Paige Quotes in Webgirl (2014)

Jack: You don't even know me.

Paige: What are you going to do Jack, rip me off?

Mike Martingano: I have, like, $13,000 saved.

Paige: Wow. That's a lot of ones.

Mike Martingano: There are some fives in there.

Paige: Oh, ok. No twenties?

Mike Martingano: Oh, you don't wanna know what I have to do for twenties.

Paige: Entrepreneur/stripper? Stripper/entrepreneur?

Mike Martingano: Either one.

Paige: I was hoping this was all a joke.

Mike Martingano: It is pretty funny.

[from trailer]

Mike Martingano: So you gonna come to the show tonight?

Paige: No.

Mike Martingano: You're gonna come to the show tonight.

Paige: No!

Mike Martingano: You just said over there that you like the show!

Paige: That doesn't mean I'm gonna go again!

Jules: [Waves to daughter's friend who hides behind her mom's legs] Hi, Maddie.

Paige: [In a stage whisper] Bipolar!

Paige: Where are you going?

Fred: Page, you're my babysitter. Have a happy birthday!

[leaves]

Paige: Well, my aunt Meg wants to meet you...

Hal Lane: And your first dance will be to what song?

Paige: To our song, "You Are So Beautiful". That's by Joe Cocker.

Hal Lane: [sarcastically] Thanks.

Paige: [glances at Doug, who looks dissatisfied] What?

Doug Harris: That's not our song. That's not our song.

Paige: Honey, of course it is! Babe, don't you remember? Your broken CD player repeated it over and over and over the first time we made love?

Hal Lane: Aww.

Paige: So amazing.

Doug Harris: That wasn't... that wasn't me. That was your ex, Steve. And I know that 'cause you've told me the story about five times.

[from trailer]

Jimmy: I'm assuming you made up a name for me?

Doug Harris: Bic Mitchum.

Jimmy: Do I wear a cape? "Hello, ladies, what's going on? My name is Bic." "I'm Bic Mitchum and I love candy!" "Bic Mitchum can have whatever he wants!"... I like it.

[later on]

Paige: Don't you think it's a little strange that your best man's name is... Bic Mitchum?

Paige: Admit to God... you are a whore.

Sylvia Stickles: I'm a whore.

Paige: Good. Now, make a list of all the people you've fucked and apologize to their parents.

Paige: So many vaginas, so little time.

Paige: Denmark isn't ready for a Queen like me.

Eddie: Well then they'll have to be. Because I am.

Eddie: [reading Shakespeare's 148 sonnet] "O me! What eyes hath love put in my head/ Which have no correspondence with true sight?/ Or if they have where is my judgment fled/ That censures falsely what they see aright?" It's beautiful.

Paige: It's gibberish. I have no idea what he's saying.

Eddie: Well, he's saying that love is magical, and that it makes people look at each other in an unspoiled way, without judgment.

Paige: Why doesn't he just say that? Why can't people just say what they mean?

Eddie: Well, people rarely say what they mean. That's the interesting part, is... is what's going on underneath the surface. See, take line. The sun itself sees not until heaven clears. What does that mean to you?

Paige: That the sun can't shine when it's cloudy.

Eddie: No. You're being too literal. See, don't just go for the obvious. See, all these words, they have multiple meanings, and you have to explore the possibilities and then make your choice. See, like the word "sun", that could mean the actual sun, or it can mean light. But then "light" can mean knowledge or reason.

Paige: That could go on forever.

Eddie: Yes. Yes, it could. But I think in this case it means reason. And then "heaven" may refer to the pearly gates, or it could mean a state of being, you know, like being happy or in love. So now read it again, taking in all the possibilities, and tell me what you think it means.

Paige: The sun itself sees not until heaven clears. I guess it means that love blinds you. And when you're in love, you can't think reasonably.

Eddie: Do you agree?

Paige: Yeah... I mean, it's just a poem.

Eddie: Yeah... Yeah, it's just a poem.

Paige: We did King Lear, now we're on the sonnets. Next it's Hamlet, which is about a whiny prince from Denmark. What does that have to do with reality?

Eddie: More than you think.

Paige: Well you're from Denmark. Do you even have princes?

Eddie: Yes, I think we do.

