Parson Collins Quotes in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

Parson Collins: I was unaware that zombies possessed such acuity so as to set such traps. Before we know it, they'll be running for Parliament.

Parson Collins: The fairest wifely choice is to be right here in this room.

George Wickham: The crown's funds are being drained.

Mr. Darcy: [incredulous] You're here to solicit money!

George Wickham: I'm here to propose a venture that would end the war forever. These new zombies can be reasoned with. With the proper funding I believe we can cultivate trust and even good will with this new iteration of the undead, who seem to posses an inherent power of the lower ranks of their kind.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [starts laughing, not believing] Zombie aristocrats?

Parson Collins: [smirking] Oh, really!

George Wickham: I prefer to think of them as souls lost in purgatory.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [considering] Hmm.

George Wickham: The common hordes look to them for leadership. It takes just one of them to realize that power and then to lead the hordes into battle.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh: The undead are like locusts!

Parson Collins: [still smirking] Locusts.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [now determined] They go forth and destroy. They have no use for leaders!

Parson Collins: Oh, uh, except one actually.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [turning] Hmm?

Parson Collins: Oh, well, um, according to the Book of Revelation the antichrist shall lead the undead, uh, on the day that shall be the last day of mankind.

Parson Collins: I will, of course, require you to retire your warrior skills as part of the marital submission. We absolutely can't have swords in the home.

Parson Collins: Is there absolutely no negotiation over Jane?

Mrs. Bennet: The early bird catches the worm, Mr. Collins.

Parson Collins: Indeed.

Mr. Bennet: Be mindful of your talent for the delicate compliments, sir.

Parson Collins: Oh, is there some sort of trouble?

[the sisters draw their swords]

Parson Collins: Oh, it appears there is.

Mrs. Bennet: Do not worry, Mr. Collins, she shall be brought to reason.

Parson Collins: Oh good!

Elizabeth Bennet: No.

Parson Collins: Oh no.

Parson Collins: Allow me. Gallantry isn't dead.

Parson Collins: Mr. Darcy, I have made the most incredible discovery. Nay, tosh, an extraordinary discovery. Sir, you are the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Mr. Darcy: I know.

Parson Collins: She is *almost* as fair as the other one.

Parson Collins: Oh, fuddle!