Muriel Quotes in Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

Muriel: [picks up a missing child poster] I see you got my invitation.

Gretel: Say your name before my arrows rip out your throat.

Muriel: I go by many names. None of which you are worthy of pronouncing.

[Muriel grins as she slowly reveals her true self to Gretel]

Gretel: [whispers] Oh my God!

Muriel: [sarcastically to Mina] What you gonna do? Hit me with your love spell?

[Mina lets fly with a bolt from a dark witch's dropped wand; Muriel dodges]

Muriel: Not bad.

[pins Mina to a wall]

Muriel: Sacrificing yourself for a mortal... pathetic.

[Muriel stabs Mina in the stomach with a dagger]

Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.

Muriel: I can't stay married to you, David. I have to stop lying now. I've told so many lies... I don't love you.

David: I don't love you either, but I think I could like having you around.

David: What kind of person marries someone they don't know?

Muriel: You did.

David: I want to win. All my life I've wanted to win.

Muriel: Me too.

Muriel: He said if I ever left him, he would find out who I was living with and shoot them. Then, he'd shoot me, then himself.

Rhonda: Shit, he really loved you, didn't he?

Muriel: Bikkie?

Brice: Maybe after... I mean later.

Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, no one looked at me. But when I moved to Sydney, Brice asked me out and that proves that I changed and I'm not her anymore.

Rhonda: Her?

Muriel: Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again! Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one?

Muriel: Are you black?

David: What?

Rhonda: I've seen your book. You've tried on every dress in Sydney!

Muriel: That doesn't mean I'm gonna get married.

Rhonda: Then what DOES it mean?

Muriel: It means I WANT to get married. I've always wanted to get married.

[last lines]

Muriel, Rhonda: Goodbye, Porpoise Spit!

Rhonda: Are you Muriel Heslop?

Muriel: No.

Rhonda: Yes, you are!

Muriel: Why?

Rhonda: I dunno why, you just are.

Nicole: People invite us to parties because they know we have a good time. We're mad.

Janine: Pah-ty, pah-ty, pah-ty.

Nicole: It's our ee-mage.

Muriel: We're mad!

Evelyn: Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected.

Muriel: Most things don't. But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.

Muriel: And you know who'll be there, don't you? Indians! Loads of them, with brown faces and black hearts, reeking of curry! I mean you never see just one, do you? They travel in packs, makes it easier to rob you blind!

[the orderly stops pushing her]

Muriel: What are you doing?

Orderly: [stops pushing her wheelchair] I think you can make it from here.

Muriel: But you're supposed to take me home!

Orderly: [walking off] My wife is from Mumbai.

Muriel: Well don't blame me, me mate, you married her!

Jean: Are you insane? Avoid all food not from a reputable vendor. It'll be washed in impure water.

Douglas Ainslie: It's just a sandwich.

Jean: Oh, marvelous. Then I'll have ham, cheese, and streptococcus. Or perhaps bacteria, lettuce, and tomato.

Douglas Ainslie: Would you like some of this? I believe it's called aloo ka paratha.

Muriel: No, if I can't pronounce it, I don't want to eat it.

Muriel's Physiotherapist: How is the hip feeling?

Muriel: They must have got lucky.

Muriel's Physiotherapist: It's strange. The more operations they perform, the luckier they get.

Sonny: [showing around a potential investor] Please can you describe to us in as much detail as you desire your experience of the ambiance and atmosphere of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

Muriel: Words fail me.

Sonny: Ah, the English wit we love so greatly.

Sonny: [whisking his visitor away] See, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

Maureen: Do you kiss boys, Muriel?

Muriel: Sometimes, if I like him enough.

Melody: Aren't you frightened?

Muriel: Oh, why should I be frightened? It's quite nice when you get used to it.