Nicky Flippers Quotes in Hoodwinked! (2005)

Nicky Flippers: What do you do for a living, Mr. Wolf?

The Wolf: I'm a shepherd.

Nicky Flippers: [preparing to question Red, whose hands are still in cuffs] What's with the handcuffs on a little girl? Her wrists can slip right out. How about a cage?

Det. Bill Stork: [on radio, eager] Bring in the cage!

Nicky Flippers: I was being sarcastic.

Det. Bill Stork: [resigned, into radio] Sarcasm. Strike the cage...

Nicky Flippers: It would seem that all of you came together tonight by mistake.

[walks past dog typing notes]

Nicky Flippers: Maybe you naughty neighbors butted heads so we could get to the real truth.

The Wolf: The Goody Bandit

Nicky Flippers: That's right. The Bandit's still at large. There's been a lot of finger pointing tonight, but now all fingers point to the Bandit.

The Woodsman: Not my finger!

[quickly puts index finger in mouth and starts sucking it]

Nicky Flippers: Oh no, you were just out damaging forest property, cutting down the redwoods we all call home.

[the Woodsman starts spluttering]

Nicky Flippers: Big guy like you, you could probably take whatever you want from little goody-loving creatures, couldn't you?

The Woodsman: But someone robbed me! Have we lost track of that?

Nicky Flippers: Thats right, someone did. Maybe a snack food competitor. Right Granny?

Granny: Now hold on a pea-picking minute! I may lead a double life full of secrets and deception, but that's no reason to be suspicious.

The Woodsman: Huh?

Nicky Flippers: A woman like you could have a lot to gain stealing all those recipes.

Chief Grizzly: And that's how she makes her goodies so good! Eh?

Nicky Flippers: Or she could just be another victim... of a hungry Wolf

The Wolf: Ah, the wolf did it. Talk about profiling.

Nicky Flippers: Why should we trust someone who wears disguises for a living?

Chief Grizzly: Maybe he's not a wolf at all!

The Wolf: You got me. I'm a poodle. I just haven't been to the barbershop in a long time.

Chief Grizzly: Is this all just a big joke to you?

The Wolf: I just followed the girl here.

Granny: You leave my granddaughter alone!

Nicky Flippers: Yes, now we get to Little Red, the girl with the basket on the run.

[camera points to empty chair]

Nicky Flippers: Where is she anyway?

Nicky Flippers: So! Mr. Wolf... May I call you Wolf?

The Wolf: You can call me Sheila. I like long walks and fresh flowers.

Chief Grizzly: Quit playing around, Wolf! You're looking at 3 to 5 in an old shoe with no windows, SO START SINGIN'!

Nicky Flippers: Well! Someone hibernated on the wrong side of the cave.

[Flippers has shown up uninvited]

Chief Grizzly: Nicky Flippers? What are you doing here? This is *my* case!

Nicky Flippers: Well, someone hibernated on the wrong side of the cave. I saw the lights, thought the circus was in town.

[eyes the four detainees]

Nicky Flippers: Now of course, I see I was right.

Chief Grizzly: Well you're too late, Nicky, I've got this case wrapped up nice and tight.

Nicky Flippers: Is that right?

Chief Grizzly: Yeah.

Red Puckett: They've got this all wrong, Mr. Flippers.

[Flippers turns to Red]

Nicky Flippers: Oh, I don't know. You look pretty dangerous to me. What's your name?

Red Puckett: Red.

Nicky Flippers: And why do they call you that?

Red Puckett: Why do they call you "Flippers"?

Nicky Flippers: [Cuts to Flippers on the dance floor at a disco club in a flashy white suit. As the crowd chants "Go Flippers!" in the background, he does a backflip and lands in a splitz] Uh, no reason.

Red Puckett: They call me "Red" because of this red hood I wear.

Nicky Flippers: What about when you're not wearing it?

[beat]

Red Puckett: I usually wear it.

Chief Grizzly: Am I gonna get to put the cuffs on someone or WHAT?

Nicky Flippers: Ah, remember Ted, pieces of the puzzle make funny shapes, but they still fit together in the end.

Chief Grizzly: Boy, you're just full o' those, aren'tcha?

