Natalie Quotes in Vampire Academy (2014)

Rose Hathaway: Is that Jesse? The hot get hotter.

Natalie: Yeah, Jesse's still the academy's number one wet dream boat.

Lissa Dragomir: [scoffs] He has a terrible personality.

Rose Hathaway: Jesse has a personality? I didn't know. Don't judge a book by its content.

Lissa Dragomir: You know this is a church, right?

Natalie: Don't be absurd.

Rose Hathaway: Said the girl licking the wall.

Charlie: Good morning, angels.

Dylan, Natalie, Alex: Good morning, Charlie!

Natalie: I have to go. I can't explain now but will you call me tomorrow?

Pete: Sure.

[Natalie runs off. Runs back, kisses him and runs off again. Pete turns to the bouncers]

Bouncer: Oh, you bad!

Bouncer: Yeah, you bad!

Pete: Finally you guys warm up a little.

Natalie: [to UPS guy] I signed that release form,so you can just feel free to stick things in my slot.

Pete: I'll get tickets.

Natalie: I love tickets!

[Natalie, Dylan, Alex, and Chad are on a boat]

Natalie: Hey Chad, does this thing go any faster? We're kind of in a hurry, and I could really open her up, and if you wanted me to drive.

[turns to Dylan]

Natalie: I could drive, right?

Chad: I'm sorry, friend of Starfish, but there's only one captain of this love boat. That captain is me. The Chad.

Natalie: The Chad.

[both Natalie and Dylan are giggling]

Natalie: Chad, captain of the love boat-

Chad: [correcting Natalie] *The* Chad.

Natalie: We're kind of in a hurry.

Chad: [repeating] *The* Chad.

Natalie: Where's Knox? Is he OK?

Dylan: He's fine. He's the bad guy.

Alex: Flip your hair.

Natalie: What?

Alex: Flip your goddamn hair.

Natalie: Wait you guys, I'm not a yoyo!

Bouncer: Hey you! You wanna dance on stage?

Natalie, Pete: Us? Yeah!

Bouncer: No. Stage is for the ladies.

Natalie: Oh, then you know what? I'm just gonna find a place on the floor.

Pete: [to bouncer] Wait a minute!

[to Natalie]

Pete: This is like Soul Train's highest honor, I am NOT gonna sit here and let you NOT go up there so yeah, she'll go.

Natalie: Really? Cause I've always wanted to go up there.

Pete: Have a great time!

Natalie: See you in a minute!

Natalie: Do you know how hard it is to find a quality man in Los Angeles?

Natalie: They don't call me balls out Natalie for nothing.

Natalie: Alex! Don't let him get away!

Natalie: Hey! I like that guy!

[During Natalie's dream scene]

Natalie: Eduardo, move me.

Natalie: Oh!

[making bird noise]

Natalie: It's a sitta pygmaya. A pygmy nuthatch! They only live in one place. CARMEL!

[last lines]

Dylan: To Charlie.

Alex: To Charlie.

Natalie: To Charlie.

Bosley: To Charlie.

[falls over]

Bosley: Let me toast you ladies, with some ice cubes!

Natalie: [looking at Pete's drawing of Elliot] He looks like a dragon.

Pete: What's a dragon?

Tris: I miss you so much.

Natalie: I know you do. But I'm still with you. You need to be strong now. Tell me you're gonna be strong.

Tris: I'm trying.

Natalie: You can do this. I know you can. You're brave. Braver than anyone.

Tris: I'm not brave, Mom. I pretend that I am. And I want people to think that I am. But I'm not. I'm really, really scared. That maybe we are actually what's wrong in this world. Divergents. I never wanted any of this. You and Dad and Caleb and then Four. And I can't help but think that if I was normal... we would all still be together. Mom, I don't wanna be Divergent anymore. I just wanna feel safe again.

Natalie: So full disclosure - my tazer's not actually legal in the states. I had to send away for it to Singapore.

Cass: I'm detecting a hint of negativity.

Cass: Hey, Natalie!

Natalie: Hey, wedgehead!

Cass: Remember me? I'm the guy that's gonna put your king on the throne.

Natalie: Right! Only it's Queen and, oh dear God, you thought I was serious.

Cass: I expect that date when I win.

[catcalls from the Legacy]

Cass: Why is the bowling team here?

Arthur: [pulling potions from his backpack] What the...? They're all purple!

Natalie: I mixed in Kool-aid.

Arthur: No!

Natalie: I didn't open the black one.

Tim: You don't just mix Kool-Aid with potions! That's how you tell, like, uh, which one's which!

Natalie: Ever heard of labels?

Tim: Whadda you think it is? A werewolf? A vampire? Maybe... maybe a minotaur?

Natalie: There's no such thing as minotaurs. They're mythological.

Tim: My myth-take.

Natalie: What about me?

Arthur: You're back-up.

Natalie: What does THAT mean?

Arthur: You back us up!

Natalie: I'm hot-wiring the car. I learned it in Scouts. It's not all cookies and knee-high socks, you know.

[talking about her ex-boyfriend]

Natalie: He says no one's gonna fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.

Prime Minister: Ah! You know, um, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.

