Ned Ravine Quotes in Fatal Instinct (1993)

Lola Cain: So, I hear you go both ways.

Ned Ravine: [surprised] Only once. It was a fraternity prank. I never saw him again.

Lola Cain: No, I mean you're a cop and a lawyer.

Ned Ravine: Lot of scum out there on the streets. They all deserve a fair and costly trial.

Ned Ravine: What can I do for you?

Lola Cain: I've run across some papers. And I thought you might be able to tell me what they are. You see, I'm not very experienced when it comes to papers.

Ned Ravine: Well I'll help you, Miss Cain, if I'm Abel.

Ned Ravine: Put the can back in American! The Jew back in jurisprudence! The con back in constitution! And the dumb back in freedom!

[questioning his own wife on the witness stand]

Ned Ravine: Now, Mrs. Ravine... may I call you Lana?

Lana Ravine: Oh, please, call me Angel Tits.

Lana's Prosecutor: I object!

Judge Skanky: Sustained. Counselor, you will address Angel Tits as Mrs. Ravine.

Prison Reporter: Mr. Ravine, how does it feel to have slept with a murderess?

Ned Ravine: It's better than sleeping with a Ninja Turtle.

Ned Ravine: [in court] Miss Lincolnberry, can you tell us what this is?

Laura Lincolnberry: Yes, that is one of the many death threats that Max Shady faxed to you the day that he was released from prison.

Ned Ravine: A fax... in which he threatened to purée... certain parts of my anatomy... in a blender.

Lana's Prosecutor: I object! There's no need to deal with the facts in this case.

Judge Skanky: I'll allow it.

[to his wife, who has just met Lola Cain]

Ned Ravine: I have never seen this woman in my life. I never followed her home. I never had sex with her in her refrigerator. This is a sick fantasy, and I deny everything.

Ned Ravine: [to Lola] And WHEN will women like YOU learn you CAN'T tear apart a perfectly good marriage with your vicious lies?

[Ned reads a business card left on Laura's desk. The card smokes]

Ned Ravine: Meet me at Le Hot Club. No air conditioning - and proud of it! 7:30. Lola. 5810 Fountain Avenue, Los Angeles, California 90028. 213-555-5555.

Ned Ravine: [thinks] Hmmmm.

Ned Ravine: I forgot my keys.

Lola Cain: That's not why you came back!

Ned Ravine: [puzzled] ... Yes it is.

Lola Cain: No... You came back for *this*!

[jumps on Ned Ravine, throwing him to the floor and ripping his pants off]

Ned Ravine: Oh, this is so different!

Ned Ravine: [to Lola Cain] You stay away from my wife, my life, my home, and my skunk!

Ned Ravine: [turns bathtub tap on and off and notices that background music responds to the same action] ... I need an aspirin.

Laura Lincolnberry: [Laura is having a flashback] No! No! No!

[she is splashed by a gallon of water]

Ned Ravine: Laura! Snap out of it!

[he stands holding a tiny dixie cup]

Lola Cain: You're the first man who has lasted that long on that barstool.

Ned Ravine: I'm flattered.

Lola Cain: Well, don't. It's broken.

[the stool collapses]

Laura Lincolnberry: [thinking] I wonder what he's thinking when he looks at me with that goofy smile.

Ned Ravine: [thinking] Boy, does she look stupid in that hat.

Laura Lincolnberry: [thinking] If I told him how I really feel, he'd probably fire me. Oh, what am I saying? He probably doesn't even know I exist.

Ned Ravine: [thinking] Laura's incredible. And so smart. I wonder if she's smart enough to know that that was Lola's lipstick on my collar? And that we spent the night bumping ugly and knocking boots?

Laura Lincolnberry: [thinking] Maybe I should dress more like Lola Cain. Then he'd notice me. Hm. If I came in wearing no panties, no bra and a wet T-shirt, then...

Ned Ravine: [interrupting her thinking] Maybe she hasn't found the right... Oh, I'm sorry.

Laura Lincolnberry: [thinking] I was just rambling.

Ned Ravine: [thinking] Go ahead.

Laura Lincolnberry: [thinking] No, no, really. You first.

Ned Ravine: [thinking] No, I insist, please.