Nick Mercer Quotes in The Wedding Date (2005)

Nick Mercer: I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Nick Mercer: Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close... your... eyes. You're safe. You can relax. I'm not going to kiss you. He's gonna be so sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past. Forget the pain. And remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he'll realize what he lost.

Kat Ellis: Holy crap. You're worth every penny.

Nick Mercer: Well thank you for including me in this timeless feminine ritual. Here's to the husbands who've won you, the losers who've lost you, and the lucky bastards who've yet to meet you.

Kat Ellis: You know what pisses me off? I've been spilling my guts all weekend and I don't know a thing about you.

Nick Mercer: [pause] I'm allergic to fabric softener. I majored in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies. And I think I'd miss you even if we never met.

Nick Mercer: The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way... you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex.

Nick Mercer: When I told you I've never done a wedding before, it wasn't because I've never been asked. I just never said yes.

Kat Ellis: Why'd you say yes to me?

Nick Mercer: There was something in your voice on the phone that day.

Kat Ellis: Desperation?

Nick Mercer: I think it was hope.

Nick Mercer: [to Kat] Let me teach you a trick: if you look people in the eye, they won't notice what you're wearing.

Nick Mercer: A wedding is a sacrament... a joyous celebration of love and commitment. In Utopia. In the real world... it's an excuse to drink excessively and say things you shouldn't say.

Kat Ellis: An escort at a funeral? Somebody's dead.

Nick Mercer: Yeah, imagine facing that alone.

Nick Mercer: There's no such thing as "out of the blue".

Nick Mercer: This happened *to* you?

Kat Ellis: Happened in the sense that I picked up the phone, tracked you down, flew you here, and gave you $6,000 out of my 401K.

Nick Mercer: Is that an old habit from ballet class or from a lifetime of walking on eggshells?

Kat Ellis: I never took ballet.

[closes bathroom door]

Victor Ellis: Are you a boatsman, son?

Nick Mercer: I am now, sir.

Victor Ellis: Well, I'm glad to see that someone is making good use of her again. The boat I mean.

Nick Mercer: Go ahead, Kat, hate me. I think you're running out of steam on this whole Jeffrey thing anyhow. Maybe now you'll be able to hold on to this long enough to ruin your next relationship.

Edward Fletcher-Wooten: Oh, come on. Who heard about dance lessons for a wedding?

Nick Mercer: Just about everybody.

Victor Ellis: [to Kat] Make sure he stays on the right side of the road.

Nick Mercer: Which, of course, is the left.

Victor Ellis: That's right.

Nick Mercer: Just so you know, you're 300 short.

Kat Ellis: Wait a minute! You're telling me that if something happened last night I would have to pay you $1700! That's a down payment on a Ford Focus!

Nick Mercer: Not dollars. Pounds.

Nick Mercer: I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met.

Edward Fletcher-Wooten: [chasing Jeffery] I look like a total wanker, don't I?

Nick Mercer: Yeah, kind of. Get in the car, Ed. He's halfway to France by now.

Nick Mercer: [after hearing the "Tony Peepants" story] So is that when he peed in his pants?

Kat Ellis: Well, he cried a lot, but no. There was no peeing.

Nick Mercer: So what's with the nickname?

[long pause as everyone looks at one another]

Bunny: I have no idea.

Edward Fletcher-Wooten: How do you know so much about so much?

Nick Mercer: *I'm* a hooker.