Muriel Quotes in Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
Muriel: [picks up a missing child poster] I see you got my invitation.
Gretel: Say your name before my arrows rip out your throat.
Muriel: I go by many names. None of which you are worthy of pronouncing.
[Muriel grins as she slowly reveals her true self to Gretel]
Gretel: [whispers] Oh my God!
Muriel: [sarcastically to Mina] What you gonna do? Hit me with your love spell?
[Mina lets fly with a bolt from a dark witch's dropped wand; Muriel dodges]
Muriel: Not bad.
[pins Mina to a wall]
Muriel: Sacrificing yourself for a mortal... pathetic.
[Muriel stabs Mina in the stomach with a dagger]
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.
Muriel: I can't stay married to you, David. I have to stop lying now. I've told so many lies... I don't love you.
David: I don't love you either, but I think I could like having you around.
David: What kind of person marries someone they don't know?
Muriel: You did.
David: I want to win. All my life I've wanted to win.
Muriel: Me too.
Muriel: He said if I ever left him, he would find out who I was living with and shoot them. Then, he'd shoot me, then himself.
Rhonda: Shit, he really loved you, didn't he?
Brice: Maybe after... I mean later.
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, no one looked at me. But when I moved to Sydney, Brice asked me out and that proves that I changed and I'm not her anymore.
Muriel: Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again! Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one?
Muriel: Are you black?
Rhonda: I've seen your book. You've tried on every dress in Sydney!
Muriel: That doesn't mean I'm gonna get married.
Rhonda: Then what DOES it mean?
Muriel: It means I WANT to get married. I've always wanted to get married.
Muriel, Rhonda: Goodbye, Porpoise Spit!
Rhonda: Are you Muriel Heslop?
Rhonda: Yes, you are!
Rhonda: I dunno why, you just are.
Nicole: People invite us to parties because they know we have a good time. We're mad.
Janine: Pah-ty, pah-ty, pah-ty.
Nicole: It's our ee-mage.
Muriel: We're mad!
Evelyn: Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected.
Muriel: Most things don't. But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.
Muriel: And you know who'll be there, don't you? Indians! Loads of them, with brown faces and black hearts, reeking of curry! I mean you never see just one, do you? They travel in packs, makes it easier to rob you blind!
[the orderly stops pushing her]
Muriel: What are you doing?
Orderly: [stops pushing her wheelchair] I think you can make it from here.
Muriel: But you're supposed to take me home!
Orderly: [walking off] My wife is from Mumbai.
Muriel: Well don't blame me, me mate, you married her!
Jean: Are you insane? Avoid all food not from a reputable vendor. It'll be washed in impure water.
Douglas Ainslie: It's just a sandwich.
Jean: Oh, marvelous. Then I'll have ham, cheese, and streptococcus. Or perhaps bacteria, lettuce, and tomato.
Douglas Ainslie: Would you like some of this? I believe it's called aloo ka paratha.
Muriel: No, if I can't pronounce it, I don't want to eat it.
Muriel's Physiotherapist: How is the hip feeling?
Muriel: They must have got lucky.
Muriel's Physiotherapist: It's strange. The more operations they perform, the luckier they get.
Sonny: [showing around a potential investor] Please can you describe to us in as much detail as you desire your experience of the ambiance and atmosphere of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
Muriel: Words fail me.
Sonny: Ah, the English wit we love so greatly.
Sonny: [whisking his visitor away] See, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
Maureen: Do you kiss boys, Muriel?
Muriel: Sometimes, if I like him enough.
Melody: Aren't you frightened?
Muriel: Oh, why should I be frightened? It's quite nice when you get used to it.
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