Pam Quotes in Grindhouse (2007)

Stuntman Mike: Well Pam, which way you goin' left or right?

Pam: Right.

Stuntman Mike: Aww, that's too bad.

Pam: Why?

Stuntman Mike: Well, because there was a fifty-fifty shot on whether you'd be going left. You see, we're both going left. You could have just as easily been going left too and if that was the case, it would have been awhile before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately!

Pam: Take a picture, it lasts longer.

Stuntman Mike: What?

Pam: That table. Seems to keep them getting your attention.

Stuntman Mike: Is that the girl from the billboard outside?

Pam: Yup.

Stuntman Mike: She sure is a striking looking woman. Look at that hair.

Pam: Lots of leave-in conditioner.

Stuntman Mike: Is that jealousy I detect?

Pam: Hardly. But if you wanna get with Jungle Julia, there's a real easy way to do that.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah? And what would that be?

Pam: Get famous. You won't have to find her, she'll find you. And you don't even wanna know what she did for that billboard. Enjoy it cocksucker, you've earned it.

Stuntman Mike: What did she ever do to you?

Pam: We went to school together, from kindergarten to high school, that's what she did to me. She was her height right now at twelve. She was a monster! Half the guy she still fucks from the old class she used to beat up and terrorize in the fifth grade.

Stuntman Mike: And I see she used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk.

Pam: That pituitary case might've kicked my ass a couple of times... Sorry, I'm built like a girl and not a black man, but I'd die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk.

Pam: Hey Warren, is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?

Stuntman Mike: [tosses keys across table in front of Pam] Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

Pam: You've been eavesdropping?

Stuntman Mike: [chuckles] Eavesdropping and can't help but hear, I think I belong in the latter category.

Pam: So, uh, "icy hot", you're offering me a ride home?

Stuntman Mike: I'm offerin' you a lift, if, when I'm ready to leave, you are too.

Pam: And when are you thinking about leaving?

Stuntman Mike: Truthfully, I'm not thinkin' about it. But when I do, you will be the first to know.

Pam: Will you be able to drive later?

Stuntman Mike: I know looks can be deceiving, but I'm a teetotaler. I've been drinking club soda and lime all night, and now I'm buildin up to my big drink.

Pam: Which is what?

Stuntman Mike: Virgin Pina Colada.

Pam: [pause] Okay. Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar, drinking water?

Stuntman Mike: You know, a bar offers all kinds of things other than alcohol.

Pam: Hmm, really. Like what?

Stuntman Mike: [pause] Women. Nacho Grande platters. The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.

Pam: Fair enough. So what's your name, icy?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: [pause] "Stuntman Mike's" your name?

Stuntman Mike: You can ask anybody.

Pam: Hey Warren, who is this guy?

Warren: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren: He's a stuntman.

Pam: So how exactly does one become a stuntman?

Stuntman Mike: Well, in Hollywood, anyone fool enough to throw themselves down a flight of stairs can usually find someone to pay them for it. But really, I got into the business the way most people get into the stunt business.

Pam: How's that?

Stuntman Mike: My brother got me in it.

Pam: Who's your brother?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Bob.

Stuntman Mike: How do you think they accomplish that?

Pam: CGI?

Stuntman Mike: Well, nowadays unfortunately you're right more often than not. But back in the all or nothing days, the Vanishing Point days, the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days, the White Line Fever days, they had real cars crashing into real cars and real dumb people driving em.

Pam: [Stuck in Stuntman Mike's car] If you just stop right now, you know, and, and let me out, I'll never tell anybody...

Stuntman Mike: Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn't a lie. This car is a hundred percent death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.

[slams his foot onto the brake and sends Pam flying face-first into his dashboard]

Pam: So what's your name icy?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name.

Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.

Pam: Hey Warren, Who is this guy?

Warren: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren: He's a Stuntman.

Pam: Is that cowboy wisdom?

Stuntman Mike: I'm not a cowboy, Pam. I'm a stuntman.

Heymar 'Wulfgar' Reinhardt: You know, I never asked you what you do for a living.

