Pacha Quotes in The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

[Kuzco and Pacha are tied to a tree branch floating in a river]

Pacha: Uh-oh.

Kuzco: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.

Pacha: Yep.

Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Pacha: Most likely.

Kuzco: Bring it on.

Kuzco: So, you lied to me.

Pacha: I did?

Kuzco: Yeah. You said when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing.

[takes Kuzcotopia]

Kuzco: So, I'll be building my summer home on a more *magical* hill. Thank you.

Pacha: Heh. Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh?

Kuzco: No, no, I'm sharp. I'm on it.

[puts the model of Pacha's house back on the hilltop]

Kuzco: Looks like you and your family are stuck on the tuneless hilltop forever, pal.

[Kuzco and Pacha sit in silence]

Pacha: You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us. In case you're interested.

Kuzco: Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Oh! And you turned me into a llama!

Pacha: What? No, I did not.

Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me!

Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?

Kuzco: I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me.

Pacha: What?

Kuzco: You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.

Pacha: Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.

Kuzco: Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.

Pacha: I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over.

Kuzco: Well, that makes you ugly *and* stupid.

Pacha: Let's end this.

Kuzco: Ladies first.

Pacha: Where'd you come from, little guy?

Kuzco: No... touchy.

Pacha: Demon llama!

Kuzco: Demon llama? Where?

[Turns around and sees Misty, a real llama]

Misty: Maaah.

Kuzco: Aaah!

Pacha: What happened?

Old Man: Well, I threw off the Emperor's groove.

Pacha: What?

Old Man: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life. His pattern of behavior. I threw it off. And the Emperor had me thrown out the window.

Pacha: Oh, really? I'm supposed to see him today.

Old Man: Don't throw off his groove!

Pacha: Oh, okay.

Old Man: Bewaaare, the grooove.

Pacha: Hey, are you gonna be all right?

Old Man: Grooove...

Pacha: Emperor Kuzco?

Kuzco: Yeah. Who did you think you were talking to?

Pacha: Um... How did... uh... you don't... *look* like the emperor.

Kuzco: What do you mean I don't look like the emperor?

Pacha: Um... do this.

[wiggles fingers]

Kuzco: What is this, some little game you country folk like to play?

[sees his hoofed hand, gasps]

Kuzco: It can't be! I...

[looks at his reflection in the water]

Kuzco: [Gasps] My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! I'm an ugly, stinky llama! Wah-hah-hah! Llama face!

ChiCha: So what did the emperor want?

Pacha: [Unable to explain that Emperor Kuzco was planning to destroy their village to make room for his Summer home, Kuzcotopia] Uh, you know what? He couldn't see me.

ChiCha: Couldn't see you? Why not?

Pacha: I don't know.

ChiCha: Well, that's just rude!

Pacha: Well, he is the emperor. I'm sure he's busy.

ChiCha: No no no no. Emperor or no Emperor, it's called common courtesy. If it were me, I'd march right back there and *demand* to see him. You know I would!

Pacha: Sweetie, sweetie, think of the baby.

ChiCha: Pacha, I'm fine. This baby's not coming out for a while, but even if it was, I'd give that guy a piece of my mind. That kind of behavior just, just...

[snorts]

ChiCha: I gotta go wash something.

Kuzco: Woo-yeah! Look at me and my bad self! I snatched you right out of the air! "Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well, not today, pal! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Pacha: You just saved my life!

Pacha: Okay, once we cross this bridge, it's just an hour to your palace.

Kuzco: Good, because believe it or not, I think I need a bath.

Pacha: I believe it.

Kuzco: What's that?

Pacha: Nothing.

Tipo: Dad! I ate a bug today!

Pacha: Oh! Was Mom baking again? Heh. Don't tell her I said that.

ChiCha: I heard that!

Kronk: Hey, don't I know you?

Pacha: I... I don't think so.

Kronk: Wrestled you in high school.

Pacha: I don't remember that, no.

Kronk: Metal shop? Oh, I know, Miss Nalca's interpretive dance, two semesters. I was usually in the back because of my weak ankles. C'mon, you gotta help me out here.

Pacha: Look, I don't think we've ever met, but... I gotta go.

[Gets up]

Kronk: Don't worry, I'll think of it!

[Pacha and Kuzco diner in disguise as a woman are approached by the Waitress]

Pacha: We're on our honeymoon.

Waitress: Bless you for coming out in public.

Townsman #1: Hey, Pacha, you just missed your relatives.

Pacha: My relatives?

Townsman #1: Yeah, we just sent them up to your house.

Pacha: What'd they look like?

Townsman #1: Well there was this big guy, and this older woman who was... well, how would you describe her?

Townsman #2: Ah, scary beyond all reason?

Townsman #1: Yeah, that's it.

[Pacha has gotten himself and Kuzco tied to a dead tree branch]

Kuzco: Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?

Pacha: No, no, no. It's... It's okay. This is all right. We can figure this out.

[the branch cracks]

Kuzco: I hate you.

Pacha: [after Kuzco quickly betrays him on their way back to Kuzco's Palace] We shook hands on it!

Kuzko: You know, the funny thing about shaking hands is...

[wiggles hoofs]

Kuzko: ...you need hands.

Kuzco: There's two people in there looking for you.

Kuzco: Who?

Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.

Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?

Pacha: Oh, yeah!

Kuzco: That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!

Kuzco: When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?

Pacha: Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really *bad* ideas.

Kuzco: Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.

Pacha: [hanging off the bridge] Kuzco!

Kuzco: Yeah?

Pacha: Quick, pull me up!

Kuzco: No, I don't think I will.

Pacha: You're gonna leave me here?

Kuzco: Well, I was gonna have you imprisoned for life, but I kinda like this better.

Pacha: I thought you were a changed man.

Kuzco: Come on, I had to say *something* to get you to take me back to the palace.

Pacha: So all of it was a lie?

Kuzco: Well yeah. No, wait... Oh, yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!

Kuzco: [as a parrot, whilst testing out each of the potions] We're not getting anywhere with you picking the vials. I'm picking the next one.

Pacha: Fine by me!

Kuzco: Give me that one.

[drinks a potion and turns into a whale]

Kuzco: Don't you say a word.

Pacha: [Both hanging from a bridge, Pacha hits Kuzco in anger] That's for going back on your promise!

Kuzco: [Kuzco hits Pacha] Yeah! And that's for kidnapping me and taking me back to your village! Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Hehehe. No touchy!

[Pacha hits him back]

[after telling Pacha that he intends to destroy Pacha's villiage and build "Kuzcotopia"]

Pacha: But, but, um, where will *we* live?

Kuzco: Hmm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?

[after Pacha attempted to breathe into Kuzco's mouth after saving him from drowning to see if he was still alive]

Pacha: For the last time, it was not a kiss.

Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it, it was disgusting.

Pacha: Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

Kuzko: Thanks for that. I'll log that away.

[after saving Kuzco from some jaguars while swinging on a vine]

Pacha: Don't worry your highness, I gotcha!

Kuzco: Hey, tiny. I wanna get out of this body. Wouldn't you? Now let's go.

Pacha: Build your summer house somewhere else.

Kuzco: You wanna run that by me again?

Pacha: I can't let you go back unless you change your mind and build your summer home somewhere else.

Kuzco: I got a little secret for you. Come here. No, closer.

[Pacha comes closer]

Kuzco: [loudly, in Pacha's ear] I don't make deals with peasants!