Eddie: This Saturday evening there's a party at Brenner hall, a gathering. I was wondering if you would like to accompany me?

Paige: Accompany you?

Eddie: Oh, right, yes, how do you say it colloquially? Um, yo dog, there's a party kicking at my crib if you want to roll down there with me.

Paige: That was just sad, don't ever do that again.

Paige: Could you please put a shirt on or something?

Eddie: If you're going to be a doctor, you're going to have to get used to naked men.

Soren: Miss Paige, the Queen would like to see you immediately.

[Soren and Paige walk down hallway to the Queen's office]

Soren: Don't worry. I'll be by your side the entire time.

[Soren and Paige enter the Queen's office]

Queen: Soren, get out.

Soren: Yes, Your Majesty.

[backs off]

Paige: Thanks.

[Soren exits the Queen's office and closes the doors]

Paige: Are there a lot of princes where you're from, or are you kinda it?

Eddie: I'm it.

Eddie: I have learn'd me to repent the sin of disobedient opposition. To you and your behests, and am enjoin'd and beg your pardon.

Paige: [to Soren] Is he drunk now?

Eddie: It's from a play, Romeo and Juliet? Shakespeare?

Paige: This is going to be a fun semester. Don't forget your half of the supplies next time.

John Morgan: I don't know anyone from Denmark. I've never heard of anyone from there. Have you?

Paige: Yeah, sure.

[long pause]

Paige: Eddie?

Eddie: Um, Kierkegaard, Niels Bohr, Hans Christian Andersen.

John Morgan: [whispers to Mike] Who's Hans Christian Andersen?

Eddie: Um, Lars Ulrich.

Mike Morgan: From Metallica?

Eddie: From Metallica.

Mike Morgan: Get out.

John Morgan: Ok.

Eddie: And, um, Helena Christensen.

John Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. The Victoria's Secret model?

Eddie: Yes.

Mike Morgan: Ok, that's gotta be the coolest country in the World now.

John Morgan: Seriously, you should be a superpower.

[all burst out laughting]

Eddie: Yes.

Paige: Am I supposed to be able to breathe?

Dress Maker: No.

Paige: Oh, well, then it's perfect.

Paige: Do you think the people are gonna mind if I'm going to be their queen and all I've seen is the airport?

Soren: No.

Paige: I've never felt this way before.

Paige: He was quoting Shakespeare like some duke, lord guy. I hate phonies like that.

Paige: This class is really important to me because I need this teacher to get me into med school. And if I'm stuck with you as my partner, I can't afford to have you screw things up for me, OK?

Eddie: It's very important to me, as well. I love organic chemistry. I've recently discovered that large amounts of alcohol mixed with a carbon-based life form causes the life form to blurt out stupid things. So apologies to the other night. I was just having some fun.

Paige: Of course you were. And I love being made to feel like a brainless slut by some sloppy lush. Thanks.

Paige: Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward the next five years...

Beth: I hate it when she starts to talk about her life plan.

Paige: Oh no.

Eddie: What?

Paige: You didn't tell me you lived with your parents.

Paige: [in fake English accent] I can offer you beer and pretzel rods, my fine fellow, at the old pub yonder.

Paige: Where's Eddie?

Scotty: Oh, you mean, prince-who-ate-my-triscuits-and-didn't-replace-them?

Professor Amiel: One partner is monitoring temperature and flow, while the other pours the hydrochloric acid into the separatory funnel. Now... carefully turn the stopcock to allow some of the solution to flow into the round-bottom flask.

Paige: [the Hydrochloric acid pours out of the funnel and blows up] Oh!

Professor Amiel: [to Paige] Start over again.

[first lines]

Sasha: Watch where you're going, bitch!

Paige: What?

Sasha: Thanks for cutting me off.

Paige: You almost knocked my side view mirror off, slut.

Sasha: You are lucky I have to be somewhere or I'd fuck your ass up right now.

Paige: Fuck you!

Sasha: Fuck you!

Paige: We're still the only ones who think we're funny.

Sasha: Guess I should've known that as soon as you found someone else to couple up with, that you'd be done with me.

Paige: Sasha, that is not fair. Okay yes, I am less available to you now than I was before when there was no one else in my life and we talked every night till 2 in the morning. But that was always gonna change when one of us met someone. I mean you don't talk to your friends till 2 in the morning anymore, you stop needing that.