Natalie: Thank you, sir. I'll think about it.

Prime Minister: Do. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.

[Natalie, a secretary, is greeting the Prime Minister]

Natalie: Hello, David. I mean "sir". Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir.

Prime Minister: It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck," and then we'd have been in real trouble.

Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was gonna fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss it!

[having just been exposed kissing Natalie on a school stage during a student concert in front of hundreds of children and parents]

Prime Minister: Right. So, not quite as secret as we'd hoped.

Natalie: What do we do now?

Prime Minister: Smile. Little bow. And a wave.

Prime Minister: Ah, hello. Is, er, Natalie in?

Natalie: [coming down stairs] Where the fuck is my fucking coat?

[sees Prime Minister]

Natalie: Oh, hello.

Prime Minister: Hello.

[last lines]

Prime Minister: God, you weigh a lot.

Natalie: Oh, shut your face.

Natalie: This is Harmony.

Shelley: [frog voice] Harmony.

[Harmony looks disturbed]

Natalie: And Carrie Mae.

Shelley: [frog voice] Carrie Mae.

Natalie: [points] And that's Joanne over there.

Shelley: [frog voice] Joanne.

[Joanne waves distributively]

Natalie: What is that? Is it like a Yoda, type of thing, I mean it's cool, fun, but?

Shelley: Oh, it's just this thing I do to remember people's names.

[frog voice]

Shelley: Natalie.

Mona: [sarcastically] Wow, you hired the exorcist, that's great!

Natalie: Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.

Shelley: Yeah, hence!

Natalie: We could tie our shoes together, our tennis shoes, and we could throw them over telephone wires. Because I see that everywhere and it seems like people would have fun doing that. Like, how hard can you throw? You know what I mean? Like how - what are you -

[stops herself]

Natalie: [awkward pause]

Shelley: Or we could go to a club.

Tyler: So, are you a Zeta?

Shelley: Oh! I wish.

Tyler: Yeah. I do too 'cause Zeta would be my favorite hizzity hang.

Natalie: Well, she is not a Zeta because she's our new hizzity house mother. She'll be hizzy-tizzy - - She'll be here all the time.

Shelley: You're hiring me?

[She hugs Natalie. The boys seem to like it and start making appreciative noises]

Natalie: Why are they acting like that?

Shelley: Boys just being boys. Thank goodness!

Shelley: I don't think he likes me. He didn't fall for any of my tricks.

Natalie: That's impossible. Your tricks always work.

Shelley: I did sexy. I did other guys want me. I worked every angle in the book but, I don't know, he just stared.

Natalie: What if Oliver is one of those guys who wants to have, like, a conversation with a girl before he hooks up with her.

Shelley: He's gay?

Shelley: [puts on Natalie's glasses] God, you need to go to the eye doctor!

Natalie: I did. That's where I got my glasses.

Shelley: [Z from the sorority letters falls on her head] Ooh, what was that?

Natalie: [coming outside] oh, yeah that happens like, ten times a day.

Shelley: Oh, well... at least you've still got T and A!

Shelley: I'm an expert at parties and boys! I'm a bunny! Men write to me from prison, sometimes even in their own blood, which I think is theirs, but I don't know, I'm really nervous because I really want to help.

Natalie: A-a bunny? You mean, like, centerfold?

Shelley: Oh, bless your heart, no, just a few pictorials, like "Girls from the Midwest" and "Girls with GEDs."

Natalie: [after getting their make-overs and everybody stares at them] So this is what it's like to be not invisible.

Harmony: Oh, not invisible, just the anti-hot.

Shelley: Natalie, Colby was following you around like a puppy dog. Do you guys think you'll, you know...

Natalie: No. I do not think, you know, THAT.

Shelley: That? Natalie, are you a virgin?

Natalie: No. Am I a virgin? No.

Shelley: You're a virgin!

[She says it a little too loudly and everyone in the quad stops in their tracks]

Natalie: Shhh. It's like an amphitheater in here.

Shelley: That's it. Oh my gosh. We have to have an Aztec party. We always wanted to have one at the mansion but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice.

Natalie: [taking pictures of Harmony for their calendar] Keep doing that. Keep doing that. Make love to the camera.

[laughs]

Natalie: I saw that in Austin Powers.

Shelley: Yeah. Work it. Think, really sexy witch. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Harmony: A good witch.

Shelley: I think you're a bad witch.

Harmony: Oh!

Shelley: Oh! I bet the house that falls on you is gonna be a sexy house.

Natalie: Work it. Work it. You're like a supermodel, except more pregnant.

Natalie: We're his damn kids too.

[Miranda gives Daniel a dirty look]

Daniel: [nervously] Heh heh, kids say the darnedest things.

Miranda: [sarcastically] Thank you. Any other choice phrases you'd like to teach our five year old, Daniel?

Natalie: We're in the middle of "Charlotte's Web". Who's gonna finish it?

Daniel: Well, Grandma will finish it for you.

Natalie: [whispers] She's not as good. She always skips parts, and she never does the voices. She smells funny, too.

Daniel: That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well preserved.

