Peasant 1 Quotes in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)


Peasant 1 Quotes:

  • Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

    Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.

    Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?

    Peasant 1: Burn them.

    Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?

    Peasant 1: More witches.

    Peasant 2: Wood.

    Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?

    Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?

    Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?

    Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.

    Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?

    Peasant 1: Oh yeah.

    Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?

    Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!

    Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?

    Peasant 1: Bread.

    Peasant 2: Apples.

    Peasant 3: Very small rocks.

    Peasant 1: Cider.

    Peasant 2: Gravy.

    Peasant 3: Cherries.

    Peasant 1: Mud.

    Peasant 2: Churches.

    Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!

    King Arthur: A Duck.

    Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...

    Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.

    Sir Bedevere: And therefore...

    Peasant 2: ...A witch!

  • The Witch: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!

    Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one!

    The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this!

    Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...

    The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.

    Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well?

    Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.

    Sir Bedevere: The nose?

    Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!

    Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!

    Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?

    Peasant 1: No!

    Peasant 3Peasant 2: No!

    Peasant 3: No!

    Peasant 1: No!

    Peasant 3Peasant 2: No!

    Peasant 1: Yes!

    Peasant 2: Yes!

    Peasant 1: Yeah, a bit.

    Peasant 3: A bit!

    Peasant 1Peasant 2: A bit!

    Peasant 2: A bit!

    Peasant 1: But she has got a wart!

    Random Person in the crowd: [coughs]

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