Mr. Tipton Quotes in My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Vinny Gambini: Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave. Then two different men drive up in a similar -

[Seeing Mr. Tipton shake his head no]

Vinny Gambini: Don't shake your head, I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing, so you can understand this, now. Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?

Mr. Tipton: No. They didn't have enough time.

Vinny Gambini: Well, how much time was they in the store?

Mr. Tipton: Five minutes.

Vinny Gambini: Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?

Mr. Tipton: No.

Vinny Gambini: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right, I'm sorry. So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.

Mr. Tipton: That's right.

Vinny Gambini: Right, so you knew that. Uh, do you remember what you had?

Mr. Tipton: Eggs and grits.

Vinny Gambini: Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?

Mr. Tipton: Just regular, I guess.

Vinny Gambini: Regular. Instant grits?

Mr. Tipton: No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.

Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?

Mr. Tipton: [a bit panicky] I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.

Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you say you were a fast cook? That's it?

[Mr. Tipton nods in embarrassment]

Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the earth?

Mr. Tipton: I don't know.

Vinny Gambini: Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

Vinny Gambini: Mr. Tipton. When you viewed the defendants walking from their car into the Sac-o-Suds, what angle was your point of view?

Mr. Tipton: They was kinda walking toward me when they entered the store.

Vinny Gambini: And when they left, what angle was your point of view?

Mr. Tipton: They was kinda walking away from me.

Vinny Gambini: So would you say you got a better shot of them goin' in and not so much comin' out?

Mr. Tipton: You could say that.

Vinny Gambini: I did say that. Would *you* say that?

John Gibbons: Mr. Tipton, I see you wear glasses.

Mr. Tipton: Yes I do.

John Gibbons: Could you show those glasses to the court, please? Okay, now were you wearing them that day?

Mr. Tipton: No.

John Gibbons: Uh huh. You see? You were fifty feet away, you made a positive eyewitness identification and-and-and-and-and-and-and YET, you were not wearing your necessary, prescription eye glasses.

Mr. Tipton: They're reading glasses.

John Gibbons: [after long pause] Um Mr., Um... Could you tell the court what color eyes the defendants have?

Mr. Tipton: [after quick glance] Brown and hazel green.

Mr. Tipton: Okay, one more chance, but your boys better get with the program. Know what I mean?

Ernest P. Worrell: Oh I know what you mean, sir, thank you.

[the camp sign falls on Ernest]

Mr. Tipton: What happened?

Chief St. Cloud: Ernest broke the sign.

Mr. Tipton: Well, at least nobody was hurt.

Mr. Tipton: Have you ever held a leadership position?

Ernest P. Worrell: I had a ant farm once.