Mr. Wong Quotes in Man on the Spying Trapeze (1966)

Mr. Wong: [to Jerry Land] My reason for building such a complicated machine is to apply torture at a scientifically-controlled pressure. Of course, it may fracture your skull.

Mr. Wong: Remember, black people run very fast. But problem run faster.

Norbit: ...That's kinda racist.

Mr. Wong: Yes, Wong very racist. Don't like black. Don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food. Go figure.

[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]

Mr. Wong: WHALE HO!

Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?

Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

Mr. Wong: Norbit! Why you run like little bitch?

Rasputia: What... the...? What just fell on my car?

Mr. Wong: Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!

Preacher: [resumes the ceremony] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

Norbit: I object!

[congregation gasps and murmurs]

Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!

Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.

Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!

Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!

Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!

Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.

Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?

Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.

Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?

Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!

[after harpooning Rasputia in the ass]

Mr. Wong: Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

Mr. Wong: When Norbit was little boy he say "One day i'll have the girl of my dream" and then you and marry a gorilla!

[Latimore brothers get up]

Mr. Wong: I joke, I joke, why you not know joke when you hear joke, what you want to make fight at wedding.

[to himself]

Mr. Wong: better cool off before i have to bust somebody ass in here

Mr. Wong: [Doing the wedding toast] I want to say Norbit that I very... very confused, why you marry Latimore. I don't understand it, because when you was little boy, you say,

Mr. Wong: [Quoting Norbit] "One day I find girl of my dreams"

Mr. Wong: [Now self again] and then you marry a Gorilla.

Mr. Wong: [as the Latimore brothers stand] I joke, I joke, I joke. Why you not know joke when you hear joke? Why you wanna make fight at wedding?

Mr. Wong: [Quietly] cool off, before I have to bust somebody ass in here okay.

Mr. Wong: [the Latimore brothers sit and Wong continues the story] When Norbit just little boy, he like to always run allover the place naked. Always naked. And Norbit, when he was just little boy, had a pee pee, the size of an egg roll. You know, Norbit.

Norbit: That's true.

Mr. Wong: And one day, down by the creek, Norbit run around naked and poisonous snake jump up and bite Norbit, right on ass. Very close to whole. Norbit pass out. I think Norbit is dead. I go to check the boy pulse. He is still alive. He is still alive!

Mr. Wong: [Quoting himself] "Okay" I say "I must do something to save child." So, I start to think. "Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass, or do I let him die?"

Mr. Wong: [after a pause] I do most responsible thing. I say "hell to the no. Norbit is out of here, because it is long time in hell, before Wong suck poison out of another man's ass."

Mr. Wong: [after laughter from crowd] But strange mystical thing happen, Norbit. Even though poison is in Norbit, he not die. Norbit get stronger and stronger. That's why I know Norbit, deep down inside, you very, very strong. Strong like warrior. That's why I say to you, Norbit, you can survive anything. Even...

Mr. Wong: [Covertly points at Rasputia, as crowd laughs again] So I say to everyone here, and to Norbit, I wish you much happiness, and peace, and love, and lots of bananas for you and your new gorilla. I only kidding. To Norbit, and Rasputia.

Mr. Wong: A few hours with the rats will loosen his tongue to tell the truth!

Mr. Wong: Your success may turn to bitterness and you may wish you had not meddled with the affairs of Wong.

Mr. Wong: Did the ancient and honorable name of Wong fall from the lips of his gracious and loyal niece?

Moonflower, Wong's Niece: Doors must have keyholes. There will always be those to listen at them.

Mr. Wong: It would be unfortunate to have to shut so beautiful a personage in the dungeon of the faithless.

Moonflower, Wong's Niece: You wouldn't dare!

Mr. Wong: Wong has dared many things. He will continue to dare. And one day when he is acclaimed by all of Keylat.

Moonflower, Wong's Niece: You are wrong! You were never intended by fate to rule Keylat!