Omar Quotes in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Omar: This were the old way, this says "six Kadan height - "

Indiana: About seventy-two inches.

Omar: Wait!

[turns medallion over]

Omar: "And take back one Kadan, to honor the Hebrew God whose ark this is."

[first lines]

Omar: [whispers to sleeping Aziz] Aziz! Aziz!

Professor Pacoli: [shouts] Aziz! Light!

[Aziz wakes up with a start]

Billy: "Aziz! Light!"

Omar: People that have limbs that are amputated still feel the pain in that limb, even though it's not there. That's the pain that I feel. Every time you look at me... I see his face, I feel that pain, and I see him looking back at me.

Lieutenant Danny Roman: [while trying to talk down a Hostage Taker through a closed door] Yeah, I like animals better than people sometimes... Especially dogs. Dogs are the best. Every time you come home, they act like they haven't seen you in a year. And the good thing about dogs... is they got different dogs for different people. Like pit bulls. The dog of dogs. Pit bull can be the right man's best friend... or the wrong man's worst enemy. You going to give me a dog for a pet, give me a pit bull. Give me... Raoul. Right, Omar? Give me Raoul.

Omar: [shouting at his Pitbull that is constantly barking] I fucking hate Raoul! Shut the fuck up, asshole! Son of a bitch won't shut up!

Lieutenant Danny Roman: [to his partner Nathan] Hates Raoul. Farley fucked up the list.

Lieutenant Danny Roman: [talking again to Omar through a door] Yeah... I can dig it, Omar. I had a dog like that... a poodle. She didn't bark, though... She pissed on the floor. I hated that dog. But if I was ever depressed... she'd lay her head in my lap, look up at me with those big old eyes. And even though I thought I hated that dog... I loved her. It's like that, ain't it? That love-hate thing.

Omar: [getting more erractic] No more goddamned talk! I can't wait anymore. I want my wife! I want her up here. Or I'll do our daughter. Listen to me... no more talking. I want that bitch or I'll do the girl.

Lieutenant Danny Roman: Omar, I'm doing the best I can here, man.

Omar: I'm not going to hurt her. I just want her to see me blow my brains out. I want her to think about that when she's sucking that fat prick's cock.

Lieutenant Danny Roman: [trying to setup Omar by a bedrom window for a sniper shot, starts a joke] Omar... A Marine and a sailor are taking a piss... The Marine goes to leave without washing up... The sailor says, "In the Navy... they teach us to wash our hands... The Marines turn to him and says...

Omar: [in sync with Danny Roman] "... in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands..."

[sniper takes his shot and wound Omar in the shoulder end the siege]

Lieutenant Danny Roman: [trying to setup Omar by a bedrom window for a sniper shot, starts a joke] Omar... A Marine and a sailor are taking a piss... The Marine goes to leave without washing up... The sailor says, "In the Navy... they teach us to wash our hands..." The Marine turns to him and says...

Omar: [in sync with Danny Roman] "... in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands..."

[sniper takes his shot and wounds Omar in the shoulder ending the siege]

Omar: Jack is dead.

Joan Wilder: Don't be ridiculous! Jack would never die without telling me.

Omar: Nevertheless, he's dead.

Joan Wilder: I read about you.

Omar: Yes. I know, Time magazine. Well, I'm afraid the western press cannot understand the spirit of my vision. You are a writer. You can understand.

Omar: You are a gifted storyteller. You create heroes in a world of cynics. Journey down the Nile with me and I'll give you a chance to record history.

Joan Wilder: I'm going to write the truth about you!

Omar: The truth? If I wanted the truth, I would have hired 60 Minutes.

[Ralph comes face-to-face with Omar]

Omar: Who are you?

Ralph: Where's Al Jewelhala buried?

Omar: I said, who the hell are you?

Ralph: Hey, don't provoke me, pal! I've had a tough day here! You know how hot it is around here? It's 120 degrees in the shade! I'm like this with Weinberger! We'll be all over you like a cheap suit!

Joan Wilder: If you don't tell me what the hell is going on around here, I am going to be on the first plane back to New York!

Omar: It's impossible. Tomorrow we journey to Kadhir where the following night I will proclaim myself Emperor of the Nile. You must be there with me. It will be your most important chapter.