[Red has just explained how she escaped the Wolf]

Chief Grizzly: Yep, that settles it. We've got our bandit.

Nicky Flippers: Ah, could be. I'd like to count my chickens after they hatch.

Tommy: [oinks] Chickens?

Red Puckett: You've gotta admit, a wolf stopping kids in the middle of the forest? That's pretty creepy!

Nicky Flippers: Yes, right. But we don't arrest people for being creepy.

Tommy: [on radio] Yeah Bruce, you know that guy we got in the tank?

Bruce: Uh... the creepy one?

Tommy: Yeah, better let him go.

Nicky Flippers: [to Red] So you went on to Granny's?

Red Puckett: I found an old trail up the north side of the mountain.

Nicky Flippers: [to The Woodsman] I think it's safe to say that our thespian friend here knows the least about anything of anyone in this room.

Nicky Flippers: And bring in a police sketch artist. No, make it a cartoonist.

Granny: [Granny has just revealed that she is an extreme sports athlete] Honey, don't look at your granny like that.

Red Puckett: I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G! Or are you the Bandit?

[beat]

Det. Bill Stork: Awkward!

[awkwardly side slips his way out of the room]

Granny: You're being ridiculous, Red.

Red Puckett: *I'm* being ridiculous? You're off living... La Vida Loca, risking your life for some dumb thrills! And I'm supposed to stay home and be your happy little delivery girl?

Tommy: I, have a...

Nicky Flippers: Coffee break, anyone?

Chief Grizzly: Uh, yeah.

Det. Bill Stork: Whose got my keys?

Raccoon Jerry: You think Granny would mind if I went through her garbage?

Chief Grizzly: Excuse us.

[Everyone except Red and Granny files out of the room]

Granny: I thought you were happy.

Red Puckett: Open your eyes. I've never even been outside of the forest. Don't you think I'd want more than that?

Granny: Of course you do. You're a Puckett.

Red Puckett: [sighs] I don't know what that means anymore.

[last lines]

Red: Mr. Flippers!

Nicky Flippers: I see you all got my message. Glad you could make it.

Granny: What's going on?

Nicky Flippers: Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me? I could use some fresh talent like you.

The Wolf: What kind of work are we talking about?

Nicky Flippers: You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens.

Red: "Happily Ever After Agency"?

Nicky Flippers: The woods don't go 'round by themselves.

Twitchy: [talking very fast] Yeah! Alright! Okay we fight the bad guys, we ride the ski boats, climb the walls, and swing the windows secret agent style. Right! Yeah!

Nicky Flippers: So what do you think?

Granny: Bring it honey!

Red: I always did like happy endings.

Nicky Flippers: I wanna know more about this fellow with the axe. How does he fit into all this?

Det. Bill Stork: Maybe you should AXE him yourself! Ha ha ha ha haaa ha haaa! You-haha-see haa ha haaa! Axe-haaa ha ha! He he hee...

Chief Grizzly: [Stares blankly at Bill]

Det. Bill Stork: [glumly] I'll bring him in.

Nicky Flippers: [talking to Granny] What are you hiding, old girl?

Nicky Flippers: [Twitchy runs across the road, causing Chief Grizzly to swerve before straightening up the car again] Who taught you how to drive?

Chief Grizzly: Almost hit a squirrel

Chief Grizzly: [to the Wolf, after he tells his side] You got a way to back this up?

Twitchy: [appears] I got these pictures developed, Mr. Flippers!

Nicky Flippers: That so? Let's have a look...

[examines photos]

Nicky Flippers: Hmmm... these are good... Ha...

[shows picture of Wolf mounted in fish costume]

Nicky Flippers: Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.

The Wolf: Grrph...

Twitchy: I wanna do an expose' sometime; a gallery show. And maybe a coffee table book, 'course, I don't drink coffee. Maybe a china tea/latte book.

Nicky Flippers: Photos don't lie, Chief.

The Wolf: Good work, Twitchy.

Chief Grizzly: Grrph!

[first lines]

Nicky Flippers: [narrating] Red Riding Hood, you probably know the story.

[girl screaming]

Nicky Flippers: But there's more to every tale than meets the eye. It's just like they always say, you can't judge a book by its cover. If you want to know the truth, you've gotta flip through the pages.