Mrs. Doubtfire: [after turning the TV off and tossing the remote into the aquarium] Between the hours of 3 PM and 7 PM, I'm in charge. And when I'm in charge, you will follow a schedule. Those who do *not* follow the schedule will be punished.

Natalie: [whispering to Lydie] Punished?

Natalie: She's lying. She'd never punish us.

Mrs. Doubtfire: [evilly] Don't fuss with me.

Lydie: This is exploitation. It's not fair!

Natalie: Shut up, Lydie.

Natalie: [Harry gets angry and is destroying the phone, his wife approach him, saying:] Harry. Harry! It's a inanimate fucking object!

Harry: [to wife] You're an inanimate fuckin' object!

Natalie: I read your article, and, well, I think you misquoted me.

Mitch: Nobody even knows it's you, just like you asked.

Natalie: But there are some lines in here I would have never said.

Mitch: Like what?

Natalie: 'You see enough unfaithful husbands and you start to get sickened by the whole notion of love. How can you trust men when you see them call their wives in front of you and say they love them after they just paid for sex? I don't think you can be in my industry and still believe in love. It's like being a scientist and believing in God.'

Mitch: Yeah, you definitely said all of that.

Natalie: I'd really like you to publish a retraction of that statement and revise it to say; 'You see enough unfaithful husbands and you start to question the notion of love and then when you finally experience it for yourself you see what all the fuss is about and you can't imagine not having that person in your life and you feel like the luckiest person in the world and you would do anything to make them feel the same way about you.'

Natalie: Sure, you can buy me a drink.

Mitch: Good to know.

Natalie: Is that how you treat a lady who shows interest?

Mitch: You asked for a free drink. You didn't show interest.

Natalie: Were you expecting a blow job right out of the gate?

Mitch: Offering something would indicate more interest than asking for something, so...

Natalie: You don't want to get to know each other first?

Mitch: Before I buy you a drink or before the blow job?

Natalie: I thought it was poor form to bring your work home with you.

Mitch: Well, you're a presentable piece of work.

Mitch: Okay, look, my family thinks that I'm kind of like, a big fuck-up, and, well, you're smart and pretty and personable. And if I were to bring someone like you home, they'd, you know, think I'm getting my shit together.

Natalie: You think I'm pretty?

Mitch: You think those artificial orgasm noises is what brings them back?

Natalie: Dude, I get *rave* reviews.

Mitch: Uh! I'll be sure to check out your Yelp page when I get home.

Natalie: Yeah, you should. Five stars.

Mitch: You could say that Victoria is just a character that you play, but you like this job. You revel in it. You're comfortable in it. 'Coz you're in control. You dictate the terms. You don't have to worry about being rejected by a bunch of guys who just want to cum all over you.

Natalie: And you're just a sad person who revels in his own self-loathing. I'll end the debate for you right now, Mitch. *You're not a sex addict. You're just a emotionally crippled child with low self-esteem who uses sex to numb his feelings. Your problem isn't sex. Your problem is reality. Sex is just your pathetic fucking Band-Aid.*

Steve: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Natalie: That's three Hail Marys for you tomorrow.

Natalie: You all right, Jimmy?

Jimmy Rabbitte: Sure. They just get on my arse at times.

Natalie: Wanna share a taxi home?

Jimmy Rabbitte: For fuck's sake, Natalie. How could you ask me that after what I just said in there?

Natalie: Well if you weren't the manager, would you?

Jimmy Rabbitte: Would I what?

Natalie: ...take me home?

Jimmy Rabbitte: But I am the manager.

Deco: I've a bugle here you can blow on.

Natalie: I've an arse here you can kiss.

Imelda: He eats like a pig.

Bernie: He's such a prick.

Natalie: Hasn't got the voice of a pig though. Joey says it belongs to God.

Billy: God should ask for it back.

Dr. Finch: Everyone! Come quickly! Wake up! Wake up! A miracle! A miracle! A miracle has occured!

Agnes Finch: What're you looking at?

Natalie: Dad's morning shit.

Dr. Finch: See? See how the duplicoil is breaking out of the surface of the water? Holy Father.

Agnes Finch: Doctor, let me draw you a nice bath.

Dr. Finch: Agnes, go get a shoehorn. A shoehorn, Agnes.

Hope: But what does it mean, Dad?

Dr. Finch: It means our financial situation is turning around. It means things are looking upward. Literally, the shit is pointing out of the pot! Towards Heaven, to God. My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father.

[Augusten and Natalie try to hide their laughter]

Dr. Finch: No, no, no, no, children. No. Laugh. Laugh! God is... He is the funniest man in the universe. Agnes, I want you to carefully remove this, take it outside, and let it dry in the sun. We're starting a shrine, Agnes. A shrine. Hope, let's prepare.

Augusten Burroughs: Who's Terrence Maxwell, Natalie?

Natalie: I've never heard of him.

Augusten Burroughs: Tell me who he is. Tell me who he is.

Natalie: Shut up.

Augusten Burroughs: It kills you, doesn't it?

Natalie: Shut up.

Augusten Burroughs: Let it out!

Natalie: Shut up!

Augusten Burroughs: Tell me who he is, Natalie!

Natalie: Shut up!

