Paul Crewe Quotes in The Longest Yard (1974)

Police Officer: Why'd you drive her car into the bay?

Paul Crewe: Couldn't find a car wash.

Paul Crewe: Nate, if you're thinking about winning this game, then you're as crazy as he is.

Nate Scarboro: Well, maybe so. But you spend fourteen years in this tank, you begin to understand that you've only got two things left they can't sweat out of you or beat out of you... Your balls. And you better hang onto them, because they're about the only thing you're gonna have when you get out of here.

Paul Crewe: Hey Pop, the time you hit Hazen in the mouth, was it worth 30 years?

Pop: For me it was.

Paul Crewe: Then give me my damn shoe!

Paul Crewe: My, you have lovely hair. You ever find any spiders in it?

[last lines]

Paul Crewe: [to the warden, handing him the game ball] Stick this in your trophy case.

[he walks into the stadium tunnel]

Pop: I knew you could do it!

Paul Crewe: Whattya got for me, Sunshine?

Caretaker: I can get you steroids, vitamins, greenies, anything you want. You name it. I'm the best hustler in the joint.

Paul Crewe: How much of what this guy says he can do, can he do?

Nate Scarboro: He can get you laid in here... with a woman.

Bogdanski: What the hell was that?

Paul Crewe: That was a dropkick.

Bogdanski: Dropkick?

Paul Crewe: Dropkick.

Bogdanski: How much is that worth?

Paul Crewe: Three points.

Bogdanski: Three points?

Paul Crewe: Three points.

Bogdanski: For that? Bullshit!

Paul Crewe: You take your football down here real serious, don't you?

Caretaker: You mind if I ask you one question?

Paul Crewe: Yes, I do mind!

Caretaker: Why did you do it?

Paul Crewe: It's a long story.

Caretaker: Well, I got eight years.

Paul Crewe: What's his name?

Caretaker: Indian.

Paul Crewe: That makes sense.

Caretaker: Now don't go making any ethnic jokes.

[They meet the Indian]

Paul Crewe: Paul Crewe. Heard you played some football.

The Indian: Yeah.

Paul Crewe: Where?

The Indian: Oklahoma State.

Paul Crewe: Oklahoma State U?

The Indian: Prison.

Paul Crewe: Well, first thing we have to do is get you out of here.

The Indian: How?

[Paul looks back at Caretaker]

Paul Crewe: Well, we'll work on it.

Paul Crewe: The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback - ME!

Paul Crewe: [Drunkenly as a short policeman comes to arrest him] Look what we have here - a miniature cop!

Warden Hazen: How do you think we'd do against the pros?

Paul Crewe: That team against the pros?

Warden Hazen: Yeah.

Paul Crewe: Well, you'd have a real problem.

Warden Hazen: Well, how do you think we'd do against the cons?

Paul Crewe: For Nate, for Granny... for Caretaker.

Caretaker: Most of these old boys don't have nothing. Never had nothing to start with. But you, You had it all. Then you let your teammates down, got yourself caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

Paul Crewe: Oh I did, did I?

Caretaker: Oh I ain't saying you did or you didn't. All I'm saying is that you could have robbed banks, sold dope or stole your grandmother's pension checks and none of us would have minded. But shaving points off of a football game, man that's un-American.

Paul Crewe: You know, there's only one thing I'm sorry about.

Warden Hazen: What's that, Mr. Crewe?

Paul Crewe: That you're not out here with us knockin' heads.

Warden Hazen: I'm afraid I'm a little old for that.

Paul Crewe: No, you never had the guts to begin with!

Paul Crewe: We're gettin' up a football game against the guards. Wondered if maybe you and some of your buddies here would like to join in on the fun.

Samson: With the guards?

Paul Crewe: Uh huh.

Samson: Sure, I'd like that.

Paul Crewe: You know what my problem has been all my life? I've always had my shit together. Always. My problem's been I couldn't lift it.

Captain Knauer: You know something, Crewe? I don't like you. You understand that?

Paul Crewe: Oh yeah.