Needy Lesnicky Quotes in Jennifer's Body (2009)

[from trailer]

Needy Lesnicky: You're killing people?

Jennifer Check: No. I'm killing boys.

Needy Lesnicky: Why do you need him? Huh? You can have anybody that you want, Jennifer. So why Chip? Is it just to tick me off, or is it just because you're just really insecure?

Jennifer Check: I am not insecure, Needy. God... that's a joke. How could I ever be insecure? I was the Snowflake Queen.

Needy Lesnicky: Yeah... two years ago when you were socially relevant.

Jennifer Check: I am still socially relevant.

Needy Lesnicky: And when you didn't need laxatives to stay skinny.

Jennifer Check: [enraged] I am going to eat your soul... and SHIT IT OUT, Lesnicky!

Needy Lesnicky: I thought you only murdered boys.

Jennifer Check: [smirks] I go both ways.

Needy Lesnicky: You know what? You were never really a good friend. Even when we were little, you used to steal my toys and pour lemonade on my bed.

Jennifer Check: And now, I'm eating your boyfriend. See? At least I'm consistent.

Jennifer Check: You're such a player-hater.

Needy Lesnicky: And you're a jerk.

Jennifer Check: Nice insult, Hannah Montana. You got any more harsh digs?

[from trailer]

Needy Lesnicky: Jennifer's evil.

Chip Dove: I know.

Needy Lesnicky: No. I mean, she's actually evil. Not high school evil.

[from trailer]

Needy Lesnicky: I will finish you if I have to.

Jennifer Check: Ok, you can barely finish gym class.

Needy Lesnicky: Hell is a teenage girl.

Jennifer Check: I think the singer wants me.

Needy Lesnicky: Only because he thinks you're a virgin. I heard them talking.

Jennifer Check: Yeah, right. I'm not even a backdoor-virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. By the way, that hurts. I couldn't even go to flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas.

Needy Lesnicky: [after Colin asks Jennifer out] Colin's really nice.

Jennifer Check: He listens to maggot rock. He wears nail polish. My dick is bigger than his.

Needy Lesnicky: How are you going to get alcohol?

Jennifer Check: I'll just play Hello Titty with the bartender.

Jennifer Check: I am a god!

Needy Lesnicky: Okay.

Needy Lesnicky: I'm gonna call the cops.

Jennifer Check: Uh, okay... why don't you narc me out? I've got the cops in my back pocket, Needy. I'm fucking a Cadet, remember?

Needy Lesnicky: Are you PMS'ing or something?

Jennifer Check: PMS isn't real Needy, it was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we're crazy.

[last lines]

Passing Motorist: So, why are you headed east?

Needy Lesnicky: I'm following this rock band.

Passing Motorist: Must be one hell of a group.

Needy Lesnicky: Tonight's gonna be their last show.

Needy Lesnicky: [Narrating at the end of the movie while still in solitary confinement] I don't even know who Needy Lesnicky is anymore.

[a guard serves her food through the door slot; she sniffs towards it with disgust]

Needy Lesnicky: I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person...

[Needy lifts her top sleeve, revealing Jennifer's bite-mark imprinted on her shoulder]

Needy Lesnicky: But sometimes change can be good! For instance, most occult scholars don't know this, but if you're bitten by a demon, and you live, you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities...

[Needy talks to the audience and smirks]

Needy Lesnicky: You might get lucky for once in your miserable life!

[Needy uses her powers to float up in mid-air; she mediates herself carefully while she makes her way to the top glass window to escape. Seconds later, she fiercely kicks open the window and makes her way out of the prison]

[Unrated version, first lines]

Needy Lesnicky: [narrating] Everyday I get letters. I think I get more letters than Santa Clause, Zac Efrom and Dr. Phil combined...

[pause]

Needy Lesnicky: I'm kinda the shit!

Needy Lesnicky: [voice-over] And sometimes, you might just get lucky in your miserable life.

Needy Lesnicky: [voice-over] Hell is a teenage girl.

Needy Lesnicky: [voice-over, about her "fan mail"] I'm kinda the shit.

Needy Lesnicky: It's 'freak-tarded'.

Jennifer Check: Hey, Monistat.

Needy Lesnicky: What's up, Vagisil?

