Orville J. Spooner Quotes in Kiss Me, Stupid (1964)

Orville J. Spooner: If it weren't for Venetian blinds, it'd be curtains for us...

Dino: Did you hear a story about the girl and the lobster?

Orville J. Spooner: No, how's it go?

Dino: Well, this girl was sittin' in a movie house and this guy sat down next to her, and they were sittin' in the dark, and they were watchin' the picture, see? And suddenly she felt somethin' crawling up her leg and

[pinches Polly]

Dino: pinched her!

Polly the Pistol: [jumping] Ouch!

Orville J. Spooner: Go on!

Dino: Then she felt something crawling again and

[pinches Polly]

Dino: pinched her again! She said, "What is the idea, you pinching me?" And he said, "Well, it wasn't me...

[laughing]

Dino: it was my lobster!"

Orville J. Spooner: [laughing] His lobster?

Dino: He explained it. He said, "A friend of mine gave me a live lobster and I said, 'Gee, that's wonderful, I think I'll take it home for dinner!' He said, 'No, it already had dinner...

[laughing]

Dino: why don't you take it to a movie?'"

Polly the Pistol: It's a nice place you got here.

Orville J. Spooner: Oh, you'll like it... It's not very big but it's clean.

Polly the Pistol: What is?

Orville J. Spooner: What is what?

Polly the Pistol: I don't know, you brought it up.

Orville J. Spooner: [reminiscing about his wife's dentist] "Tender gums". That's a hell of a thing to say to a married woman.