Joan Wilder: I can't write this book if you keep secrets from me.

Omar: What secrets?

Joan Wilder: Al Jewehalla.

[Omar suddenly flinches and faces Joan]

Omar: [alarmed tone] Where did you hear that?

Joan Wilder: Never mind. What is the Jewel?

Omar: [resumes speaking in a pleasant tone] The Jewel is a legend. I am real. Do not be distracted from your mission, Joan Wilder. Relax. Make yourself comfortable. You stay here with me until our book is done.

Joan Wilder: [incredilous] What? You have no right to keep me here against my will!

Omar: Then go. You're free to leave. Should you leave, I will not stop you... but I will not provide transportation to any airport, train station or port for you. Besides, only the worst kind of fool will attempt to cross our desert alone.

Samir Horn: I've been in a lot of battles. And it may have seemed like a suicide mission at the time, but we always had a plan to come home.

Omar: You must be willing to sacrifice some of your pawns if you want to win the game.

Samir Horn: I don't know.

Omar: I think you do. You risked your life to share your food with a stranger.

Samir Horn: That's not the same thing. I was just doing my duty. If I had known...

Omar: Jihadi is also your duty. Ahmed has told me what you have done in Afghanistan.

Samir Horn: Tactics have changed my friend.

Omar: Tactics have always changed. You don't defeat an empire fighting by their rules. Once upon a time it was the Americans who were terrorists to the British. They forgetting their history already.

Omar: It's true what they say. War is the lesser Jihad. To overcome temptation, to live rightly, that is the great Jihad.

Samir Horn: And is that what we've been doing? Did you ever ask yourself that?

Jimmy Kilmartin: [walking up to Omar's car] Hey how are you doing?

Omar: The fuck do you want man?

Jimmy Kilmartin: [Little Junior kills Omar] Oh my God! Oh my God! You killed him!

Little Junior Brown: [puts cocaine in Omar's pocket] Have some coke on me

Jimmy Kilmartin: Jesus! Jesus! What did you do? What did you do? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?

Little Junior Brown: What did I do? You fuck with the bull, you get the horns. That's what I did

Omar: So that means you'll let us go, right?

Gunn: Wrong.

Swamp Thing: [appears out of nowhere] Right!

Coffy: Hey out there, is anybody there? Can I get something to eat?

Omar: Shut up, bitch! Want me to give you another cut?

Coffy: Can I get a glass of water? What are you trying to do, starve me to death?

Omar: Never mind! You just keep quiet or you won't need no water or nothing!

Omar: Ah Hauser, love does get one into difficult situations.

Omar: We're in a constant state of war, Hauser. We kill our brothers, complete strangers, the guilty and the innocent. We are at war with our own hearts. Love is a cease-fire that's destined to fail. But, as I said, it does get us into tricky situations... sometimes the back of a garbage truck.

Omar: Wench or princess, a woman is only a woman, and always needs a master.

Omar: [After seeing the Chinese agent shockingly placed into cyber freeze. Omar is getting Susan for her turn ] Come on over here you must be prepped for your rxperiance

Susan Fleming: I need my little bag

Omar: no little bag

Susan Fleming: Oh please Omar, I need it to put on my makeup

Omar: NO LITTLE BAG!

Susan Fleming: Please Omar, After all a girl must have her makeup looking good at all times and besides I'm afraid I'll come out looking under done.

Omar: Coming out looking under done

[Omar smiles and laughs]

Omar: what are you a turkey

Susan Fleming: Well when I'm done I'll be wearing that skimpy sliver metallic bikini and my make up must be perfect.

Mr. Ardonian: [Speaking to Susan in his lab he is showing her how the suspended animation machinery works] I'll show you how it works

Susan Fleming: [Ardonian throws a switch and the cylinders come out showing the frozen women ] All these girls frozen?

Mr. Ardonian: Yes. Age and decay are strangers to them now . Their beauty will remain for eternity .

Susan Fleming: Your private harem to repopulate the planet.

Mr. Ardonian: Yes, They will be glad to as I will be the only one who can be used to impregnate them.

[at this point his henchmen bring Miss Soong up the steps wrapped in a blanket. Soong looks totally confused ]

Mr. Ardonian: Watch I'll show you how this is done.

