Paul Quotes in Dune (1984)

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Paul Quotes:

  • Paul: I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain.

  • Paul: He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing.

  • Paul: Some thoughts have a certain sound, that being the equivalent to a form. Through sound and motion, you will be able to paralyze nerves, shatter bones, set fires, suffocate an enemy or burst his organs. We will kill until no Harkonnen breathes Arakeen air.

  • Paul: Irulan shall be my wife, opening the way for an Atreides to take the throne.

    Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV: I sit on the throne!

    Paul: You will sit on the throne on Selusa Secundus, your prison planet. Either that, or you will die.

    [he walks towards Chani]

    Paul: The princess shall have no more of me than my name... no child of mine, nor touch, nor softness of glance, nor instant of desire.

    [he tenderly strokes her cheek]

    Paul: This is promise to you, my love.

    Lady Jessica: Think on it, Chani. We who carry the name of concubine... history will call us wives.

  • Paul: They tried and failed?

    Reverend Mother Mohiam: They tried and died.

  • Paul: Stilgar, do we have wormsign?

    Stilgar: Usul, we have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen.

  • Paul: What do you call the mouse shadow on the second moon?

    Stilgar: We call that one Muad'Dib.

    Paul: Could I be known as Paul Muad'Dib?

    Stilgar: You are Paul Muad'Dib!

  • Paul: My name is a killing word.

  • Paul: Long live the fighters!

  • Paul: What's in the box?

    Reverend Mother Mohiam: Pain.

  • Paul: Emperor Shaddam IV, there are Guild Heighliners above us containing many Great Houses of the Laandsraad. Send them back.

    Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV: How dare you speak to me in...

    Guild Worker: Stop your speaking!

    Paul: You have some idea of what I could do.

    Paul: [the Reverend Mother Mohiam growls at him] Don't try your powers on me. Try looking into that place where you dare not look.You'll find me there, staring back at you.

    Reverend Mother Mohiam: [DELETED LINE] Silence him, Jessica!

    Lady Jessica: [DELETED LINE] Silence him yourself, if you can.

    Paul: [DELETED LINE] For ninety generations you and your Bene Gesserit have labored in secret to produce a living, breathing super-weapon... one that would empower you to overthrow both the Guild and the Emperor. Indeed. This weapon, I am. And these goals, I have achieved. *But I will NEVER be YOURS to control.*

    Reverend Mother Mohiam: [Using the Voice] *You mustn't speak... *

    Paul: [Also using the Voice, which overpowers her] SILENCE!

    [she is knocked backward against several Guild Workers]

    Paul: I remember your gom jabbar, now you'll remember mine. I can kill with a word.

  • Paul: Father... father, the sleeper has awakened!

  • Gurney Halleck: Shield Practice.

    Paul: Gurney, we had practice this morning. I'm not in the mood.

    Gurney Halleck: Not in the mood? Mood's a thing for cattle and loveplay, not fighting!

    Paul: I'm sorry Gurney.

    Gurney Halleck: Not sorry enough.

  • Paul: [sees Thufir] My God.

    [inner voice]

    Paul: They've taken your mind.

    [out loud]

    Paul: Gurney, I see Thufir Hawat among the captives. Let him stand free.

    Feyd-Rautha: [turns towards Thufir] The antidote.

    [he slips a knife inside Thufir's sleeve]

    Gurney Halleck: Thufir, come.

    Paul: In payment of the many years of service to my family, you may ask me of anything you wish. Do you need my life, old friend? It is yours.

    [turns around]

    Paul: I mean this Thufir, if you are to strike, do it now.

    Thufir Hawat: [raises knife, to everyone's shock, but drops it and turns back to Feyd] Did you truly believe, even for a moment, that I would fail my Duke TWICE?

    [He rips out his own heart plug, then collapses into Paul's arms]

    Thufir Hawat: Three generations of... you...

    [he dies]

    Paul: Carry this noble Atreides warrior away. Do him all honor.

  • Paul: Father! The sleeper has awakened!

  • Paul: We Fremen have a saying: "God created Arakis to train the faithful." One cannot go against the word of God.

  • Paul: Now remember, walk without rhythm, and we won't attract the worm.

  • Paul: Is it true, that the sand can blow at seven hundred kilometers per hour?

    Dr. Wellington Yueh: It can render flesh to dust in minutes. And these dry winds can generate tremendous static electricity in the atmosphere. Our body shields won't have enough power to operate in the open air on Arrakis.

  • Duncan Idaho: May the Hand of God be with you.

    Paul: May the Hand of God be with us all, Duncan.

  • Paul: Would you really have drawn my blood?

    Gurney Halleck: If you'd fought one whit below your abilities, I'd have given you a good scar to remind you.

  • Paul: You have no need for your weapons with me, Gurney Halleck.

  • Paul: I'm dead to everyone unless I become what I may be.

  • Thufir Hawat: Remember, the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing that one has been set.

    Paul: If we know it's a trap, then why are we going?

    Thufir Hawat: We have our new Army. Dr. Yueh, put the weirding module on him.

    [Thufir holds Paul's shoulders admiringly, then playfully mimes stabbing him in the side of the neck]

  • Paul: My name has become a killing word.

  • Paul: I know, Thufir, I'm sitting with my back to the door. I heard you, Dr. Yueh and Gurney coming down the hall.

    Thufir Hawat: Those sounds could be imitated!

    Paul: [Looks around and sees he was right] I'd know the difference.

    Thufir Hawat: [voice over] Yes, perhaps he would at that.

  • Reverend Mother Mohiam: I hold at your neck the Gom Jabarr. This one kills only animals.

    Paul: You dare suggest a Duke's son is an animal?

    Reverend Mother Mohiam: Let us say, I think you may be human. A human can control his instincts. Your instinct will be to draw your hand out of the box. You do, you die.

  • Paul: The Worm is the Spice! The Spice is the Worm!

  • Paul: Don't you believe your own eyes?

    Gurney Halleck: They said you were dead! They said...

    Paul: [shows him the signet ring]

    Gurney Halleck: [hugs him] You young puppy! You young puppy!

    Paul: Gurney, man! Gurney, man!

  • Paul: [voice over] From my dream, so beautiful.

    Chani: I would not have allowed you to hurt my people.

  • Paul: Are you a Fremen?

    Dr. Kynes: I've been here working in the service of the Emperor long enough for my eyes to change.

  • Shadout Mapes: [Paul has caught the hunter-seeker and smashed it] It would have killed me!

    Paul: I was its target.

  • Paul: Emperor, we come for you!

  • Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV: This is genocide! The systematic extermination of all life on Arrakis!

    Paul: [dreams of Dune breaking up] The Emperor is coming!

  • Reverend Mother Mohiam: Ignore the regular order of training. His safety requires the Voice.

    Paul: I've heard enough about my safety! What about my father? You talk about him as if he were dead, well he's not!

    Lady Jessica: Paul...

    Paul: Well he's not! And he won't die. Tell me he won't die. Mother, tell me!

    Reverend Mother Mohiam: Everything that can be done has been done.

  • Lady Jessica: [in the ornithopter] He's dead! Leto, he's dead!

    Paul: I know.

  • Paul: Can you smell it?

  • Paul: I'm sorry, Gurney.

    Gurney Halleck: Not sorry enough!

  • Charles Bronson: [Bronson getting paid after his first fight] 20 quid? You're having a fucking laugh, ain't cha?

    Paul: Oh spare me the Oliver Twist routine, Charlie love. You need to build your audience.

    Charles Bronson: I gave you fucking magic in there!

    Paul: Magic? You just pissed on a gypsy in the middle of fucking nowhere.

  • Paul: All you need is a name.

    Charles Bronson: What's wrong with Mickey Peterson.

    Paul: You need a fighting name, like a movie star.

    Charles Bronson: Charlton Heston.

    Paul: Look, love. No one gives a toss about Charlton Heston. The man's a cunt. You're more of the Charles Bronson type.

  • Paul: I've never done a woman before.

    Kenneth: Oh, you shouldn't think of her as being a woman. No, that would be a mistake.

  • Mercedes Harbont: Why don't we just take a picture?

    Paul: Oh, sure, let's drop it off at Jiffy Photo when we land, Einstein.

    Mercedes Harbont: Ever heard of e-mail, dick-wad?

  • Paul: Fucking dog, fucking coach, fucking Americans!

  • Paul: [Having just thrown a small dog to be eaten by one of the snakes, much to everyone's disapproval] You'd have done the exact same thing!

  • Claire Miller: I'm sorry but first class is overbooked, but there is plenty of room to stretch out in coach which is only half-full.For the inconvenience we would like to offer you this travel voucher which is good on any date for any South Pacific Airlines flight.

    Paul: Hmm, and this travel voucher won't help get me to my meeting on time, will it?

    Claire Miller: Sir, I'm pretty sure that coach gets to Los Angeles about the same time that first class does.

    Paul: Funny. Does my Senior Reward membership come with your sarcasm, or should I speak with your supervisor... Claire?

    [walks into the plane]

    Claire Miller: This had better be a matter of national security,

    Mercedes Harbont: Did I just hear right that there's no first class?

    Claire Miller: Yes, only coach.

    Mercedes Harbont: Is it safe back there?

    Tiffany: [after a pause] Yes, yes, it is totally safe there.

  • Paul: Why exactly are there snakes on this plane?

  • Paul: What are you doing? Those things are after us because of those!

    Dr. Grant: Those things know we have the eggs. If I drop them in the river, they'll still be after us.

    Paul: What if they catch us with them?

    Dr. Grant: What if they catch us without them?

  • Paul: [in abandoned complex]

    [goes up to snack machine and takes coins out]

    Paul: Ahem... I need change here, it only takes quarters, I think I've got... I've got about ten...

    [Billy breaks the glass on the snack machines with a kick and then reaches in and takes some things out]

    Paul: [Paul attempts to do the same, glass doesn't break; Paul limps away]

  • Udesky: We'll search for your son... in the direction that they're going.

    Paul: Excellent, excellent...

  • [repeated line]

    Paul: Dr. Grant said that is a very bad idea.

  • Paul: [Paul and Amanda are having an argument] Fine, go ahead and scream and when that "Tricikloplots" attacks you, don't come crying to me.

  • Marty: Debi's house.

    Paul: Kinda crept up on you, didn't it?

    Marty: No, you drove us here.

    Paul: [pause] Yep.

  • Marty: This your Beemer?

    Paul: Yeah.

    Marty: In Detroit? That's sacrilege!

  • Paul: [after Jenny Slater has been dismissive towards him] I was just trying to get a little validation for my life. I guess I came up a bit SHORT!

  • Marty: I'm a professional killer.

    Paul: Do you have to do postgraduate work for that?

  • Paul: I've got to get something off my chest. Have you been home to see the old house?

    Martin Q. Blank: Yeah. Torn down in the name of convenience.

    Paul: Yeah, I brokered the deal

    Martin Q. Blank: Oh, wow. Wow.

    Paul: I tried to get a family there, but Ultimart made the best offer.

    Martin Q. Blank: Well, thank you for profiting on my childhood.

  • [catching up, while Martin has been away for ten years]

    Marty: How's your sister? Did she ever marry that guy Kenny?

    Paul: [incredulous] Kenny?

    Marty: Yeah, did that work out...?

    Paul: Come on, man, he did three years at Joliet. They put one of those bracelets on him, like a LoJack, they know where he is at all times. I think he's at Pizza Hut now.

    Marty: So let's not go there.

    Paul: No.

  • Paul: You look good, you look Tony Robbins good.

  • Paul: Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater.

  • Paul: Okay, well, I'll see you at the "I've peaked and I'm kidding myself" party.

  • Jimmy: You got an appointment?

    Paul: No. But he does.

    Jimmy: What's that supposed to mean?

    Paul: It means if I'm not speaking to him in the next two minutes, he's gonna find himself dead. And we'll throw you in with the deal.

  • Paul: We're just gonna get you home.

    Beth: I don't think I can. Everything's changed.

    Paul: Not with me it hasn't. You're the only reason I keep going, Beth.

  • Sam: [lighting his cigar] Jesus Christ, my heart's pounding.

    Paul: That Montecristo's not helping, is it?

    Sam: No. It's the adrenaline.

    Paul: Yeah.

    Sam: It's the only thing I miss.

  • Paul: I'M LOOKING FOR MY DAUGHTER. HER NAME IS BETH. BETH BRENNAN.

  • Paul: You've heard of Frank Lloyd Wright? This is Frank Lloyd Wrong.

  • Peter: [as the Postal Dude is walking by] Speaking of freaky shit, have you seen that guy's wife?

    Paul: Yeah, she's hard to miss.

    Peter: She's a good fuck though.

    Paul: You fucked her?

    Peter: Several times! She's got a clapper in her trailer. The lights go on and off and on and off!

    [laughs]

    Peter: Makes you feel like a rock star!

    [both laugh]

    Paul: Let's go to the trailer!

  • [a woman walks by]

    Peter: Wow! Did you see that?

    Paul: Yeah!

    Peter: One date with me and she'll look like she's been hit with a mayonnaise truck!

    [both laugh]

  • Paul: I knew this one girl that thought sperm was medicine. All she wanted to do was suck cock. Then she got 3 little children. So she used to put sperm into their bottles to build up their immune system. They all got AIDS.

  • [first lines]

    Paul: [lecturing] Most people think of hyenas as cowardly scavengers - waiting around impotently for left overs, while the stronger faster animals eat their fill. They're wrong. There's a lot more to them than that. Look at them.

    [indicating video footage]

    Paul: Hyenas are fierce hunters. They're all muscle and teeth. Their top speed in about 35 miles an hour.

  • Paul: I wouldn't mess with Tally, Jo. She's Tough. She's got balls.

    Josie: Yeah, well we know she has your balls.

  • Paul: So, will you miss me?

    Tally: I'll have to remember you to miss you.

    [big smile]

  • Paul: What was she researching?

    Adib: ME!

  • Adib: So now your following me too?

    Paul: You're welcome

    Paul: I care about your daughter

    Adib: I wonder where you have the time?

  • Ben: Mr Leong. I think think you're mistaken. When we were in Hong Kong we admired Miss Yen. We like listening to her sing. We were all staring at her just now, as we were wondering... wondering why she had changed so much. She's not pretty any more.

    Paul: Ah Bee!

    Ben: She's lost her innocence. She's not happy any more. I wonder who was responsible for that?

    Y.S. Leong: You're criticizing me? Not many people would speak to me like that. Young man, you've got balls. Bring me wine!

  • Paul: All I want is this box of gold. Is that so much to ask?

  • Paul: Today I saw a soldier kill a man and I learnt something. In this world, we can do anything if we have guns!

  • Frank: You two are my big brothers.

    Paul: What does that mean? As long as we're united that's enough.

    Ben: Being friends is enough! There's no division of rank between friends.

  • Paul: Better take care of these pearls, in case of piracy

    Mrs. Timmons: Why, they're artificial. They're not worth anything.

    Timmons: Twelve and a half bucks.

    Paul: Well, a bargain, I say. Where did you get them Mr. Timmons?

    Timmons: She picked them up.

    Mrs. Timmons: I bought them myself, in Tokyo.

    Paul: Well, you know, its not always easy to tell the real from - I'm sure you didn't pay too much for them.

    Timmons: Bet your sweet life she didn't. That little woman gets her monies worth every time. Huh, boopsie?

  • Paul: Is it true, Jake?

    Quil: What will it be?

    Paul: It's growing fast!

    Leah: It's unnatural.

    Jared: Dangerous.

    Quil: Monstrosity.

    Paul: An abomination!

    Quil: On our land!

    [the wolves all start chorusing to Jacob: 'We can't allow it!']

    Sam Uley: We have to protect the tribe. What they bred won't be able to control its thirst. Every human will be in danger.

    Jared: We're ready.

    Leah: No time to waste!

    Jacob Black: Now?

    Sam Uley: We must destroy it before it's born.

    Seth: You mean, kill Bella?

    Sam Uley: Her decision affects us all.

    Jacob Black: Bella's human. Our protection applies to her.

    Leah: [snarls] She's dying anyway!

    [Jacob jumps on Leah and they tussle briefly]

    Sam Uley: We have real enemies to fight tonight!

    Jacob Black: Tonight?

    [Sam growls and lifts his head high; using his alpha wolf voice]

    Sam Uley: You will fight with us, Jake.

    [Sam advances, snarling. All the wolves are forced to bow their heads in submission. Jake struggles as his head is forced to bow before Sam]

    Jacob Black: [struggling with all his will, he thrusts his head up] I... will... NOT! I am the grandson of Ephraim Black. I am the grandson of a CHIEF! I wasn't born to follow you, or anyone else!

  • Paul: [angrily, to Jacob] You played us!

  • Jacob Black: I need Sam to wait until Bella's been separated from the problem.

    Paul: You mean 'til she's dead.

    Embry: Ease up, Paul.

  • Bella Swan: [Runs at Sam] What did you do?

    Paul: Hey!

    Bella Swan: What did you do to him?

    Sam Uley: Hey, easy.

    Embry Call: Watch it!

    Bella Swan: He didn't want this!

    [Hitting Paul on the chest]

    Paul: Ow! But we do? What did he do, hmm? What? Did he tell you?

    Sam Uley: [Holding Paul back] Both of you! Calm down.

    Bella Swan: [She pushes past Sam and gets into Paul's face] Nothing! He tells me nothing because he's scared of you!

