Mrs. Munchnik Quotes in Mixed Nuts (1994)

[Philip gives Mrs. Munchnik her Christmas gift]

Mrs. Munchnik: A fruitcake?

Philip: Yes.

Mrs. Munchnik: Remarkably like the one I gave you last year.

Mrs. Munchnik: [On the phone] Well I'm simply crushed. Here I have waited my whole life for you, and now you don't even want me. Do go on! I believe you were discussing my cherry?

[the caller hangs up]

Mrs. Munchnik: I am so good at this, and soon I will be left high and dry, with no outlet for my talent.

Mrs. Munchnik: I have never been young!

Mrs. Munchnik: [Door bell rings,hysterically yelling at the door] Are you the Seaside Strangler? Well listen here Mr. Seaside Strangler. I *am* calling the police. I am getting the reward and you will go to a maximum security prison where a very large, hairy man is going to make you his girlfriend.

[calms down]

Mrs. Munchnik: I am not your type. I am short and my hair is short. I am attractive; I suppose I do fit that part of the description

[yelling again]

Mrs. Munchnik: But I am *not* young! I have never been young!

[calmly]

Mrs. Munchnik: Although, I do look considerably...

Gracie Barzini: [approaches Mrs. Munchnik] Would you knock it off? What would the Seaside Strangler want with you? You're having a fantasy.

[calling Philip and Catherine]

Mrs. Munchnik: Hey... DICKHEADS!