Napoleon Quotes in The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

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Napoleon Quotes:

  • Napoleon: In life, we are kings or pawns.

  • Napoleon: Kings and pawns, marshal. Emperors and fools.

  • Fernand: We're drinking Napoleon Bonaparte's wine!

    Napoleon: [Walking in behind Edmond and Fernand, surprising them] I believe you'll find the 1806 a finer vintage.

  • Amber: Who was that guy?

    Napoleon: Shitman the Barbarian, I have no idea!

  • Napoleon: [bursting out of the portable toilet with his pants down, hysterical and screaming] Fuck!

    Amber: What?

    Napoleon: There's a hand in the shitter!

  • Sarge: You against the war, Doonesbury?

    Napoleon: Not all wars, Sarge, I just think the president lies too much.

    Sarge: All presidents lie, asshole! That's their fucking job!

    Napoleon: Yes, sir.

    Sarge: No president has told the truth since Truman! And you know what he said?

    Napoleon: No, Sarge.

    Sarge: He said that the buck stops here!

  • Crank: [referring to Hansel] You trust that guy?

    Amber: He hid us from them. He didn't give us up.

    Napoleon: We don't have any choice, we have to trust him.

    Crank: Bullshit! God knows where he's taking us.

    Delmar: To be honest with you, I'm not sure God knows anything about this place.

  • Napoleon: You heard what Crank said. Dead is never better.

  • Sarge: Are you fucking kidding me? You are in mountain assault training. There are no port-a-potties in Kandahar. You will take your dumps behind the cactus with the scorpions. Do you understand me?

    Napoleon: What do I use for T.P., sir?

    Sarge: Use your fucking hand.

  • [Napoleon is watching the charge of the Scots Greys]

    Napoleon: Those men on grey horses are terrifying.

    Marshal Soult: They are the noblest cavalry in Europe; and the worst led.

    Napoleon: That may be; that may be, but we will match them with our lancers.

  • Ted: [after Napoleon explains his new waterslide war strategy] I don't think it's gonna work.

    Napoleon: Non?

    [pause, then slams his pointer down on the map, scattering playing pieces everywhere]

    Napoleon: Triomphe Napoleon!

    [translated: Napoleon wins!]

  • Napoleon: Little things hitting each other. THAT'S WHAT I LIKE!

  • Napoleon: They are all freaks! Not one of them under five foot six. What kind of theater is this?

  • Neguy: You are not small at all, Commander.

    Lucien: Not by any means. Five foot one is not small.

    Napoleon: Five foot one and conqueror of Italy, not bad huh?

  • Napoleon: [to the Bandits] You are the best thing to happen to me since this whole campaign. You know I come here to conquor Italy, because I thought they were all small. You know, I hear they was really tiny guys...

    Neguy: Sir, I really think there are more important thing...

    Napoleon: SHUT UP! Don't you dare to tell me my business. You are dismissed, you hear? You, Lucien, the rest of you. Great streaks of misery.

    Lucien: But, Sir...

    Napoleon: NO! I'm going to have some new generals for a bit.

  • Napoleon: Encore! Encore!

    Theatre Manager: Thank you. Thank you very much. Uh, I wonder if you would like to see some of our... Other items. We have Zuzu and Benny!

    [Curtain rises]

    Theatre Manager: Fun on a unicycle.

    [Napoleon looks displeased]

    Theatre Manager: No? Uh, how about, uh, The Great Rambozo! He sing and lift heavy things.

    [Napoleon still looks displeased]

    Theatre Manager: No? Uh, how about, uh... Ah, this I think you'll like. Very funny. The Three Idiots! From Latvia. Very funny act. They swallow brushes.

  • Napoleon: Don't stand so close to me, Neguy! I've told you about that before. You on one side and him on the other - it's like being on the bottom of a bloody well!

  • Napoleon: Lafayette! Lafayette, listen.

    Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. That ain't nothin' more but a little ol' cricket bug.

    Napoleon: It's squeaky shoes approachin'.

    Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugs don't wear shoes.

    Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Let's see. They're Oxford shoes, size nine and a half. Hole in the left sole, it sounds like.

    Lafayette: What color are they?

    Napoleon: Why, they're black... Ah, now how would I know that?

  • Napoleon: It's a motorcycle. Two cylinder. Chain drive. One squeaky wheel, on the front, it sounds like. Now you go for the tires, and I'll go right for the seat of the problem.

    Lafayette: How come you always grab the tender part for yourself?

    Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you, that's why. Now, stop beatin' your gums and sound the attack.

    [Lafayette barks]

    Napoleon: No, that's mess call.

    Lafayette: Made a mess of it, huh?

    Napoleon: You can be replaced, you know.

  • Lafayette: Okay, let's charge!

    Napoleon: Wait a minute. I'm the leader! I'm the one that says when we go.