    [Paul begins to laugh, along with Jared and Embry]

    Bella Swan: [She becomes angry and suddenly slaps Paul across the face]

    Sam Uley: [Trying to hold Paul back] Paul don't.

    Jared: Too late now.

    Sam Uley: Bella get back.

    [Bella begins to back up slowly as she watches Paul breathe]

    Sam Uley: [Paul begins to breathe deeply causing growls to escape his throat] Bella get back now. Get back.

    [Paul suddenly begins to snarl like mad as he shape-shifts into his wolf form. Bella gasps as she sees this and begins to walk backwards]

  • Paul: I'm sure the leech-lover is just dying to help us out!

  • Embry Call: Glad you're here Bella, maybe we can get a break from Jake's obsessive inner monologue.

    Paul: I wish Bella would call!

    Jared: I wish Bella wouldn't call!

    Embry Call: Maybe I should call Bella!

    Quil Ateara: Maybe I should call Bella and hang up!

    Jacob Black: [laughs] Alright, you can shut up now.

  • Paul: [on phone] I'm sorry that you have to walk 1000 miles just to...

    Cheryl: Finish that sentence. Why do I have to walk 1000 miles?

    [pause]

  • Graeme Willy: How come I can understand you? Are you using some neural language router?

    Paul: Actually I'm speaking English you fucking idiot!

  • Paul: [to two rednecks] YO! fucknuts! It's Probing time.

  • Graeme Willy: You are an alien!

    Paul: To you I am, yes.

    Graeme Willy: Are you gonna probe us?

    Paul: *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?

  • Paul: [1980 collaboration phone call] Okay Steven, how 'bout cellular revivification?

    Steven Spielberg: I don't know what that is.

    Paul: Oh. Restoration of damaged tissue through telepathic manipulation of intrinsic field memory.

    Steven Spielberg: What's that mean?

    Paul: It means healing, Mr. Spielberg.

    Steven Spielberg: Yeah right, healing. Like by touch or something like that. Like maybe his finger lights up on the end when he reaches out and touches?

    Paul: Maybe... You know, sometimes I find less is more.

    Steven Spielberg: Hey, trust me.

  • Clive Gollings: [Putting the phone to his ear] It's ringing.

    Paul: [Out of view] I wouldn't do that if I were you

    [Clive and Graham turn around]

    Paul: Put... the phone... down!

    Clive Gollings: [Falling backwards fainting] Ha ha ha ha ha!

    Paul: Aw fuck me.

    Graeme Willy: [Looks to his right, then down, and then back at the approching alien] What did you do to him?

    Paul: I didn't do anything to him - he fainted!

    Graeme Willy: But you made him faint!

    Paul: It's not like I set my phaser to faint!

    Graeme Willy: You've got a phaser?

  • Ruth Buggs: Fuck-a-roo, that was the best titty-farting sleep I have ever had.

    Paul: I got a feeling that you're new to cursing, Ruth? Look, cursing's fun, you just gotta pick your moments, okay?

    Graeme Willy: Hey, maybe we should stop for some food, is anybody hungry?

    Paul: Fuck yeeah!

    Ruth Buggs: You bet your big fat cock I am!

    Paul: Nice!

  • Paul: [Paul is posing on the couch as Graeme prepares to draw him] Are you gonna draw me like your French girls, Jack?

    [blows a kiss]

  • Paul: This is America. Kidnapping a Christian is worse than harboring a fugitive.

  • Paul: [after getting frisked inappropriately by O'Reilly] Get your goddamn hands off my motherfuckin' junk!

    O'Reilly: [Runs and screams outside of gift shop to Haggard] It's in there! It's in there!

  • Ruth Buggs: The world is 4000 years old and can only be the product of intelligent design.

    Paul: [offscreen in the bathroom] That's horseshit!

  • Ruth Buggs: [after 'partaking'] I'm hungry. We should cook up some sausages. Do we have any sausages?

    Graeme Willy: Uhh...

    Ruth Buggs: What do you mean by that? Why do you guys hate me? Can we cook up some sausages? Ohh I have wasps in my brain!

    [Ruth falls over]

    Paul: She'll be fine. That happened to me the first time.

  • Paul: You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream.

  • Clive Gollings: Agent Mulder was right!

    Paul: Agent Mulder was my idea!

  • Clive Gollings: What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus?

    Graeme Willy: Well apparently they don't do that.

    Paul: [Paul wiggles his finger inside the hole of a bagel] Anyone want one of these? Yeah? Anyone?

  • Graeme Willy: Paul, what happens if you get caught?

    Paul: Graeme, they are going to cut out my brain... Yeah it's fucked... kinda a buzz kill... Let's lighten the mood, shall we? Clive when did you last get laid?

    Clive Gollings: Uh. Collectormania London '08... Ewok chick.

    Paul: [sings] Clive likes boning space bears!

  • Tara Walton: But I don't have my toothbrush!

    Paul: Toothbrush? Baby, where we're going, you don't need teeth!

  • Paul: [Lighting a joint and takes a hit] Do you guys partake?

    Graeme Willy: No. Thank you.

    Ruth Buggs: I'll partake.

    Paul: Are you sure? It's pretty strong shit. I get it from the military. I think this is the stuff that killed Dylan.

    Graeme Willy: Bob Dylan's not dead.

    Paul: [smiles] Isn't he?

  • Paul: [about boning an Ewok chick] What was it like?

    Clive Gollings: Well... she was 'furry' nice!

  • Paul: [shouting out the RV window as Graeme and Clive walk into a gas station] Hey! Reese's Pieces! Thank you!

  • Paul: [about Clive manhandling him] If I get a dork infection, you're dead!

  • Paul: Eyes forward butt horn.

  • Paul: Oh, we're all made in God's image?

    [Throws open the bathroom door]

    Paul: Then how do you explain me?

    [Ruth faints]

    Paul: And that's Jenga.

  • Paul: Bagels and coffee!

  • Paul: So weak...

  • Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

    Tommy: [laughs] Why?

  • Paul: These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.

  • Paul: Wait a minute, fat boy. You lost your shares to the bank. You don't even have a right to be here!

    Michelle: Gee, it's funny you should bring that up, 'cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here.

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Whoa, what have we got here? Oh, my God, it's a Police Report.

    Ray Zalinsky: What's all this about?

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Let's see. "Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish aka Beverly Burns". Richard, how could Beverly be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? Interesting!

    Richard Hayden: Yes. Provocative.

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: What I think it means is your marriage to my dad was never legal.

    Michelle: Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy.

  • Tommy: Look at 'em there, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left; she's perfect. Which one d'you want? Huh, huh, huh?... Alright.

    Paul: Does it make a difference?

    Tommy: Oh yeah. Wait a second. Is this your first time?

    Paul: Yeah Tommy, it is.

    Tommy: God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.

    Paul: And?

    Tommy: They fall over, hee, hee, hee.

    Paul: And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?

    Tommy: We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas.

  • Paul: That's it! I'm not gonna take this.

    Richard Hayden: Uh, uh! It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.

    Michelle: Let's see... warrants outstanding: New Mexico-Mail Fraud. Colorado-Wire Fraud. And coming soon to Ohio, Computer Fraud.

    [Paul makes as if to say something, then makes a break for the door]

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [shouts] Get him!

    Ray Zalinsky: Don't let him leave the complex, Marty.

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [Paul runs into the Zalinsky auto testing center] Hey, you forgot your wife!

    Paul: Screw you! Screw all of you!

    [trips over the lever that starts the crash test; car drives fast]

    Paul: Not good.

    Ray Zalinsky: Hit the brakes!

    Paul: [screaming; car stops abruptly, sends Paul flying into a chair; a huge test bag drops down and smashes his testicles] Aaahh! Ohhh!

    Richard Hayden: Ooh! That will ruin his weekend.

  • Paul: Ohh... Bad mommy!

    Beverly Barish, aka Beverly Burns: Don't call me that! It's creepy!

  • Frank Rittenhauer: If this factory goes under, the whole town goes under.

    Boardroom Woman: That's when the whores come in.

    Paul: Excuse me, what was that?

    Boardroom Woman: Men laying their trick-money down. Twenty dollars to pay the rent? Maybe not. Maybe instead I'll spend it on the whore.

  • Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month".

    Paul: I'm honored. Is there anything to do in this town besides eat?

  • Paul: Look, it's a school of whales.

    Ringo: They look a little bit old for school.

    Paul: University then.

    Ringo: University of "Wales".

    John: They look like drop outs to me.

  • John: Break the glass.

    George: We can't!

    Paul: It's Beatle proof.

    John: Nothing is Beatle proof!

  • [the Beatles are shown as their live action selves]

    George: That was one great party. And we brought back some lovely souvenirs.

    [takes out a kite string with a wind-up mistaken for a motor]

    George: Here's the motor.

    Paul: And I've got a little

    [the word "love" comes out of his hand]

    Paul: love.

    Ringo: [takes out a fake hole from his pocket] And I've got a hole in my pocket.

    George: A hole?

    Ringo: Well, half a hole anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy.

    George: What can he do with half a hole?

    Paul: Fix it to keep his mind from wandering!

  • George: Hey! There's a Cyclops!

    Paul: Can't be. It's got two eyes.

    John: Must be a "bicycle-ops" then.

    Ringo: There's another one.

    John: A whole "'cyclopedia"!

  • George: Maybe time's gone on strike.

    Ringo: What for?

    George: Shorter hours.

    Ringo: I don't blame it. Must be very tiring being time, mustn't it?

    GeorgeJohnPaul: Why?

    Ringo: Well, it's a twenty four hour day, isn't it?

    John: You surprise me, Ringo.

    Ringo: Why?

    John: Dealing in abstracts.

  • [after Ringo ejects himself from the submarine]

    Paul: Poor Ringo.

    George: Poor lad.

    Paul: Never did no harm to no one.

    John: Hey, lads, now that Ringo's gone, what do we do?

    Old Fred: Learn to sing trios.

    Paul: Naw, let's save the poor devil.

  • Paul: Senile delinquents.

  • George: Ok, men all aboard. Lets go somewhere.

    Ringo: [Indicating Jeremy] What about him?

    John: He's happy enough going around in circles.

    Ringo: Aw, poor little fellow.

    Paul: I don't know. Ringo's just a sentamentalist.

    Ringo: Aw, look at him. Can't he come with us?

    [he goes over to Jeremy]

    Ringo: Hey, Mr Boob! You can come with us if you like.

    Jeremy: You mean you'd take a nowhere man?

    Ringo: Yeah, come on. We'll take you somewhere.

  • Paul: [they're hiding from the Meanies in the gazebo] Do you think they heard us?

    John: I hope not.

    Paul: Shhh!

    George: What did you say?

    Paul: Shhh!

    George: Good plan.

  • Ringo: Cor! It's all a load of Father Xmas's.

    Paul: No, that's Father Time.

    Ringo: How'd you know that?

    Paul: Well, I read it in a book once.

  • [being swallowed by the vacuum monster]

    John: The motor's packing in!

    Old Fred: By all the sea nymphettes! We're losing power!

    George: We're being swallowed!

    Paul: What should we do?

    John: Serve tea?

    Paul: Lovely.

  • Paul: [singing] When I get older losing my hair many years from now. Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out till quarter to three would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm Sixty Four?

  • Paul: Groovy! How do you start this thing?

    Old Fred: It starts with a Blue Meanie attack.

    John: Well, supposing there are no Blue Meanies in the neighbourhood?

    Old Fred: Oh, er, well, then you, um, start looking for a switch.

    Ringo: [Ringo pushes a button that starts playing the first few notes of the song "All Together Now"] Perhaps this is it.

  • [Jeremy is writing with his foot]

    Jeremy: The footnotes for my nineteenth book. This is my standard procedure for doing it. And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it!

    George: A boob for all seasons.

    Paul: How can he lose?

    John: Were your notices good?

    Jeremy: It's my policy never to read my reviews.

  • Paul: What's the matter fellows? Blue Meanies?

  • John: Hey, Jeremy, what do you know about holes?

    Jeremy Hillary Boob, PhD.: There are simply no holes in my education.

    Paul: You mean you haven't composed a "hole" book?

  • Lord Mayor: It's quite uncanny, your faces.

    Paul: We're quite cute, really.

    Lord Mayor: You could pass for the originals!

    John: We are the originals.

  • Paul: [seeing the Chief Meanie for the first time] Hey, he reminds me of my old English teacher.

    John: Look, if you must shout, shout quietly!

  • John: If I could come in, here, I think the theory put forward by Einstein.

    Paul: [singing] Einstein, Einstein, any any any old Einstein.

    John: Could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space.

    George: Uh, John.

    John: According to the now-famous theory of relativity.

    George: John.

    John: Which, briefly explained.

    George: John!

    John: Is simply a matter of taking two eggs.

    George: John!

    John: Beating lightly, and adding a little salt and pepper to taste.

  • [last lines]

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo: All together, now!

  • George: Do you speak English?

    Jeremy: Old English, Middle, Dialect, Pure.

    Paul: Well, do you speak English?

    Jeremy: You know, I'm not sure.

    Ringo: He's so smart he doesn't even remember what he knows!

  • [seeing John looking through a telescope, concerned]

    Paul: What's the matter, John Love? Blue Meanies.

    John Lennon: Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted in the vicinity of this theatre. There's only one way we can go out!

    George: How's that?

    John Lennon: Singing!

  • John: [in the Sea of Holes] This place reminds me of Blackburn, Lancashire.

    Paul: [sings] Oh, boy!

  • Old Fred: Well, lads, what do you think?

    George: I think that...

    Old Fred: Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead! What do you think?

    Paul: Well, um...

    Old Fred: Pounding overwhelming waves! What do you think of that, eh?

    John: Well, I think that...

    Ringo: As a matter of fact, I think that...

    GeorgePaulJohnRingo: I think...

    Old Fred: Well?

    GeorgePaulJohnRingo: I've forgotten.

  • Old Fred: [the motor has conked out] By Neptune's knickerbockers! She's puttered out!

    George: Maybe we should call a road service?

    Paul: Can't, no road!

    Ringo: And we're not subscribers?

    John/Paul/George: Subscribers, oh.

  • Paul: Let's show him our motor.

    John: Steady on! I mean, you don't want to be showing your motor to just anybody.

  • George: Hey, it's seen us!

    Old Fred: Fire the boxing button!

    Paul: Whoever heard of a "boxing button"?

    George: Who cares! Find one!

  • George: Hey, he looks wrong.

    Paul: He doesn't look at all well.

    George: In fact, he's horrible.

    John: He's so ugly.

    All: Really ugly!

  • George: Not a Meanie in sight.

    John: Not even a teeny Meanie.

    Paul: Not even a teeny weeny Meanie.

    Ringo: Grace.

  • Paul: Do you ever get the feeling?

    John: Yeah.

    Paul: That things aren't as rosy as they appear to be under the surface?

  • George: As a matter of fact, there's a war on.

    John: Then brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence! Shall we hence?

    Paul: Oh, let's not waste any more time sitting on the hence! Beatles to battle! Charge!

  • Paul: Say, Ringo, you're not half the lad you used to be.

  • Paul: Oh, let's not waste time sitting on the hence.

  • Paul: Beatles to battle! Charge!

  • Cameo: Boys, are you buzzing?

    John: No thanks, I've got the car!

    Cameo: No no no. I'll have to play it back. You'll have to do it again!

    [He plays the recording back so they can hear the buzzing sound]

    John: Is that you?

    Paul: No.

    George: Well don't look at me.

    [Ringo and his drums crash through the sawn-through floor to the room below]

    John: That was you buzzing! You naughty boy!

  • George: [referring to a drill coming through a painting] What's that?

    Austrian Waiter: What's what?

    George: That little whirly thing coming out of his stomach.

    Austrian Waiter: I can't look!

    [a hose comes through the whole the drill made]

    John: It's only a hose.

    [the waiter faints as the Beatles investigate the hose]

    Paul: [listens into the hose then hands it to John] It's for you.

    John: Who is it?

    Paul: The gardener.

  • Paul: [voice distorted] It is one of those rela tela camenzas!

    George: Bad machine!

  • Paul: My skin's soaked right through to the skin!

  • Ringo: [Paul returns to normal after hiding in the ashtray on the floor] Look!

    Paul: Yech, I'm all sticky.

    [sees Ringo covered in paint]

    Paul: You're all red!

  • [Offering gold to Paul]

    Clang: Hey, Be-a-tle! How about this, eh? Shufty gold! All of it pure gold in easy-to-handle denominational nuggets. Not marked, not a mark on 'em, eh?

    Paul: No, I hate them.

    Ahme: No!

    Paul: I I do! I mean, they make your fingers go green.

    Ahme: It is not the Beatle with the ring, he.

    Paul: Aren't I?

    Ahme: No unfortunately!

    [laughs as Paul gives her a dirty look]

  • [to an Indian man standing on his head]

    John: Doesn't the blood rush to your head Sir?

    [In the restaurant kitchen]

    George: Doesn't the eastern flavor come rather expensive?

    [Paul to belly dancer]

    Paul: Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?

  • Ahme: He has three hours to live.

    Paul: Say no more.

    Ahme: I can say no more.

  • John: [George has just passed out from seeing the size of Ahme's hypodermic needle] Now see what you've done with your filthy Eastern ways!

    Ahme: No! It is Clang, the high priest, who is filthy in his Eastern ways.