Sasha: But you still have that.

Paige: What?

Sasha: You... ah... you still talk to someone till 2 in the morning, it's just him now. Nothing changed for you. It just changed for me. Can you acknowledge that, please?

Paige: Great, now you are just being a dick.

Tim: Maybe I just found my dick.

Paige: Whatever, you know, I deserve to be with somebody who appreciates me the way that I am and if you can't do that, then...

Tim: Gotcha

[slams door behind him]

[Last lines]

Paige: [Paige honks on Sasha] Hey, bitch!

[Sasha gets out of the car and then, Paige gets out of her car and walks to Sasha]

Sasha: You didn't tell her it's a set up, right?

Paige: No, no no no, no pressure. No, but you know when heard of you guys fell in love and we went on double dates and lived happily ever after.

Sasha: Okay, psycho.

Melanie Miller: What would you do without your wing girl?

Paige: Get dates.

Paige: Okay, so can we please just go now?

Francis: [holding a knife to her] Aw, Paige.

Paige: Please!

Sadie: Do you not like us, Paige?

Krug: I'm sorry ladies. We just can't risk it.

Paige: You're pathetic!

Krug: What'd you say Paige? Where did that come from all of a sudden?

Paige: What do you feel like doing tonight?

Justin: Can I get a pack of cigarettes?

Paige: Can I get some ID?

Justin: Can you just give me a pass?

Paige: Justin, I would if I ruled the world, but...

Justin: What if you help me, I help you?

Paige: And how are you going to help me?

Justin: Look, you know, I've got some premium grade-A shit back at the motel.

Paige: Really?

Justin: Yeah. You can see for yourself.

[upon entering motel room and finding Justin and Paige getting high]

Mari Collingwood: What the hell you guys?

Paige: Mari, Justin was not kidding. This is really good shit.

Mari Collingwood: Clearly. So, how long were you going to let me sit out there?

Paige: So Justin, my newfound friend, are you from a really big city?

Justin: Uh, no, I'm from all over.

Paige: All over?

Justin: My dad and uncle hustle around a lot, so...

Paige: What do they do?

Justin: All sorts of things. You know, I'm kind of out of the loop.

Mari Collingwood: Um, where's your mom?

Justin: [after a long pause] She's dead.

Mari Collingwood: I'm sorry.

Justin: It's alright.

Mari Collingwood: When did she... die?

Justin: It was a while ago.

Paige: Probably enough death talk. Do you want to move on to a happier subject?

Mari Collingwood: Sure.

Justin: [to Mari] Someone die?

Mari Collingwood: My brother, about a year ago.

Justin: What was his name?

Mari Collingwood: Ben.

Justin: [after long pause] Sorry.

Paige: You know what Mari? I think Justin here could be kind of cute if he lost his whole like creepy, hooded Unabomber kind of vibe he's got going on. Don't you think?

Paige: I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.

Leo: I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other.

Paige: I hope that one day I can love you the way you love me.

Leo: You figured it out once. You'll do it again.

Paige: Thank you.

Leo: I didn't do anything.

Paige: You did everything. You accepted me for who I am, and not for what you wanted me to be.

Leo: I just wanted you to be happy. That's all.

Leo: Oh my god.

Paige: What?

Leo: First date and you're already inviting yourself to stay the night?

Paige: Are you trying to make me diabetic or just fat?

Paige: Can you give me one of those?

Restaurant Cashier: Don't you want your usual?

Paige: I have a usual? Yeah, I'll have the usual.

Paige: Who's the President?

Leo: Of the country?

Paige: Yeah.

Leo: Obama.

Paige: The senator?

Leo: Yeah. You voted for him, actually.

Paige: If you ever pull a stunt like this again, you're gonna need a calculator to count all the teeth you'll be missing.

[last lines]

Shawn: [sneers] What's so funny?

[last lines]

Paige: [smugly] You look terrified

Tristan: [Page says Tristan lacks manners] *Manners* are for *plebs*

Paige: [defiantly] I rest my case

Paige: [to the camera] You know I really don't think I like camping that much.

Paige: Are you sure it was the killer?

Garrett: Yes Paige... Unless Smokie the Bear now packs a machete.