Chip Dove: Did you get the make and model?

Needy Lesnicky: I don't know, Chip! An '89 rapist?

Jennifer Check: [Needy and Chip come downstairs from her bedroom] Hey, Chip. It smells like Thai food in here...

[pause]

Jennifer Check: Have you guys been fucking?

Needy Lesnicky: Ugh, you're gross!

[Needy and Jennifer playfully shove each other]

Needy Lesnicky: [after killing Chip, Jennifer is back home in her bedroom watching television and doodling on the school yearbook with a red pen; viewers can see that she's actually drawing a circle over a photo of a boy that may be her next intended victim. She turns off her TV and switches off the bedroom light. Needy suddenly bursts through the bedroom window and attacks Jennifer on her bed with a knife. Jennifer catches it and Needy starts grabbing her throat] Best friends FOREVER, huh? You killed my fucking boyfriend! You goddamned monster, you dumb BITCH!

[Jennifer bites Needy on the arm. Needy reveals her knife]

Needy Lesnicky: Ya know what THIS is for? Huh? It's for cutting BOXES!

Jennifer Check: [Needy tries stabbing Jennifer in the face, Jennifer grabs the knife] Do you buy ALL your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're butch!

Needy Lesnicky: Cross out Jennifer!

[Needy slices a bloody "X" on Jennifer's stomach with the knife]

Jennifer Check: [Jennifer uses her demonic powers to thrust Needy up in mid air; they both grab on each other and fight. Needy eventually grabs Jennifer and pushes herself on top of her. She yanks and breaks off the BFF necklace on Jennifer. Jennifer stares at Needy and falls back on top of her bed; Needy screams and thrusts the knife in her chest. Jennifer grunts and blood gushes out of chest] My tit...

Needy Lesnicky: No... your heart.

[Jennifer dies]

Chip Dove: I think you might want to talk to the school shrink. I mean, I'm not saying that to be a dill-hole, but...

Needy Lesnicky: Chip, I don't tell whoppers, and I'm not crazy.

Chip Dove: [about to die, apologizing to Needy] And you look really hot in that dress.

[which it obviously isn't]

Needy Lesnicky: You're delirious.

Nutritionist: Just one Toastem, huh?

Needy Lesnicky: I like Toastems.

Nutritionist: That's good. But I'm not sure a Toastem can provide you with sufficient energy for your day. I'd recommend more complex carbohydrates...

[Needy kicks the Nutritionist so hard, it sends her flying across several tables before hitting the floor]

Needy Lesnicky: I recommend that you shut the fuck up!

[spits on her as the Nutritionist spits a bloody tooth onto the floor]

Needy Lesnicky: [voice-over] The whole country got a huge tragedy boner for Devil's Kettle.

Jennifer Check: [after Needy stabs Jennifer in her chest] My tit.

Needy Lesnicky: No, your heart.

Chip Dove: She can fly?

Needy Lesnicky: She's just hovering... It's not that impressive.

Jennifer Check: God, Do you have to undermine everything I do? You are such a player hater.

Chip Dove: [Needy is changing] Those jeans are hella low. I can almost see your front butt.

Needy Lesnicky: It's a rock show. This is my rock look.

Chip Dove: Well, I can see, like, your womb, so...

Needy Lesnicky: I've been through the Occult section of the library five times.

Chip Dove: Our library has an Occult section?

Needy Lesnicky: Yeah, it's um, it's really small.

Needy Lesnicky: I hate this fucking song.

Needy Lesnicky: What the FUCK is happening!

Jennifer Check: Whoa, Needy. I never heard you drop the f-bomb before.

Needy Lesnicky: Hey, that's the band.

Jennifer Check: Mmm. You can totally tell they're from the city.

Roman Duda: Yeah, 'cause they're wearing eyeliner. They look like a bunch of faygos.

Jennifer Check: Well, you wouldn't think that, Roman, because you're a small-time Gomer. I wish we had more guys like that in Devil's Kettle. All stylish and shit.

Nikolai Wolf: Listen, it's uh, really dangerous out here. Do you wanna head someplace safer, like my van?

Needy Lesnicky: What?

Nikolai Wolf: I'm in survival mode right now, and I want us to get to a familiar place, and right now, I feel like that's my van.