Wilma Soong: [the henchmen take Soong closer and two of them hold her at each side and Omar holds out her arm] No please no

Krüger: [Kruger walks towards Soong with a syringe ] relax take deep breaths and relax

Omar: don't fight it just deep breaths and relax.

Wilma Soong: [Soong is getting very nervous] No,NO Please don't do this to me . No please.

Krüger: [Kruger administers the injection, Soong acts as if she is having a sexual orgasm but eventually relaxes ] Ok men drop her towel.

[the men drop her towel revieling Soong as completely nude. Omar looks down checking out Soong's ass and has a huge smile on his face]

Mr. Ardonian: Very good then.

[As Soong walks into a metallic box and is put inside a machine amongst all these bells and whistles]

Mr. Ardonian: [looks over at Susan ] I want you to see the finished product.

Susan Fleming: [Soong emerges in a clear cylinder in suspended animation wearing a silver metallic bikini. Susan is shocked and her mouth is wide open looking at Soong] Oh my, I think I need my little bag.

Omar: Why?

Susan Fleming: well I don't want to come out looking underdone like some fancy holiday turkey.

Caliph Guard: [closing lines] Is this man to be pardoned, O Caliph?

Omar: Pardon him, All Highest. His crime was a service. Let him go free.

Poet: No, don't ask that. Under the circumstances it would embarrass the All Highest to pardon his father-in-law. O, Prince of Justice, let me help you to compose this most difficult of verdicts against a man who in his life never once did right and who never once wronged anyone. Condemn the scoundrel to some dreadful oasis at least a week's camel journey away. Force him to take with him the widow of the soon-to-be late Wazir...

[turning to Lalume, the Wazir's wife, and speaking under his breath]

Poet: and all the property she can get her hands on before the accounts are audited.

[turning back to the Caliph, in full voice]

Poet: Condemn him to lighten her sorrow and to toil ceaselessly to remove all grief from her heart.

Lalume: You have just condemned yourself for life, My Lord.

Poet: And finally, O Prince of True Believers, take from me my greatest treasure, my daughter, Marsinah. Take her away forever by marrying her to the end of her days.

Caliph: Such is the Caliph's pleasure. And so he orders.

Poet: [singing] Princes come, princes go. / An hour of pomp and show. / They know princes come / and over the sands and over the sands of time they go. / Wise men come ever promising the riddle of life to know. / Wise men come, but over the sands / the silent sands of time they go. / Lovers come, lovers go / and all that there is to know / lovers know, only lovers know.

Caliph: I was stepped upon!

Omar: Oh, inconceivable, All Highest, but true. You were incontrovertibly stepped upon.

Sinbad: You better kill me now, Omar, because as long as I have one drop of blood left in my veins, I'll find the strength to tear you apart. Filthy coward!

Omar: Throw him in the dungeon.

Omar: [referring to Sinbad] I want to see the terror of death in his eyes.

Omar: Hmm, it's wonderful to love and die together... the eternal law of unhappy lovers. You'll be married in death!

Sharif: Omar, stop!

Omar: Why?

Sharif: You must not - as a warrior for the tournament, his person is sacred.

Omar: [laughs manically] Fortune is against you. You were to die a quick death. Instead, now you're going to die a slow and agonising death, in personal combat. And Fatima, she's going to watch you die. And then she'll be buried alive in the coffin with you

Sinbad: Praise be to Allah, I'll meet you in combat. You may not touch Fatima until the end of the tourney.

Omar: That is my right and my privilege.

Sinbad: Fatima is my woman. And the woman of a man condemned to death is sacred.

Omar: You have but a short time to live. Sharif, I hold you responsible for him. Guard! Take him away. Farida, take Fatima to the harem.

Omar: [while supervising Kerim's flogging] Well now, speak. Where are those arms?

Kerim: Haven't I convinced you yet? I'm not going to tell you. Why don't you go find them yourself?

Omar: I'd expected you to say that. Whip harder!

[Mok kisses Angel's hand]

Omar: You'd better put some antiseptic on that before it festers.

Toad: Make yourselves at home.

[Omar jumps onto the couch, gets caught by Toad]

Toad: Except you.

