Pain Quotes in Hercules (1997)

Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...

[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]

Hades: What... are... those?

Pain: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing.

Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke,

[begins to shout]

Hades: and you are wearing his merchandise?

[Hades almost blows up in front of Pain, but stops to see Panic slurping some "Herculade"]

Panic: [chuckling nervously] Thirsty?

[Hades shouts out loud, blows up and the whole city rumbles]

Panic: He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.

Pain: You mean, *if* he gets outta there.

Panic: If? If is good.

Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?

Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?

Hades: What-was-that-name-again?

Meg: Hercules.

Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?

Pain, Panic: Oh, my Gods!

[they run, Hades seizes them]

Hades: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words?

Pain: This might be a different Hercules.

Panic: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays.

Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?

Pain, Panic: [disguised as kids trapped in a rockslide] Somebody call IX-I-I.

Hades: Pain!

Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.

Hades: Panic!

Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.

[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]

Pain: Pain - Ow!

Panic: And Panic - eechk!

Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty!

Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.

Panic: Oh, they're here!

Hades: [shouting] What! The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?

Pain, Panic: Ohh... We are worms!

[as they grovel, they turn into worms]

Pain, Panic: Worthless worms!

Hades: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.

[after Pain and Panic, disguised as children, are rescued by Hercules]

Hades: Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.

Panic: "Jeepers, Mister"?

Pain: I was going for innocence.

Hades: Pain. Panic. Got a little riddle for ya. How do you kill a god?

Pain: [sounds assertive at first] I do not... know.

Panic: You can't... they're immortal?

Hades: Bingo, they're immortal. So the first thing we gotta do is make the little sunspot... mortal.

[Meg encounters a rabbit and a gopher in the woods]

Meg: Aw, how cute. A couple of rodents lookin' for a theme park.

Pain: [as rabbit] Who are you callin' a rodent, sister? I'm a bunny.

Panic: [as chipmunk] A-And I'm his gopher.

Panic: [after catching the eye the Fates use to see] OH, Gross!

Pain: It blinked!

Pain: [as he and Panic patrol the now-imprisoned gods, bellowing] Hup-two-three-four, c'mon, everybody. I can't *hear* you!