Naomi Quotes in 17 Again (2009)

Naomi: Mike.

Mike O'Donnell: Nyomi.

Naomi: *Nay*-omi.

Mike O'Donnell: I don't care.

Mike O' Donnell: See you later N*eye*omi!

Naomi: It's N*ay*omi!

Mike O' Donnell: Don't care.

Naomi: Like that bitch needs to be eating dessert anyway.

Bishop: Naomi... You know, if you ever want counseling in anger management or... alcoholism, I'd be more than glad to do it for you.

Naomi: You'd do that for me? Thank you, I appreciate that. But I think I'd rather you just wash the fucking dishes and and shut the fuck up! Fucking psychobabble-bullshit asshole!

Naomi: I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know. Why the fuck do we need four more people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's fucking dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the *shit* out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. Fucking asshole. What are you looking at, fuck-wad?

Naomi: You really want to know why?

Monty: Yes I really do.

Naomi: Ok Ill tell you why. Its because of THIS!

[jumps on the barstool and lifts her skirt]

Calvin, Mitch, Monty: OH! MY GOD!

Naomi: Yea! Bang! Pow! Pow! Pow!

Monty: Its so angry!

Naomi: [screeches and hisses like cat]

Calvin: Oh GOD does that thing have its shots? Put it away! Just put iy away!

Naomi: Dinner is served!

Calvin: Well its official, my penis is now just for show.

Monty: Mitch you picked a FUCKED up night to start working here.

Naomi: I FUCKING HATE FOREIGNERS!

Naomi: Ok I'll tell you why. It's because of THIS!

[jumps on the barstool and lifts her skirt]

Natasha: Dean.

Dean: What?

Natasha: The old lady at Table 37 wants you to sing the birthday song for her grandson. His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old.

Dean: [tosses a cake with Happy Birthday onto the counter from the box] I need birthday singers!

Monty: Come on, people! We need birthday singers!

Naomi: Fuck.

Dean: [the gang walk toward Table 37, clapping and cheering. Dean holds out the cake and brings it to the table, spotting Timmy] There he is. There's the big winner.

[sets the cake onto the table where Timmy is]

Monty: [excitedly] Yeah!

Dean: All right. Attention, guests! Today's a very special occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! Big round of applause.

[the guests cheer and applaud]

Dean: He's earned it. He's got his whole life ahead of him. The sky's the limit.

Dean: [singing] I don't know but I've been told.

Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [singing] Someone here is getting old!

Dean: [singing, Timmy looks frightened] Good news is dessert is free.

Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [singing] Bad news is we sing off-key!

Dean: [singing] Happy birthday...

Dean, Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [point to Timmy, in unison] TO YOU!

[Timmy starts crying in embarrassment, the waiters applaud and cheer. One of them holds up Timmy's arm and waves it in the air]

Natasha: Look at the camera!

[holding a camera]

Dean: Picture time.

[the camera snaps and we're revealed the photograph of all the waiters and Timmy posed for the picture, Timmy still cries in the background as this happens]

Dean: All right. All right. Cry it off.

Nat: We have an incredible sex life, but that's not the point. I love the Michael Jackson "Off the Wall" album, but I wouldn't necessarily want to only listen to that the rest of my life.

Naomi: Yeah, Oh honey, I been there. I mean you'll listen to it a lot in the beginning. You'll listen to it in all sorts of places. You'll listen to it in the car, in the disabled toilet cubicle in the McDonald's in Egham... in your unconscious Granny's hospital room.

Nat: Granny Mary?

Naomi: It's what she would have wanted... But then you know, you get to the point where you're not that bothered about listened to music at all. You just play it on birthdays or when you're very very drunk. Or, if someone shows you a Justin Bieber video when you're in the office and then you know, all you can think about is that.

Chloe: Isn't he like 15?

Naomi: Oh, he'd know what to do... I'd ruin Bieber!

Nat: You Would! You would ruin him.

Danny: I think if I was going to have any super power it would be the ability to speak Spanish. That would be amazing wouldn't it? 'Cause you could say stuff like "Hola", "Gazpacho".

Nat: You just said it.

Josh: You're saying it now.

Danny: Oh, wow.

Hugh: Not strictly speaking a super power, though, is it really? Otherwise everyone in Brazil would be superheroes.

Danny: [Nods]

[mumbles]

Danny: Mm, true.

Naomi: They speak Portuguese in Brazil. You cock!

Simon Green: [to Theresa] I wanna see your sexy body go BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!

Kimbra: Did he just say bump, bump, bump?

Naomi: Yes, he did, and it's Percy Jones' fault!

Naomi: I lie to everyone, but mostly... I think I lie to myself.

Naomi: Do you know how much easier my life would be if Ely noticed my looks in the "Wow, Naomi's boner hot" way and not in the "Those stilettos I picked out for Naomi are great" way?

Naomi: I am so flattered to know that you put my needs over the needs OF MY BOYFRIEND!

Naomi: Since when do you chew Orbit?

Ely: Since Gaga replaced Madonna. Why do YOU care?

Louie Kritski: Miss Bensinger, you're just in time to see my agenda.

Naomi: Oh yes. Where is it?

Louie Kritski: [Points to crotch] Right here.

Naomi: [Leaving] I think the judge was looking for something a bit bigger, Mr. Kritski.

Big Lou Kritski: I'm gonna get a new lawyer, a white judge and an appeal.

Naomi: On what grounds?

Big Lou Kritski: On the grounds that you piss me off.

Kevin: How come you never ask me if I want a date?

Naomi: I thought you were gay!

Naomi: The world is full of people sent here to help us. Most of the time, we just don't see them.

Niki: This isn't my fight...

Naomi: Cut off one asshole's dick and they all feel it.

Naomi: Having a kid doesn't mean you're not one.

Ruth: [sobbing] He taught me to care about living things, but he never told me of the pain of caring.

Naomi: Pain on entering the world, anguish on leaving it. But the interval between is worth it all.

Ruth: [still sobbing] How can you say that in such an hour? Look around you, at this hard wilderness, and what do you see but mourning women? Where is Mahlon's invisible God of mercy? Where are his blessings?

Naomi: You are one of them. You gave my son joy, and you sent him away with peace in his soul. I am grateful, my lady.

Naomi: It ain't because I don't think you're the twat from hell, it just so happens I like monopoly, that's all.

Naomi: I want to spend the rest of your life with you.

Naomi: I pop pills like I pop culture.