Augusten Burroughs: Tell me so I don't feel so alone!

Natalie: HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I EVER LOVED AND HE DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE! DO YOU FEEL BETTER?

Augusten Burroughs: A little bit. How'd you meet him?

Natalie: Terrence started seeing my dad after his mom died. She left him everything. He was 41 when I was 13. He told me I was pretty. And he made me believe it. One day, he broke my collar bone, and I had to hitch-hike to the emergency room, and I passed out on the side of the road, and somebody found me. My dad told him that he'd press charges and that he'd go to jail unless he donated money to my college fund. Then he did. $75, 000.

Augusten Burroughs: That's so great. So if you'd just apply...

Natalie: My dad spent it. Every penny. So that the IRS wouldn't take this house. So... I do know what it's like, Augusten... to love somebody who doesn't deserve it. 'Cause they're all you have. God, I hate my life.

Augusten Burroughs: I hate this kitchen. I need high ceilings.

Natalie: Me too.

Augusten Burroughs: Let's get rid of it then. Let's take down the ceiling.

Dr. Finch: [Finch wakes up and sees Neil standing over him with scissors] Neil? What're you doing, son?

Neil Bookman: SHUT UP! I'm not your son!

Natalie: What the hell is going on?

Dr. Finch: It's all right.

[Neil drops the scissors and walks away crying]

Dr. Finch: Neil? Neil! NEIL!

[from trailer]

Natalie: Are you ready?

Augusten Burroughs: For what?

Natalie: To play "Doctor."

Hope: You know Natalie, youre so oral, you'll never get to anal

Natalie: And youll never get a dick in your dried up cunt, you old maid!

[from trailer]

Hope: What are you guys doing?

[Augusten is wired with electrodes to his face]

Natalie: Electro-shock therapy.

Hope: Awesome!

Augusten Burroughs: I'm gay.

Natalie: Big deal.

Natalie: You know what, Augusten? I'm not gonna throw you a pity party. So fucking just get over yourself.

Augusten Burroughs: FUCK you, Natalie. You don't know what it's like to be sent away.

Natalie: You're right, I don't.

Augusten Burroughs: And you don't know what it's like to have a boyfriend that's just USING you.

Natalie: Lucky me.

Natalie: [On the phone, to Cindy's voicemail] I know you're not gonna call me back but... Hum, one more thing, remember that time I missed your awards dinner? Well, hum, I wasn't really working. I was at home watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York... I'm sorry, hum... What else?

Natalie: My shrink is right - I'm unloved, unappreciated, I only have one car...

Natalie: Excuse me! Do either one of you have change for a twenty?

Janey: [sarcastically] Gosh, I dont' have anything smaller than a fifty.

[Janey looks at Jeff as if asking him if he has change]

Janey: Sorry.

Natalie: My Loss. Have fun.

[last lines]

Natalie: Daddy!

J.P. Sands: Why don't you shut up?

Natalie: This... means... *war*.

Drew: Nice car. I drive exotic wheels myself.

Natalie: What is it? A Schwinn ten-speed?

Natalie: [sitting on Jeff's motorcycle] I'm holding this for ransom.

[Jeff gives her a look]

Natalie: Awww, did you and Shirley Temple have a bad rehearsal?

Jeff: Yeah, it wasn't one of the best five afternoons of my life. I'm not really in the mood to shoot the breeze so if you don't mind...

Natalie: *Fine*.

[while listening to love song from Titanic]

Natalie: What kind of dumb bitch lets Leonardo DiCaprio drown?

Anne: Nat, mind your own business

Natalie: Go pick on someone as dumb as you!

Rory Buck: As dumb as me?

Natalie: I hope you know that school bullies make up 75% of our prison population.

Natalie: I'm falling for Kyle.

Michael: What?

Natalie: He's actually sweet.

Michael: Sweet? The guy screws women while they're barfing!

[to Michael]

Natalie: You're under arrest, you sick fuck!

[last lines]

Dutch: Before we start, run in the other room and get my coat, would ya. I've got something in there for your mother.

Doyle: Right now?

Dutch: Yeah.

Natalie: Can't it wait?

Dutch: Well, it's something very special.

[grins all around]

Doyle: Okay...

[gets up from table]

Dutch: [to Natalie] Move over.

[to her horror he shoots Doyle with the pellet gun]

Doyle: Yipe!

[first lines]

Party Woman: Pardon my incredulity, Natalie, but I'm very surprised to see you here. Pleasantly so, of course.

Natalie: I'm a little surprised to see myself here, too, Mary Alice. Pleasantly so, of course.

Party Woman: Were you here last year?

Natalie: No, I wasn't invited last year.

Party Woman: Oh, curious. That must have been an accident. Oh, do you know Libby?

Natalie: No, I don't believe I do.

Party Woman: Libby, this is Natalie Standish. Natalie is Reed's... Oh, is it alright to...

Natalie: Say that Reed got me pregnant when I was a barhop at your country club? Married me to avoid scandal? Spent the next ten years sucking the life out of me? Got bored with me, dumped me, and screwed me in court? Sure, go ahead.

Party Woman: Uh... Natalie is Reed's ex-wife.

