Nick Fifer Quotes in Scenes from a Mall (1991)

[looking for his car in the mall parking garage]

Nick Fifer: Where's my fucking Saab?

Nick Fifer: How many 16th anniversaries does a person have in a lifetime? One... maybe two.

Nick Fifer: I don't know how our marriage lasted.

Deborah Fifer: Mutual death wish.

Deborah Fifer: Do you really hate this dress?

Nick Fifer: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.

[after tough negotiations with a tennis prodigy's mother]

Nick Fifer: I think Mrs. Fong is Jewish.

[On mimes]

Nick Fifer: These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas!

[Deborah wants to give Nick his Christmas present]

Deborah Fifer: I have something to get you out of your midlife crisis.

Nick Fifer: That can only mean a full-body vibrator!

[Nick's given Deborah a family photo with an antique frame]

Nick Fifer: I had to have it engraved, because I could never remember your name.

[On an affair Nick had]

Nick Fifer: I liked her. I loved the sex.

Deborah Fifer: [scornful] Oh. So, you LOVE me, but you only LIKE the sex.

Nick Fifer: Well, now I feel like the scumbag of all time.

Deborah Fifer: You are.

Nick Fifer: Your constant interrupting of me...

Deborah Fifer: Please! In sixteen years, I've never finished a sentence.

Deborah Fifer: How about those two beautiful creatures? Think you can handle them?

Nick Fifer: Handle them? I can salivate over them.

Nick Fifer: You look like my Aunt Minna in that dress!

Nick Fifer: Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.

[Last lines]

Nick Fifer: [defensive] Am I the kind of guy who loses his temper?

Deborah Fifer: Please! You smashed the mime in the jaw!

Nick Fifer: [defensive] I gave him 100 bucks...

[Examining his Stress Age chewing gum]

Nick Fifer: Christ, the gum is jet black already.