Omar: It was the freak reference, wasn't it?

Toad: You gonna apologize, rude boy?

Omar: I'm sorry...

[quickly]

Omar: ... dogbreath dicknose!

Toad: [enraged] Why you...!

Mok: Enough about them, let's talk about you. What did you think of my last album?

Angel: I loved it!

Omar: I bought it too; my gerbil uses it for a room divider.

Omar: Look. It's a waste of time to creep around this depravos mansion, escorted by two of Mother Nature's finest freaks!

[Toad enters from behind Omar, who doesn't notice him at first]

Toad: [angry] THREE.

Omar: Huh?

Toad: [angry] THREE.

Omar: Oh. *This* one talks in numbers!

Toad: [threateningly] Words to the wise, guy. Be nice, or be dog food. Follow?

[Omar comments on Mok's opulent and gigantic mansion]

Omar: Welcome to the modest house of Mok!

Dizzy: Come on Omar, I think that if you and Angel ever got together someday we could be as good as Mok.

Omar: Eh, screw Mok.

Stretch: Omar, don't talk like that! Mok is everywhere! M-M-Mok knows everything!

Waj: We'll blow something up.

Omar: What we gonna blow up Waj?

Waj: Internet.

Barry: [car breaks down] Fuck, Fuck, fuck it!

Omar: Did you fix this then, Barry?

Barry: Yes, I fixed it!

Omar: Did ya?

Barry: It's the parts... they're Jewish.

Omar: What parts in a car are Jewish?

[pause]

Omar: Hmm?

Fessal: Spark plugs.

Barry: Spark plugs! Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.

Omar: You're confused bro.

Waj: I'm not confused brother! I just took picture of my face, and it's deffo not my confused face.

Barry: Bollocks, I'm a liability! I am the Invisible Jihadi! They seek him here, they seek him there, but here's not there, he's blowing up your slag sister!

Omar: Invisible? Right. Like the time you got on the local news for baking a Twin Towers cake and leaving it at the synagogue on 9/11?

Barry: That is part of the plan! Hide in plain sight, you mug!

Omar: [after Fessal accidentally blows himself up] Is he a martyr or is he a Jalfrezi?

Barry: [shouting as he sticks his head through from the boot of the car] Alright Omar! I'm letting you go to Pakistan! My unit, stays here! But my unit's the main unit!

Omar: Barry, shut up, mate! 'Cause I tell ya, your little brain cell might go off now and again, but if you hands even go to move, if you try to set up the Islamic State of Tinsley again, going to university lectures, opening your big mouth, buying some more silver nitrate from Amazon... I'm gonna rip your plugs out!

Barry: Not if you're not here, you won't!

[Waj shoves Barry's head back through into the boot of the car]

Omar: Soph, I can't even get them to stir their tea without smashing a window.

Ahmed: Why not come to our study group, Omar?

Omar: What, and get a four-hour dose of that face? The floaty face of the wise bird, hovering on a million quotes, about to do a massive wisdom shit on my head.

Police Inspector: You're gonna die in that gear lads

Omar: More than likely, but it's for a good cause

Omar: You're gonna do what I do, bruv?

Waj: Yeah, bruv.

Omar: I'm gonna give myself up, bruv.

Omar: [to Sophia] I'm taking my team up to the top floor now. I'll see you up there.

Pee-Wee: Hey, man, just checking out your crib here.

Richie Rich: My crib?

Herbert Cadbury: I believe that's street slang for home, sir, an idiom.

Omar: Who you callin' an idiom?

Omar: That's not a house, it's a whole 'hood!

Omar: [Sniffs] Hey man, you nervous or something?

Tony: No. Whaddaya talkin' about.

Omar: DID YOU FART?

Tony: Nah.

Omar: Man, you cut the cheese!

Tony: Whoever smelt it dealt it.

Omar: Well, whoever denied it supplied it.

Herbert Cadbury: [sniffs] Good grief! Manure?

Omar: Hey, it's all we could find!

Herbert Cadbury: Very well. Load.

Richie Rich: [into walkie-talkie] I'm in position. You guys almost ready?

Herbert Cadbury: [sniffs, into walkie-talkie] Eminently.