Pam: Well... besides dancing a lot, I fly Pan Am from coast to coast. I'm Pam, flying ace. That's actually a slight airline joke. I don't really fly the planes. I'm just a stewardess. I flying waitress as they call it. How about you?

Heymar 'Wulfgar' Reinhardt: Me?

Pam: Yes. What do you do for a living?

Heymar 'Wulfgar' Reinhardt: [sarcastic tone] I'm an international terrorist wanted by the police in half the countries in Europe. And I am currently laying low for the moment.

Pam: Oh, sure!

[Last lines]

Pam: Why are they cheering?

Jay Trotter: I'm having a VERY good day.

Pam: Look, Debbie, I'm kind of having a bad sugar crash. Do you think you could just, you know, hold it down?

Pam: I will make popcorn with whom ever I want to!

Debbie Hunt: You've made popcorn with half of the city!

Pam: Well at least I don't have to CHASE the popcorn!

Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.

Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.

Pam: I mean that as a compliment.

Alvy Singer: I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life.

Pam: Who said that?

Alvy Singer: It may have been Leopold and Loeb.

Pam: The only word for this is transplendent... it's transplendent!

Pam: Where were you Duncan?

Duncan: Nowhere.

Pam: That's a long time to be nowhere?

Duncan: Well that's where I was!

Betty: So how was your winter? Because our year was a challenge. My niece was raped in October.

Pam: Oh, my God!

Betty: I know. Not even food courts are safe.

Betty: So, do you think you will? Pam?

Pam: Do I think I will what?

Betty: Talk to the Keegans.

Pam: Oh, I don't know. I don't even know them.

Betty: Do if you want to, but just know that I'm mad at them. I don't even want to get into why.

[turns to go, but immediately changes mind]

Betty: They called me a See-You-Next-Tuesday. To my face.

Pam: You want us to study?

Shoop: The thought did cross my mind.

Denise: Well, what's in it for us? What do we get out of it?

Shoop: Literacy?

Shoop: Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38.

Mrs. Green: Honey, that's terrific!

Denise: We'll get 'em next time.

Shoop: Kevin, from a 48 to a 75!

Kevin Winchester: Yeah, I'm back on the team!

[Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug]

Shoop: Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70.

Dave: I passed!

Anna-Maria Mazarelli: You made it!

Chainsaw: You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me?

Dave: It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it.

Shoop: Pam went from a 53 to an 82.

Pam: Was that the highest?

Shoop: Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved.

Phil Gills: And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies.

Principal Kelban: Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.

Pam: So, you're all alone and you like young girls.

Shoop: Can anybody tell me why writing is important?

Pam: Because it's a form of communication.

Shoop: Very good, it can also get you free stuff.

Kids: Free?

Shoop: Free, I'm writing it down... here's how it works, we've all been ripped off, right? Pay phone steals your money... not enough cheese on your pizza...

Chainsaw: My shades keep falling apart!

Shoop: That's a perfect example. Now you're going to write that company a letter and you're going to see action, but only if the letter is well written and it threatens to hurt their business, and it's signed, excuse me Chainsaw, Francis Gremp, President: Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear.

Chainsaw: You want me to lie? Okay.

Shoop: [Chainsaw pours a large fish tank on the couch to put out a fire] My fish!

Pam: How many were there?

Shoop: Just one.

[on Gil and parenting]

Pam: You would have been a great dad.

Gil: We tried. It wasn't meant to be.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in Vietnamese] Pam, Candy, this is the fag who will clean for us and attract gay customers.

Candy: [in Vietnamese] He's too skinny. The gays want more meat on the bone.

Pam: [in Vietnamese] No. Some like to take a twig boy, spread his legs reeeeal wide and snap him in two.

Candy: Oh-ho.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [to Casey, in English] They just said they can't wait to get to know you.

Casey: Oh, cool. Uh, tell 'em I feel the same way.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in Vietnamese to Pam and Candy] He says treat him nice or he'll call immigration on your asses.

Eva: Something wrong?

Pam: Yeah, I guess. Chris's dad died.

Eva: Oh, gee, Pam. I'm sorry.

Pam: Why? Did you kill him?

