Ned Cruz Quotes in The Big Bang (2010)

Detective Poley: What the fuck's all this got to do with finding the stripper?

Ned Cruz: What the fuck's a busted condom got to do with your birth certificate, Poley? It's just cause and effect.

Detective Frizer: So, who is the crispy midget?

Ned Cruz: He's Astrophysics, Frizer.

Detective Frizer: Astrophysics.

Ned Cruz: His name is Russell. He's a white dwarf gone supernova.

Detective Poley: You think too much.

Ned Cruz: Compared to you, Poley, so does asparagus.

Detective Poley: Say, that's my favorite fucking vegetable.

[attacks him]

Anton 'The Pro' Protopov: I want you should find somebody.

Ned Cruz: You've specific person in mind or will just anybody do?

Ned Cruz: Three days later, they find Skinny Faddeev in the kitchen at Prostranstva. And... it's hard to tell the difference between the former Master and the Borscht.

Detective Frizer: Tell us everything you did, everything you know and tell us now.

Ned Cruz: Or else what? Poley is gonna hit me? It may get my sight back.

Detective Poley: Anything that helps, yeah.

Ned Cruz: The "Ouroboros" is what Plato described as the first living thing in the universe. An immortal, perfect creature. A serpent eating itself, swallowing its own tail. Everything has meaning.

Detective Poley: Remember: I can read your mind.

Ned Cruz: You couldn't read even a picture book.

Ned Cruz: When do you get off?

Fay Neman: About 14 minutes after I start fucking.

Ned Cruz: [while having sex] What is all this?

Fay Neman: These are the spiral trails left by sub-atomic particles moving through liquid hydrogen in presence of a magnet field.

Ned Cruz: You know, in fact they look familiar.

Fay Neman: You gotta understand, everything behaves like a particle in a wave at the same time until something is actually observed. Because of the same multiple states of reality simultaneously. Then only you actually observe anything, anywhere in the universe, to change it. And if that thing is entangled in a relationship with anything else, it changes still, instantly. And that's faster than a speed of light. But you know what? Nothing's faster than the speed of light. It's real-life magic... and atom. It's made of electrons, protons and neutrons. And protons and neutrons are made up of quarks, and quarks are held together by gluons. And gluons are bosons, and bosons... are elementary particles, which are the fundamental forces of nature.

Fay Neman: And you are here because...?

Ned Cruz: Because... I'm looking for someone who is supposed to exist but nobody has seen.

Simon Kestral: You're in a 8-mile long circular tunnel, 300 feet below San Celeritas. And 27 hours from now 8 Magnet-Assembly storing 10 GigaJoules of energy, will guide two proton beams fired simultaneously in a semi-circular path towards each other, at 99.999% of the speed of light, and they'll collide right in there.

Ned Cruz: Whoa.

Simon Kestral: To recreate conditions of 3/8th of a second after The Big Bang. The beginning of the universe... 13 billion years ago. Questions? Preguntas?

Ned Cruz: 'What the fuck for', comes to mind.

Simon Kestral: 27 hours, I'm gonna find something that theoretically should exist but no one has ever seen.

Ned Cruz: Funny. This is exactly what I'm looking for.

Simon Kestral: You know why?

Ned Cruz: Yes, because I'm a private detective and I've been hired to.

Simon Kestral: Because I already know why we're here. I knew it the first time I dropped acid.

Ned Cruz: Really? When was the last time?

Simon Kestral: We are sentient beings, evolved in an infinite universe. An infinite extrapolation of our evolution is to become Gods ourselves. You dig?

Simon Kestral: If everything there is, from all the heavenly bodies in all the galaxy's still expanding universe, to you and me was one smaller than a single atom, where did all this mass and matter come from?

Ned Cruz: Don't tell me, the God particle.

Simon Kestral: Fucking A! At 7:00 a.m., tomorrow morning, with 5 billion dollars worth off-the-shelf technology, I'm gonna answer the greatest question of all time.

Ned Cruz: Why do men have nipples?

Ned Cruz: So, huh... what happens tomorrow?

Niels Geck: Well, we'll recreate the conditions that existed one-trillionth of a second after the Big Bang. Protons will head toward collisions at nearly the speed of light. And quarks and gluons will release enough energy to create the Higgs Boson particle, the God particle. It's unstable, it's fragile. And it will last for less than a one-millionth, of a billionth, of a billionth of a second... before it decays. But we've seen it for the first time in history.

Simon Kestral: Questions?

Ned Cruz: Yeah. The woman who's serving us, she's Hindu, she's dressed in white, and she's mourning. Why?

Ned Cruz: So... what's the worst that can happen... with a couple of billion worth of off-the-shelf technology, brought it together by imperfect human beings HO here in Mexico?

Niels Geck: A black hole.

Ned Cruz: What was that?

Niels Geck: A black hole. Theoretically, collisions with this much energy, could create a black hole that could swallow the earth. Or... or create strangements that could initiate runaway fusion and turn the planet into a shrunken lump of strange matter.

Ned Cruz: We've got nothing to worry about.

Ned Cruz: So... what do you think, is gonna happen at 7.00 a.m. tomorrow?

Niels Geck: There are hidden variables, so it's difficult to predict the outcome. But... I think, one way or another, at 7 a.m. tomorrow, Simon Kestral will be close to God.

Detective Frizer: Lex Parsimoniae. What does it mean?

Ned Cruz: Well, it's the Latin expression for a philosophical concept known as 'Occam's Razor'. In language that Poley can understand, it means... "All things being equal, the simplest solution is the best".

Ned Cruz: Niels Geck calculated the probability that Anton Protopov would find him. And based on his result, he bought himself a gun.

Detective Frizer: Who was it? Who crashed the party?

Ned Cruz: Well, that... that... that's simple. The guys who had been shadowing Anton, then tailing me... the guys in the Lincoln Town car. I can describe them. One is a fucking sociopath, who never finished first grade and who nobody likes. Another is a broken down family man, with nothing... nothing to show for his life. And the third guy... wears brown shoes and a black suit because he can't tell the difference between right and wrong.

Ned Cruz: Who killed Puss?

Detective Frizer: Your client did.

Ned Cruz: Why?

Detective Poley: Guess he was following up on your so-called investigation, didn't like the African-American's personality.

Ned Cruz: Stop them, Frizer, before they kill again.

Detective Skeres: I didn't kill anybody.

Detective Frizer: Not yet.

Ned Cruz: You okay?

Julie Kestral: No! I dropped the gun.

Ned Cruz: He's a white dwarf gone supernova.

Ned Cruz: We've all got kinks. All built-in closets where they hide. There is always the fear that someday someone walks into your closet... and switches on the light... and there in the corner is your kink. The most terrible fear of all... is the fear of being exposed.

Detective Poley: He's doing it again. You wily fucking Duke. Quit t-t-t-thinking. Quit stalling. Can we do this my way?

Ned Cruz: Okay, Poley but tell Frizer to get down when I start to shave skin...

Ned Cruz: Do you like Adam Nova?

Detective Skeres: The actor?

Ned Cruz: Yeah.

Detective Skeres: He's alright. I guess he makes an honest buck.

Ned Cruz: Try 20 million per picture and 20 percent junk off the back-end. One of the highest paid movie stars in history and I have to tell him... that it's all over.

Ned Cruz: But it was you guys, you all along!