Officer Palumbo Quotes in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

Officer Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!

Tarik: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.

Officer Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!

Tarik: Aw, shit.

[gets up and spread eagles on the cell wall, while still holding the book in one hand]

Officer Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!

Tarik: That's not a gun, that's a book.

Officer Reilly: Secure the book!

Officer Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth

[book is on human rights]

Officer Palumbo: in here? What is this shit?

Officer Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that five o's or two u's?

Kumar: No, it's actually one "u"

Officer Palumbo: Yeah, bullshit.

Officer Palumbo: Bullets - my only weakness! How did you know?

Harold: Is there... is there a problem, Officer... Palumbo?

Officer Palumbo: Is there a problem? Have you heard of jaywalking?

Harold: Yes, I have. I'm really sorry. It won't happen again.

Officer Palumbo: That's great. I'm writing you up a ticket.

Kumar: A ticket? Are you serious?

Officer Palumbo: Who the fuck are you, shitwad?

Kumar: [notices the ticket fee] $220? Are you crazy? Excuse me, Officer sir! Let me just take a few guesses here!

Harold: [stands in front of Kumar, pleading to the officer] I'm really sorry for this...

Officer Palumbo: No sudden movements! Back it up!

Kumar: You were probably the big asshole in high school, right?

Officer Palumbo: Absolutely right.

Kumar: And you used to pick on guys like us everyday for fun?

Officer Palumbo: With pleasure.

Kumar: But then graduation day came! We went to college, while you went nowhere. And then you began to think to yourself, "Gee. How can I still give them grief? Oh, I know, I'll just become a cop." Yeah? Well, congratulations! Your dream has come true! Now, why don't you just take this quiet little Asian guy with the American name that treats you so well and give him some more tickets or better just take him to jail.

Officer Palumbo: Even better.

[to Harold]

Officer Palumbo: You're going downtown thanks to your friend here.

Kumar: [to Harold, mockingly] Oh, great American name, Harold!

Harold: [lunges his fist toward Kumar, but misses and strikes Officer Palumbo in the face] Yaaah!

Officer Palumbo: Huh.

[spits his gum out, angrily]

Harold: [placed in jail with a blank expression on his face] Oh, shoot.

Harold: [after Kumar's rude intervention] I apologize for my friend here, we had a really tough night. I'm really glad you're here. You ever heard of the show, Doogie Houser, MD?

Officer Palumbo: Yeah, I know the show. God, I love that show! Doogie. Ha.

Harold: Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight.

Officer Palumbo: [Points his pen at Harold] Hey! NPH wouldn't do that, all right? Now let me see some I.D.