Natalie: You wouldn't dare play fair, would you?

Reed: I wouldn't dare lose.

[Natalie and Nicola ponder having children]

Natalie: Well, I wouldn't fancy bringing one up on me own.

Nicola: It's better to be on your own than be with a bastard.

Natalie: Well, presumably you wouldn't *choose* a bastard in the first place if you had any sense!

Nicola: All men are bastards!

Natalie: *What*?

Nicola: They're all potential rapists!

Natalie: That's a bit sweeping!

Nicola: All men have got the ability to rape.

Natalie: Well they don't all do it, do they!

Nicola: But they've got the ability; they've got the desire.

Natalie: That's paranoid rubbish!

Nicola: What d'you know about paranoia?

Natalie: Well, not half as much as you do, I'll give you that.

[last lines]

Natalie: Do you want some money?

Richard Clark: Why are you late?

Natalie: Because the bell rang before I got here.

Natalie: How do you know your friend is having sex with Desmond?

Starletta: 'Cause I'm standing in his living room while he getting some sorry piece of traitor ass.

Vonda: Who you calling a sorry piece of traitor ass?

Starletta: Ho', I ain't even talking to you, it's the people from Jerry.

Vonda: Who you calling a ho'?

Starletta: Put you hands on me, bitch, come on! Put your hands on me. I guarantee 911 won't get here fast enough for your ass!

Cisco: Okay, I was driving around last night in my sixty-two thousand dollar car. And I was trying to think of a name for the drug, then it hit me.

Don Roritor: The name?

Cisco: No a bird, it hit my windshield. When that happened, I got depressed.

Natalie: Not you, Cisco!

Cisco: Yeah, even me. But as soon as I got depressed, I got undepressed. 'Cause as I was cleaning the gleaming guts of that bird off my car, I thought of a name for the drug - Gleemonex. The slogan - Gleemonex makes it feel like it seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time!

Richard: Where are the boys?

Natalie: ...It's none of your business.

Richard: Oh, I see. They're my boys, but they're none of my business.

Natalie: [walks up to Ruth] Oh, I was hoping we could talk.

[pauses]

Natalie: I wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am

[pauses again]

Natalie: and if there's ever anything I can ever do... to-to talk with you.

[long pause]

Natalie: [Ruth hits Natalie across the face, Natalie screams, and Ruth goes back to work, and Natalie walks off in shock and sadness]

Natalie: [Frank plays with blocks while Natalie relaxes in a beach chair] Hey... You know I've been ignoring our difference in age but you keep playing with those blocks, I'm gonna start to worry.

Frank Fowler: You're not looking at the house. Look.

[Natalie moves closer to Frank]

Frank Fowler: It's not all mine, it's part Mack. See, the whole idea of what Mack was trying to achieve was a common area in the center of the house. I mean, large, open spaces- they weren't unique to Mack but the idea of seperating the family so that the parents were on one side and the kids on the other, so... they'll all spill into the center. It's... brilliant. I'm boring you, aren't I?

Natalie: [shakes her head] No. I was just thinking.

Frank Fowler: About what?

Natalie: About you. School.

Frank Fowler: What if I wait another year?

Natalie: Frank...

Frank Fowler: A year is not going to make...

Natalie: [shakes her head] No. You can't do that, Frank.

Frank Fowler: Why not? I have thought a lot about this. I have, and...

Natalie: No. You told me it takes forever to establish yourself.

Frank Fowler: Exactly. So, what's a year in forever?

Natalie: [pauses] It's twisted logic.

[starts to laugh]

Frank Fowler: You know what Duncan said to me today?

Natalie: Oh, you wouldn't be changing the subject, would you?

Frank Fowler: He said, "Frank, I don't think Jason really understands girls."

Natalie: Oh, he didn't.

[laughs]

Frank Fowler: "Understands girls".

Natalie: Well, what'd you say?

Frank Fowler: I didn't know what to say to that. I said... I said "give him time, Duncan, he'll come around." If this is how he is now, then we're in trouble.

[long pause]

Frank Fowler: What is this, Action Man?

Natalie: Yeah. Richard gave it to Dunc for his birthday.

[Richard pulls up]

Richard: Did you see my new rig out there?

Natalie: It's nice.

Richard: It's not exactly new, I traded David the truck for it. It's got room for all of us. Good grocery-getting car. Hey, do you wanna take a ride?

Natalie: Richard... you don't change. You don't change, do you?

Richard: Change? No, I don't change. Everything around me changes. You change. You take my house... and you take my kids... and you fuck this other guy. But me, no, I don't change.

[Natalie sees herself in the rear-view mirror]

Natalie: Oh my God.

Bernie: Hey. You look in the mirror, you don't like what you see, don't believe it. Look in my eyes, I am the only mirror you're ever gonna need. You look in my eyes, Natalie.

Natalie: I thought shit like that only happened in the movies.

Shelly: I can make you disappear like *that*! And not one fucking person would miss you! Not one fucking person!

Natalie: Bernie would! He loves me. He loves me, and that kills you, doesn't it, Shelly?

[from trailer]

Natalie: Big bad wolf slain by damsel in distress... whole new kind of fairy tale.