Omar: [speaking extremely slowly] I'm Officer Omar Coleman. I'm your parole officer.

Ned: I'm Ned Rochlin. Why are you talking so slow?

Omar: [now speaking normally] I just figured, looking at your sheet, that since you sold grass to a uniformed police officer that you must be retarded.

Ned: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Ned: Hey, you know, I've been meaning to tell you. You're doing a really good thing here, Omar. Seriously. I mean you talk to us screw-ups, you give us a reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

Omar: Thanks, man. So you get out of bed in another three weeks, OK?

Ned: I'll do it.

Omar: I appreciate the compliment. It's rare that we get love from the clients.

Ned: Well, you're a good dude. And I just needed this appointment today, I'm having a tough go of it. I swear, I try and do good, but I just screw it up. Man, I screwed it up with my sisters, I'm back living with my mom. On top of it all, I broke down and smoked a joint with the kid that lives across the street from me.

Omar: OK, I didn't just hear that.

Ned: I said I broke down and smoked a joint with the kid that lives across the stre...

Omar: What are you doing? Hey! Ned, why are you telling me this?

Ned: I just need to unload, man. That's part of why I'm here, right?

Omar: I'm not your therapist, Ned. You don't tell your parole officer you got high. Now I have to report you or I could lose my job.

Ned: Seriously? Can you forget I said that?

Omar: No, Ned, I can't.

Ned: Aw, fuck.

[Louie talks to the Limbdrome Staff Member Omar, who asks if he wants to be a boy or a girl]

Omar: Boy or a girl?

Louie Jeffries: What's that?

Omar: You want to be reborn a boy or a girl?

Louie Jeffries: No, I don't want to be reborn at all. I want to go home right now, just as I am.

Omar: Well, that's impossible. You're between bodies right now. Look, you're a soul, a spirit. The only way to get back is to be reborn. Any problem with that?

Louie Jeffries: [sarcastically agrees] I guess not.

Omar: [speaking passionately in Spanish to Father Brian inside a confessional] Mrs. Lopez, she's seriously hot, she's got a rack like

[gestures with his hands]

Omar: ... Forgive Father...

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [in Spanish] Really, don't worry about it. It's completely normal to have those feelings, everyone has them. What's important is what you do with those feelings. Understand?

Omar: Sí.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Sí?

Omar: Mmmhmm.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [Omar bumps into Brian and Anna] Omar!

Omar: [in Spanish] Sorry, father, hey she has a nice ass!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [in Spanish] You're the expert, huh?

Nasser: I thought you two were getting married.

Omar: Yes, any day now.

Tania: I'd rather drink my own urine.

Omar: I hear it can be quite tasty with a slice of lemon.

Papa: You must be getting married. Why else would you be dressed like an undertaker on holiday?

Omar: Going to Uncle's house, Papa. He's given me a car.

Papa: What? The brakes must be faulty. Tell me one thing because there's something I don't understand, though it must be my fault. How is it that scrubbing cars can make a son of mine look so ecstatic?

Omar: It gets me out of the house.

Papa: Don't get too involved with that crook. You've got to study. We are under siege by the white man. For us education is power.

[Omar shakes his head at his father]

Papa: Don't let me down.

Johnny: [driving Cherry and Salim home, Omar stops by a bunch of street kids, one of whom is Johnny. Omar gets out of the car to talk to Johnny]

[indicating his friends]

Johnny: Like me friends?

Omar: Ring us then.

Johnny: I will.

[indicates the car where Cherry is getting very angry]

Johnny: Leave 'em there. We can do something. Now. Just us.

Omar: I'm being promoted. To Uncle's laundrette.

Papa: [throwing a pair of socks to Omar] Illustrate your washing methods!

Johnny: [Omar is showing Johnny round the laundrette] I'm dead impressed by all this.

Omar: You were the one at school. The one I liked.

Johnny: [sarcastically] All the Pakis liked me.

Nasser: [Nasser bursts into the room where Johnny and Omar made love just moments before] What the hell are you doing? Sunbathing?

Omar: Asleep, Uncle. We were shagged out.

Nasser: What are you doing, boy?

Omar: It will be going into profit any day now. Partly because I hired a bloke of astounding competence and strength of body and mind.

