Pastor Dan Parker Quotes in Raising Helen (2004)

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Pastor Dan Parker Quotes:

  • Pastor Dan Parker: Let's talk about some things you could do at home.

    Helen Harris: You wanna know what I've been doing at home? I've been doing the best I can. Do you have any idea what this has done to my life?

    Pastor Dan Parker: Hey, Helen, you have any idea what it's done to theirs?

    Helen Harris: Hey, Pastor Dan? Mr. Self-righteous? I'm hanging on by a thread here. I lost my sister, my social life, my disposable income, my ability to fit into a size 2, and - this just in - my job. Pretty much the only two things that haven't disappeared are my nicotine fits and a few pounds that have recently taken up residence on my ass. So forgive me if I'm not too thrilled about being lectured, in Queens, about being a lousy legal guardian to three kids who maybe shouldn't have been given to me in the first place.

  • Helen Harris: ...Father.

    Pastor Dan Parker: Pastor.

    Helen Harris: ...Father Pastor.

    Pastor Dan Parker: Pastor Parker.

  • Pastor Dan Parker: I'm a sexy man of God, and I know it.

  • Pastor Dan Parker: [knocks on the door] Cable guy!

    Helen Harris: [whispering] It's the Exorcist!

  • Helen Harris: See you at Vespers.

    Pastor Dan Parker: Do you know what Vespers is?

    Helen Harris: Some kind of scooter?

    Pastor Dan Parker: Close enough.

  • Helen Harris: Ok, problem. They're all hemophiliacs. Can't take blood. Shhh... they're sensitive!

    Pastor Dan Parker: It's a joke.

    Helen Harris: Why would I joke about hemophilia?

  • Helen Harris: Pastor Dan just asked me out.

    Audrey Davis: That is so weird.

    Pastor Dan Parker: I can hear you. I'm still here. Go inside and do that.

  • Helen Harris: Sarah, you don't have to learn to tie your shoes right now. When you're ready to tie your shoes, you will.

    Pastor Dan Parker: That's right. Show-tying is tough. Why do you think Jesus wore sandals?

Browse more character quotes from Raising Helen (2004)

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