Palais Reporter Quotes in The Pink Panther (2006)

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: [heard on television from Clouseau's apartment] I am pleased to announce that I am personally taking over the Pink Panther investigation and that an arrest is imminent, thank you.

Palais Reporter: Chief Inspector, the coroner has announced that Bizu was killed with a perfect shot to the occipital lobe. Any comments?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The occipital lobe?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: It's irrelevant.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The occipital lobe. Ah.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Clouseau sits down at his desktop computer,and observes his arrest at the airport, remarking with a sarcastic tone] Oh, well that makes me feel good.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Zoom.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Clouseau gasps in surprise] Of course!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [calls Ponton on his cell phone] Ponton, I need you over here immediately. We are back on the case!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [calls Nicole on his cell phone] Nicole, I believe Bizu and Gluant were both killed by the same person, and that the killer will strike again tonight. I want you to meet me at the Presidential Palace, and bring me my vinyl bag marked "Presidential Palace", and hurry! Xania is in grave danger!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: In the name of the statutes and laws of the great nation of France, I arrest you for the murder of Yves Gluant... Yuri, the trainer who trains!

[Clouseau unmasks Yuri; the guests gasp]

Palais Reporter: And who are you?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Clouseau unmasks himself] I am Inspector Jacques Clouseau!

Yuri: Gluant was nothing! I drew up the plays. He takes credit for brilliant French defense which I gave him and treats me like I'm dead, okay, fine. Now he is dead... from Chinese poison.

[the crowd gasps in shock]

Ponton: Inspector, what made you think it was him?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: But Ponton, think back: You were there.

[Flashback to Ms. Yu's interrogation]

Yu: [in subtitled Chinese] Why do you bother me? Why did you bring me down here? I'm busy! The soccer coach was killed with Chinese poison. You should look for soccer trainers. They are required to have a knowledge of Chinese herbs.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: She was right, of course. According to Statute 87223: every trainer of the National soccer team must have a knowledge of Chinese herbs.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Flashback to Yves Gluant's murder] This made it easy for him to murder Gluant.

Palais Reporter: And Bizu?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Simple: Bizu had often heard Yuri's rants against Gluant, so Bizu blackmailed Yuri and got himself killed.

Bizu: [Flashback to Bizu's murder] Oh, it's you.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: A stunning shot to the head burrowing deeply into the occipital lobe.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: But Yuri is a soccer trainer. That shot was made by an expert marksman!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: But Chief Inspector, I'm sure you're familiar with Russian Army statute 611.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Well, of course.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau, Chief Inspector Dreyfus: All members must be expert marksmen,

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Expert marksmen.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau, Chief Inspector Dreyfus: And understand the location of the occipital lobe.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: The occipital lobe, of course. Yes, very true.

Palais Reporter: What about the diamond? What about the Pink Panther?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I...

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Uh, thank you, Inspector Clouseau, for... carrying out my orders. Hand over the diamond, Yuri.

Yuri: What do I care about your stinking diamond?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He does not have the diamond.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: [skeptically] The murderer does not have the diamond?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: [mockingly] Well, then where is it, Inspector Clouseau?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It is there! In her purse!

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Let me see.

[Dreyfus searches Xania's purse but finds nothing]

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Uh-huh, sorry Clouseau, no diamond!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Clouseau takes out a Swiss Army knife, and opens the miniature scissors] The purse, please.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Clouseau uses the mini-scissors to cut into the purse's inner lining] Could you hold that, please?

Xania: [Clouseau hands the Swiss Army knife to Dreyfus, and takes the Pink Panther ring out of Xania's purse] After Gluant came to me, he said he decided to stop cheating on me; then he asked me to marry him... and put the ring in my hands. After he was killed, I thought: if I came forward with the ring, everyone would think I did it.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: If Gluant gave you the ring before he died, then according to Civil Statute 812-914-B, you are the rightful owner. You may keep the Pink Panther.

[the crowd says "Aww..."]

Ponton: But Inspector, how did you know she had it?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It was simple, Ponton: I was looking at a photo of myself at the checkpoint. Something caught my eye: Xania's purse passing through the X-ray machine. I enlarged the photo, and in it, the Pink Panther. The case is closed!

[the crowd cheers and applauds]