Oscar Novak Quotes in Three to Tango (1999)

[on being told he's been selected as gay man of the year]

Oscar Novak: I haven't done anything or anyone to deserve this.

[When Peter clicks his pen, it's supposed to signal to Oscar that he's rambling]

Oscar Novak: Hey, you have a Buddha! Oh, I love Buddhas.

[Peter clicks his pen]

Oscar Novak: They're like bright, cheery, naked Asian Santas.

[Sound of clicking pen]

Oscar Novak: You know, I had a buddy in college whose name was Bob and we used to call him "Buddha Bob" because he was kind of fat and he liked to walk around naked.

[More pen clicking]

Oscar Novak: We used to rub his belly for luck.

[Frantic pen clicking. Oscar gets the hint]

Oscar Novak: Anyway... I love Buddha.

[awkward pause]

Oscar Novak: He rocks.

[viewing a photograph of the Bosnian flag painted on someone's nude bottom]

Oscar Novak: I had no idea things were so hairy in Bosnia.

Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.

[Standing outside the cafe, Oscar is looking very ill]

Amy: Oh, are you okay?

Oscar Novak: Mouth... watering.

Amy: God, I knew that Tuna Melt tasted funny. I'm lucky, I can eat just about anything. Know why? Cause my mother was a horrible cook. She used to make this thing that smelled like a wet dog and old tennis shoes and...

[Oscar retches]

Amy: Oh, sorry.

Oscar Novak: Would you excuse me for a second?

Oscar Novak: [Oscar kneels over and is violently sick] Boy that felt good!

Amy: Don't worry you'll be alright in a minute.

[Amy pauses then kneels over and is sick as well]

Oscar Novak: It just doesn't get better than this!

[after Amy accidentally hits Oscar]

Amy: Did you hurt yourself?

Oscar Novak: No, no... YOU hurt me!

Oscar Novak: [on the phone to his shocked but supportive mother] I'm not gay. I just have to pretend to be gay for work.

Oscar Novak: Mum's the word. The word is mum.

Amy: How are your balls?

Oscar Novak: They're fine. Thanks for asking.

[Peter is standing with a tub of hair gel and a weird hairdo]

Oscar Novak: What the hell happened to your head?

Peter Steinberg: I've been here for nine hours. I got bored.

Oscar Novak: You're a very strange man. Now, will you get out of my apartment?

Peter Steinberg: What happened? Oscy... Oscy... it's six in the morning.

Oscar Novak: It was awful, okay? As soon as we left the gallery, our cab caught on fire. THEN, she elbowed me in the face. THEN, we both threw up. THEN, she slammed a car handle into my balls, okay? The entire night was a total disaster.

Peter Steinberg: You're in love with her.

Oscar Novak: Pretty much.

Amy: So I take it you have kissed a woman before?

Oscar Novak: Not the right one.

[upon meeting her boyfriends wife]

Amy: I handled that well, didn't I? I'm still in one piece.

Oscar Novak: Yes, very well.

[amy starts to walk away]

Oscar Novak: Where are you going?

Amy: To get really *really* drunk.

Oscar Novak: I'm never going to have sex again!

Peter Steinberg: Oh, of course you will. Just maybe not with a woman.

Oscar Novak: What's good?

Diner Waiter: Tuna melt.

Oscar Novak: Ohhh... what else?

Diner Waiter: Tuna melt.

Amy: What do you think?

Oscar Novak: Yeah, two tuna melts.

Peter Steinberg: You do know there are other fish in the sea?

Oscar Novak: But what if you found *the* fish?

Charles Newman: God, I swear Oscar, if you weren't gay, I'd have to kill you.

Oscar Novak: Gay? I'm not gay. I didn't... gay.

Oscar Novak: I'm Batman.

Oscar Novak: [Peter is stood with a tub of hair gel and a weird hairdo] What the hell happened to your hair?

Peter Steinberg: You were gone for nine hours. I got bored. What happened?

Oscar Novak: It was a disaster. First our cab exploded, then I got hit in the face, then we both threw up, *then* she rammed a car handle into my balls. The whole night was a disaster.

Peter Steinberg: You fell in love with her.

Oscar Novak: Pretty much.