Nick Gardenia Quotes in Seems Like Old Times (1980)

Judge John Channing: Can I ask you something, Mr. Gardenia?

Nick Gardenia: If I can be of any help in this matter, Judge, it's my pleasure.

Judge John Channing: Were you apprehended or did you surrender?

Nick Gardenia: I surrendered.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: He was apprehended.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: He was apprehended after he surrendered.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: He didn't surrender to me, therefore he was apprehended.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: He was going to surrender after dinner. I told him to wait in the kitchen.

Judge John Channing: [Drops pencil in disgust] And did you stay in the kitchen?

Nick Gardenia: No, I had to serve dinner.

Judge John Channing: You were serving dinner to the district attorney and his wife?

Nick Gardenia: Uh-huh... and the Governor.

Judge John Channing: The Governor? OUR Governor?

Nick Gardenia: I didn't ask him. He *looked* like our governor.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Your Honor, if we're going to get into such trivialities like our guest list, we might as well discuss what was served.

Nick Gardenia: Chicken pepperoni, your Honor. The Governor seemed to like it if it has any bearing on the case.

Judge John Channing: Hold it hold it... would you just hold it? Are you trying to tell me that while every policeman in the state was looking for you, YOU were serving dinner to the district attorney, his wife and our governor?

[Chuckles in disbelief]

Judge John Channing: How is that possible?

Nick Gardenia: Well... you have to prepare everything in advance.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: If you're innocent, they'll never send you to jail.

Nick Gardenia: Is that how it works, Chester?

Chester: Not in my neighborhood.

B.G. Ramone: Know you remember where this gun is.

Nick Gardenia: Right side middle of the ribs

Gas station attendant #1: What will it be boys

B.G. Ramone: Fill it up

Nick Gardenia: Fill it up

Gas station attendant #1: Regular or Premium?

Nick Gardenia: Regular

B.G. Ramone: Premium!

Nick Gardenia: Premium will be fine

Gas station attendant #1: Do you want me to check the hood

Nick Gardenia: Yea

B.G. Ramone: No

Nick Gardenia: No its already been checked. Thanks.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: We're going to have a serious conversation tonight.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: I'm looking forward to it.

Nick Gardenia: Anything special you'd like for dinner?

Nick Gardenia: [looks right into camera] Oh Sh**!

Fred: [looks at Gardenia's image coming off printer] Jeee-sus!

Glenda Gardenia Parks: Disbarment. Disbarment and disgrace are all that lies ahead.

Nick Gardenia: [looking ahead] That and a big truck.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: The man sleeps under my bed, drives my car, and wears my tuxedo... I just want to meet him. Hold it right there. You're under arrest.

Fred: The police are on their way

Nick Gardenia: Didn't like the chicken, huh?

Nick Gardenia: I think the three of us make a wonderful pair.

Nick Gardenia: Easy. Watch the license plate.