FBI Agent: Come out with your hands on your head. You've got ten seconds.

Pam: Enough time to create a universe.

Kevin Lomax: Is this a test?

Pam: Isn't everything?

Collins, Mark, Roger, Angel, Ali, Paul, Steve, Pam: [sung] Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow, from this nightmare?

[Bud is upset that Sissy left before he got the rodeo prize]

Pam: You did it for her; didn't you?

Bud: What?

Pam: Practicing, winning, all that, didn't you?

Bud: What are you talkin' about?

Pam: Because you sure didn't do it for me.

Bud: Pam, this ain't no time to start this with me, what are you talking about?

Pam: Look, I'm a shit, but I'm not that big a shit. I have to tell you something, remember when you came home from ridding on the bull that first time and the trailer was all clean and flowers around; I didn't do that, Sissy did it, she was there. She left you a note asking you to phone her. I tore it up, cause I was sorta jealous. I wanted to keep my cowboy. You don't love me Bud, and I don't really love you, not like that. So you shouldn't let her get away. But I tell you what, if you ever wanna make her jealous you know where I am.

Bud: I gotta go.

Bud: What does your daddy do?

Pam: Daddy does oil - and all that that implies.

Sissy: Uncle Bob wanted you to be happy. Are you happy?

Bud: Yep, yes I am. You?

Sissy: Yep, I finally got what I wanted. I got a real cowboy.

Bud: And I got what I wanted. I finally got myself a real lady.

Pam: Bud, the family car's waiting.

Bud: The family car's waiting.

Pam: I am tired of her looking down her nose at us... like we didn't live in the same house or the same neighborhood!

Andrea: I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now.

Alice Pratt: This is your sister! When are you two going to act like it?

Pam: I think my alleged friend wants a light.

Lucy Sherwood: Why am I always your "alleged friend"?

Pam: George has never been quite sure that you exist.

Lucy Sherwood: Oh, I exist all right. It's about all I do.

Lieutenant George Acres: [lighting her cigarette] There's no doubt about that!

Lieutenant Commander Ewen Montagu: This is very interesting. From his attitude in the office, one would never suspect that George was such a fast worker.

[Kirk and Pam arrive at a large hole in the ground where a pond used to be]

Kirk: This must be it. How the hell did Franklin ever get down here anyway?

Pam: Somebody must've carried him when he was little.

Kirk: Franklin never was little.

Pam: Hey, listen to Franklin's horoscope. "Travel in the country, long-range plans, and upsetting persons around you, could make this a disturbing and unpredictiable day. The events in the world are not doing much either to cheer one up."

Jerry: That's just perfect. And now read Sally's.

Pam: [reading from the American Astrology book] Oh, no. Capricorn's ruled by Saturn. "There are moments when we cannot believe that what is happening is really true. Pinch yourself and you may find out that it is."

Pam: [to Josie] Take this, you zombie bitch!

Pam: Remember how, like, when you used to call people, either they were home or they weren't? You know, like, you got their machine? Now, everybody has a cell phone, but when you call people, it's like, they pick up even less.

Pam: So you think that we, we came from apes?

Kyle: Well I don't know about you honey, but I sure did.

Stuntman Mike: Well, Pam... Which way you going, left or right?

Pam: Right!

Stuntman Mike: Oh, that's too bad...

Pam: Why?

Stuntman Mike: Because it was a fifty fifty shot on wheter you'd be going left or right. You see we're both going left. You could have just as easily been going left, too. And if that was the case... It would have been a while before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately!

Pam: So what's your name, icy?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name.

Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.

Pam: Hey Warren. Who is this guy?

Warren the Bartender: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren the Bartender: He's a stuntman.

Stuntman Mike: You know, a bar offers all kind of things other than alcohol.

Pam: Hmm. Really? Like what?

Stuntman Mike: Women, nacho grande platters, the fellowships of fascinating individuals like Warren here. Alcohol is just a lubricant for all the individual encounters that a bar offers.

Pam: [talking about Mike's car] Are you sure it's safe?

Stuntman Mike: It's better than safe. It's death proof.

Jungle Julia: [to Arlene] I think you got Mike laid tonight.

