Nick Rivers Quotes in Top Secret! (1984)

Nick Rivers: Listen to me, Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist, only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island, who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.

Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.

[Long pause. Both look at camera]

Hillary Flammond: My uncle was born in America.

Nick Rivers: Oh, really?

Hillary Flammond: But he was one of the lucky ones. He managed to escape in a balloon during the Jimmy Carter presidency.

Nick Rivers: Martin, I've been practicing. How this?

Nick Rivers: Ist Ihr Tochter achtzehn, bitte?

Martin: What does that mean?

Nick Rivers: Is your daughter eighteen?

Doctor Flamond: You see, a year ago, I was close to perfecting the first magnetic desalinization process so revolutionary, it was capable of removing the salt from over 500 million gallons of seawater a day. Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth?

Nick Rivers: Wow. They'd have enough salt to last forever.

[Nick and Hillary arrive at the Potato Farm. Shetland pony is coughing]

Nick Rivers: What's wrong with him?

Wagon Driver: Oh, he caught a cold last week and he's just a little hoarse.

Nick Rivers: Hillary. That's an unusual name.

Hillary Flammond: It's a German name. It means 'she whose bosoms defy gravity'.

Nick Rivers: I'm pleased to meet you. My name's Nick.

Hillary Flammond: Nick? What does that mean?

Nick Rivers: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.

[on train at checkpoint]

Nick Rivers: Where are they taking him?

Colonel von Horst: They are not taking him anywhere.

[gunshot is heard off screen]

Nick Rivers: Is this the potato farm?

Albert Potato, Resistance Member: Yes, I'm Albert Potato.

[Introducing his men]

Du Quois: This is Chevalier, Montage, Detente, Avant Garde, and Deja Vu.

Deja Vu: Haven't we met before monsieur ?

Nick Rivers: I don't think so.

Du Quois: Over there, Croissant, Souffle, Escargot, and Chocolate Mousse.

Nick Rivers: Do you mind if I have a swig of this?

[picks up bottle]

Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Go right ahead.

Nick Rivers: [takes a mouthful, spits in disgust] What the hell is this stuff?

Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Gasoline.

[laughs and takes a swig himself]

Du Quois: Well, Mr. Rivers, it seems that you have become- How do you say indispensable?

Nick Rivers: Indispensable.

Du Quois: That's what I thought.

Hillary Flammond: Come on. We've got to get out of here.

Nick Rivers: Don't you think we ought to wait for the police?

Hillary Flammond: That was the police!

Nick Rivers: Are you in some kind of trouble with the police?

Hillary Flammond: Some things are much better left unsaid.

Nick Rivers: Like what?

Hillary Flammond: Well, you know... sometimes when you blow your nose into a tissue and you put it in your purse, then a little while later you have to reach in there for your lipstick or something, and your hand gushes into it, and it goes all over...

Nick Rivers: Okay, okay, you're right, you're right. Some things are better left unsaid.

Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Something's wrong here. Where's the truck?

Nick Rivers: Where's Hillary?

Deja Vu: I'm hungry.

Hillary Flammond: [in German] What do you recommend?

Waiter: [in German] I recommend the pork bellies marinated in diced pig entrails or the roast swine knuckles poached with flaming hog balls.

Nick Rivers: Anything's fine.

Nick Rivers: Seems as long as I know my way around that prison, I'll never be lonely.

Der Pizzahaus Girl: Excuse me but aren't you Nick Rivers, the American rock 'n' roll star?

Nick Rivers: No. No I'm not.

Der Pizzahaus Girl: Oh, but you must be. If you could sing just one song...

Nick Rivers: I'm sorry but you must have me confused with someone else. I'm, uh... Mel Torme.

Doctor Flamond: Well, young one, I had the secret police break into my house, they tore me from my family, ransacked my laboratory and... brought me to this dungeon." Nick: "That sucks!"

Nick Rivers: That sucks!