Luke: [from trailer] What is it that you love about dance?

Natalie: Everything you need to know is in my dancing.

Luke: Everything?

Luke: [from trailer] You up for a little competition?

Natalie: I never lose.

Natalie: Stop spending your allowance on birth control and invest in some estrogen pills, okay?

Natalie: Do you purposely leave your house looking like a raging lesbian? You do have the body of a 10-year-old boy.

Pauline: That's a highly unfortunate opinion, especially considering your vagina looks like a diseased axe wound.

Natalie: That's vile.

Pauline: I actually get afraid that I might get a yeast infection just being in the same room with that thing.

Natalie: Look, I spoke with Adam. And I gotta hand it to you, from the sounds of it he's freakier than I imagined, so I dumped him. He's all yours.

Pauline: Forgive my vulgarity, but Adam licks pussy like a dog drinks water. I'm not interested.

Natalie: Suit yourself. You mind if I leave you with some advice?

Pauline: Make it quick. I gotta take a shit.

Natalie: You're disgusting. Stop spending your allowance on birth control and invest in some estrogen pills, 'kay?

Keith: I had it all figured out, so I cut out early? Who cares? It's probably a good thing. Life sucks, anyway. Then I met you, and it got weird. And you were so amazing. And I...

Natalie: What? What?

Keith: I just wanted a little more time. So all in all, I'd say you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Goodbye, partner.

Keith: Wake up, Natalie. Don't you see what happened here? You had a beautiful life, and I had shit. I hated your guts. I wanted to take you down, I wanted to make you as miserable as I am, and that is exactly what I did. Now, how's that for a goodbye?

Natalie: Pretty lame.

Keith: Face it, Anderson, I screwed you. I screwed you big time.

Natalie: So you screwed me. So what? Me? I made love to you.

Natalie: Fuck you.

Keith: You just did, partner.

Keith: So you don't remember.

Natalie: What?

Keith: Well, I sit behind you in the sixth grade play, you were the princess and I was Russian Soldier #3.

Natalie: Don't remember that.

Keith: Of course not. A princess never remembers the little people.

Natalie: Excuse me while I cry for you.

Keith: [spills liquid on chem table] Ohh, God.

Natalie: Be careful, would you?

Keith: Am I gonna be in trouble for that? Are you gonna punish me for this?

Natalie: I might have to.

Keith: 'Cause you know how I feel about all that stuff.

Natalie: Look, partner, you know the deal.

Keith: But those spiky heels really hurt me.

Natalie: Keith, you've been a bad boy and now you gonna pay the price.

[Keith groans]

Natalie: [looking at the people sharing their chem lab table who are staring] Do you mind?

Keith: [after he kisses Natalie] We should probably leave.

Natalie: Yeah.

Keith: We're lab partners.

Natalie: Yeah.

Keith: This is strictly a lab partnership.

Natalie: Absolutely.

Keith: And Walter would be very, very upset right now.

Natalie: I don't... I don't care where you're gonna be next year. I don't care if you're crazy. God, I just know I wanna be with you. I don't understand what you're doing. It seems so pointless, I mean everything... It just seems pointless but when I'm with you it's different. I don't know why.

Keith: What are we doing? Really.

Natalie: This is the goodbye scene.

Keith: Let's not. Okay?

Natalie: Why didn't you tell me?

Keith: Everybody bites it sooner or later. I'm just in the AP class, ahead of the game.

Natalie: Always the joke.

Keith: Al says it's a phase. It'll stop soon, but hey, at least it wasn't about the sympathy for the sick kid.

Natalie: That's not fair.

Keith: Is Duke fair? Is Europe fair? At this rate I won't even make it to London, Ontario. Is that fair? Bowling, that's what I get. Bowling.

Natalie: I'm staying with you until you leave. I don't care how much time we have. Get that you stupid jerk.

Natalie: Where you been the last two weeks?

Keith: "Last two weeks?" What, do you come here every day?

Natalie: [Just after Keith stops his truck from going over the edge of the cliff] What the hell was that? You crazy? You don't do shit like that! You could get yourself killed!

Keith: Not to mention what would have happened to my truck.

Office Lady: Can I help you?

Natalie: Oh, we're just, uh, waiting for Mr. Richardson. He said he had to finish a phone call.

Office Lady: [skeptically] Okay.

Keith: [as soon as the office lady closes the door] Goddamn that Richardson!

Natalie: Yeah! Who does he think he is? That little monkey!

Keith: I'm sick of this shit! You know what, baby? We're going straight to the top! We're getting his little monkey-ass fired!

Natalie: In case you haven't heard: picnics - they usually take place outdoors.

Keith: Oh, is that what it says in the officaial picnic rulebook?

Natalie: You don't care what people think. You're just... you.

Keith: [Keith shows up out of the blue in chemistry class] Four test tubes, three beakers, and a bunsen burner.

Mr. Miles: Yeah, okay, everything seems to be in order. Keys?

[Keith hands him his key]

Mr. Miles: Natalie? Key?

[Natalie hands him her key]

Keith: The end of chemistry as we know it.