Omar: What are you going to do with me?

Nasser: What am I going to do with you? Turn you into something damn good.

Nasser: What bloke?

Omar: He's called Johnny.

Johnny: Today has been the best day.

Omar: Yeah, almost the best day.

Omar: It took you a while to get onto us.

Salim: Wanted to see what you'd do. How's your Papa? So many books written and read. Politicians sought him out. Bhutto was his close friend. But we're nothing in England without money.

Johnny: We'll just have to do a job to get the money.

Omar: I don't want you going back to all that!

Johnny: Just to get us through, Omo. We're going to go on. You want that, don't you?

Omar: Yeah. I want you.

Omar: You know who I saw today? Johnny. Johnny!

Papa: The boy who came here dressed as a fascist with a quarter-inch of hair?

Omar: He was a friend once, for years.

Papa: There were times when he didn't deserve your admiration so much.

Omar: Christ, I've known him since I was five!

Papa: He went too far.

Omar: Where did you go? You just disappeared.

Johnny: Drinking, I went. With my old mates. It ain't illegal.

Omar: Of course it is, laundrettes are a big commitment. Why aren't you at work?

Johnny: It'll be closing time soon. You'll be locking the place up, and coming to bed.

Omar: No, it never closes. One of us has got to be there. That way, we begin to make money.

Johnny: You're getting greedy.

Omar: I want big money. I'm not going to be beat down by this country.

Omar: When we were in school, you and your friends were kicking me around the place. And what are you doing now? Washing my floor and that's how I like it.

Col. Al-Durai: [Omar, Col. Al-Durai, and Jacques leave Omar's Oasis through the kitchen door] Come, this way!

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Not until you tell me who you are.

Col. Al-Durai: Colonel Al-Durai, Lugash Special Services. I'm here to help you rescue the princess.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Where is the princess?

Col. Al-Durai: She is being held in a desert hideout, about 20 kilometers northeast of Ksar El Kebir.

Omar: You didn't tell me it was going to be like this!

Col. Al-Durai: I didn't know it was...

Omar: I am ruined!

Col. Al-Durai: Going to be like this! You'll be compensated. Where's your car?

Omar: Over there!

Col. Al-Durai: Everyone, in the car, in the car!

Col. Al-Durai: Remember men, it is a diplomatic imperative that Clouseau gets credit for rescuing the princess. Good luck.

Col. Al-Durai: [to Omar and Cato] Gentlemen, after you.

Omar: Me? I'm not going.

Cato Fong: Me neither.

Col. Al-Durai: In that case, Sergeant, take them out and shoot them.

Omar: I changed my mind!

[the troops start making "hup" noises and getting ready for battle as Omar and Cato head for the helicopter]

Cato Fong: Save me a seat!

Katherine: Hey guys, this is wild. Did we really just get carjacked?

Omar: Hey I fucked up, okay? It won't happen again.

Katherine: Oh come on Omar. Wasn't your fault.

Katherine: Omar, what's your daughters name?

Omar: What?

Katherine: What's your daughters name?

Omar: Meadow.

Katherine: How old is she?

Omar: Seven and three quarters.

Katherine: Well you're sweet with her. You know I have an eight year old son but I haven't seen him in two years.

Geert: I'm so sorry Katherine.

Katherine: I'm shit.

Geert: You're not shit.

Katherine: Yes I am!

Geert: I think you're great. It's just one more night and then Dr. Bang will take care of us. It's just one more night.

Omar: Gary, okay, look. I did not say kick him in the shins, did I? No. I said break his leg. That means you take a sledgehammer and you hit right above the knee until you hear a sound, and that sound is like a rifle going off. A crack, okay? If he continues to fuck with us, you tell him I'll go over there personally and cut off his thumbs.

Omar: Okay. Let's go find these losers and give the hospital some business.

Gary: What if they're just late? Sure you don't want to wait?

Omar: Gary, you're a poet and you don't even know it. Let me try - roses are red, violets are blue, don't be a pussy, let's get the fuck out of here.

Xula: He's mine!

Becca: He's mine!

Omar: Ladies please, there's enough of me to go around.

Becca: Silence!

Omar: Okay.

