Mrs. Cartman Quotes in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

[person speaking German on "cliteris" website]

Kyle: Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!

Stan: Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?

Cartman: Oh, very funny!

Kyle: Hey! It IS Cartman's mom!

Mrs. Cartman: [man speaking German on computer] All righty then!

Cartman: SON OF A BI...

[shocks]

Cartman: AHHH!

Ike: [bounces in] Ba ba ba ba.

Kyle: Get out of here, Ike. You're too young for this stuff!

Ike: Bullshit.

Stan: What's she doing now?

German: Essen meine scheisse.

Mrs. Cartman: Okey-dokey!

Kyle, Stan, Cartman: [they see something gross] AWWWWWW!

Stan: [pukes] Click it off, dude, click it off!

[Kyle clicks it off]

Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?

Sheila Broflovski: What the heck is a rimjob?

Mrs. Cartman: Why, that's where you put your legs behind your head and let someone lick your ass.

[demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman]

Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".

Cartman: Doggy.

Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens.

[to Cartman]

Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana".

Cartman: Montana.

Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".

Cartman: Pillow.

Dr. Vosknocker: All right. Now I want you to say "horse fucker".

Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's all right.

Cartman: Horse fu...

[gets shocked by the V-chip]

Cartman: That hurts, goddamnit!

[gets shocked again]

Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".

Cartman: No!

Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!

Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi...

[gets shocked repeatedly]

Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right?

[short pause]

Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.

Mr. Mackey: I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrence & Phillip.

Cartman: Everybody's fucking seen it.

Mrs. Cartman: Eric!

Cartman: I'm sorry I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Chef: [singing] Everything worked out what a happy end. Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down.

Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Don't you know our little lives are now complete?

Mrs. Cartman, Sheila Broflovski: 'Cause Terrance and phillip are sweet.

Sheila Broflovski: Super sweet.

everyone: Thank God we live in this quiet, little pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, white trash...

Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Kick-ass!

everyone: Mountain... town!

Mrs. Cartman: [singing "Blame Canada"] And my little boy eric, had my picture on his shelf / And now when he sees me he tells me to go fuck myself!

Cartman: [after seeing Kenny's ghost] Mom I saw him, I saw Kenny!

Mrs. Cartman: Oh, you poor dear! You've been through so much.

Cartman: I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire, and now he's all pissed off

[gets shocked]

Cartman: damn I can't say "pissed off" either!

[gets shocked again]

Sheila Broflovski: Kyle you are grounded for two weeks.

Sharon Marsh: You too Stan.

Mrs. Cartman: And you're grounded for three weeks Eric.

Cartman: Hey! Why am I grounded more that's fuckin' bullshit!

Mrs. Cartman: What, what, what? What was that word young man?

Eric Cartman: Mom, there's someone at the door.

[No reply]

Eric Cartman: Mom, I said there's someone at the door!

Mrs. Cartman: Coming, hun.

Eric Cartman: [as Liane walks past] Ay, I can't see the TV!

Mrs. Cartman: Oh, look Eric, It's your little friends!

Ike Broflovski: Fireman!

Eric Cartman: What are you guys doing here?

[Stan holds up the piece of paper with the movie ad on it]

Eric Cartman: Aw, sweet dudes! Yes, YEEES!