Natalie: You're such a goddamn glib little actor! As far as I'm concerned, this is a really chicken shit goodbye!

[Natalie storms out of the room]

Keith: Don't worry, Walter, she was addressing her remarks to me.

[Unhappy with Keith as a chemistry lab partner, Natalie speaks to the teacher]

Mr. Miles: Keith is actually pretty sharp when he applies himself.

Natalie: Okay, but we kinda...

Mr. Miles: ...lack Chemistry?

Natalie: Yeah.

Mr. Miles: Try to make it work, okay?

[Natalie heads to the door. She just gets to it when Keith appears before the teacher as well]

Keith: About this Natalie Anderson thing: Walter, she's a complete anal-compulsive control freak. How do you expect me to work with that?

Keith: [to Walter Miles] I'll whip her into shape.

Natalie: [to Keith] Who the hell do you think you are?

Keith: Who do YOU think I am?

Natalie: Did you want to go over?

Keith: I wasn't even close.

Natalie: Yes you were.

Keith: You don't know how 'close' is.

Natalie: Are you crazy? You don't do shit like that! You could get yourself killed!

Keith: Not to mention what would've happened to my truck.

[first lines]

Natalie: I think Rosa's a bad influence.

Roland: Meaning what, exactly?

Natalie: Anoushka worries about her. She says she's disturbed.

Ginger: [interrupting] So would you be if you'd been told you were a failure when you were 11 years old!

Richard: Being single...

Natalie: What about it?

Richard: It's not as simple as it used to be.

Natalie: I knew you'd want this to end with one of us getting killed. Trust you to get both of us nearly killed.

Sinclair: Those fires, a typical end to summer.

Natalie: I certainly wouldn't call this summer typical.

Natalie: Oh, go on, you can read it, I can see you edging toward it.

Sinclair: Just one chapter. It's the only thing that shuts me up.

Sinclair: How's the food?

Natalie: Food? You would ask that.

Richard: You wanted to be artistic.

Natalie: I'm not artistic.

Richard: But you wanted to be.

Natalie: I love you.

Sinclair: Of course you do.

Natalie: Do you love me?

Sinclair: Of course I do.

Natalie: I thought I heard voices.

Richard: Just my secretary, we're alone together.

Natalie: You're probably screwing her.

Richard: As a matter of fact I am.

Natalie: I have to get permission, I'll have to ask my 14 year-old boss.

[first lines]

Natalie: You're late.

Richard: Sorry, it was unavoidable, trains on Sunday, you know what they're like.

Natalie: Unavoidable? I don't believe it. I've eaten all the food.

Richard: You've eaten all the food? Now that's serious.

Mia: [pretending to be normal] Natalie?

Natalie: Mia?

Mia: [crying] Natalie? What am I doing down here? My leg hurts. I can't move.

Natalie: I'm gonna come down there, okay?

Mia: Why did you lock me down here? You were supposed to help me.

Natalie: We're trying to help you, okay? But you grew out of control, Mia. You got violent and we didn't know what else to do... Mia, I think something really terrible has happened, and we have to get out of here now, okay?

Mia: You don't understand. He's not gonna let you leave, and he's not gonna stop till he has you. Until he has all of you!

Natalie: I had to do it. I feel much better now.

Olivia: [after Mia scalded herself in the shower] No one could have known she was going to do this.

Natalie: No, YOU should have known! We've all been following your lead since we got here!

Natalie: [after Mia, possessed, has been thrown into the cellar] Oh, my god, what happened to her eyes?

Natalie: [possessed] Wanna play, little man?

Scott Archer: Natalie, why don't you go find your mother and tell her I said you could have another sip of Champagne.

Brody: Now Natalie, your stepfather just did something very nice for you. What did I tell you to say?

Natalie: You're not my real father.

Paul Gardener: Hey, how about some interviews? You know, students react to the tragedy on campus.

Brenda: Okay. I am saddened, and moved by the tragic...

Natalie: This was someone's life Paul. Did you even spend one minute thinking about that?

Paul Gardener: No, I didn't. But because of my story, three-thousand five-hundred students will. I think that's enough to help me sleep at night.

Bitchy Girl: [says to Natalie while Natalie is walking to her dorm] Sounds like Elvira's raising more than just the dead in there.

Natalie: Thanks for the warning.

Reese Wilson: [imitating Coffy on TV] This is the end of your rotten life you mother fucking dope pusher! It was easy for him because he really didn't think it was coming, but it ain't gonna be easy for you cuz you better believe it's coming!

[Natalie enters]

Reese Wilson: Girl, what's the matter with you?

Natalie: They killed him! Somebody killed him!

Paul Gardener: Hey, what was all that about? Reckless endangerment? We're not exactly talking about running a stop sign, are we?

Natalie: I really don't want to talk about it.

Paul Gardener: Okay, then what do you want me to talk about? My career options without a body of writing samples? Because for your information, now that I'm off the paper thanks to you, my samples and resume are kind of limited.

Natalie: It was in high school, Paul! It's over!

Paul Gardener: Look, does this have something to do with Michelle Mancini?

Natalie: [angrily] I told you, I don't want to talk about it!