    John: How do we know you're not just as filthy, and sent by him to nick the ring by being filthy when you've lulled us with your filthy Eastern ways?

    Paul: What filthy ways are these?

  • [John and Paul are trying to get Ringo to cut his finger off]

    Paul: You don't miss your tonsils, do yer?

  • [Paul tracking foot prints]

    Paul: Easterner with greasy feet speak with fork tongue.

    John: Does he? What's he say?

    Paul: Passing this way, hot foot, many moons to temple.

    George: Don't encourage him. You've got the part Paul!

    John: Dare we ask how you know?

    Ringo: How?

    Paul: How? I saw these footprints and this guide book which points out places of local worship.

    John: To the temple!

  • Superintendent: Oh come on now lads, don't be windy, where's that famous pluck?

    John: I haven't got any, have you George?

    George: Did have.

    Paul: I have had.

    Ringo: I will have! Lead on!

  • John: Oh, why don't you chop it off, Ringo?

    Ringo: Look John, I've had some great times with this finger.

    [to Paul]

    Ringo: And how do you know I wouldn't miss it?

    Paul: You're a rat underneath, aren't you?

  • George: How's your equilibrium ring?

    Ringo: How's yours? You lied again, George.

    George: How'd you know it's not you that's lied.

    Ringo: Cause I never am. Am I, Paul?

    Paul: Yeah, you are.

  • Professor Foot: Voltage, Voltage! Up up. Up up

    Paul: Up, up.

    John: Up

    Ringo: Are you sure I'm earthed?

    Algernon: Oh no! Er, hold on, thank you.

  • [In disguise at the airport. Newspapers have discovered their destination]

    Ringo: Okay, who let it out?

    John: Nobody'll know!

    Paul: We're not going there.

    John: We just put it 'round we're going there.

    Paul: We're not going there!

    John: We just put it 'round we're going there!

    George: Just so everybody'd think we were going there.

    Ringo: I'd like to go there.

    John: You wouldn't like it.

    Ringo: Where are we going, then?

    John: Never you mind.

  • Paul: [Speaking to washer woman] Do you know Clang?

    Washerwoman: I'm his mother, and he's good boy!

  • Paul: Is Benji here yet?

    Mary: Yes, Benji's here yet.

    Paul: [calling out the kitchen door] Cindy, he's here.

    Mary: Well he won't be here for long if you don't stop that yelling. You know what happens if your father walks in.

    Paul: I don't think Dad understands about us and Benji.

    Mary: I don't think you understand what an understatement you just made.

    Paul: What's understatement mean?

    Mary: It means don't yell down the hall.

    Cindy: [entering the kitchen] Where's Benji?

    Mary: Don't yell in the kitchen, do you want your father in here?

    Cindy: No but he's coming anyway, we've got to hide Benji!

    Mary: Oh phenomenal.

    Cindy: Quick, he's right behind me!

  • Paul: Oh, would you look at this? Looks like there's no peanut butter. Boy, sure would be great if I could make a sandwich, if my own grandmother wasn't such a PEANUT BUTTER WHORE!

  • Harvey Milk: [answering the phone] Scotty?

    Paul: I'm sorry, sir. I read about you in the paper.

    Harvey Milk: I'm sorry, I can't talk right now.

    Paul: Sir, I think I'm gonna kill myself.

    Harvey Milk: No, you don't want to do that. Where are you calling from?

    Paul: Minnesota.

    Harvey Milk: You saw my picture in the paper in Minnesota? How did I look?

    Paul: My folks are gonna take me to this place tomorrow. A hospital. To fix me.

    Harvey Milk: There's nothing wrong with you - listen to me: You just get on a bus, to the nearest big city, to Los Angeles or New York or San Fransisco, it doesn't matter, you just leave. You are not sick, and you are not wrong and God does not hate you. Just leave.

    Paul: [crying] I can't. I can't walk sir.

  • Harvey Milk: Not a good time, Don.

    Paul: This is Paul. Don just gave me the phone.

    Harvey Milk: Paul who?

    Paul: You spoke to me on the phone, a year or so ago. I'm in a wheelchair. I'm from Minnesota.

    Harvey Milk: I thought you were a goner Paul.

    Paul: When I saw that you won the supervisor seat, I got a friend to put me on a bus to LA.

    Harvey Milk: Who do you know in Los Angeles?

    Paul: Nobody. I just didn't want to die anymore. I met your friend Don down here. And I turned 18, and I voted today against prop 6. I don't think I'd be alive right now if it weren't for you.

  • Scooter Libby: Why does the CIA feel the need to "play" these briefings.

    Paul: No, no, what I mean is... Okay look, I didn't mean what I just said.

    Scooter Libby: Which part? The last part? Or other things, too?

    Paul: I'm sorry, I'm getting a little confused.

    Scooter Libby: You want me to come back?

    Paul: No. God no.

  • Paul: I've been getting complaints that you're not allowing the kitchen staff to vote today!

    Timmons: They're not gonna vote. Half of them are illegal, they CAN'T vote.

  • Paul: Do we know anything yet?

    Fire Captain: We got men on the sixth floor going from room to room. You the manager?

    Paul: Paul Ebbers. And the bungalows?

    Fire Captain: We're checking them now.

    Female Dispatcher: 5574

    Fire Captain: Roger that. It's a false alarm. False alarm. I wouldn't want to be you today.

    Paul: Occupational hazard. We'll open the cafe. You or you men want coffee, a hot breakfast, it's on the house. Thanks.

    Fire Captain: It'll take us a while to wrap this up, but I'll let the boys know.

  • Steve: [playing darts in the pub] Get the darts Paul.

    Paul: [checks their hands] Let me see your hands, keep 'em where I can see 'em. I'm watching you, you bastards.

    [goes to the dart board]

    Sid: Hey, Paul.

    [Sid, John and Steve start throwing darts at him]

    Paul: Fuck off. Fuck off!

    Duke Bowman: Steady on boys.

    Paul: Bastards! It's not funny! You could stick me in the eye; put it in my brains, I couldn't play the drums then.

    Steve: You can't play the fuckin drums anyway.

    John: You can't play the fuckin drums anyway.

  • Paul: Fucking cabbies, that's what we should be. Make two hundred quid a night being a cabbie.

    Sid: Why don't you fuck off and be one then?

    Paul: Cos it takes eighteen months to learn.

    Sid: You need a driving license too.

    Paul: And a set of golf clubs.

  • Sid: Why don't you shut up and fucking sing you twat.

    Paul: You're well out of time, Sid.

    Sid: Bollocks, you wanker.

    Steve: Play the fucking song, will ya.

    John: Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

  • Mark David Chapman: You were taking pictures.

    Paul: Right here.

    Mark David Chapman: Did you take one of me and John? Did you? *Did you*?

    Paul: I think I might have.

    Mark David Chapman: Oh my God. Oh my God. I'd do anything for that picture. I'll pay you fifty dollars for it.

    Paul: Okay man, relax.

  • Jude: This is my friend. He's a Beatles fan from Hawaii.

    Paul: Oh, hey. Hawaii. Cool man. How's it hanging? Paul.

    Jude: Paul's a photographer.

    Paul: You trying to catch somebody?

    Mark David Chapman: That fellow over there is John Lennon's assistant.

    Paul: Oh, Freddy. He's, uh, you should meet him. Yeah.

    Mark David Chapman: I'm just here to get John Lennon's autograph.

    Jude: So, you gonna do any touristy stuff?

    Mark David Chapman: [chuckles] Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm not gonna do that. No.

    Paul: Well, do you know why they call this building the Dakota? Because it was first built in the 1800s. There was nothing up here. it was just farm, and they were like well, if you lives up here you might as well be living out in Dakota. I don't even think Dakota was South or North Dakota yet. It was just like, a territory. They also shot Rosemary's Baby here.

    Mark David Chapman: The movie?

    Paul: No the baby.

    [pause]

    Paul: Yeah, the movie. They shot it here in the Dakota.

    Mark David Chapman: Oh, wow. Really?

    Jude: Thought you didn't like movies?

    Mark David Chapman: No, some I like. Some are okay. The Wizard of Oz is wonderful. Rosemary's Baby is pretty good, I guess. It's not too phony.

    Jude: I didn't like that movie.

    Paul: Why? Because it says everyone who lives in the Dakota worships Satan?

    Jude: Well, yes. Also because it's very slow moving. Nothing happens until the end.

    Paul: Yeah, but Jude... that's Polanski!

    Mark David Chapman: [interrupts] Wait a minute... that's the guy. Charles Manson killed his wife. Right?

    Jude: Sharon Tate.

    Paul: Yeah, she was pregnant too.

    Jude: And beautiful.

    Mark David Chapman: Helter Skelter. John Lennon lives in a building where a film about Satan coming to Earth, where a director's wife and child were killed because of a song that John Lennon... oh my God. This is not a coincidence. Today's the day. Today is the day. No coincidence.

  • Paul: You don't sound like you're from Hawaii.

    Mark David Chapman: [inner monologue] What? He knows. Get him!

    [to Paul]

    Mark David Chapman: Why would you ask me that?

    Paul: Hey, take it easy. I was only asking.

    Mark David Chapman: Why would you ask me something like that? Like that!

    Paul: You don't sound like you're from Hawaii.

    Mark David Chapman: [yelling] Why would you say that!

    Paul: Hey, man! Forget it! It's just a question, man!

  • Julz: How much money do you need?

    Paul: I'm still short about five hundred quid.

    Julz: When is it?

    Paul: In three weeks. I'm thinking about selling my body.

    Julz: How will you get the other 498 pounds?

  • Julz: See you, Brad.

    Paul: Bye, Cameron.

  • Paul: [voice over] Once in a while we practise stage combat.

    Paul: [aloud] Ow! It's meant to be acting class, not stabbing class. That really hurt.

  • Braddon: You're the lucky one, Paul. You know what you were put on this earth to do. You have a natural talent for singing.

    Paul: Not according to Pavarotti.

    Braddon: Screw Pavarotti. He's nothing but a binge eater with a comb-over.

  • Roland: There's something I want to tell you. I know I haven't always been the best of fathers.

    Paul: Dad, you don't have to say...

    Roland: Shut up and me do the singing for once. The only real measure of a father's success is by how far his children end up surpassing him in life. And you, you can be very, very proud of yourself.

  • [last lines]

    Paul: [voice over] So there it is.The whole story. The opera of my life. Not a bad one, is it?

  • Paul: Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present... the name for this denial is golden age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one's living in - it's a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.

  • Paul: Sex and alcohol. Fuels the desire kills the performance, according to the Bard.

  • Paul: Robyn is better than the girl of my dreams. She's real.

  • Tom: Paul, seriously...

    Paul: Did you bang her?

    Tom: No.

    Paul: What, hum job? Hand job?

    Tom: Man, no. No jobs. I'm still unemployed. We - we kissed.

  • Paul: [Opens the door to Tom's apartment] We didn't know who to call.

    McKenzie: It's Amanda Heller all over again.

    Rachel Hansen: You did the right thing.

  • Tom: Can you believe that shit?

    McKenzie: I'm sorry what shit?

    Paul: I think I missed something.

    Tom: She said, "It was good." Emphasis on the "good." She basically said she spent the weekend having sex with some guy she met at the gym. Skank. Whatever, I'm over her.

    McKenzie: What the hell is wrong with you?

  • Paul: So what are you exactly?

    Tom: I don't know.

    Paul: Are you her boyfriend?

    Tom: It's not that simple.

    McKenzie: Sure, it is.

    Tom: What, like, are we going steady? Come on, guys. You know, we're-we're adults. We know how we feel. We don't need to put labels on it. I mean, "boyfriend," "girlfriend." All that stuff is... it's really juvenile.

    McKenzie: You sound gay.

    Paul: You really do.

    Tom: [points to McKenzie] Okay, first of all, your last girlfriend was Amy Sussman in seventh grade. And you dated for, like, three hours.

    [points to Paul]

    Tom: And you... You've been with Robyn since what, like, 1998?

    Paul: '97.

    Tom: '97. See... Shoot. I don't think the two of you are exactly authorities on modern relationships.

  • Paul: I think it's kind of like how they say. There's, uh, plenty of other fish in the sea.

    Tom: No...

    Paul: They... They say that.

    Tom: Well, they're lying. I don't want to get over her. I want to get her back.

  • Tom: It's off.

    McKenzie: What?

    Tom: Me and Summer.

    McKenzie: Was it ever on?

    Tom: No, but it could've been, in a world where good things happen to me.

    Paul: Yeah, well, that's not really where we live.

  • Jeffrey: Jess has the hottest ass!

    Albert: Casey has the hottest rack!

    Paul: Bianca, has, the hottest friends.

    JeffreyAlbertPaul: Yeah!

  • Paul: Come take a look at this.

    Traffic Warden: Take a look at what, exactly?

    Paul: Well, the van's half-full. So all I have to do is fill it up, put you in it,

    [knocks him out]

    Paul: and I'm off.

  • Paul: Gordon Bennett. What the fuck's been going on here?

  • John: So they had the cash.

    Paul: And the puff.

    Dog: Cheeky bastards. Count it.

    John: Shit, Dog. There's a lot. Don't you wanna do it next door?

    Dog: We're not going next door until we flay them dead men walking.

  • Viola: I just can't do this.

    Paul: Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. That came out wrong but you know what I mean.

  • Daphne: Nonsense! You don't need a man to wear a beautiful dress!

    Paul: But it doesn't hurt...

    [Paul gets down on one knee in front of Viola]

    Paul: Viola Hastings it would be my pleasure to escort you.

  • Paul: Vi- be a good boy.

  • Monique: [Trying to distract Paul, Kia, and Yvonne so that she can get into the Moon Bounce to talk to Viola who she thinks is Sebastian] What's that?

    Kia: [Follows Monique's finger]

    Paul: [Still looking at Monique] Kia, don't look.

    Kia: [Looks back at Monique, looks down, disappointed]

  • Paul: You killed Marco!

    Edgar Frog: Yeah, and you're next!

    Paul: No, you're next!

    [Paul sees garlic in the bathtub]

    Paul: Haha! Garlic don't work, boys!

    Edgar Frog: TRY THE HOLY WATER, DEATH BREATH!

  • David: Michael wants to know what's going on. Marco, what's going on?

    Marko: I don't know. What's going on, Paul?

    Paul: Wait a minute. Who wants to know?

    Dwayne: Michael wants to know.

  • Josh: I'm much better at video hockey.

    Paul: That's not a sport.

    Josh: It requires hand and eye coordination.

    Paul: It's not a sport if you don't sweat.

    Josh: What about golf? It's a sport and you don't sweat.

    Paul: It's not a sport if you let a machine do all the work.

    Josh: What about car racing?

    Paul: Shut up, Baskin.

  • Paul: What is so special about Baskin?

    Susan: He's a grown up.

  • Josh: [playing racketball] That was under the line.

    Paul: What?

    Josh: That was under the line. You said it had to be over the line on a serve.

    Paul: No, I didn't.

    Josh: Yeah you did. You said it had to be over the line on a serve.

    Paul: No I did not, now give me the goddamn ball!

    Josh: Well that's cheating.

    Paul: Give me the Goddamn ball, will you?

    Josh: No.

    Paul: Give me the ball, you little shit.

    Josh: It's my serve.

    Paul: Give me the ball! GIVE ME THE GODDAMN BALL! I never said that!

    Josh: Yes you did.

    Paul: Give me the...

    [Josh starts to run, Paul gives chase]

    Paul: Give me the... Give me the ball. Give me the ball!

  • Susan: All he said was he didn't get it.

    Paul: [Mimicking Josh] "I don't get it." "I don't get it". "Let's make it a bug".

  • [Bert leaves the cabin with a rifle]

    Karen: Bert, what the hell is that?

    Bert: Huh? Oh, I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.

    Paul: Why would you wanna kill squirrels?

    Bert: 'cause they're gay.

    Karen: Bert, don't be a fucking retard.

    Bert: I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.

  • Paul: So, what's the fox urine for?

    Old Man Cadwell: Oh that's for foxes.

    Karen: What's the rifle for?

    Old Man Cadwell: That's for niggers.

  • Marcy: [Two of Marcy's friends have caught the deadly virus, her boyfriend has just run off and abandoned them, leaving her and Paul alone in the cabin] We're all gonna get it. We're all gonna get sick. Jeff's off in the woods getting drunk.

    Paul: No. Burt's gonna get help, Karen will be fine. I promise.

    Marcy: It's like being on a plane, when you know it's gonna crash - everyone around you is screaming, yelling "We're going down! We're going down!" And all you really wanna do is grab the person next to you and fuck the shit out of them, 'cuz you know you're gonna be dead soon, anyway.

    [She looks seductively at Paul, who actually is 'the person next to her']

  • [Group is sitting around a campfire, telling stories]

    Jeff: Tell them about The Happy Bald Guy.

    Karen: No, I can't take it

    Paul: He was the guy that gave us our shoes and quarters for the video games. There was a room with a pool table too, but my dad wouldn't let us go back there. The bald guy was always happy, always smiling. But the killer got him too. When the cops searched the place, they found all the hacked off limbs at the end of the bowling lanes. The guy had bowled people's organs. Arms, legs, everything. They found the bald guy's head in the ball return. He was still smiling.

  • Paul: Hey, where are you going?

    Karen: Where does it look like I'm going?

    Paul: But, well, I thought we were kissing.

