MVP camper Quotes in Heavy Weights (1995)

Gerry: [writing a letter] Dear Grandma... someone once said, "War is hell." They've never been to fat camp. I knew the food would be bad...

[shows a revolting-looking lunch being passed out]

Gerry: ... but even worse...

[shows Lars stabbing the Blob with a spear]

Gerry: ... today he killed the Blob.

Gerry: [goes to the go-kart track, closed and with people putting the karts in a pile] As for the go-karts, well... may they rest in pieces. I'm writing you because nobody else seemed to care.

Maury Garner: [on the phone] I did not send you to 'go-kart' camp!

Tony Perkis: [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...

Gerry: Tony Perkis tries to lead by example...

Tony Perkis: [shows Tony on a bed of nails, and two guys placing an ice block on his stomach] This is the 18th level of the PerkiSystem. You'll all be doing this by Labor Day! All right, do it to it, Lars!

Lars: [standing by with a large hammer at the block] It's my honor, Tony.

[Lars breaks the ice block while the campers freak out. Tony is unharmed]

Gerry: ...but we're afraid to follow.

Tony Perkis: [nighttime, the campers are around a large fire along with Tony] I know each and every one of you - because I WAS you!

Gerry: Once a day, the kids from Camp MVP, drive by and make fun of us.

MVP camper: [shows the MVP counselor and two campers driving by in a motor boat]

[Into a megaphone]

MVP camper: You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Gerry and Roy are ducked down in the water]

Gerry: At night...

[shows some more MVP campers at the dock carrying cans of paint]

Gerry: ... they vandalize our camp.

[Pat is scrubbing it all off]

Gerry: [looks at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out... where there's food. We have to resort... to more desperate measures.

[Shows the campers chasing cows and shouting]

Gerry: Tony's arranged a dance with the girls' camp... so he can humiliate us into losing weight. Pray for me, Grandma. Love, Gerry.

MVP camper: Here take it... take it!