No. 3 - Cultural Officer Quotes in Meet Dave (2008)

Captain: I am Dave Ming Chang.

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: I am Dave Ming Chang.

Various crew members: I am Dave Ming Chang.

[etc]

No. 4 - Security Officer: And I am Johnny Dazzle!

[everyone stares at him.]

No. 4 - Security Officer: What? Not everyone has to be Dave Ming Chang.

Gina Morrison: I'm Gina, by the way. Gina Morrison.

[pauses, waiting for him to tell her his name.]

Gina Morrison: And you are?

Captain: 3?

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: This is a list of the most common names on this planet.

Captain: My name is...

Dave: Ming Chang.

Gina Morrison: Ming Chang?

[laughs]

Gina Morrison: Sorry, sorry, you just struck me more like a "Dave" or something.

Dave: Which happens to be my other name.

Gina Morrison: Dave...Ming Chang?

Dave: Dave Ming Chang.

Captain: Number 3, do we have significant linguistic information to communicate with these natives?

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: Yes, I tapped into their central planetary database named "Google."

Captain: What a frivolous name for such a vital function.

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: Well, if you prefer, there's another called "Ya Hoo."

Captain: Baffling!

[they finish watching "It's a Wonderful Life."]

Captain: [crying] "Lasso the moon". Physically impossible!

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: [crying] Absurd.

[last lines]

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: I didn't think we'd make it out of there, Captain. Good thing you have such big feet.

Captain: We'll have much to explain when we return home.

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: We'll find another way to save Nil. There are plenty of worlds out there for us to explore.

Captain: Yes, Number 3. But what we learned on Earth is more valuable than all the salt in the galaxy. And when we do return, it looks like I'll be needing a new Number 2.

No. 3 - Cultural Officer: I think you'll be needing more than that.

[they kiss; the crew cheers]

Captain: Cue the new anthem.