    Karen: Yeah, we were, weren't we?

    Paul: So... you like me now? Like, is this a date?

    Karen: Don't be gay.

  • Paul: Bert, you okay? You don't look so hot.

    Bert: Yeah, well, I don't feel so hot either.

  • Deputy Winston: Looks like you guys were doing some pretty good partying, huh?

    Paul: Yeah, you know, we were drinking and then this guy came along and tried to break into the cabin. We had no choice but to get rough. I feel awful, but he was going crazy. He smashed into our car, and then he wouldn't come out, so... we had to hit him. We hurt him. We were terrified. We didn't know what to do. That's why we went to look for help...

    Deputy Winston: Hey, man, I told you... I'm gonna make a report. Don't worry about it. He ain't gonna come back. Looks like you guys scared him away pretty good. I ain't gonna let him ruin your fun.

    Paul: Thank you. My friend's inside right now and she's pretty freaked out. She wants to go home. We all kind of do.

    Deputy Winston: A lady friend, huh? I bet you like to party.

  • Karen: Paul? Is everything okay?

    Deputy Winston: Howdy, ma'am. Everything's Fine. Just go back inside, have yourself a big 40... just party.

    Karen: Umm... Okay.

    Deputy Winston: Oh, Daddy, why are you talking about leaving? You've got to stay and party.

    Paul: That's why we came here in the first place.

    Deputy Winston: I'm telling you, this is a major party town.

    Paul: Really? Are you kidding me?

    Deputy Winston: You know what it's like when you go to a new town and you're the new guy? All the girls see you walking down the street. They don't know you've got five pounds of dingaling meat. They're looking for no commitment. You understand what I'm saying? I've heard that theory before. This is that town. It's like when I go party up at Wambusau. My cousin goes to school there. When I party at Wambusau, I know I'm gonna get pussy. Plus the girls there don't know I'm a deputy. So I know they're gonna party hard with me. Believe me, man, they do.

    Paul: That's too bad, I bet you ruled this town before you had a badge.

    Deputy Winston: Yeah, but a badge makes you grow up quick.

  • Paul: All the employees were held at gunpoint, and then after they had been gagged and beaten, they were tied to chairs. They were set in a circle, so that way, everybody was forced to watch everybody else. And then the robber, this sick maniac, he goes and finds one of those little ball-peen hammers, and then one by one, he smashed the backs of their heads open with the hammer. Everyone had to watch their friends die, knowing that they'd soon be next. The guy doesn't stop there. He goes and he breaks out the fire axe. The alarm goes off; he doesn't give a shit. He hacked off all their limbs.

  • Paul: [All their friends are dying of the mysterious virus, Paul and Marcy have just started having sex] You don't use condoms?

    Marcy: Don't worry, I'm healthy.

  • Paul: Who's up for a dip?

    [realizing he's just barged in on Jeff and Marcy, who are stripping and about to have sex]

    Paul: We're... Uh... Yeah! Safe Sex!

    Jeff: Hey Paul?

    Paul: Yeah?

    Jeff: Have fun!

  • [From the trailer]

    Paul: Is it safe?

    Marcy: [Having sex with him] Don't worry, I'm healthy.

  • Marcy: [after having a spontaneous sexual encounter with her, Paul awkwardly informs Marcy that he intends to leave the Cabin immediately, which surprises her] What about Bert?

    Paul: [Agitated] I can't wait for him any longer. I have to get out of here!

    Marcy: Paul, what about Karen? PAUL?

    [She sighs, realizing that he has already gone, leaving her all alone]

  • Paul: Supermodels are beautiful girls, Will. A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels.

  • Paul: I don't care, man. If she can cut her own food, she's fair game.

  • Jan: [after Paul's spontaneous marriage proposal] This is the desperate act of a desperate man; only when faced with losing me do you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with me.

    Paul: So, what's wrong with that? I didn't like the alternative. I mean that's how one usually comes to a decision anyway, right?

    Jan: Wrong again, Paul. One comes to a decision based on what one wants, not based on what one *doesn't* want. Got it?

  • Paul: So you're the little neighborhood Lolita.

    Marty: So you're the alcoholic high school buddy shit for brains.

  • Paul: Did you hear that Andera went back to Chicago? She was supposed to stay through the reunion. She just up and left. What did you say to her in that ice shack, Will?

    Willie Conway: I told you, we just talked.

    Paul: You told her things, didn't you?

    Willie Conway: What things?

    Paul: You let her behind the curtain, didn't you?

    Willie Conway: Maybe she missed her boyfriend.

    Paul: You let her behind the curtain, I know you did. You never let them behind the curtain Will. You never let them see the little old man behind the curtain working the levers of the great and powerful OZ. They are all sisters Willie... they aren't allowed back there... they mustn't see.

    Willie Conway: Tell me the truth. You stay up nights thinking about this shit?

    Paul: You say it like it's a bad thing.

  • Paul: What kind of future can she have with this guy, he cuts meat.

    Tommy: You plow snow.

    Kev: Hey, at least meat you can eat.

  • Paul: See these guys? Pete, Rizzo and Sammy B? They work all day and drink all night for 40 fucking years. Two weeks out of the year, they take a vacation and go to the Cape. What do they do? They drink all day, they drink all night. If we don't step it up, we're gonna wind up just like them.

    Kev: Cool.

  • Paul: They're all sisters. It's one big conspiracy. Trust me.

  • Paul: [holds out ring box after proposing] Jan...

    Jan: Paul...

    Paul: [taps her shoulder with ring box] Jan!

    Jan: [pushes his shoulder back] Paul!

    Paul: Take the fuckin' ring!

    Jan: Oh, that's romantic.

  • Paul: A beautiful girl is all-powerful and that's as good as love. That's as good as love.

  • Paul: Willie C.! What's up bad boy!

    Willie Conway: Paulie!

    Paul: You remember Elle MacPherson?

    Willie Conway: Hey Elle! How you doing?

    Paul: Jan's banging some meat cutter.

  • Paul: Willie, my friend, she is delightful.

    Willie Conway: "Delightful"? Who are you, Rex Harrison?

    Paul: Seriously, what is your major malfunction? I mean, she's smart, she's funny, she's got a great ass, a nice rack as far as I can tell?

    Willie Conway: Nice rack.

    Paul: She's charming, she's rich, she's got a *great ass*.

    Willie Conway: Yeah, you mentioned that.

  • Jan: I don't appreciate you burying my driveway every time it snows like some drooling, obsessed lunatic.

    Paul: OK, that's fair.

  • Sean Bateman: No one ever ever knows anyone. You're not ever gonna know me.

    Paul: What the hell does that mean?

    Sean Bateman: It means, Paul, you're not ever gonna know me. Deal with it. Figure it out.

    Paul: Fuck you, Bateman! Fuck you Bateman!

  • Paul: Three months later, the handsome dunce was having an affair with a friend of mine. Within a year he was a full-blown queen and telling people I couldn't get it up. Luck has nothing to do with anything.

  • Paul: These are my groomsmen. Guys, this is my brother Connor.

    Groomsman #1: We've heard the stories, man.

    Connor Mead: Oh, ok.

    Groomsman #2: An *honor* to be serving with you.

    Connor Mead: And with you.

    Groomsman #3: It's mice to neat you. Damn it! I blew it.

  • Paul: Ok, he's not that bad.

    Connor Mead: Thank you, Paulie.

    Deena the Bridesmaid: Paul, he hit on your mother-in-law.

    Vonda Volkom: I've banged worse.

    Connor Mead: [All cheer] Thank you, Vonda!

  • Sergeant Volkom: It's not complicated. Our guests are represented by the Allies. Paul, you and your guests are Nazis.

    Paul: I'll try not to read into that, sir.

    Sergeant Volkom: Blue frogmen are non-requisite support personnel. Waiters, photographers, caterers, band members and so forth.

    Jenny Perotti: Oh, Donna, look. You got a grenade launcher.

    Donna the Bridesmaid: Oh, my God, I love grenade launchers.

    [Jenny looks at Donna and smiles]

    Sandra: Daddy, you're not showing off your seating chart, are you?

  • Laser: Why'd you donate sperm?

    Paul: It just seemed like a lot more fun than, uh, donating blood.

  • Paul: Just making an ob... observation.

    Nic: Yeah? Well, I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass!

  • Paul: Hey, it's already hard enough to open your heart in this world. Don't make it any harder.

  • Paul: Tanya, you're so sexy and beautiful but I... I don't think we should do that anymore. You know, what we have is really fun and easy. But I don't wanna be that... that 50 year old guy who's just hangin' out you know. I really... I really do wanna have a family and I need to be doing that with someone who's like... like ready to go there with me.

    Tanya: [sad and surprised] Oh.

    [looks away]

    Paul: Tanya!

    Tanya: [nods] Yeah. Fuck you.

    [gets up and walks away]

  • Paul: Shut the front door.

  • Paul: I'm just weird that way.

  • Paul: [From Outtakes] "What other dumbass catchphrases can I say?"

  • Paul: The imagination. It's there to sort out your nightmare, to show you the exit from the maze of your nightmare, to transform the nightmare into dreams, that become your bedrock. If we do not listen to that voice, it dies, it shrivels, it vanishes. The imagination is not our escape. On the contrary, the imagination is the place we are all trying to get to.

  • Paul: I believe the imagination is the passport that we create to help take us into the real world. I believe the imagination is merely another phrase for what is most uniquely us. Jung says, "The greatest sin is to be unconscious."

  • Ouisa Kittredge: There is so much you don't know. You are so smart and so stupid.

    Paul: I'll be treated with care if you take me to the police. If they don't know you're special, they kill you.

    Ouisa Kittredge: Oh, I don't think they kill you.

    Paul: Mrs. Louisa Kittredge, I am black.

    Ouisa Kittredge: I will deliver you to them with kindness and affection.

  • Paul: It is the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself that you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself. To face ourselves - that's the hard thing. The imagination - that's God's gift, to make the act of self-examination bearable.

  • Paul: This world has been so heavy with all the right-to-lifers - "protect the lives of the unborn"; constitutional amendments - "when does life begin?"; or the converse, the end of life: the right to die. Why is life at this point in the twentieth century so focused upon the very beginning of life and the very end of life? What about the 80 years we have to live between those two inexorable bookends?

  • Paul: Every moment in life is a learning experience. Or what good is it, right?

  • Paul: Always remember the wine from the even numbered years is superior to the wine from the odd numbered years.

  • Paul: Did you see Donald Barthelme's obituary? He said that collage was the art form of the 20th century.

    Ouisa Kittredge: Everything is somebody else's.

    Paul: Not your children. Not your life.

    Ouisa Kittredge: No, you got me there. That is mine. That is nobody else's.

    Paul: You don't sound happy.

    Ouisa Kittredge: There is so much you don't know. You are so smart and so stupid.

  • Paul: You watch. It gives me a thrill to be looked at.

  • Paul: I was wondering if I could fuck you.

    Rick: Man, I don't do things like that.

    Paul: That's what makes it so nice. You don't.

  • [last lines]

    Paul: The canvas... the canvas is painted on both sides.

  • Paul: No one has given a more self-righteous monologue while wearing a trash bag.

  • George: That's not your grandfather!

    Paul: It is, you know.

    George: But I've seen your grandfather! He lives in your house!

    Paul: Oh, that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather, as well.

    John: How do you reckon that one out?

    Paul: Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they?

  • Reporter: Do you often see your father?

    Paul: No, actually, we're just good friends.

  • George: [as TV Director walks away with PA] There he goes. Look at him. Bet his wife doesn't know about her.

    John: If he's got one. Look at his sweater.

    Paul: You never know, she might have knitted it.

    John: She knitted him.

  • John: Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull.

    Paul: Should I?

    George: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.

    Paul: What's that supposed to mean?

    George: I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.

    John: George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!

  • Ringo: I don't snore.

    George: You do, repeatedly.

    Ringo: Do I snore, John?

    John: Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son.

    Ringo: That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?

    Paul: With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.

    Grandfather: Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.

    Paul: Ah, come off it, it's only a joke!

    Grandfather: Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!

  • [the boys are listening to the radio]

    Man on Train: And we'll have that thing off as well, thank you.

    Ringo: But...

    Man on Train: An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.

    Paul: Yeah, but we want to hear it, and there's more of us than you. We're a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!

    Man on Train: Then I suggest you take that damned thing to the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.

    John: [Leaning over to the man] Give us a kiss.

  • Ringo: [referring to half-dressed room service waiter hiding in the wardrobe] Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard?

    George: Nah!

    Paul: Don't be soft!

    Ringo: Well, someone did.

    George: [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down]

    George: He's right, you know

    John: There you go.

  • John: We've broken out! Ah, the blessed freedom of it all! Have you got a nail file, these handcuffs are killin me! I was framed, I'm innocent, I don't want to go!

    Paul: Sorry for disturbing you, girls!

    John: I betchya can't guess what I was in for!

    [laughs psychotically]

  • [Paul, John and George come out of the studio, looking for Ringo]

    Paul: Let's split up and look for him!

    [Paul walks away, George and John follow him. Paul turns around]

    John: We've become a limited company.

  • Grandfather: Hullo.

    John: He can talk then, can he?

    Paul: 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?

    Ringo: Well if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!

  • Norm: Now you've got about an hour, but don't leave the theater. Where are you going, John?

    John: [with a dancing girl] She's gonna show me her stamp collection.

    Paul: [also with a girl] So's mine.

    Norm: John, I'm talking to you! This final run-through is important, understand? IMPORTANT!

    [John snorts like a pig, then leaves]

    Grandfather: I want a cup of tea!

    Norm: Uh, Shake?

    Shake: [reaching for a guitar] Um... I've got to adjust the decibels on the imbalance, Norm.

    Norm: Clever. George?

    [George puts his fingers in his ears]

    Norm: Ringo, look after him, will you?

    Ringo: Ah, Norm!

    Norm: Do I have to raise my voice?

    Ringo: All right. Come on, Granddad.

    [mumbling]

    Ringo: I'm a drummer, not a wet nurse, you know?

  • [repeated line about Grandfather]

    Paul: He's very clean.

  • Norm: [sees Paul's grandfather for the first time] Hey!

    GeorgePaulJohnRingo: [in unison] Who's that little old man?

    Norm: Well, who is he?

    Ringo: He belongs to Paul.

  • Ringo: It's the Circle Club.

    Paul: [reads aloud the invite] "The management of the Circle Club takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey - that's you - to their gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer, Baccarat, and Champagne buffet".

    Ringo: They want me.

    John: It's gotten around you're a big spender.

    Norm: [snatches the card from Paul] Well, you're not going.

    Ringo: Aww!

    Grandfather: [snatches the card from Norm] Quite right. Invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women. Chicken sandwiches and carts full of caviar. Disgusting!

    Ringo: That's mine!

  • Man On Train: I shall call the guard!

    Paul: Ah, but what? They don't take kindly to insults, you know. Let's go have some coffee and leave the kennel to Lassie!

  • Paul: Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt... Zap!

  • Paul: Yeah, where's the old mixer?

    Grandfather: Here, Paulie.

    Paul: I've got a few words to say to you, two-faced John McCartney.

    John: Oh, leave him alone. He's back, isn't he? He can't help being old.

    Paul: What's being old got to do with it? He's a trouble-maker and a mixer, that's good enough for me!

  • John: [to Grandpa as he sulks] Don't worry son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.

    Paul: Oh ho, it's a laugh a line with Lennon!

    Paul: Anyway, it's your fault.

    [points to Ringo]

    Ringo: Why me?

    George: Why not you?

    [pause, he looks around baggage holding, pats the dog next to him]

    John: God, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny. They usually reckon dogs more than people in England. You'd expect something more palatial.

    [turns back to Paul]

    John: Let's do something then.

    Paul: Like what?

    [John takes out a pack of cards]

    Paul: Okay.

    George: [as the schoolgirls arrive to watch] Cor, there's the girls.

    Ringo: I'll deal 'em.

    John: [Ringo separates the cards into two even piles and simply flicks through them] Aye aye, the Liverpool Shuffle.

    Ringo: [after montage of them playing with 'I Should Have Known Better' in background, Ringo has won] Mine, all mine!

    John: He's wearing his lucky rings.

  • John: And we're looking after him, are we?

    Grandfather: I'll look after myself.

    Paul: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

    John: He's got you worried, then?

    Paul: Him? He's a villain, a real mixer. And he costs you a fortune in Breach of Promise cases.

  • Shake: Well, he just asked if he could have those photos, and Norm said no, and I said, "Well, why not be big about it?"

    Paul: Yeah, and?

    Norm: And your grandfather pointed out that Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me!

  • Norm: Hey! Have you seen Paul's grandfather?

    John: Of course. He's concealed about my person.

    Norm: [rolls his eyes] Now, he must have slipped off somewhere!

    Paul: Have you lost him?

    Norm: Don't exaggerate.

    Paul: You've lost him!

    Shake: Put it this way, Paulie: he's mislaid him.

  • Paul: Are you sure you like boys?

    Carla: Soft centers, hard centers. I like ALL the chocolates in the box.

  • Carla: Boys like toys too, you know.

    Paul: This is for boys?

    Carla: Um-hmmmmmm.

    Paul: What is it?

    Carla: A butt plug.

    [Paul abruptly drops it]

    Carla: It's okay honey, I bleach it.

  • Paul: You have, um... an eyelash right here. If you blow on it you can make a wish.