[the two of them laugh]

Jungle Julia: [to Stuntman Mike] Looking good, Cannonball Run!

Pam: He's just giving me a ride.

Jungle Julia: Oh, no doubt.

Arlene: [waves to them] Have a nice ride.

[they go back to laughing]

Pam: Look, double-fucks...

[she approaches them]

Pam: ...I am not gonna fuck him!

Stuntman Mike: [as he lights a cigarette] I can hear you!

[Jungle Julia and Arlene laugh and Pam approaches even closer]

Pam: He's old enough to be my da...

Stuntman Mike: I can still hear you!

[the girls go back to laughing]

Pam: Bye!

Pam: Hey, Warren! Is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?

Stuntman Mike: [tosses his keys across the bar] Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

Pam: Is that cowboy wisdom?

Stuntman Mike: I'm not a cowboy, Pam... I'm a stuntman.

Pam: So what's your name Icy?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name?

Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.

Pam: Hey Warren. Who is this guy?

Warren the Bartender: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren the Bartender: He's a stuntman.

Stuntman Mike: [about Jungle Julia] What did she ever do to you?

Pam: We went to school together from kindergarten through high school. That's what she did to me. She was her height right now at 12. She was a monster. Half the guys she still fucks she used to terrorize in the fifth grade.

Stuntman Mike: And she used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk, huh?

Pam: That pituitary case? Might have kicked my ass a couple of times... sorry, I'm built like a girl, not a black man...

Pam: [seeing his car] Wow, that's fucking scary.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah, well, I wanted it to be impressive and... scary tends to impress.

Pam: Is it safe?

Stuntman Mike: No, it's better than safe. It's death-proof.

Pam: How do you make a car death-proof?

Stuntman Mike: Well, that's what stuntmen do. You've seen a movie where a car gets into some smash-up there ain't no way in hell anybody's walking away from?

Pam: Yeah.

Stuntman Mike: Well, how do you think they accomplish that?

Pam: CGI?

Stuntman Mike: Well, unfortunately, Pam, nowadays more often than not, you 're right. Tsk. But back in the all-or-nothin' days. Vanishing Point days, the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days, the White Line Fever days... real cars smashing into real cars. Real dumb people driving 'em. So, give the stunt team the car you want to smash up, they take her and reinforce that fucker everywhere and, voila! You got yourself a death-proof automobile.

Pam: That makes sense. I just didn't know you could make a car death-proof.

Stuntman Mike: Well, I can drive this baby into a brick wall doing 125 miles an hour. Just for the experience.

Pam: Why is your passenger seat in a box?

Bobbie: Well gang, here we are. Right smack dab in the middle of nowhere. At least a whole day's walk to the nearest boy.

Julie: If that's all you can think of, Bobbie, then why did you come on this trip?

Bobbie: My mother insisted. Hey listen - don't tell me you never think about boys.

Julie: Don't be absurd, Bobbie, of course I do.

Bobbie: Then you know there is a difference between the boys and the girls!

Pam: Just what are you getting at, Bobbie?

Bobbie: The truth! Just tell it like it is - truth.

Julie: Nothing wrong with that.

Tina: My, my. Sounds like regular group therapy.

Bobbie: Aw, not at all. At least I'm honest about what I do.

Julie: You're hopeless, Bobbie, absolutely hopeless.

Pam: I think there's another word for it.

Bobbie: What do you mean?

Pam: Well, if I have to explain it, it wouldn't be worthwhile.

Bobbie: Come on. We've all had it - and loved it.

Pam: Not all, Bobbie. Regardless of how square, how unnatural - how hypocritical - not all of us have had it.

Bobbie: Do you mean to tell me that we actually have a virgin among us?

Pam: There are probably more than you'd care to know about. You see, some of us were raised by parents who stressed the teachings of the Bible.

Bobbie: Please, I can't take it! Would you get off that crap? Either you like it or you don't. It was meant to be used, not to just sit on.

Pam: That's all very understandable if you're talking about dogs.

Bobbie: Are you calling me a bitch?

Pam: That's right, you're just a horny little bitch!

[Catfight begins]