we hang him...!

Biker Gang: [shout] YEAH!'!

Biker #4: And then we kill him!

Biker Gang: [shout] YEAH!'!'!

Pee-wee: [tries to throw voice without moving lips] I say we let him go.

Biker Gang: [shout] NO!'!'!

Biker Mama: [whistles] I say ya let me have him first!

Biker Gang: [break out in raucous laughter]

[Pee-Wee looks at Mickey's hand as he is wearing one handcuff]

Pee-wee: What did you do?

Mickey: Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they put on mattresses?

Pee-wee: Yeah.

Mickey: Well I CUT one of them off!

Pee-wee: Jee.

Mickey: Yeah, I have a real bad temper.

Pee-wee: Boy, I always thought that was the dumbest law.

Pee-wee: Have a nice day.

Large Marge: Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh!

Biker #1: Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of the Satan's Helpers?

Pee-wee: Nobody hipped me to that, dude.

Biker #1: It's off-limits!

Pee-wee: This box contains over 217 bits and pieces of information, evidence. Exhibit A: A photograph of the victims, my bike and me.

[Speck growls]

Pee-wee: Exhibit B: Another photograph. What's missing from this picture? It's just me... WITHOUT MY BIKE!

[Amazing Larry whispers something to Mario]

Pee-wee: Is this something you can share with the rest of us Amazing Larry?

Amazing Larry: Uh... no.

Pee-wee: Exhibit C: The horn I was picking up at Chuck's Bikeorama when my bike was actually stolen!

[Honks the horn loudly scaring everyone]

Pee-wee: Exhibit D: Jimmy what is this? Too late! Chip!

Chip: It looks like a pen.

Pee-wee: Exactly! I bought this pen exactly one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I DON'T KNOW!

[last lines]

Pee-wee: Come on, Dottie. Let's go.

Dottie: Let's go? Don't you wanna see the rest of the movie?

Pee-wee: I don't have to see it, Dottie. I lived it.

Madame Ruby: For twenty dollars I can tell you a lot of things. For thirty dollars I can tell you more. And for fifty dollars I can tell you *everything*.

Pee-wee: Tell me why I'm here first.

Madame Ruby: You're here because you... want something!

Francis: Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.

Pee-wee: Good for you and your father.

Francis: So guess what I want.

Pee-wee: A new brain?

Francis: No. Your bike!

[Pee-wee is offering a $10,000 reward to whoever finds his bike]

Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?

Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!

Mr. Breakfast: Good morning, Pee-wee!

Pee-wee: Good morning, Mr. Breakfast!

Mr. Breakfast: Can I have some Mr. T cereal?

Pee-wee: Okay!

[imitates Mr. T as he prepares his Mr. T cereal]

Pee-wee: I pity the poor fool who don't eat my cereal!

Mother Superior: Oh Rusty, you are an inspiration to us all!

Pee-wee: I'll say! I'm going to start a paper route right now.

Pee-wee: Aren't we gonna see the basement?

Tina: [laughs] There's no basement at the Alamo!

Pee-wee: I know you are, but what am I?

Pee-wee: Large Marge sent me.

Trucker: Did you say Large Marge?

Pee-wee: She just dropped me off.

Trucker: That's impossible. Large Marge? She's...

Man in Diner: It was ten years ago on a night just like tonight. Why, tonight's the anniversary. Worst accident I ever seen.

Pee-wee: But that means the Large Marge I was riding with was...

All: Her ghost!

Simone: [sees her ex-boyfriend] Andy!

Pee-wee: ANDY?'!

Pee-wee: [falls off bike after attempting tricks] I meant to do that.

Pee-wee: [Knocks on the door to Francis' house and his butler comes to the door] I wanna see Francis.

Butler: Francis is busy.

Pee-wee: Busy doing what?

Butler: Busy having his bath.

Pee-wee: Really, where are they hosing him down?

[the Butler slams the door, and Pee-wee knocks on it again, and the Butler answers again]

Pee-wee: Me again.

Radio DJ: [Pee-wee goes to a radio station to post a $10,000 reward for the recovery of his bike] Well, that is some story Pee-wee and with the kind of reward money you're offering, I'm sure a lot of our listeners will be searching.

Pee-wee: Oh, my name's engraved on the back of the seat. That's Pee-wee Herman. P-E-E,

Francis: [turns off radio] That does it! He just won't let up. I changed my mind. I don't want the stupid bike anymore.

Francis' Accomplice: Well, a deal's a deal. So... fork over my money for lifting it for you... Buxton!

Francis: [Pays his friend] Here. Take the bike with you. Just get rid of it.

Francis' Accomplice: [Takes some more money from Francis] That'll cost you extra. See you later sucker!

[Mario shows Pee-wee a box of new items]

Mario: Fake blood. Or is it?

Pee-wee: Ecchh! No.

Mario: Super stink bomb?

Pee-wee: Have some.

Mario: Shrunken head?

Pee-wee: No.

Mario: Regular size?

Pee-wee: No.