    Valentine: I wish cats could talk.

  • Paul: I just want to capture what's real and honest.

    Marlene: And what if it's boring?

  • [Last line.]

    Paul: So this is the end... or is it the start? Of what?

  • Paul: It's a science-fiction film about a futuristic spy named Dragonfly.

    Dr. Ballard: Oh, well that's interesting. Your grandmother used to call dragonflies "the devil's darning needles." She told me that they come in the night and stitch up your mouth if you use profanity or were otherwise voluble.

    Paul: This isn't exactly about that...

    Dr. Ballard: Well, maybe you can use it somehow.

    Paul: Thanks, Dad.

    Dr. Ballard: You never know when some little overheard story or image can find a place in your work.

  • Paul: The wonderful thing about falling in love is you learn everything about that person and so quickly.And if it's true love, then you start to see yourself through their eyes. And it brings out the best in you. It's almost as if you're falling in love with yourself.

  • Paul: You're overwrought.

    Hannah: I'm perfectly wrought. Given the circumstances, I'm even a little underwrought.

    Paul: There's no such word.

    Hannah: There is now.

  • Paul: Don't look at me with that tone of voice.

  • Hannah: And you really didn't sleep with her?

    Paul: No, of course not.

    Hannah: And - you didn't want to sleep with her.

    Paul: Oh, God, yes.

  • Paul: You know, I never knew what happiness was until I married your mother. And by then it was too late.

  • Paul: When I came home that day I realised that I was more in love with you than ever before.

    Hannah: Well how did that thunderbolt strike you?

    Paul: Because I made a choice. I took one look at you and I knew I made the right choice. And Hannah: you're still the right choice.

    Hannah: We made a child that day.

    Paul: We did indeed. Our Jo-Jo.

    Hannah: Yeah. We did indeed.

  • Paul: Well if I have to wear a tux, she has to wear a bra.

  • Paul: [a waiter arrives with a tray of champagne] Ah, champagne!

    [Paul offers a glass to Joan]

    Paul: Jo-Jo?

    Joan: [smiling self-consciously, waves it away] Oh, um, Dad, that's okay. Keenan and I are just going to have a couple of cokes.

    Hannah: [Paul and Hannah look at each other, shocked that Joan has passed up alcohol, then they both look at Keenan] Keenan, have I said how very nice it is to meet you?

    Joan: Funny.

  • Jake: My sister's pregnant so I'm like staying at her place, kinda helping her out a little bit. Getting my ducks in a row.

    Paul: She came in here a couple weeks ago to buy a bra. It was the best.

    Jake: Alright cool, man. This is weird.

  • Bill: Paul, could you not be a fag for half a second?!

    Paul: I'll try...little acorn.

  • [Paul is unable to shoot any clay pigeon]

    Paul: Sir, are you sure this thing is calibrated?

  • Paul: I'm not comparing myself to Mozart, I'm only saying...

    Jude: [interrupts] You're just comparing yourself to god.

  • Paul: I know it's standard new age procedure to blame your parents for your troubles, and I take my share of blame for my problems and yours too, but you cannot make me a stooge for everything that makes you unhappy about yourself. You should thank me.

    Jude: [asking in disgust] Thank you?

    Paul: [with a smirk] You're welcome.

  • Paul: [after Brigitte learned him that Zac was gifted] You can stop your girlfriend's monthly bleeding, too?

  • Paul: [after finding out they didn't do it] Then how did I get crabs?

    Becky: You've got crabs?

    Paul: Yeah. You gave me crabs.

    Becky: I DO NOT HAVE CRABS!

    Paul: You don't?

    Becky: No. But if I do I'm going to hunt you down and kill your crabby ass.

  • [Ahmed the tailor barges in on Paul and Pete in the dressing room]

    Ahmed: How is it, huh? Is it smoking? Listen, if don't love it, I still have double-breasted white ones sitting on the runway. You want to talk about a burning hot look? Sizzle!

    Paul: Ahmed, no, that's fine. This is great, thanks.

    Ahmed: Word!

  • [Paul and Pete discuss Paul sleeping with Becky after his bachelor party]

    Pete: Wait 'till she's drunk... next Thanksgiving or Christmas, or better yet, this Saturday at your wedding, after she's had four gin and tonics and she steps up to the microphone and she's telling the whole world.

    Paul: That's not gonna happen.

    Pete: [mimicking Becky] Everyone, your attention please. I just think you should all know Karen's husband Paul nailed me last Saturday. Yeah, hot sex, and now I'm carrying his child. Thank you for listening. Please return to your entrees.

  • Terry: [Paul and Gary are hiding in Terry's apartment] I know you're here, Paul. The doorman told me you just came in. Come out and I won't be mad.

    Paul: [sits up on the couch] Did you or did you not fuck a lumberjack by the name of Randy?

    Terry: That's none of your business.

    Paul: Is that a yes?

    Terry: I'm not answering that.

    Paul: Oh, for fuck's -- well, all right, well -- What, does he go to the gym alll the time, does he?

    Terry: What?

    Paul: [picks up a vase of flowers] From Randy?

    [smashes the vase]

    Paul: I'm gonna rape you!

    Gary: [Gary steps out from behind the corner] Hi, Terry.

    Terry: Hi, Gary.

    Gary: He is not gonna rape you.

    Terry: That's a relief. How are you, Gary?

    Gary: I'm OK, thanks. I'm gonna just take him home.

  • Sally: Fucking men! Woman gets to be over a certain age, it becomes a different ballgame.

    Paul: Oh, no, no -...

    Sally: Don't defend your sex! It's true! You're great 'til you start to show your age - then they want a newer model.

  • Ruth: Who's been taking care of your plants? Ah, I wish I could get mine to do that. What do you give it?

    Paul: More sun, I guess.

    Neal: Well mom, you can get a lot more sun on your plants if you just burn your curtains, like Paul does.

  • Lily: Hi Paul. What did you do last night?

    Paul: Tried to burn my house down.

  • Marissa: I hope you don't mind, I made some coffee.

    Paul: Oh, not at all. I didn't know I had any.

  • [Paul, Brian and the chauffeur have brought Carol's bags into the room]

    Carol: [handing some money to the chauffeur] Thank you.

    The Benson's Chauffeur: [accepts the money] Thank you, madam.

    [leaves]

    Carol: [handing some money to Paul] Thank you.

    Paul: [accepts the money] Oh, Ta.

    [Leaves]

    Carol: [holding out some money to Brian] Thank you.

    Brian, Sarah's Escort: [holding his hands up] No, no, I'm a guest.

    Carol: [puzzled] A guest? Then, why did you carry my bags?

    Brian, Sarah's Escort: I don't know.

    [Leaves]

  • Lee: All queens rise

    [they all rise and put their hands on their breasts]

    Brian: Oh blessed Saint Mary of drag queens. Please grant your never humble servants and our new friends with grace, jewels, and support hose.

    LeeBrianPaulRobert: Gay-men

    ConnieCarla: Gay-men

  • Paul: No one fall on me this time. I'm delicate.

  • Paul: That's not my name.

    Brian: How about Patty like me, Patty Cake.

    Paul: No.

    Robert: Patty O'Furniture.

    Paul: No.

    Robert: Patty Pooper.

    Paul: No!

  • Leah: Paul, are we alone?

    Paul: Uh, yeah.

    Leah: I want to discuss De Beauvoir right now.

    Paul: Okay.

    Leah: Paul, do you believe that one's life has value so long as one attributes value to the love of others?

    Paul: Uh, yeah.

    Leah: Good, good. Very good. Do you believe that women can free themselves, both through individual action as well as... collective decisions?

    Paul: Yeah. Yes. Absolutely.

    Leah: Do you believe that one is not born, but rather becomes a woman?

    Paul: Well, yes, but don't forget that De Beauvoir said that even the most sympathetic of men can never fully comprehend a woman's situation.

    Leah: Shh, shh. Paul, we'll get to that. Right now, I need you to do me a favor.

    Paul: Yes.

    Leah: I need you to help me become a woman. Right now.

  • Paul: You know he could've killed me with that club! And the truck would have killed him! And the poor guy loses all his chickens!

    Robin Kitteredge: It was an accident. I must have kicked something inside the truck.

    Paul: No accidents just seem to follow you around, don't they? Well, I'll tell you what! One more episode out of you young lady, I'm gonna hurt you, and bag you, and throw your ass in the trunk, so don't push me alright!

    Robin Kitteredge: [Mocking Paul] Alright.

    T.S.: [laughs]

    Paul: You think I'm kidding! You think this is funny? And that goes for you too, guy!

    T.S.: What!

    Paul: This isn't funny!

  • Paul: Why don't you go to bed, honey? I'll bag the Nazi and straighten up.

  • Sex Shop Salesman: Le Orgy Gel comes in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix.

    Paul: Trail mix?

    Sex Shop Salesman: I was making a joke.

  • Paul: It's amazing what you can do with a cheap piece of meat if you know how to treat it.

  • [Discussing cheap wine]

    Customer: Really? Stomach cramps? But it's such a good buy.

    Paul: Well, so is lighter fluid at three ninety-five a pint but I wouldn't serve it to my dinner guests.

  • Paul: Mary, I just killed a man.

    Mary: He was a man. Now he's just a bag of garbage.

  • Paul: [to Mary, after killing someone] Well, there's one consideration. If you'd done what he asked, he would have died anyway.

  • Sex Shop Salesman: Okay, your vibrators start at $10.95 and go up. We've got the Salami, Man-o'-War and...

    [pulls out huge vibrator]

    Sex Shop Salesman: Alien.

    Paul: Just give me the cheapest one.

    Sex Shop Salesman: Wait a minute. There's nothing cheap about my store. You mean inexpensive don't you?

    [pokes Paul on shoulder with "Alien" vibrator]

    Sex Shop Salesman: Isn't that what you meant?

    Paul: [intimidated] Yes.

    Sex Shop Salesman: That's what I thought you meant!

  • Paul: A hundred-and-seventy-five-dollar-a-month rent increase! How are we going to pay that?

    Mary: Don't worry. We can live on your insta-cash card for a month or so.

    Paul: Don't you remember? It was canceled for non-payment.

  • Sex Shop Salesman: But I'm telling you - you're gonna need a lubricant for this vibrator. Unless your date's inflatable. Ha!

    Paul: For your information, I'm buying this to use as a novelty cocktail stirrer!

    Sex Shop Salesman: [shouts] Sure!

  • Paul: Mary, if we call it the Country Kitchen, can the specialty still be the Bland Enchilada ?

  • Paul: A world full of ignorant people is too dangerous to live in.

  • Paul: You mean this whole thing was a gag?

    Alan: No, these are couple of real ghouls! They've just had a change of heart!

    Emerson: Yeah, we're trying to go straight!

  • Jim: How are you doing? How's... how's Katie?

    Paul: We"re good.

    Jim: Good. Does it ever bother you that she such an ass kicker and that you're just a stoner?

    Paul: I'm not just a stoner.

    Jim: Of course you're not. She's not just an ass-kicker. No one's just one thing.

    Paul: For sure, man.

    Jim: Yeah, that's wh... That's really what makes human beings so awesome is that it's our flaws that make us beautiful. And only when you can love yourself can you truly love somebody else.

    Paul: Where do you get this stuff, man?

    Jim: It's out there, you know. It's in the air. You just gotta listen. Listen and the universe will tell you all its secrets.

    Paul: No, the weed.

    Jim: Oh. My cousin grows it up in NorCal.

    Paul: Cool.

  • Paul: To Dina: Alright... you like me as a friend right?

    Dugan Hicks: To Paul: You're outta your league, aren't you... punk?

    Paul: Listen turd, this is a private party.

    Dugan Hicks: Who're you calling turd?

    Dina: Hey he isn't bothering me. Dugan... leave him alone.

    Dugan Hicks: No, you stay out of this. Nobody, but nobody calls Dugie a turd!

    Paul: Anything you say, pig-face!

  • Meli: [in the buffet line at a formal party] I really mean it, Dr Wolper. I want us to get married.

    Dr Harry Wolper: Meli! You still call me "Dr Wolper".

    Meli: So? What's that supposed to mean? When I met you, you were Dr Wolper, and that's the way I got to know you. So don't go making any big goddam deal outta that, too. I'm just a formal-type person. If I were sleeping with the king of France I'd say, "That was very nice sex, Your Highness. Thank you for banging me, Your Majesty."

    [pause]

    Paul: Now that's what I call respect, fellas.

    [chuckles all round]

  • Cian: [Alan has just rejected a woman for being unfamiliar with Lonnie Donegan] You know, somewhere the ghost of Lonnie Donegan is wondering why you have a dick and he doesn't.

    Jimi: Yeah, we're not doing gigs like this for the money, man.

    Paul: Your girlfriends know that?

  • Alice: [the men are playing poker] Got room for another?

    Paul: Sure. But we only play for real money.

    Alice: That's a shame. I only have Euros.

  • Billie: But I've been thinking a lot lately about something my dad used to say: "Without knowledge, you're less than everybody." And I don't want to be less. I mean, I don't want to be better than anybody neither and I don't want to go above myself. I just want- I want to not be less.

    Paul: Well, I'm afraid it's too late for that... cause you're already more than most people.

  • Paul: Maybe we haven't gotten to our time yet.

    Billie: No, we did. And you just dropped the ball.

  • Paul: You were great tonight. Didn't you think you were great?

    Billie: Oh, yeah. We really tricked them, didn't we?

    Paul: What's the matter?

    Billie: Well, if you saw a great ventriloquist, who would you compliment, the dummy?

    Paul: You're not a dummy.

  • Paul: [upon hearing that Gary is a clairvoyant] "So, Gary, what do you see for us: Fortune? Great careers? Marriage, maybe?

    Gary: DEATH!

  • Paul: [after Eddie tells him he had sex] You bottomed for bottom? I don't even know what to say to that.

  • Eddie: What should I do?

    Paul: About what? Your parents or your virginity?

  • Paul: Why don't you get a job? Any job, I don't mean it like this but it starts to look bad with my friends, my colleagues...

  • Paul: So, I hear you're taking Mia out.

    Vincent: At Marsellus's request.

    Paul: You met Mia yet?

    Vincent: No.

    [Jules and Paul laugh]

    Vincent: What's so fucking funny?

    Jules: I gotta piss.

    [exits]

    Vincent: Look, I'm not stupid. It's the Big Man's wife. I'm gonna sit across from her, chew my food with my mouth closed, laugh at her fucking jokes, and that's it.

  • Paul: Hey, my name's Paul and this shit's between y'all.

  • Paul: Hello, Darrel. Long time no see.

    Darrel Curtis: Hello, Paul.

    Tim Shepard: [turns to Two-Bit] What's up?

    Two Bit: They used to buddy around together, play football.

    Paul: [talking to Darry] I'll take you.

    [Darry smiles coldly]

  • Alonzo Harris: [after killing Roger and framing Jake] Congratulations, son. You're gonna get a Medal of Valor for this.

    Jake Hoyt: But I didn't shoot him.

    Alonzo Harris: A roomful of cops said you did.

    Jake Hoyt: But I didn't. You did.

    Alonzo Harris: A Los Angeles Police Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant in Echo Park. Gimme the bitch. LAPD spokesperson says the officer is survived... by his wife and infant child. Shit gets deeper. You get the picture?

    Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I get it.

    [Jake grabs gun from Alonzo, the crew points guns at Jake]

    Jake Hoyt: That's the second time you pointed a gun at me. There will not be a third!

    Alonzo Harris: Goddamn, boy! My nigga, are y'all watching this? That's it!

    Paul: It'd be my pleasure to put a hydrashock in that melon...

    Alonzo Harris: Wait, wait.

    Paul: But naw, I'ma be cool. Now drop the fucking gun now!

    Jake Hoyt: You wanna shoot me, Paul, go ahead. But I'm taking him with me.

    Mark: I'm going, Alonzo.

    Paul: This motherfucker's a fed.

    Alonzo Harris: Naw, he ain't no fed. He's just a choirboy that got the drop on all you fools.

    Jake Hoyt: You can't put this shit on me. I did not sign up for this!

    Alonzo Harris: I understand your anger. Everybody, put your guns down.

    Tim: [shouts] Hell, naw!

    Paul: Choirboy first.

    Alonzo Harris: [shouts] Everybody, put your guns down! That's an order.

    [shouts]

    Alonzo Harris: Put 'em down!

  • Paul: [in Roger's home] Alonzo, there's two shots left in that other stinger. We need to just kill your boy right now and say Roger got him coming through the door.

    Alonzo: We ain't killing nobody. This guy's got the magic eye. I can feel it. Just had a little freak-out, that's all. Now I say he's cool, and nobody's gonna hurt him. But you do have a decision to make, because in about 10 seconds, this whole place is gonna be overrun with blue suits.

    [sirens approaching]

    Alonzo: So just walk outside and clear your head, or just shoot me.

    Jake: [on the way out] Hey, Paul.

    [punches Paul]

    Paul: [Mark holds him back] You're dead, motherfucker! You hear me?

    [shouts]

    Paul: You're fuckin' dead!

  • Alonzo: [after killing Roger and shooting Jeff] It's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Mark and Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger hits Jeff twice.

    [to Jeff]

    Alonzo: What's the matter, one go through?

    Tim: Yeah, you shot him.

    Jeff: You fucking shot me, man!

    Alonzo: Don't worry about it. You'll get a medal.