Paul Gardener: Hey! I just want to know what's going on here with you. Your theory... "mad killer on campus"... 'cause I don't know if I buy it anymore. I don't know if I ever bought it.

Weird Janitor: I ain't going to bite you.

Natalie: Ugh... uh, okay then, okay, c'mon, just...

[Natalie starts trying to open the door but the handle won't work]

Natalie: Please just, just let me out, please!

Weird Janitor: Well, it doesn't open from the inside... what's wrong with you?

[to Natalie, Brenda, Paul, and Sasha]

Parker: Don't you guys get it? Come on, it's just like that urban legend.

Natalie: What are you talking about?

Parker: You know the story, A boy and a girl, parked out in the woods, making out...

Brenda: [to Natalie] You made out with him?

Damon: Hey, we're going down to Parker's dorm. Hootie's gonna pierce his nose.

Natalie: Hootie's a dog, Damon.

Damon: That's no reason why he can't be hip.

Natalie: Brenda, you need help.

Brenda: I have already tried therapy! Obviously, it did me no good, Natalie.

Natalie: Someone's taking all of these urban legends, and making them reality.

Natalie: You're fucking crazy!

Brenda: I prefer the term "eccentric". But, yeah, I guess I'm a little "nutty".

Damon: Are you sure you don't wanna think this over? Cos, I'm all about you, Natalie.

Natalie: One black eye or two Damon. You decide.

Damon: Fine. I'm gonna go take a piss.

Natalie: [after previously walking in on Tosh having sex] Hey Tosh, sorry about last night.

Tosh Guaneri: Yeah? Well, don't let it happen again.

Natalie: [notices a tub of Lithium on the floor] Here you dropped these.

[Tosh takes them and goes back to the internet. Natalie picks up the phone but it's dead as Tosh is online]

Natalie: Umm... Tosh; excuse me.

Tosh Guaneri: [angrily turns the computer out and puts out her cigarette] This is my phone-line too!

Reese Wilson: You mind telling me what the hell you're on?

Natalie: Nothing! Reese I'm telling you the truth, it was right here... the car was...

Reese Wilson: Right here.

Natalie: Reese, I saw his body, I touched it. It was probably the same person who killed Michelle Mancini.

Reese Wilson: That's impossible, baby, the police arrested that gas station attendant this afternoon.

Natalie: What's his or her name?

Steven: Dog!

Natalie: You named your dog "Dog?"

Steven: See, I thought about 'Cat', but...

Natalie: Is this the end of the world?

Chris: Maybe for some... but not for us.

Natalie: Keep it down over there!

Richard: Shut up, bitch!

[He shines a spotlight on the group]

Nancy: Okay, we get the point. You can turn out the light now.

[the light goes out]

Nancy: Can we all agree that we are not going to play 'shout out' with those people?

Natalie: What's the last thing that you do remember?

Leonard Shelby: My wife...

Natalie: That's sweet.

Leonard Shelby: ...dying.

Leonard Shelby: There are things you know for sure.

Natalie: Such as?

Leonard Shelby: I know what that's going to sound like when I knock on it. I know that's what going to feel like when I pick it up. See? Certainties. It's the kind of memory that you take for granted.

Natalie: But even if you get revenge you're not gonna remember it. You're not even going to know that it happened.

Leonard Shelby: My wife deserves vengance. Doesn't make a difference whether I know about it. Just becuase there are things I don't remember doesn't make my actions meaningless. The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it? Anyway, maybe I'll take a photograph to remind myself, get another freaky tattoo.

Natalie: Tell me about her again.

Leonard Shelby: Why?

Natalie: Because you like to remember her.

Leonard Shelby: She was beautiful. To me, she was perfect.

Natalie: No, don't just recite the words. Close your eyes... and remember her.

Leonard Shelby: You can just feel the details. The bits and pieces you never bothered to put into words. And you can feel these extreme moments... even if you don't want to. You put these together, and you get the feel of a person. Enough to know how much you miss them... and how much you hate the person who took them away.

Natalie: Is that what your little note says? It must be hard living your life off a couple of scraps of paper. You mix your laundry list with your grocery list you'll end up eating your underwear for breakfast.

Natalie: You sad, sad freak. I can say whatever the fuck I want, and you won't remember. We'll still be best friends. Or maybe even lovers.

Natalie: You know what? I think I'm gonna use you. I'm telling you now because I'll enjoy it so much more if I know that you could stop me if you weren't such a fucking freak!

Natalie: You know what one of the reasons for short term memory loss is? Venereal disease. Maybe your cunt of fucking a wife sucked one too many diseased cocks and turned you into a fucking retard.

Leonard Shelby: Natalie, right?

[Holds up photo of a bloody face, labeled "Dodd"]

Leonard Shelby: Who the fuck is Dodd?

Natalie: [Looks at photo] Guess I don't have to worry about him anymore.

Natalie: Get rid of Dodd for me. Kill him. I'll pay you.

Leonard Shelby: Are you crazy? I'm not gonna kill someone for money.

Natalie: What then? Love? What would you kill for? You'd kill for your wife, wouldn't you?

Leonard Shelby: That's different!

Natalie: Not to me, I wasn't fucking married to her!