Mario: [brings out an enormous head; laughs deeply]

Pee-wee: NOOOOO!

Mario: Trick gum?

Pee-wee: Okay.

Mario: Headlight glasses?

Pee-wee: Yeah!

Mario: And direct from Australia... The Boomerang Bow-Tie!

Pee-wee: Come in red?

Mario: [Mario extracts a red boomerang bow-tie]

[three hours into Pee-wee's long evidentiary meeting, Pee-wee shows a scale-model of the mall where his bike was stolen, with arrows pointing certain spots as well as the X showing where his bike was]

Pee-wee: Exhibit Q: a scale-model of the entire mall! X marks the scene of the crime. These arrows here show the exact position of the sun at the hour of the crime. Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The moon was in the seventh...

Chuck: Pee-wee!

Pee-wee: Please save your questions until I'm THROUGH, Chuck!

Chuck: Well, when will that be? A long time, we wait! We've been here for over three hours now, and I'm not sure if any of us can see what all this is supposed to mean.

Pee-wee: Supposed to mean? Supposed to MEAN?

[breaks his pool cue]

[Everyone is leaving Pee-wee's basement, just as Pee-wee goes on with his evidentiary meeting]

Dottie: Pee-wee, let's go up and get some fresh air, alright?

Pee-wee: What for?

Dottie: Because it's hot in here.

Pee-wee: Hot? Who's hot? Feels just fine to me.

[sarcastically]

Pee-wee: I feel just PERFECT! In fact, I can't remember when I felt quite so COZY down here!

Dottie: Pee-wee, I think I can get Chuck to give you a good break on one of the bikes in the shop.

Pee-wee: I don't want some other crappy bike!

Dottie: Well, Pee-wee, listen, if you want my help...

Pee-wee: [shouting] I DON'T want your help! I don't need the police and I DON'T NEED YOU!

[screaming]

Pee-wee: I DON'T NEED ANYBODY!

[first lines]

Pee-wee: Look out, Mister Potato Head!

Pee-wee: How do ya like school, Billy?

[as BIlly]

Pee-wee: Closed!

Pee-wee: Is this something you'd like to share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?

Pee-wee: Go ahead and scream your head off! We're miles from where anyone can hear you!

Pee-wee: The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting...

Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.

Simone: [in French] Ah! Pee-Wee! Haha! C'est magnifique! Voici Pierre.

Pierre: Bonsoir.

Pee-wee: Ditto. Here, brought you guys French Fries! Hahaha!

Simone, Pierre: [together] Merci beaucoup, Pee-Wee!

Pee-wee: Merci-bleh-bleh!

Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.

Mickey: You telling ME?

Vance: So how was lunch?

Pee-wee: Fine, let's go get something to eat.

Vance: We do not want to end up with a low potassium level.

Pee-wee: Duh, Vance! You'd think I never went to agricultural junior college!

Pee-wee: Good morning, Vance!

Vance: Morning, Pee Wee.

Pee-wee: Hah! Beautiful day, huh? Mm-mm!

Vance: Mm... It's okay.

Pee-wee: [singing] Mm mm mm mm... Ah! Doo doo... Doo-doo. Mm mm mm, mm... Mm. Mm-mm-mm... Mm mm-mm-mm... La-la la-la... Ah! Pkhh!

Vance: My, we are certainly in a good mood this morning.

Pee-wee: That, my dear Vance, is the understatement of the year. Everything seems completely different to me today. The air smells so fresh. The sky seems a brand-new shade of blue. I don't think I've ever noticed the beauty of this leaf. And Vance! Have you always been so handsome?

Vance: What the...

Pee-wee: [shouts impatiently] All I wanted was a measly sandwich! I very nicely explained that I was starving. I'm starving! PLEASE!

Mr. Ryan: [defeatedly] Sorry, ladies. I guess you'll just have to wait. You remember, no one is as important in this community as Pee-wee Herman. All you other shoppers will just have to play second fiddle to Pee-wee. I guess that's just the way things are around here. My whole purpose in life is to serve Pee-wee Herman. And everything else comes second!

[finishes Pee-wee's sandwich]

Mr. Ryan: There's your sandwich. Is there anything else I can do for you, Pee-wee?

Pee-wee: Well, I would like a pickle if it's not too much trouble.

Mr. Ryan: No! No trouble at all, Pee-wee. Sorry, Otis. Sorry, Deke.

[opens a barrel, knocking over Otis and Deke's chess board; extracts a pickle and hands it to Pee-wee]

Mr. Ryan: Game's over. Pee-wee Herman wants a pickle. Here. Here's your darned pickle. Are you happy now?

Pee-wee: Mmm-hmm.

Pee-wee: I call it... the hot dog tree, because... it's a hot dog tree.

Winnie: [witnessing Pee-Wee and Gina sharing a long kiss] Pee-Wee!

Gina Piccolapupula: Who is that?

Pee-wee: Her? Oh, she's my fiancée.

[Gina slaps Pee-Wee and takes off]

Pee-wee: [singing] Pee-wee Herman had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!