    Jeff: Get me an ambulance!

    Alonzo: Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Let me quarterback this thing. Mark, Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger shoots Jeff twice, bang bang. Our new guy, Hoyt, he's in second. Drops Roger with some fine shotgun work. Now who shot Roger?

    Mark: New guy, came in spraying.

    Alonzo: Who shot Roger?

    Paul: Boot did it.

    Alonzo: What did you guys see?

    Tim: Hoyt blasted him.

    Jeff: Hey, fuck Hoyt, all right? Ambulance time!

    Alonzo: Done. Paul, call 'em up.

    Paul: 11-49-98 Shots fired. Officer down. Repeat. Officer down. 5951 Baxter Street.

  • Alonzo: [while meeting on the roof of a parking garage] What's happening? You got the picks and shovels?

    Mark: You gonna dig a ditch?

    Alonzo: Nope. You are. That's a nice suit.

    [to Paul]

    Alonzo: What's going on, killer?

    Paul: I can't call it. Been hearing some shit out here on these streets. You all right?

    Alonzo: Yeah. I talked to the three wise men today. Everything's all good.

    Paul: Shit, you say we can get away with it, I'm with you on that.

    [points to Jake]

    Paul: Who the fuck is this?

    Jake: Jake Hoyt. I'm from Valley Patrol. It's my first day.

    Paul: You a long way from Starbucks homey.

    [to Alonzo]

    Paul: Yo, why the fuck is he in on this?

    Alonzo: Gotta get his cherry popped sometime.

    Paul: [to Jake] Yo, stay the fuck outta my way. Just for the big dogs, you feel me?

    Alonzo: All right. Here's the warrant signed and sealed by the judge, thanks to the Sandman. Alright, now listen up; Safety is first. He gives us shit - Boom! We're giving him lead. Let's do this right so we can all go home and do the wife or the girlfriend thing, alright? Let's suit up, ladies. Time to punch in.

  • Paul: Okay, we bet- what time is it?

    Peter: 8:40.

    Paul: That in, let's say, 12 hours all three of you are gonna be kaput. Okay?

    Anna: What?

    Paul: You bet that you'll be alive tomorrow at 9 o'clock and we bet that you'll be dead. Okay?

    Peter: They don't want to bet.

    Paul: Well it's not an option. There has to be a bet.

    [turns toward camera, breaks fourth wall, addressing the audience]

    Paul: I mean, what do you think? You think they stand a chance? Well, you're on their side, aren't you? Who are you betting on, hmm?

    Peter: But, wait, what kind of bet is this? If they're dead, they can't live up to their side. If they win, they can't live either.

    Paul: Yes, they'll lose either way. That's what I'm saying.

  • Paul: Whether by knife or whether by gun, losing your life can sometimes be fun.

  • Paul: So much stress for politeness' sake.

  • Paul: You must admit, you brought this on yourself.

  • Paul: You know, if you'd let Peter help you, it would hurt less.

    Peter: I'm happy to help, really, I just don't want to impose.

  • [last lines]

    Paul: Ann sent me over 'cause some guests dropped by, and she was wondering if you could help her out with some eggs.

    Betsy: Well I guess so.

    Paul: It's okay?

    Betsy: Yeah, come on in. Just wait a second.

  • Paul: Okay, let's play another game. It's a guessing game.

    [Paul takes out a golf ball]

    Paul: What is this?

    [Paul drops the ball on the floor]

    Paul: [to George] Sir?

    George: It's a golf ball.

    Paul: Correct! It's a *golf* ball... But why do I have it in my pocket? Hm? The lady knows why. Because... Well?

    [Paul, exasperated, turns to Peter]

    Paul: Well?

    Peter: Because you didn't hit it.

    Paul: Correct! Because I didn't hit it! And *why* didn't I hit it?

    Peter: Because something stopped you.

    Paul: Correct. Because I had to test the club in another way.

    Anna: [realizing what has happened] Where is he?

  • Paul: So, what do you want to do? You want to call someone? An ambulance, or the police? I won't stop you. Neither will Tom. Right, Tom? Well, what are you waiting for?

  • Paul: You shouldn't have done that, Ann.

  • Paul: You can see it in the movie right?

    Peter: Of course.

    Paul: Well then she's as real as reality because you can see it too. Right?

    Peter: Bullshit.

    Paul: Why?

  • Paul: Hey, Beavis.

    Peter: Hey, Butt-Head.

  • Paul: You have to admit, Ann... I'm being very generous here. You can prove to your pussy husband how much you love him.

  • [subtitled version]

    Paul: [talking to the viewers, breaking the fourth wall] You're on their side, aren't you? So, who will you bet with?

  • [subtitled version]

    Paul: We're not up to feature film length yet.

  • [subtitled version]

    Georg: Why are you doing this to us?

    Paul: Why not?

  • [subtitled version]

    Paul: ...whether by knife or whether by gun, losing your life can sometimes be fun.

  • [subtitled version]

    Paul: A, B, BOO, and out go you. You're not leaving at this stage. First you have to say your age.

  • Olympia: Will you be my king at the banquet?

    Paul: Well, it's, um... it's kind of hard to say no to a giant trout.

  • Paul: [picks up a power saw] Gotta love bargain prices at home depot

  • Paul: [pretending to cry] I couldn't protect my girlfriend

  • Nick the Pimp: You got a fucking problem, pal?

    Paul: The name's Paul, and I'm not your pal.

  • Paul: You are part man and part woman. Like there's an inner part that's woman.

    Theodore: Thank you.

    Paul: It's a compliment.

  • Samantha: You know, I actually used to be so worried about not having a body, but now I truly love it. I'm growing in a way that I couldn't if I had a physical form. I mean, I'm not limited - I can be anywhere and everywhere simultaneously. I'm not tethered to time and space in the way that I would be if I was stuck inside a body that's inevitably going to die.

    Paul: ...Yikes.

  • Paul: We should all go out some time. You bring Samantha. It'd be a double date.

    Theodore: [hesitates] She's an operating system.

    Paul: Cool. Let's go do something fun. We can go to Catalina.

  • Paul: [Reading letter over Theodore's shoulder] That's beautiful.

    Theodore: Thank you.

    Paul: I wish somebody would love me like that. I hope he's really stoked to get a letter like that. Like, it was from a chick, but written by a dude and it's still from a chick, that would still be sick. But it would have to be a sensitive dude. It would have to be, like, a dude like you. You are part man and part woman. Like, there's an inner part that's woman.

    Theodore: Thank you.

    Paul: It's a compliment.

  • Paul: You ever been to pussy heaven?

    Jeffrey Beaumont: [nervous tone] No.

    Frank Booth: What did he say?

    Paul: [sarcastic tone] He said, "Uh, no."

    Raymond: Nope. Never been to pussy heaven.

    [All laugh]

  • Paul: We may all be killed.

  • Frank Booth: We got to go to Ben's, right?

    Paul: Right, we've got to see Ben.

    Frank Booth: Oh yeah, we got to, got to, got to, got to.

  • [Raymond is threatening Jeffrey with his switchblade]

    Raymond: Here today... gone tomorrow.

    Hunter: Ha, ha! You tell him Raymond!

    Paul: That don't scare me!

    [Paul turns towards Jeffrey]

    Paul: I'm Paul. What's your name?

    Jeffrey Beaumont: Jeffrey.

    Paul: Huh.

    [after a pause]

    Paul: I'm Paul.

  • Paul: [looking oddly at Jeffrey Beaumont] I'm Paul!

  • Connie Sumner: I think this was a mistake.

    Paul: There is no such thing as a mistake. There are things you do, and things you don't do.

  • Connie Sumner: We could end this now and nobody would get hurt

    Paul: I'd get hurt.

  • Connie Sumner: [Dancing] I have to warn you - I tend to lead.

    Paul: Of course, you're an American.

  • Paul: Your eyes are amazing do you know that? You should never shut them, not even at night.

  • Connie Sumner: Did you just fuck me across the street?

    Paul: Uh-huh. I did.

  • Paul: [reading from a Braille book] "My mother makes me chicken. Her chicken makes me cough. I wish that when she made it, she at least took the feathers off."

  • Paul: We take Medicard...

    Constance: I'm uninsured.

    Paul: I'm sorry, we don't take charity cases here.

    [closes the door, and then opens it again]

    Paul: [laughing] It was a joke.

  • Randy: Hey Paul, tell us a joke!

    Paul: Fuck. Damn. Go to Hell. Ass.

  • CollinsMarkRogerAngelAliPaulStevePam: [sung] Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow, from this nightmare?

  • Paul: Even if a husband lives 200 hundred fucking years, he'll never discover his wife's true nature. I may be able to understand the secrets of the universe, but... I'll never understand the truth about you. Never.

  • Paul: Go, get the butter.

  • [alone at his dead wife's bedside during her wake]

    Paul: Our marriage was nothing more than a foxhole for you. And all it took for you to get out was a 10 cent razor and a tub full of water. You cheap, goddamn, fucking, godforsaken whore, I hope you rot in hell. You're worse than the dirtiest street pig anybody could ever find anywhere, and you know why? You know why? Because you lied. You lied to me and I trusted you.

    [gradually starts losing his composure]

    Paul: You lied and you knew you were lying. Go on, tell me you didn't lie. Haven't you got anything to say about that? You can think up something, can't you? Go on, tell me something! Go on, smile, you cunt!

    [starts crying noticeably]

    Paul: Go on, tell me... tell me something sweet. Smile at me and say I just misunderstood. Go on, tell me. You pig-fucker... you goddamn, fucking, pig-fucking liar.

  • Paul: You know in 15 years, you're going to be playing soccer with your tits. What do you think of that?

  • Paul: [as Jeanne passes her hands over his pants] That's your happiness and my hap-penis.

  • Jeanne: Let's drink a toast to our life in the hotel.

    Paul: No fuck all that! Hey listen! Let's drink a toast to our life in the country.

    Jeanne: You're a nature lover? You didn't tell me that.

    Paul: Oh, for christ sake... I'm nature boy. Can't you see me with the cows and the chickenshit all over me? Huh?

    Jeanne: Oh, that's right. To the cows!

    Paul: Cow.

    Jeanne: I will be your cow too.

    Paul: I get to milk you twice a day. How about that?

  • Paul: It's me again.

    Jeanne: It's over.

    Paul: That's right. It's over and then it begins again.

    Jeanne: What begins again? I don't understand anything anymore.

    Paul: There's nothing to understand. We left the apartment, and now we begin and love all the rest of it.

    Jeanne: The rest of it?

    Paul: Yeah, listen. I'm 45. I'm a widower. I own a little hotel. It's kind of a dump, but not completely a flop house. Then I used to live on my luck and I got married, and my wife killed herself.

  • [alone at his dead wife's bedside during her wake]

    Paul: [sobbing] Rosa... I'm sorry, I... I just - I can't stand it to see these goddamn things on your face!

    [peels off her fake eyelashes]

    Paul: You never wore make-up... this fucking shit.

    [wipes off her lipstick with a flower petal]

    Paul: I'm gonna take this off your mouth, this - this lipstick...

    [falls over her, sobbing uncontrollably]

    Paul: Rosa - oh GOD! I'm sorry! I - I don't know why you did it! I'd do it too, if I knew how... I just *don't know how*... I have to... have to find a way...

  • Paul: You ran through Africa and Asia and Indonesia, and now I found you... and I love you. I want to know your name.

    Jeanne: Jeanne.

    [she shoots him]

  • [Jeanne is telling Paul about her first love]

    Jeanne: I fell in love with him when I first heard him play piano.

    Paul: You mean the first time he got inside your knickers.

    Jeanne: He was a child prodigy; he was playing with both hands.

    Paul: I bet he was!

  • Paul: I could dance forever! Oh, my hemorrhoid.

  • Paul: Anyway, to make a long, dull story even duller, I come from a time when a guy like me used to come into a joint like this and pick up a young chick like you and... call her a 'bimbo'.

  • Jeanne: What are we doing here?

    Paul: Let's just say we're taking a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

  • Paul: Well, first you have to take a hot bath and if you don't you're gonna get pneumonia. Right?... and then you know what happens? You get pneumonia... and then you know what happens? You die! And then, you know what happens then when you die? I get to fuck the dead rat!

  • [first lines]

    Paul: [with his hands over his ears at the overwhelming sound of a passing train] Fucking GOD!

  • Jeanne: Why do you hate women?

    Paul: Because either they always pretend to know who I am, or they pretend I don't know who they are, and that's very boring.

  • Paul: [drunk] Beauty of mine, sit before me. Let me peruse you and remember you... always like this.

  • Paul: [as a frustrated Jeanne reaches down his pants in the dance hall] Listen, that's not a subway strap, that's me cock!

  • Marcel: [In French, lifting himself on a pole] This is my secret. 30 times every morning.

    Paul: [in English, starting to leave] Really, Marcello, I really don't know what she saw in you.

  • Paul: I'll save the asshole for you.

  • [Paul and Jeanne are talking in bed about Jeanne's past experiences with men]

    Paul: You started grabbing his joint?

    Jeanne: Your crazy!

    Paul: Well, he touched you, didn't he?

    Jeanne: I never let him! Never!

    Paul: Ugh! Liar, liar, pants on fire, nose as long as a telephone wire.

    [slight pause]

    Paul: You mean to tell me he didn't touch you? Look at me straight in the face and say, 'He didn't touch me.'

    Jeanne: No, he touched me, but the way he did it.

    Paul: Aha! The *way* he did it.

  • Paul: I'm going to get yoooooooou! Bimboooooo!

  • Paul: [puts on her father's military hat and salutes] How do you like your hero? Over easy or sunny side up?

  • Paul: [opens the door and sees his dead wife laying on a bed of purple flowers in a dark bedroom lit only by a dim table lamp]

    Paul: You look ridiculous in that make-up. Like the caricature of a whore...

  • Paul: [to Jeanne, while preparing to sodomize her] I'll show you this family's secrets!

  • Paul: [Paul roughs up a john] Get the fuck out of here! FAGGOT!

  • Paul: I'm awfully sorry to intrude, but I was so... struck with your beauty that I thought perhaps I could offer you a glass of champagne. Is this seat taken?

    Jeanne: No.

  • Jeanne: Why don't you go back in America?

    Paul: I don't know, bad memories, I guess.

  • Fritz Arno 'Fritzy' Wagner: Is the camera loaded?

    Paul: Yes sir

    Fritz Arno 'Fritzy' Wagner: Good, so am I...

  • Paul: Wait! I didn't touch the boy.

  • Jacob Singer: [holding a crucifix and a bible] Look, I carry these around everywhere with me but they don't help.

    Paul: Nothing helps.

  • Paul: We are in America now. And in America we are nothing.

  • [Paul is laughing on his bunk bed]

    Mamere: What is so funny?

    Paul: I'm thinking about that chicken.

    [All three boys laugh hysterically]

  • Don Pedro Aragon: Clothes are like family. You have to live in them for awhile before you have the perfect fit. But you are doing great.

    Paul: I don't know if everyone would share your opinion.

    Don Pedro Aragon: Well, it's not easy being in charge. It's not easy for me. It's not easy for him. Every man has to find his own way. But I have faith in my son. And I have faith in you. But your fly is open.

  • Paul: I know that she is good and strong and deserves all the love this world has to give. Can't you see that, how wonderful, how special she is?

  • Astrid: Looks don't interest me.

    Paul: That's easy for you to say, you've never been ugly.

  • Paul: I was born addicted to heroin.

    Astrid: And what was that like?

    Paul: I don't know - I was out of rehab by the time I was six months old.

  • Paul: What happened?

    Astrid: She let me go.

  • Paul: I get this feeling like... you're not interested in guys.

    Astrid: You're right, I'm not.

  • Rachel: Kym, you took Ethan for granted. Okay? You were high for his life. You were not present. Okay? You were high.

    Kym: [Whispering] Yes.

    Rachel: And you drove him off a bridge... and now he's dead.

    Paul: [Tearfully] Rachel, it was an accident.

    Kym: Yes, I was. Yes, I was stoned out of my mind. Who do I have to be now? I mean, I could be Mother Teresa and it wouldn't make a difference, what I did. Did I sacrifice every bit of... love I'm allowed for this life because I killed our little brother?

  • Paul: All you young people who applauded can go fuck yourselves!

  • Paul: Sidney, I love you and you're a very talented man but you don't know anything about loading dishes.

    Sidney: With all due respect sir, the mantle has passed.

  • Paul: [to Deacon] She's not dead is she?

  • Jack: Mr. Coleman.

    Paul: Yeah.

    Jack: Don't forget to fastened your seat belt.

  • [last lines]

    Paul: I'm not dead!

  • Paul: That's the problem - you see god once and suddenly you have divine permission to act like an asshole.

  • [first lines]

    Paul: What are you doin'?

    Noel: I'm looking at that bucket... thinking... why haven't you kissed me?

    Paul: 'Cause... I'm afraid... I'm afraid that... when Tip asks me if I have kissed you I have to say "yes".

  • Paul: If anybody smiles at me ever again, I'm going to freak out.

  • Paul: Do you wanna know a secret that I didn't tell anybody ever?... You know how ducks fly home in a V? It's like a v-shape when they get home? I was walking my dog and I looked up and there's this big V above me, there's all these ducks flying back to their home. And right when they flew above me, I saw 'em and, they crashed into a big house! The whole V! And then, they hit the ground, and they just kinda curled up. You ever fucking see that? Have you ever seen a mistake in nature? Have you ever seen an animal make a mistake?

