Osbourne Cox Quotes in Burn After Reading (2008)

Osbourne Cox: I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck, you're a Mormon. Compared to you we ALL have a drinking problem!

Osbourne Cox: If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a shitstorm of consequences my friend your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there.

Chad Feldheimer: [laughing] You think that's a Schwinn!

Osbourne Cox: No. No, I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because believe it or not I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! Moron!

[repeated line]

Osbourne Cox: What the fuck...?

Osbourne Cox: And you're my wife's lover?

Ted Treffon: [shaking his head] No.

Osbourne Cox: Then what are you doing here?

[pause]

Osbourne Cox: I know you. You're the guy from the gym.

Ted Treffon: I'm not here representing HardBodies.

Osbourne Cox: Oh, yes. I know very well what you represent.

[pause]

Osbourne Cox: You represent the idiocy of today.

Ted Treffon: No, I don't represent that either.

Osbourne Cox: Yeah. You're the guy at the gym when I asked about that moronic woman.

Ted Treffon: She's not a moron.

Osbourne Cox: You're in league with that moronic woman. You are part of a league of morons.

Ted Treffon: No. No.

Osbourne Cox: Oh, yes. You see, you're one of the morons I've been fighting my whole life. My whole fucking life. But guess what... Today, I win.

[gun shot]

Chad Feldheimer: Osbourne Cox?

Osbourne Cox: Yes, this is Osbourne Cox, who the FUCK are YOU?

Osbourne Cox: Give me the CD!

Chad Feldheimer: As soon as you give us the money, dickwad!

Osbourne Cox: Some clown, or two clowns, have gotten a hold of my memoirs.

Katie Cox: Your what?

Osbourne Cox: Stolen it, or I don't know...

Katie Cox: Your what?

Osbourne Cox: My memoirs, the book I'm writing.

Katie Cox: Well why in God's name would anyone think that's worth anything?

Osbourne Cox: [on phone] Tell Dr. Cox I have the new keys!

[Osbourne hangs up, and picks up a hatchet]

Osbourne Cox: We were young and committed and there was nothing we could not do. We thought of the Agency less... Um... The principles of George Kennan, a personal hero of mine, like the fabled Murrow's Boys, at a time of...

Harry Pfarrer: Twenty years of Marshal Service, I never discharged my gun.

Osbourne Cox: That sounds like something you ought to be telling your psychologist.

Chad Feldheimer: Uh, O-Osbourne Cox?

Osbourne Cox: Yes! Yes, it's - Hello! It's Osbourne Cox! Who the fuck are you? What documents are you talking about?

Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: [first lines - greeting his arrival] Ozzie, come on in.

Osbourne Cox: Palmer, what's up?

Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Uh, you know, uh, Peck and Olson?

Osbourne Cox: Peck yes, hi ya...

Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Olson by reputation.

Osbourne Cox: [to Olson] I'm Osbourne Cox.

Olson: Yeah, I, mmm...

Osbourne Cox: Aren't you with...

Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Ya, that's right. Have a seat.

Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Look Oz, look, there's no easy way to say this: We're taking you off the Balkans Desk.

Osbourne Cox: Lactose Reflux? Do you mean Lactose intolerance or Acid Reflux? They're two different things!

Harry Pfarrer: This is cheese, so... Lactose intolerance.

Osbourne Cox: So you misspoke.