Omar: That's it. I've had it. First you tie me up, then you untie me, and Becca takes me away, then Xula takes me away. I'm sick and tired of running. I don't know. Wanna spear me? Go right ahead, take your best shot but I'm not going anywhere with either one of ya.

Xula: We wanna go with you.

Omar: Huh?

Becca: We're sick and tired of these primative ways.

Omar: Really?

Xula: We're too stubborn to admit it to each other. Our tribe traveled too far away from society. We wanna go back.

Omar: Then why don't you just join one the other sex on the planet?

Xula: We miss men.

Becca: A lot.

Omar: Well, what can I say, once you had a taste of Omar there's no going back.

Becca: Traitor! Prepare to die!

Omar: Will this ever end?

Omar: Have you ever been with a man?

Xula: No.

Omar: Then how do you know we're so evil?

Xula: It is written.

Omar: Don't believe everything you read.

Omar: The moving finger writes, and having writ - it moves on. Nor all your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all your tears wash out a word of it.

Poppy: You said Doctor Omar. Doctor of what?

Omar: Doctor of nothing, Miss Smith. It sounds important and hurts no one. Unlike most doctors.

[from trailer]

Omar: These were not my people!

Omar: Satima?

Satima: I'm listening.

Omar: I'm Abdelkarim's driver. I have a message from him: "He can't do anything to help. It's over".

Nadia: Have you ever been outside of this hole?

Omar: I don't need to, I have you.

Montine: Losing people that you love, it hurts. There's going to be days when you think you can't possibly stand how much it hurts. Honestly, you feel like your heart's going to explode from the pain. But then you wake up the next morning and you open the blinds and you just keep going. For a while, you're just living in that space between

Omar: Between what?

Montine: Between the last time when you saw him and the moment you can finally say goodbye. After a few years, you'll crawl into bed one night and realize you didn't think about him at all that day. And then, every once in a while, he'll come to you in your dreams that night. And the warm thought of him will wake you in the morning.

Omar: Will you walk me onto the plane?

Montine: And for that little tiny sliver of the moment, he's right there by your side with you. And nothing, no other person, no distance or time, can take him away from you.

Omar: [staring at her]

Montine: The view's much better out the window, kid.

Omar: So drinking helps you not think about the things that make you hurt?

Montine: You got it, kid.

Omar: Maybe I should drink, too.

Omar: Excuse me, you can talk to God, right?

Will: We all can talk to God.

Omar: Hey! Wonder what makes 'em do it? You think they want the world to hate 'em? They wanna be punished because of some guilt complex? Hey - you think maybe they just kooky?

Omar: Age is more scary than demons!

Omar's Wife: Responsibility is scarier than aging!

Omar: And what do you do with that female freedom fallacy? Read rubbish like the big bang and theory of evolution

Omar's Wife: Why? What's wrong with the theory of evolution?

Omar: Whats wrong? You believe a man that tells you're nothing but a monkey!

Omar's Wife: Or maybe we are to scared to know that we come from nothing but monkeys!

Omar: You are a monkey to believe in theories that were conceived more than a 100 years ago! Darwinism is outlandishly outdated!

Omar: Independence is that it! The big bargain of being a free bird bum!

Dov: [making fun of Stuntman Mike] Dude, check it out. I wonder if BJ brought the bear with him.

Omar: [laughing] Jesus.

Dov: [singing] East bound and down...

[they laugh]

Dov: [noticing his scar] Dude fucking cut himself falling out of his time machine.

[they laugh some more]

Dov: [to bartender] Hi, could I get a chicken suit for "Stroker Ace", please?

Dov: Dude, as long as a guy's buyin' the booze, a fuckin' bitch'll drink anything. C'mon, we can at least get one shot of Jager down these fucking bitches' throats. After that, we'll see if they get another Jager shot in them. You never know. That could be the shot that puts them past the point of "fuck it."

Omar: Then all of a sudden "no guys at the lake house" turns into a couple of guys at the lake house.

Dov: My point exactly. And I know I can at least get Shanna "Suck My" Banana to do a fucking Buttery Nipple shot. What's Julia's sweet shot?

Omar: ...Key Lime Pie.

Dov: Oh come on dude, even fucking Leroy Brown would do one more for dessert.