Pee-wee: [milks cow]

[tastes milk]

Pee-wee: Mmm, chocolatey!

Pee-wee: [children are staring at them] Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer!

School children: [whip out cameras, flashbulbs go off]

Pee-wee: Ahh! Paparazzi!

[poses suggestively]

Pee-wee: Look, Vance: The calla lilies are in bloom a-gain.

Pee Wee: We don't die, we multiply.

Jamika: And this is little Pee-Wee.

Pee Wee: Pee-Wee, O.G.!

Robin Harris: O.G.? I'll slap my F-O-O-T in your B-U-T.

Pee-Wee: Hey, man, just checking out your crib here.

Richie Rich: My crib?

Herbert Cadbury: I believe that's street slang for home, sir, an idiom.

Omar: Who you callin' an idiom?

Pee-Wee: [commenting on the size of Rich Manor] This place probably's got its own zip code!

Pee-Wee: [about to go on Richie's rollercoaster] I just ate.

Tony: You always "just ate."

Stab, Zilla, Pee Wee: I smell pussy!

Pee Wee: And were gonna kick your fucking ass!

Zilla: [Kid is trapped inside a worn out Ice box hiding from the Full Force Brothers] Yo Kid, so I guess this is how you got that Ugly Style Fade on top of yo Head.

Stab: ...and Hey, we hear you a Rapper, so we got a Rap for yo Ass. You're runnin' round Town like a Faggot in Heat, Me and My Boys can't be beat...

Zilla: ...but where ever you go, we're gonna smell ya like Gas...

Pee Wee: ...and we're gonna kick your fuckin' A-ass!

Stab: You got yo silly Ass trapped in the Ice Box...

Zilla, Stab, Pee Wee: ...with no where to Go-oh!

Stab: Man, fuck you, toy cops!

Cop #2: Wait, wait, don't call it in. Why bother with the paperwork? We can handle this shit ourselves.

Cop #1: What do you want to do with them?

Cop #2: Take'em down to the docks. Nobody can hear them scream.

Pee Wee: Aw shit.

Pee Wee: [Zilla about to punch Kid again] Wait! Wait! Okay, now! Now!

[Zilla punches Kid and throws him towards the table]

Pee Wee: .

Stab: Whatcha got to say now, punk?

Kid: Your Shaolin technique is very good!

Pee Wee: [to Commissioned Gebhart before taking his picture] Say "I'm Ruined!"

Mickey: Hey Pee Wee, how's it feel?

Pee Wee: How does what feel?

Mickey: Getting laid.

Pee Wee: Same as it always feels.

Mickey: I don't believe it.

Tommy: Never again.

Pee Wee: What are you guys talking about, I got bodies laid all over South Florida.

Mickey: Morris, the last time you got any action, it was your fist. The old rosy palm.

Pee Wee: You guys are just jealous because I ruined Wendy for everybody else.

Pee Wee: [after the guys laugh] Now that she's had me, what's left?

Mickey: Yeah well, that's not what she told me, Pee Wee.

Pee Wee: Well, what did she tell you?

Tommy: Ask her, Pee Wee, here she comes.

Billy: Yeah, I can hear her panting from here.

Pee Wee: Look man, when they've been had by Pee Wee Morris, they stay had. I mean, they can't keep their hands off me. You guys better watch out because when she sees me you're likely to get caught in the stampede. Watch this.

Wendy: [walks by passively] Hi, boys.

Mickey: [after the guys laugh at Pee Wee] She's in a frenzy, Pee Wee.

Tommy: Yeah, she's rabid.

Pee Wee: She didn't see me. She didn't know I was here.

Tommy: That's what she said about you on the bus.

Pee Wee: Oh man, the girl's my slave.

Wendy: Pee Wee it's not that bad, just tell the guys that you called up all the girls in your harem and none of them wanted to do it with all those jerks.

Pee Wee: I bet you would.

Wendy: I don't have a harem.

Pee Wee: That's not what I heard.

Wendy: Do you know how I got my reputation?

Pee Wee: How?

Wendy: In the 8th grade, I didn't know anything. A bunch of guys wanted to get me to go skinny dipping, I didn't want to but I didn't care if they did so I just watched. I thought it was funny, flopping around...the next day I was a slut, the original mattress-back.

Pee Wee: [first lines; after recap of previous movie] I GOT LAID!

Francis Phelan: [after Sandra's death] What was her last name?

Pee Wee: Never heard it.

Francis Phelan: Don't matter now, huh?

Pee Wee: Never did.

[first lines]

Pee Wee: [gathered around a fire barrel] Oh God, it's too damn cold out here. Hey, Francis.

Francis Phelan: Hey, Pee Wee.

Pee Wee: Have you come back?

Francis Phelan: Yeah. You, uh, seen Helen around?

Pee Wee: No. I haven't seen her in a couple days.

Francis Phelan: Well, I'll catch up with her.

Pee Wee: Do you hear what I do?

Ananias: Yeah - feetsteps!