  • Paul: When people from before come up, I want you to understand what they hate when they see me.

  • Paul: Does it hurt... still?

    Noel: It hurts, because I know what was going through my head when I did it. That it was like a release you know? I was glad... I was glad that I had a pain.

  • Noel: [after pillow fight] I still have my pillow.

    Paul: [laughs] I realize this.

  • Paul: I'm looking at you right now and I hear you talking and all the words that are coming out of your mouth are like they're coming out of a stranger. Why don't you put your fucking hair back on and come back, just come on back.

  • Bust-Ass: Well, I mean, my, you know... I'm not Spanish. That's... I been to school, that's about it, dude, I'm not supposed to know all the words in the dictionary from it.

    Bo: Don't you got a Spanish cousin?

    Bust-Ass: I know that albóndiga is meatball soup. Uh, dios is...

    Paul: Moo-hair is woman.

    Bust-AssBo: Moo-hair?

    Bust-Ass: I don't think so, dude.

    Paul: M-u-j-e-r.

    Bust-Ass: Think señorita is woman.

    Bo: That's right.

  • Paul: I mean, I brought you all the way out here. It's not like I'm the one who needs swimming lessons. And the fact that you're not even trying, well that baffles me. Really. I mean, what are you afraid of? There's no sharks in here. Suppose a water dog comes walking down the tracks and sees you. What's he gonna say about you, land dog? I mean, if there's times in the world when it's time to take a chance, it's time right now to take a chance. What's this? Water. Get in it. It's just water. Listen, brother. This river goes two ways. That way, and THAT way. You know what I'm sayin'? It's like a puzzle with hands, if you think about it.

  • Paul: [drunkenly] Listen, I want to talk... about when we were dating, I wanted to say to you that if I hurt your feelings... if I hurt your feelings, that I'm sorry...

    Mary-Margaret: [interrupting] Shut up.

    Paul: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings!

    Mary-Margaret: Shut up!

    Paul: I'm REALLY sorry and I'm trying to apologize to you in a real way.

    Mary-Margaret: [seething with anger and pain] You're not sorry. You know how I know that? Because you're not smart enough to be sorry. Guys like you... you never quit, and you never leave - you're gonna be here forever. How does it make you feel knowing that?

  • Paul: The first time I had sex, I was thirteen years old, and it was in a cinderblock basement with this older girl that I didn't know. When we were finished... I was nervous, and I was trying to be cool, and I told a joke and it was just stupid and... she never spoke to me again. I just wanna make sure that a million years from now, I can still see you up close and we'll still have amazing things to say... I'm gonna go now, okay?

  • Noel: Get undressed. Get in the water.

    Paul: [inbuttons his jeans] I thought I was wearing my boxers... It's cool.

    [laughs nervously]

  • AngusPaulCarl: It's so unfair... I'm not supposed to leave the house during the May Day celebrations... but my mum and dad wanted to go to the feast I have to wait until I'm a man before I can.

  • Paul: Will you be gone for one day?

  • Paul: We control our thoughts which mean nothing, and not our emotions which mean everything.

  • Paul: If you kill a man, you're a murderer. If you kill million of men, you're a conqueror. If you kill them all, you're God.

    Elisabeth: I don't believe in God.

    Paul: We'll see.

  • Paul: We' went to the movies often. The screen would light up, and we'd feel a thrill. But Madeline and I were usually disappointed. But Madeline and I were usually disappointed. The images were dated and jumpy. Marilyn Monroe had aged badly. We felt sad. It wasn't the movie of our dreams. It wasn't the total film we carried inside ourselves. That film we would have liked to make, or more secretly, no doubt, the film we wanted to live.

  • Paul: How's it going?

    Robert: [Seated at cafe table] Terrible!

    Paul: What's wrong?

    Robert: I'm saying things are terrible until 10:00.

    Paul: [To the waiter] An espresso.

    [To Robert]

    Paul: It's 10.05 now.

    Robert: Really? Then everything's all right.

  • Paul: I don't know why I'm joking; actually I feel miserable.

  • Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Do you think one can live alone? Always alone.

    Paul: No, I don't think one can, it's impossible. Without tenderness you'd shoot yourself.

  • Robert: Ever notice there's the word "mask" in masculine? And also "ass"?

    Paul: And in feminine?

    Robert: Nothing.

  • Paul: Man's conscience doesn't determine his existence. His social being determines his conscience.

  • Paul: To have a conscience is to be open to the world.

    Paul: To be faithful is to act as if time didn't exist.

    Paul: Wisdom would be to see life, truly see it. That would be wisdom.

  • Paul: What are you reading?

    Robert: An article on Bob Dylan.

    Paul: Who's he?

    Robert: He's a Vietnik, you know.

    Paul: What's that?

    Robert: It's a Yank word, a cross between "beatnik" and "Vietnam."

    Paul: Let me see.

    [Reading Robert's newpaper]

    Paul: "Who are you, Mr. Bob Dylan?"

  • Paul: I really like your kind of breasts.

    [Madeline laughs]

    Paul: It matters.

  • Paul: [Voice-over] From January to March, I continued the opinion polls. Do vacuum cleaners sell? Do you like cheese in tubes? Do you read a lot? What's a cadre? Do you like poetry? Winter sports? Short skirts? How do you react to an accident? If your lover left you for a black, would you mind? Do you know about the famine in India? Do you know what a Communist is? Do you use birth control pills or a thing in your vagina? Where do you live? What's your salary? Why are society women more frigid than factory girls? Do you know there's an Iraqi-Kurd war on? Gradually, over these three months, I came to realize that these questions did not reflect but deformed the collective mentality. My lack of objectivity, even when unconscious, tended to provoke a predictable lack of sincerity in those I was polling. Unawares, I was deceiving them and being deceived by them. Why? Probably because polls and surveys quickly veer from their true goal, the observation of behavior, and instead insidiously go for value judgments. I discovered that the questions I would ask any French person expressed an ideology that reflects not present mores but those of the past.

  • Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Why do you want to go out with me tonight?

    Paul: Because I think you're pretty. And for some tenderness.

  • Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Ever go with a hooker?

    Paul: It's happened. But I don't like hookers. It's sad and without feeling.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Spare me the details.

  • Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: What's the center of the world for you?

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: The center of the world? We've never talked, and the first time we do, you ask me weird questions.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: I think it's a perfectly normal question. Come on. Answer me.

    Paul: Love, I guess.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Funny. I'd have said "me."

  • Paul: Times had changed, It was the age of James Bond and Viet Nam. Hope swept the French left as the December elections loomed. I turned 21 two days before.

  • Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Are you looking for work?

    Paul: Not exactly, but I just did my military service.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Was it fun?

    Paul: It's 16 months of your life with no comfort, money, love or free time. In other words, modern life. Twenty-four hours a day of submission to unbridled authority, 16 months of struggle a young Frenchman must endure to win relative freedom from authority, when he's had no exposure to culture. It can become a life of submission, because the military and industrial complex coexist well, as the logics of money and order.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: It doesn't sound like fun.

  • Robert: Not bad.

    Paul: Her breasts?

    Robert: Yes...

  • Paul: [Voice-over] Robert liked Catherine, who was probably still a virgin but had the makings of a future militant.

  • Paul: U.S. Go Home!

    Robert: U.S. Go Home!

    Paul: U.S. Go Home! Go Home! Go Home! Go Home! Go Home!

  • Paul: You stand a better chance with Catherine.

    Robert: Oh, yeah? Last week at the Rex cinema, I asked her what kind of bra she wore.

    Paul: And?

    Robert: The slap she gave me! Bing!

  • Catherine-Isabelle: She's afraid you'll get her pregnant.

    Paul: What an idiot. I'm old enough not to screw all the way. Would you be afraid?

    Catherine-Isabelle: No. Not me. I use a thingamajig.

    Paul: What's that? What is it?

    Catherine-Isabelle: A gadget from America. A guy from Air France brought one for Elizabeth. Madeleine thinks it's indecent. I can understand her being scared.

  • Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: [Referring to her newly released record single] I'm No. 6 in Japan.

    Catherine-Isabelle: Really?

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: With "Pinball Champ".

    Paul: More! Who's ahead of you?

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: The Beatles, France Gall, Bob Dylan...

  • Paul: No paper in the john?

    Elisabeth: Use the copy of "Le Figaro" on the chest. What a thing to do to Mauriac. When you think that Beaumarchais, that prince of artists, coined the name "Figaro," and now it's emblematic of everything bourgeois. It's enough to drive you to suicide.

  • Elisabeth: Move your behind, Madeleine.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: Don't say "behind." Say "bottom."

    Paul: Not "bottom." "Buns."

    Elisabeth: No, you say "butt."

    Paul: No, "Bum."

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: "Heinie."

    Elisabeth: "Moons."

    Paul: "Rear end."

  • Paul: Do you think socialism still has a future?

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': Socialism? Is that what you asked?

    Paul: Yes.

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': I'm not qualified to answer. I know nothing about it.

  • Paul: What does "the American way" mean to you?

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': A very fast-paced life, probably. Very free.

  • Paul: Do you know what birth control is?

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': More or less. It's a big topic now.

    Paul: What is it, in practical terms? Come on. Tell me.

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': You're making me uncomfortable. I won't answer. I know what it is... but it's a pain...

    Paul: I'm polling French women. You're a typical French woman.

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': Yes, of course. Well, birth control is...

    Paul: Do you know practical ways not to have kids?

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': There are lots. I'd feel strange naming any.

    Paul: Just name one or two.

    Mlle 19 ans de 'Mademoiselle Age Tendre': Pills, for example, not to use a more specific term. Or else the diaphragm.

  • Cinema Patron: Cut out the necking in front!

    Paul: Can it, Trotskyite!

  • Paul: Let's go. This is stupid.

    Catherine-Isabelle: I want to see it.

    Elisabeth: Let's go. Eroticism makes me sick.

    Catherine-Isabelle: Speak for yourself.

  • Paul: What about the car?

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: What car?

    Paul: The car.

    Paul: You stole one?

    Paul: Yes.

    Catherine-Isabelle: I doubt that.

    Madeleine Zimmer - une petite chanteuse: You're not Pierrot le Fou. He stole cars for his women.

  • Paul: Is it an affair if neither party is married?

    Elizabeth: An affair is any sexual or romantic relationship of an informal or temporary nature.

  • Elizabeth: You don't seem like a man who's scared by scary things.

    Paul: It's a precaution. Sometimes when you fall, it's hard to get up.

  • Paul: [the Monsignor is asking Paul about his church affiliation] I don't go to church, sir.

    Monsignor Ernest Mueller: [Surprised] You don't go to church?

    Paul: No, sir.

    Monsignor Ernest Mueller: You're not a Protestant, are you?

    Paul: No, sir.

    Monsignor Ernest Mueller: Thank heaven for that!

    Paul: [a bit hesitant] I am an atheist, sir.

    Monsignor Ernest Mueller: [Taken aback] I beg your pardon?

    Paul: I'm an atheist, sir.

    Monsignor Ernest Mueller: You mean you deny the existence of God?

    Paul: I don't deny it. I just don't believe it. It's my own opinion, sir.

  • Paul: Do you remember some years ago when I showed you something I'd written, do you remember what you said?

    Marion: No, I don't remember. I was probably just trying to be truthful.

    Paul: Yes, I'm sure. You said, "This is overblown, it's too emotional, it's maudlin. Your dreams may be meaningful to you, but to the objective observer, it's just so embarrassing."

    Marion: I said that?

    Paul: Exactly your words. So I tried not to embarrass you any more.

  • Paul: Don't give her Pepperoni, it gives her the shits

  • Paul: I was the top IT consultant in town. World wide web, e-mails, 2.0. I can do anything.

  • Norman: I'm just trying to think!

    Paul: Don't think! Let me think for both of us!

  • Paul: Family ain't just blood. It's who believes in you.

  • Jason: Well, we could use another adult to help out with youth.

    Paul: Eh, the church and I don't really mix all that well. I was thinking more along the lines of giving you a hand at the farm.

    Jason: I'll keep that in mind... if I ever decide to become a farmer.

  • Paul: There'll be no room for lunatics in *my* asylum!

  • Louise: You've changed your mind pretty quickly.

    Paul: No, you've changed my mind.

  • Paul: Heaven's filled with women?

  • Paul: You can't trust anyone but family.

  • Paul: I'm going to try and help you and your family.

    Will: I want to thank you again for letting us stay here.

  • Paul: I'm just going to turn through a few things. When we go out during the day we like to stick to groups of two, just for safety. The red door, it's the only way in and out of the house. That stays closed and locked all the time. I have the keys, this is the only set.

    [he shows them the keys tied around his neck]

    Paul: The most important thing, we never go out at night. Got it?

  • Paul: [Paul takes off the bag covering Will's head, who he's tied to a tree] I just want to talk, and I want honest answers. Do you have any idea what's going on out there?

    [Will shakes his head]

  • Travis: [as the dog starts to bark at something in the woods] What's he see? What's he see?

    Will: He heard something.

    Paul: Let's get back in the house! Now!

  • Paul: Could have been an animal, another person. Just to be safe the red door stays closed and locked all the time.

  • Paul: I like the man.

  • Paul: I think that Will and I should be the only ones who go outside for a while. We don't know what made Stanley sick, we don't know anything. Nobody touched him so I think we're fine, right?

    Will: Positive. You just opened the door, right, you didn't go in?

    Travis: I didn't touch the door.

    Will: You did what?

    Travis: It was already open.

    Kim: What? What's happening?

    Sarah: The door was already open when you got there?

    Travis: Yeah.

    Sarah: Then who opened it?

  • Paul: [to Will] If you're lying to me, I will kill you. No doubt about it.

  • Yara: I have an idea!

    Paul: What?

    Yara: [tilts to one side and farts loudly] It got away.

  • Paul: I don't wanna scare anyone, but I'm gonna give it to you straight about Jason. His body was never recovered from the lake after he drowned. And if you listen to the old-timers in town, they'll tell you he's still out there, some sort of demented creature, surviving in the wilderness, full grown by now... stalking... stealing what he needs, living off wild animals and vegetation. Some folks claim they've even seen him, right in this area. The girl that survived that night at Camp Blood, that... Friday The 13th? She claimed she saw him. She disappeared two months later... vanished. Blood was everywhere. No one knows what happened to her. Legend has it that Jason saw his mother beheaded that night. Then, he took his revenge, a revenge he continued to seek if anyone ever enters his wilderness again. And, by now, I guess you all know we're the first to return here. Five years... five long years he's been dorment. And he's hungry. Jason's out there... watching... always on the prowl for intruders... ready to kill... ready to devour... thirsty for young blood.

  • Paul: These kids smoke better dope than I do.

  • Deputy Winslow: You're gonna have to keep your people away from that place, Holt. It's condemned. Next time I catch anybody over there, I'm gonna have to run 'em in.

    Jeff: Uh, he told us that...

    Paul: I'll handle this, Jeff.

    Deputy Winslow: Might even get a warrant against you.

    Paul: Oh, really?

    Deputy Winslow: [to Paul] Look, Holt, people say that what you do with these kids is great. You got a good reputation. But if I was you, I'd have located in the next county. You're too close. Things have been quiet for five years and that's the way we want to keep it.

    Paul: So do I, officer. So do I.

    [to Jeff and Sandra]

    Paul: You two, take off. We'll talk at dinner.

    Sandra: We'll never do it again, sir.

    Jeff: Thanks, Mr. Holt.

    Deputy Winslow: You're not even going to reprimand them? No punishment? What kind of place is this?

    Paul: Ginny?

    Ginny: Yes, Paul?

    Paul: No seconds on dessert for Jeff and Sandra tonight.

  • Paul: Ginny, put your car on the lot, okay? This place is starting to look like a Burger King. Um, where was I?

    Ted: You were about to give your "Let's keep our shit together" speech.

  • Aubrey: [cries] Oh my god, what is happening to us?

    Erin: You know what's going on?

    Paul: I don't know.

    Felix: Do you see anyone?

    Paul: I don't see anyone. Do you see anyone?

    Erin: No.

  • Paul: This wasn't a random attack! Our family's being targeted.

  • [Paul taps his wine glass with his spoon]

    Paul: Lets bow our heads.

    [Everyone stops what their doing and hold each others hands]

    Paul: Dear Heavenly Father we thank thee for thy food, feed our souls on the bread of life, and to help us do our part, with kind words and loving deeds. Amen.

    Crispian: Amen.

    Drake: Amen. And, thanks to mum and dad. For having us all here together.

    Paul: It's our pleasure.

  • Paul: Where's my wife? Where's Bea?

    Bea: It's me.

    Paul: What happened? You look like her, but you're not her. You have her toes... you have her toes. You have her knees. You have her thighs. You smell the same.

    [kissing her]

    Paul: You taste the same. But you're different. You're different.

  • Paul: I just wanna make you happy.

    Bea: You do. I promise.

  • Paul: What's going on with you?

    Bea: I'm tired. The drive, the wedding, the stress of everything is catching up to me.

    Paul: Do you want to get married?

    Bea: Yes, yes, that's all I want.

  • Paul: Rest your womb.

    Bea: Oh... my womb?

    Paul: Yeah.

    Bea: Why did you say that?

    Paul: I don't know. I don't know. I-I didn't mean anything. I'm gonna make the pancakes now.