    [pause]

    Napoleon: Here we go. Charge!

  • [last lines]

    Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon. That sounds like the end.

    Napoleon: Wait a minute. I'm the leader, I say when it's the end.

    [the title "The End" bumps into Napoleon's head]

    Napoleon: It's the end.

  • Napoleon: [listening] You're not gonna believe this, but it's a one wheel hay stack!

  • Napoleon: Now the squeaking has stopped.

    Lafayette: I still say it was a little ol' cricket bug.

    Napoleon: Wait a minute. I'm the leader. I decide what it was.

    [pause]

    Napoleon: It was a little ol' cricket bug.

  • [Edgar tries to grab his hat from off of Napoleon's head, but it lands on Lafayette]

    Napoleon: [grabbing the hat] That's *my* hat! I'm the leader!

    [puts it back on his head]

    Lafayette: Well, shoot fire! Don't get sore at me! I ain't done nothing!

  • Napoleon: Where's my hat? Where? And somebody stole my bumbershoot!

    Lafayette: Well, where's my beddy-bye basket?

    Napoleon: And whoever it is, is gonna get it and get it good!

    Lafayette: And this time, *I* get the tender part.

    Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Now come on!

  • Napoleon: [asking about Larry and Amielia] Were you guys like friends in college and now just afraid to ruin your relationship with each other by telling the other person that you want to be more then friends, that you like-like each other?

    Larry Daley: [confused] One more time... I'm sorry...

    Napoleon: Were you guys like friends in college and now just afraid to ruin your relationship with each other by telling the other person that you want to be more then friends, that you like-like each other?

    Larry Daley: Oh, no...

    Napoleon: Oh, just friends?

  • Napoleon: This kittens really lost her mittens.

  • Cat: MOUSE... MUST... DIE.

    Napoleon: H-huh... good thing I'm not a mouse...

    Cat: Ahh, but you are a mouse. A big, yellow mouse.

  • Napoleon's Mum: I want you to promise me you'll never run off like that again!

    Napoleon: I won't. And I want you to promise me something too.

    Napoleon's Mum: Anything!

    Napoleon: I want you... to call me Napoleon!

    Napoleon's Mum: [laughs] From now on, you're my little Napoleon.

  • Napoleon: Loyal followers, on farms owned and operated by pigs, there is order and discipline. Own lower animals do more work and eat less than other on farms.

    [gives medals]

    Napoleon: With this, we encourage you to make your lower animals work even harder and eat even less! To a greater Animal Farm! For peace and plenty under pig rule!

    [Benjamin, outside imagines Napoleon's face assimilating that of Jones; he suddenly sees through the resemblance]

    Napoleon: To the day when pigs own and operate farms EVERYWHERE!

    [applause]

  • Napoleon: Idiot! Hell no I won't marry you! Gosh! What would you do if you were in a situation like this? Gosh! Gosh! Gosh! Gosh!

    [Starts dancing]

  • Napoleon: Hey buddy, how you doing, huh? Hey, don't you remember me? I was in here yesterday. Listen, I think I left a book o' matches over in your office over there. You wanna go check it out for me, huh?

  • Napoleon: This is an honor for me.

    Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.

    Napoleon: No, a greater honor for me.

    Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.

    Napoleon: No, a greater honor for ME.

    Boris: Well, perhaps you're right. Perhaps it IS a greater honor for you.

    Napoleon: And you must be Don Francisco's sister.

    Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.

    Napoleon: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.

    Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.

    Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.

    Napoleon: I see our Spanish guests have a sense of humor.

    Boris: She's a great kidder.

    Sonja: No, you're a great kidder.

    Boris: No, you're Don Francisco's sister.

  • Napoleon: I heard you speaking to someone.

    Sonja: Oh, I was praying.

    Napoleon: But I heard TWO voices.

    Sonja: Well, I do both parts.

  • Napoleon: If this pastry is to bear my name, it must be richer. More cream.

  • Napoleon: I wonder if you would be more difficult to conquer than Russia?

    Sonja: Well, I weigh less.

  • Boris: You're a tyrant, and a dictator, and you start wars!

    Napoleon: Why is he reciting my credits?

  • Napoleon: I'll go to your room.

    Sonja: Good, I'll go to yours.

  • Napoleon: Do you find me attractive as a man?

    Sonja: Yes, I think that's your best bet.

  • Napoleon: Shall we to the bed?

    Sonja: Shall we WHAT to the bed?

  • Napoleon: Forgive my haste, I have heard that Spanish Blood is the hottest in Europe.

    Sonja: I had mine cooled for the Summer.

  • Napoleon: I warn you, gentlemen; I cannot sit here much longer - watching my army decay!

  • Napoleon: [Thinking to himself as he gazes through the window] Already the wild geese are flying south. What if we are trapped here through winter?

Browse more character quotes from The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

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