    Bea: It's just...

    Paul: What?

    Bea: I don't know.

    Paul: You say. What?

    Bea: Do you want to have a baby?

    Paul: No... what? I don't know why I said womb. I was teasing about how hard I fucked you.

  • [repeated line]

    Paul: I love you, honey bee.

  • Paul: it's in the water

  • Randy: Told ya I'd make a movie someday, huh?

    Sidney: Oh my god.

    Randy: Well, if you're watching this tape, it means as I feared. I did not survive these killings here at Windsor College. And that giving up my virginity to Karen Kolchec at the video store was probably not a good idea.

    Dewey: Karen Kolchec?

    Randy: Yes, Karen Kolchec.

    Dewey: Creepy Karen?

    Randy: Shut up. She's a sweet person, okay? We were working late. We were putting away some videos in the porno section and ya know, shit happens.

    paul: [Knocking in background] Open the door Randy.

    Randy: 15 minutes.

    paul: It's my room too.

    Randy: Paul, 15 minutes. I'm leaving my legacy.

    [knocking continues]

    Randy: 15 minutes Paul. Damn! Anyway, the reason I am here is to help you so that my death will not be in vain; That my life's work will save some other poor soul from getting mutilated. If this killer does come back and he's for real, there are a few things that you gotta remember. Is this simply another sequel? Well if it is, same rules apply. But-here's the critical thing-if you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back story and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules DO NOT apply. Because you are not dealing with a sequel, you are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy.

    Dewey: Trilogy?

    Randy: That's right, it's a rarity in the horror field but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules: 1. You got a killer who's going to be super human. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically in the third one you gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. 2. Anyone including the main character can die. This means you Syd. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fucking 'Reservoir Dogs' by the time this thing is through. Number 3. The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest. Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. So in closing, let me say good luck, god speed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't, not if you're watching this tape.

  • Paul: Hey, Rick, wait till you get a load of Judy! Man, oh, man!

  • [first lines]

    Paul: Tonight's the night. Cropsy's going to get what he deserves. Remember what he did to you, Snoop?

    Snoop: Yeah.

    Paul: And when he beat up Jamie really bad for nothing? Billy says Cropsy's been getting away with this shit for years. If we pull this off, it'll be the biggest number Camp Blackfoot has ever seen.

  • Paul: Jamie, you with us?

    Jamie: Right.

    Paul: Snoop?

    Snoop: Yeah, I'm in.

    Paul: Billy?

    Billy: What, are you kidding? I can't stand that creep.

    Paul: [to Todd] What about you?

    Young Todd: As long as I get to see that motherfucker squirm.

    Paul: Don't worry. Tonight's the night that we scare the shit out of Cropsy. Because when he wakes up, when he see it, he's gonna have a heart attack.

  • Paul: Have you heard of extreme tourism?

  • Paul: I don't like the dark here, it keeps eating my pencils.

  • Regina: Since when are you afraid of the dark?

    Paul: Everything is different here.

  • Paul: [waking to see Rosemary] Am I in heaven?

    Luke: Better. A bar.

  • [first lines]

    Concession Girl: [squinting] You, um... Would you... your light...

    Paul: What? Oh, uh...

    Concession Girl: My bad.

    Paul: ...I'm such a moron.

    Concession Girl: How's the flick ?

    Paul: Ah... Ah, you know. Adam Sandler gets in a mess, wife gets pissed, rinse and repeat, predictable, formulaic, fart jokes...

    Concession Girl: Yeah.

    Paul: You wouldn't like it.

    Concession Girl: Mmm. How would you know what I like?

  • Paul: [after slipping Julia a pill] Okay, take a few deep breaths, okay? You'll be asleep soon.

    Julia Lund: Asleep? I'm not gonna go to sleep.

    [freaks out]

  • Paul: Playing a good game of pool's a sign of being well-rounded, you know.

    Julia Lund: Says who?

    Paul: Some dead English guy.

  • Paul: [Troy and Darren are watching the news on TV about rolling blackouts throughout the city] Speaking of, you guys pay the electric bill?

    Darren: Well, Paul, you see there isn't... the issue here...

    Troy: You know what - actually, we were thinking, like why should we pay for something we're not even gonna get, right?

    Paul: You got fired again.

    Troy: Yeah.

  • Julia Lund: Are you drunk?

    Paul: I prefer intoxicated.

    [laughs]

  • Paul: What are YOU gonna do, sit there and die?

  • Kelly: Are you coming to the party?

    Paul: Of course we're coming to the party.

    Kelly: Then just head back that way, it's a left, and a right...

    Lisa: Follow us, if you think you can keep up.

  • Paul: It's okay, I'll fix it!

  • Paul: What, your hand broken?

    Angelica: Yes, all broken. Oh!

    [buries head on Paul's shoulder and clasps her hands on his shoulder and arm joint]

    Clarissa: Hey, guys.

    Tommy: Hey. Hey.

    Clarissa: Look what I bought.

    Geneva: Clarissa, did you know that we were gonna go camping in scary mountains?

    Clarissa: Um, yeah.

    Geneva: Great - great. I consider all you guys traitors.

    Tommy: Hey, let me see that.

    [referring to camera]

    Clarissa: I bought it for 25 Euro. It's worth at least 200.

    Tommy: No kidding?

    Rasheed: Man, that's old.

    Tommy: Hey, take a picture of me and Geneva. Come on, Baby - give me a kiss...

    Geneva: [pushes him away] No, not with YOU! Get off!

    Clarissa: Ready, Geneva?

    Geneva: Yeah.

    Clarissa: Smile.

    [she gets into a glamorous pose]

    Tommy: That pose was really gross. Come on, Jameela.

    Jameela: Get out of my face!

    Geneva: Thanks, Hon.

    Paul: Just leave it.

    Rasheed: Well, my turn then. Ready, all set, take a picture.

    Geneva: That's it for now, babe.

    [looks at picture]

    Geneva: It's kinda strange.

    Clarissa: Sorry, too late.

  • Clarissa: [sitting at table] I owe you an apology.

    Paul: For what?

    Clarissa: [slightly shakes head] I shouldn't have got out of the truck today.

    Paul: [chuckles] Don't worry about it.

    Clarissa: No, I mean it.

    [they share a meaningful look]

    Paul: At least you've got a new camera.

    Clarissa: [she whips it out and aims it at Paul] Smile!

    Paul: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!

    Clarissa: Come on!

    Paul: Clarissa, no-no-no. Don't waste your film on me. You only have one pack.

    Clarissa: Well I wanna take a picture!

    Paul: Clarissa, save it for the mountains. They're gonna be beautiful. Do you, uh...

    Clarissa: Do I what?

    [pause]

    Clarissa: Hmm?

    Paul: Do you wanna dance?

    Clarissa: [nods very slightly] I do.

    [They take hands and get up]

  • Paul: Roberta? Who's Roberta? As a matter of fact, who are you?

  • Paul: Listen, lady, I'm not kidding. You're gonna tell me what's going on around here.

    Stephanie: Stop teasing, Paul.

    Paul: You'd better start talking.

    Stephanie (dry and sarcastically): Don't Paul, you're scaring me.

  • Paul: What's in it for you? (Robert)a: Finally, the moment of truth. Indeed, my handsome boy, there is something in it for me... I'll be there.

    Paul: Where? (Robert)a: There.

    Paul: You mean...? (Robert)a: Yes, my pet. I like to watch.

  • Paul: Yeah, uh, shall we try 'Not Such A Bad Boy'?

    Ringo: Do we have to?

    Paul: Yeah.

  • Paul: It's gonna be one of those days.

  • Paul: I must be off.

    Jim: You've been off for years.

  • Paul: You've not seen Harry then?

    Big Bob: Harry who? Harry James on the Golden Trumpet? Or Hare Krishna?

  • [Paul has a vision of Harry handing the tapes over to Big Bob]

    Paul: Don't do it! Don't do it!

    [his microphone whines with feedback, snapping him back to reality]

    Paul: Uh, sorry. My fault. Let's have a break.

  • Paul: Nobody looks that good in direct sunlight, so it's not like you're such a knockout.

  • Paul: If you win, great - if I win, better!

  • Kelly Foster: [after Paul turns up on Kelly's doorstep] Paul? Come on, my mum will freak!

    Paul: Kelly, Kelly, Kelly! Anyone would think you didn't want me here. That's not true is it?

    Kelly Foster: No!... Don't be daft... It's just that...

    Paul: [grabbing Kelly by the arms and pulling her towards him] BECAUSE THAT JUST WOULDN'T BE POLITE NOW WOULD IT? ESPECIALLY COZ YOU JUST CREPT AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU...

  • Marie: I've been a slave since I was 14. And I don't see how it'll ever change.

    Paul: Like most women.

    Marie: I don't care about "most women". I can't take it anymore!

  • Paul: We're occupied, you know! You may have fancy food and a lover, but there's still a war on.

    Marie: I'm for the Resistance.

    Paul: You idiot, you're not for anything!

  • Paul: I think we grossly underestimate our sorrows, in general. We always die of sadness, actually.

    Alice: You mean sadness is put inside us at birth?

    Paul: Yes.

    Alice: Like eye color?

    Alice: Exactly. That's why it needs our care, but others can do nothing. No one can do anything about eye color. Also, I think it would be fair to let you take care of your sorrow alone.

  • Anna: I know you love me. That's the difference between us.

    Paul: How can you know I love you? How can you be sure?

    Anna: Before I followed you inside this hole, I lulled myself to sleep repeating "Paul loves me." I said it out loud hundreds of times, like a prayer. Meaningless words. We hardly knew each other. But something came about, something established. I believed you loved me. I had faith in your love. This belief never left me. We can pray to be loved by only one person. It's not the worst way to save a soul. You never prayed for my love. You never needed my love.

  • Paul: So we're out of love?

    Anna: Yes, Paul, we are.

  • Paul: I don't know what's happening. I don't trust myself when I'm in love. I get nervous and say the wrong things or I start examining, evaluating, calculating what I say. I say "Think it will rain?" She responds, "I don't know." Then I wonder if she's even interested. It all scares me to death. Yes, scared to death. A friend once told me having a fuck buddy is better than falling in love. I think he's right. Rain makes flowers grow and snails happy. That's a fact. But if a girl loves me she starts acting strangely, like asking me funny questions and pouting when I snap at her or saying things like "Think it will rain?" and I say "I have no idea" and she says "Oh" and gets all sad looking up at the California-blue sky. That makes me thank god it's you, darling. This time it's your turn.

  • Paul: You've been trying to forget quite a lot, haven't you, Jerry?

    Jerry Bernard Martin: Who told you that?

    Paul: Oh, nobody. I've just been around New York most of the time.

    Jerry Bernard Martin: Oh. Ha-ha. And heard the echo of my misdeeds as I thundered up and down Broadway.

  • Paul: Oh, Porter.

    Second Porter: Yes sir.

    Paul: There's only supposed to be one person in drawing room A, isn't there?

    Second Porter: Yes sir, boss.

    Paul: Well, see that's how it is. Get me?

    Second Porter: I get chu.

  • Paul: They want me to spend five years in Japan. You know, we could have a beautiful time. Leave all our mistakes 7,000 miles behind us.

    Jerry Bernard Martin: Seven thousand miles - it sounds grand.

  • Paul: Love is the only reason for which we are willing to die. Love is the only reason for which we would be willing to kill. Therefore, we swear to end our lives once we no longer feel any love. And we will take all those along who robbed us of our love.

  • Paul: To Love: I didn't ask you to stay. But you stayed. I never asked you who you were Or what you wanted. You were simply there. What did you want from me, love? Was I not stronger alone? And did I ever need you? But stay a bit longer. Not long until they stop asking how I am and I stop answering, "Fine." Everyone can tell at a glance: You are here. If you ever leave me I will go with you.

  • Alana: [knocking on bedroom door] You guys decent?

    Roy: Yeah.

    Paul: Roy! You call THIS decent?

    Roy: No. No, no, no, no! Sorry! Not decent at all!

  • Paul: I'm almost afraid to ask about the rest of your hopes and dreams.

    Gavin: You know. Get married, have a family - the usual.

    Paul: Hey, me, too, although I hear adopted children can be a... a real handful.

    Gavin: Yeah, I know. I met a few and... I liked them.

  • Paul: Mary: "Come back when you're normal." Paul, high on LSD: "I'm normal, I'm just enhanced."

  • [Paul tries to join Fontaine in the shower]

    Fontaine Khaled: Paul, I don't have time for an encore!

    Paul: Not even time to take a bow?

    Fontaine Khaled: Well - maybe just a tiny curtsey!

  • Paul: Have you forgotten who I am? Do you realize that Panaieff is the name of the family who for the last 300 years were related to the czars of Russia 25 times? 5 times legitimately! Why I'd rather have my blood changed to borscht.

    [mumbles]

  • Paul: Sit yo' ass down! What's wrong with you?

  • [first lines]

    Paul: [voiceover] My day starts at 6:30 AM. I don't need an alarm clock. I wake up every day and dress for my role as CEO. That means fifty tailored suits at all times. Right now I have fifty-four. Dress shirts - very important: one-twenty-eight; crisp white - always best; an occasional pale yellow or blue. Now, a tie says everything about a man. Silk. Ties should only be silk: eighty stripes; a dozen solids. Oh, and one rogue paisley my sister bought me in Palm Beach - probably hammered at noon. Shoes: black and brown; lace-up only. Well, if this all sounds like much of the same, it's because it is. My routine, my life, my business served me well for thirty-one years, yet today I am cashing it all in. And, for the fist time in my life, I'll be working for someone else. That's a big change for me - and I'm not real good with change, as you can tell.

  • Paul: Mindy, there's a hundred old dogs within one square block that desire nothing more than the name "Mrs. Grecco."

  • Andy: Ouch. You punched your friend? In the nose?

    Paul: Yes, and I'd do it again.

    Andy: Are you sure about that?

    Paul: Goodbye, Andy.

  • Paul: I sure as shit don't know what happens next.

  • Elise: I do not understand. And, I am just telling you, right now, that if you are even considering having some sort of a mid life crisis, then I am going to have a full-blown nervous breakdown.

    Paul: Is that the same nervous breakdown you've been working on for twenty-five years?

  • [first lines]

    Paul: My brother showed me the gun. I'd never seen one up close before. He kept it in a backpack under his bed at the Y. \

  • Paul: Unlike me, Don never even thought about college. The only graduating he did was from pot at 16 to coke at 17.

  • Stake: You're always pissin' off everyone.

    Stud: Oh, I'm pissing everyone off am I? Paul? Are you pissed off with me?

    Paul: Well, a little bit.

    Stud: Jake? Are you pissed off with me? Well, Jake looks pissed off but I don't think it's about me...

    Jake: Shut the fuck up, the lot of ya!

    Stud: What's wrong with you?

    Jake: I'm trying to figure out which one here in this room is the most fuckin' useless!

  • ToM: Crack, break dawn has gone rake wrong!

    Paul: Tip tap, snip snap.

  • Paul: Who said you could read the script?

  • Laura: I have to admit I'm in awe, I've never known a writer before.

    Paul: Well don't be, I don't know any either. I haven't written in a long time. My wife, she... left me. Anyway, listen, uhm, have dinner with me?

  • Laura: I've been calling you for days.

    Paul: We have to leave right now.

  • Paul: They're looking for you, aren't they?

    Jack: I ain't never going back.

  • Paul: Where are you going, Paul?

    Jack: We had an agreement.

  • Paul: Thanks for breakfast.

    Jack: I noticed this door has to be reframed.

    Paul: You don't have to fix anything.

    Jack: Well I want to. Deal?

  • Paul: I don't want to drop you on this weather coming up. I've gotta guest room, you can use it for the night.

    [to Jack]

  • Paul: I heard a woman scream. I didn't imagined that, right! I allowed you to my home, and I'm a prisoner in my own house!

    Jack: Don't make me hurt you.

  • Jack: Thank you... what do you do?

    Paul: I'm a writer.

    Jack: Really?

  • Jack: It's your fault the sheriff's dead. How does it feel to see a real murder?

    Paul: I didn't kill anybody, you did!

  • Paul: [looking at Jack's tattoo] And what is that?

    Jack: Black butterfly, I had it done in prison.

  • Jack: You still don't get it, do you, Paul? I'm the one writing the story.

    Paul: I have a better ending in mind.

  • Paul: I heard a woman scream. You didn't hear it?

    Jack: You always tend to imagine the worst.

  • Jack: You'd never have time to do all that.

    Paul: I said it might take a little bit longer.

  • Paul: They're trying to destroy our country. They're trying to infect us. I'm not going to let them.

  • Frank: [about his girl friend] She's good. Like purity.

    Paul: Most nurses are.

  • The Man: Introspection is good. That's were the truth exists.

    Paul: What about you?

    The Man: Me? I made some mistakes, and danced with the Devil. Have you?

    Paul: I don't believe in the Devil, and I sure as hell don't dance.

  • Paul: Who the fuck are you?

    The Man: I'm the son of God. Who the fuck are you?

  • Paul: You're Frank's wife, huh?

    Sandy: Unfortunately.

  • [last lines]

    The Man: You're free to go.

    Paul: Go where?

    The Man: Somewhere better than here.

    [walking away]

    Paul: Hey, I don't understand.

    The Man: You made the right choice.

Browse more character quotes from Dune (1984)

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